


Are You The One I've Been Waiting For?

by thesameoldfairytale



Series: Standing at the Point of No Return. [6]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Otabek Altin, Aged-Up Yuri Plisetsky, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Betrayal, Blowjobs, Broken Friendships, Confessions, Consensual Sex, Declarations Of Love, Disappointment, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship issues, Guilt, Homophobia, Kissing, Lack of Communication, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Misunderstandings, Panic, Parental Support, Regret, Resentment, Rimming, Secrets, Self-Hatred, Shame, Shower Sex, Smut, Starting Over, Surprises, Talk of Suicidal Thoughts, Threat of Physical Pain, Tons of Musical References, Uncertainty, Unwillingness to Talk, adoration, doubts, emotional distress, handjobs, happiness, mentions of past physical abuse, missing each other, or lack thereof, parental figures, pretend parenting, supportive friends, threat, uncomfortable tension, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2018-11-07 10:43:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 103,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11057307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesameoldfairytale/pseuds/thesameoldfairytale
Summary: Finally back together, Yuri and Otabek are determined to start fighting life's hurdles together. The end of Four Continents is still upon them before a rocky five weeks until Worlds come with their very own set of issues. Yuuri and Victor finally hit some bumps in their relationship and Mila makes a bad judgement regarding Yuri. As for the Almaty gang, Alisur's girlfriend creates some tension between everyone while Asel's girlfriend comes to play a somewhat big(-ish) role in Otabek and Yuri's relationship. Otabek's parents get some news that one of them isn't taking particularly well and Maxim makes a stupid move in more than just one way.





	1. You and Me Connected.

**Author's Note:**

> As the first chapter literally picks up where the last story ended, Yuri is still 19 and Otabek 23 at the beginning of this story.  
> I highly recommend you read the previous parts of the series (the last two would certainly help already) in order to understand a lot of references in this story now, but obviously that's entirely up to you.
> 
> And as usual, nothing here is beta'd. The format follows the one of the previous story as once again a longer period of time has to be covered. 
> 
> Please always keep the rating, archive warnings and tags in mind. I will add characters and tags with every new update.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri loses himself for the first time while he's with Otabek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New story, same verse... I have the entire story outlined, so hopefully writing the individual chapters won't take too long. You can consider the first chapter somewhat of a prologue I suppose. I don't know... The boys deserve to be happy for once and that's what they are here. There will be angst in this story (probably more than the 10% I promised previously) but it won't be between Yuri and Otabek, mostly between them and other people. The boys are not (!) breaking up again in this story!
> 
> Beware of the (mild) smut in this chapter.

**_Saturday, 18 th February, Seoul, 12.31pm_ **

It had never been easy for Yuri to just let completely go, to lose track of time entirely and just relax without a care in the world. For roughly the past two hours though, it was exactly that what Yuri had been able to do, and he knew exactly why he finally found himself free of any pent-up tension.

Yuri and the gorgeous black-haired man by his side were lying on their backs, both drifting in and out of consciousness in Otabek’s spacious hotel room for a little while now. Otabek had an arm wrapped around Yuri’s shoulders, his other hand was resting on his own stomach, and his eyes were closed.

At some point Yuri turned slightly on his side, more into the man next to him. As Otabek’s eyes opened in pure bliss and affectionately looked down at him, Yuri lifted a hand and began caressing the side of his face. He let his thumb slide over Otabek’s kiss swollen lips while Yuri admired his handiwork, a pleasant grin gracing his own hyper sensitive lips.

Yuri closed his already heavy eyelids and leaned up that tiny bit more to close the last remaining distance between him and his boyfriend. He caught Otabek’s pink lips in yet another lazy kiss, to which Otabek immediately responded with a strong hand in Yuri’s messed up hair, holding him in place. The kiss was slow and gentle as if they had all the time in the world. It was cautious and familiar at the same time, to Yuri it felt like he had been kissing Otabek all his life, like he had known forever that the feeling of Otabek’s lips on his was really everything he had ever needed to be happy. Open-mouthed and passionate, Yuri nibbled on Otabek’s bottom lip, trapping it carefully between his teeth and instantly reaching for it again once it had gotten free.

Starting to lose any and every kind of sense of time or space, Yuri’s head was only filled with two thoughts, and both of them had Otabek at their centre. One of the things that preoccupied his mind was the fact that he was actually there, in Seoul, in Otabek’s hotel room, with Otabek holding him close and from the looks of it unwilling to let go of him. The other thing at the forefront of his mind was that he refused just as determinedly to be apart from Otabek ever again. He swore to himself that he wouldn’t mess this up again. Whatever it would take, Yuri would do it. He would fight his demons as often as he had to, regardless of how evil and vicious they would be or how loud that voice inside his head would get.

It was just after those thoughts had crossed his mind, that Yuri felt Otabek’s hand on his waist and his tongue suddenly exploring the insides of his mouth. From one moment to the next, what they were doing suddenly became more heated, more urgent and more desperate. Yuri got the hint and lifted himself up, flinging one leg over Otabek’s body to straddle his hips. With his knees on either side of Otabek, he supported his own body weight on his elbows, placed just above Otabek’s shoulders on the mattress, his fingers immediately going through Otabek’s shiny hair. Their mouths didn’t detach from one another, their kisses getting more and more needy and forceful while Otabek’s hands wandered up Yuri’s thighs and underneath his shorts. Without thinking about it, Yuri bucked his hips forward and down, ultimately pressing their groins together. Both of them couldn’t supress the moan of pure pleasure escaping their throats at the friction Yuri had created by his movements. Otabek’s hands immediately left Yuri’s thighs, and then moved from the small of the blonde’s back up along his spine to Yuri’s shoulder blades where he stopped. Unlike before, Otabek’s hands were above Yuri’s shirt rather than underneath it, which did absolutely nothing to lessen Yuri’s growing arousal.

With their lips still chasing after each other for more, it was a loud growl coming from Yuri’s stomach that halted them both. Yuri looked at Otabek’s flushed face, an adoring smile making his already flawless appearance even more irresistible, and quickly fixed his gaze on Otabek’s lust-filled eyes. They were sparkling in a way Yuri wasn’t quite sure he had ever seen them before. He felt like he was literally drowning in them.

Otabek reached up and brushed some of the golden hair that was partially covering Yuri’s face out of the way and behind his ear.

“When was the last time you’ve eaten something?” Otabek asked, his voice quiet and raspy. They hadn’t really done anything but kiss for the past two hours which explained the choked sounds that came out of Otabek’s mouth.

Yuri’s throat was just as dry, forcing him to swallow a few times before he could speak up. “Yesterday morning before I left for the airport,” he told Otabek.

With his eyes wide in surprise, and shock, Otabek grabbed Yuri’s waist and rolled him over to the side. “Time to get some food then,” he simply said before he pressed another chaste kiss to Yuri’s forehead and then hovered a little over him. “Should we text Katsuki and Victor to see if they want to join us for a late lunch?”

It was this simple question that suddenly reminded Yuri of the fact that his rink mates didn’t exactly know yet that he was in Seoul. “They don’t know I’m here,” he admitted, which again, caused Otabek’s eyes to open wide, his eyebrows going up.

“You didn’t tell them?” Otabek asked, still close to Yuri with his hand lingering on his waist now.

Instead of answering, Yuri leaned upward to kiss Otabek again. He had never really thought about the possibility of becoming obsessed with kissing someone, but he now knew that it was more than simply just possible. Otabek’s lips on his was some sort of strange reassurance that he wasn’t actually dreaming, that Otabek was actually there, touching him, kissing him.

When they broke apart again to catch their breaths, Yuri eventually did respond to Otabek’s question. “They called me on Thursday and asked if I was coming out here or not,” he said, “and I told them I wasn’t sure.”

The baffled look on Otabek’s face was almost unbearable so Yuri averted his eyes and rather looked at his own hand that was lovingly stroking Otabek’s hair. “You really weren’t planning on coming anymore, were you?”

It sounded less like a question and more like a statement, but much to Yuri’s growing confusion Otabek didn’t seem to be sad or upset. Yuri had hoped that he wouldn’t be forced to breach this topic, but now he had no other choice.

"I meant what I said earlier," Yuri began, “I can’t stand to see you hurt all the time and I hate that I’ve been the one causing you pain for so long.” He leaned into the touch when Otabek’s fingers lightly hovered over the side of his face. “I didn’t know what was going to happen with us and I didn’t want to make things even worse for you, especially not during a competition.”

Yuri despised himself for being so selfish and showing up in Seoul anyway. He had found himself on that plane before he had had a proper chance to really think about it.

“What made you come after all?” Otabek asked, curiosity instead of disappointment audible in his voice.

In all honesty, Yuri hadn’t even tried to figure that out up until now, but as soon as Otabek had asked that question, Yuri knew the answer. “You,” he simply said. “I couldn’t stay away any longer. I had to see you.”

Otabek immediately leaned down for another kiss and it was only when they pulled away from each other again, with their foreheads still touching and their eyes closed, that Otabek mumbled, “I do love you.”

Almost instantly, Yuri replied, “I will never get tired of hearing you say that.” He pressed another brief kiss to Otabek’s lips, emphasising the honesty of what he had just proclaimed.

“Good,” Otabek said, his hands sliding underneath Yuri’s shirt and over bare skin on his back, “because I will never stop saying it.”

Yet another kiss followed, one that was full of unspoken promises just as much as wishes. Their hands lingered in places that were dangerous territory if they really wanted to get up and dressed to go out.

“Food,” Yuri breathed into Otabek’s ear when he felt a strong hand starting to wander down his backside and fingertips finding their way to the waistband of his sweatpants.

Unable to hold back laughter when Otabek’s head crashed back on to the pillow, Yuri climbed off the mattress, which was an easy thing to do since Otabek’s body had gone completely slack, all of his limbs sticking out in different directions on top of the bed.

“Alright,” Otabek gave up, “but this is not over.”

There was no doubt about what Otabek had meant when he said that. The smirk on his lips when Yuri looked at him out of the corners of his eyes made that very clear. Yuri quickly winked at him once, before he disappeared inside the bathroom, carefully closing the door behind him.

Now that he was on his own and alone with his thoughts, Yuri finally had a chance to acknowledge what had happened in the last twenty-four hours. While he stripped himself off his clothes and turned on the hot water in the shower, Yuri tried to pick apart every little detail of everything that he and Otabek had done and said since he had arrived at his door the previous night. Once the steaming water hit his tired skin, Yuri realised that even though he had initially thought coming to Seoul would be a bad idea, he was glad now that he had come. When he had stepped on that plane, he had been unsure of what he would do or say once he saw Otabek, but surprisingly everything had worked itself out. He hadn’t dared to hope for anything and he certainly hadn’t expected Otabek to make all the declarations that he had, but Yuri would be a complete fool, and liar, if he pretended that he wasn’t happy about any of it.

Of course his doubts regarding his relationship with Otabek didn’t just dissipate now that they had both confessed their love for each other. Yuri did have a different outlook on it now though. He knew he had been stupid ignoring Otabek, and he also knew that burdening him with his problems in the future would make him feel awful, but Otabek had asked for it. He had asked Yuri not to push him away anymore, and Yuri was hellbent on granting him that wish, because in one way or another Yuri finally understood that Otabek was as broken without him as much as he was without Otabek.

Yuri should not have been that surprised at hearing Otabek say that he loved him for the first time. The song Otabek had written and recorded for him, should have been a tell-tale sign to Yuri about how Otabek really felt, but it was a completely different experience seeing the words actually leave Otabek’s mouth rather than just hearing them in a recording. Yuri was already ecstatic about hearing them again and again and again.

Once he finished his quick shower, he dried himself off, a towel wrapped around his waist and one flung over his shoulders. He left the bathroom to find Otabek still on the bed, the television on for background noise. As soon as Yuri came into view Otabek got up from the mattress and walked over to him, a charming smile on his face. It almost seemed like Otabek couldn’t stop his lips from curling whenever he saw Yuri, and Yuri loved it.

“You’re wet,” Otabek said when his hands nevertheless came to rest just above the towel on Yuri’s waist.

“As always, A+ observation, Beka,” Yuri grinned and then kissed Otabek before he even had a second to contemplate his next move. “Take it off,” he added hastily, grabbing the hem of Otabek’s shirt. He was suddenly overcome with more than just arousal, it was more of a desperate urge to feel his boyfriend’s skin against his.

Otabek raised his arms to allow Yuri to remove the offending piece of clothing. Yuri discarded it on the floor and then realised quickly how low Otabek’s sweatpants were hanging on his hips. He let his hands wander down the front of Otabek’s torso while Otabek began kissing up his jaw and then over his neck, eliciting sounds out of Yuri that were filled with pleasure.

Without any warning, Yuri moved one of his hands past the waistband of Otabek’s sweatpants to grab an albeit gentle hold of his hard dick, making Otabek squirm underneath his touch.

“Yura,” Otabek panted into the crook of Yuri’s neck, and the blonde couldn’t hide the smug smirk on his face when he pulled back slightly to look at his boyfriend, all the while slowly stroking Otabek’s erect cock.

Yuri basked in the feeling of Otabek’s rough fingers on the back of his head and on his shoulder. He immensely enjoyed the fact that he was responsible for Otabek turning into a whimpering mess in his arms. While Otabek clung to him like he would literally sink to the floor if he didn’t, Yuri was about to get on his knees himself, but Otabek calling out his name again stopped him.

“What is it?” he curiously asked, his words spoken rather slowly, directly into Otabek’s ear. Yuri could feel how Otabek was definitely trying his best to compose himself. The hold Otabek had on Yuri was getting firmer, but Yuri didn’t stop moving his hand around his dick, and judging by the way Otabek’s hips bucked forward, his touch was more than welcome.

“Victor,” Otabek choked out, “and Katsuki.”

Out of reflex, Yuri did stop any and all movements of his body, his own cock going soft surprisingly fast. Just the mention of those two names completely dissolved any kind of arousal he had felt. His hand was still wrapped around Otabek’s dick, but he stopped stroking him.

“What about them?” Yuri asked, tempted to take a step back as well, but Otabek’s arms hadn’t moved from around his shoulders which certainly indicated that Otabek needed some more time to regain any kind of control over his body.

“They’ll be here in fifteen minutes,” Otabek said, “picking us up.”

At that Yuri did at least remove his hand from inside Otabek’s sweatpants, and Otabek immediately sighed displeased at the loss of contact.

“You told them I’m here?” Yuri wanted to know, suddenly very aware of his wet hair again as little drops of water kept rushing down his back and chest.

Otabek had somehow managed to figure out how his body was functioning after all, and he instantly pulled Yuri closer again. “No,” he replied, “I just asked them if they wanted to grab a bite to eat.”

Yuri wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about that. On the one hand, he would much rather spend the whole day alone with Otabek, but on the other hand he was really hungry indeed, which was only emphasized when his stomach growled once again.

“For the record,” he began, “I’d much rather see your naked ass right now than Victor or Katsudon’s stupid faces.”

Before Otabek could even reply, Yuri moved out of his embrace to stand behind Otabek. He let his hands slide over Otabek’s broad shoulders and down along his spine until he reached Otabek’s sweatpants again. Pulling them down as he crouched down on to the floor himself, Yuri heard Otabek gasp. His hands cupped Otabek’s bare ass and squeezed tight, and Yuri realised how much he had missed being able to touch Otabek wherever he wanted.

Yuri’s lips were ghosting over Otabek’s ass while his hands kept massaging it roughly, parting his cheeks so Yuri could get closer to the pink and clearly aching entrance he was looking for. He could hear Otabek’s breath hitch when his own was so damn close to Otabek’s most sensitive spot. Yuri had to restrain himself from actually touching Otabek there, even though it was so very tempting. “Turn around,” Yuri whispered instead only an inch or so away from Otabek, just so he could tease him.

Otabek did as he was asked on shaky legs. Now Yuri looked up to see Otabek’s face as his hand automatically reached for Otabek’s still hard dick. Yuri waited for Otabek’s eyes to find his before he moved closer, lifting Otabek’s cock slightly. His eyes were fixed on Otabek’s as he began to drag his tongue along Otabek’s erection, from base to tip and so slowly that Otabek soon closed his eyes and threw his head back.

It was this reaction Yuri was looking for.

Once his tongue had circled around the tip of Otabek’s dick for a brief moment, Yuri let go completely and made a move to stand up again. Before Otabek realised what was happening, or rather what wasn’t happening anymore, Yuri pulled him down by his neck and crashed his lips on Otabek’s, resulting in a needy and frenzied kiss. Yuri broke the kiss soon enough and Otabek instinctively chased after his lips, but it was to no avail. “You need to shower now,” Yuri said, “before the idiots show up here.”

He walked away from a stunned Otabek, back to the bathroom to open the door and hold it open for Otabek. Yuri grinned widely when Otabek looked at him in disbelief. “What?” was all he managed to get out of his mouth.

“Chop chop, time’s running out,” Yuri teased once again, motioning for Otabek to finally get inside the bathroom.

Yuri chuckled when he saw Otabek shake his head, obviously still trying to understand what was really going on. Just as Otabek was passing Yuri, he reached out for the towel around Yuri’s hips and grabbed it off him with one swift motion.

“This is still not over,” he warned Yuri playfully, before he pressed another brief kiss to Yuri’s lips.

“I hope so,” Yuri quickly replied before he closed the bathroom behind Otabek.

Just like that Yuri was on his own again, naked except for the towel around his neck and with wet hair, standing in the middle of a hotel room in Seoul that he shared with his boyfriend.

Yes, Otabek was his boyfriend, still or again, it didn’t matter. It was all Yuri hadn’t dared to hope for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the beginning of the sixth story! For everyone who kept asking to see more of the Almaty gang, rest assured all of them will have multiple appearances in this story. Otabek's siblings will also be back briefly and we'll finally get a glimpse at Otabek's parents. Alisur's and Asel's girlfriends as well as a new friend of Mila's will also be introduced in due time.
> 
> Also, many many thanks for the lovely comments on the last chapter of the previous story! It makes me incredibly happy to hear that you all enjoyed reading it! 
> 
> Until next time... which will most likely be at the end of this week. <3


	2. Blinded by Our Senses.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otabek is not leaving Yuri's side and Victor is starting to piss Yuuri off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your obligatory weekend reading of more than 7K words. There's more smut in this chapter. Skip the second scene if you don't like that kind of stuff, although you will miss out on some proper fluff as well if you do that. ;)

**_Saturday, 18 th February, Seoul, 1.24pm_ **

One thing Yuuri had clearly not gotten used to over all those years that he had been with Victor was that his fiancé had the unexplainable urge to go shopping wherever they went. Seoul was no exception in that regard. It was the day off between the short program and the free skate, and Victor was determined to make good use of it.

They had grabbed a quick breakfast at the hotel before Victor had dragged Yuuri out into the cold. Yuuri hadn’t really excepted it to be warm, but the cold had been biting its way through every single layer he had put on, which, to be fair, weren’t very many. He had eventually whined so much that Victor had agreed to head back to the hotel so he could put on an extra shirt or cardigan. It wasn’t like it never got cold in Hasetsu, but the freezing temperatures in Seoul, and in St. Petersburg for that matter, just felt very different to him.

On their way back to the hotel, Yuuri had received a text from Otabek and he hadn’t said anything to Victor about it, at least not until now.

“Do you mind if we make a quick stop somewhere before we go back out for lunch?” Yuuri asked once they had reached their hotel room. He was hoping the little hick-up in his voice was down to his imagination so that Victor wouldn’t notice it.

Victor himself was in the middle of sorting through all his shopping bags, apparently trying to find something specific, when he replied, “sure. Somewhere important?”

Before Yuuri had a chance to respond, Victor held up a pair of shiny brown gloves. “Ha, found them,” he said, holding the gloves against his trench coat to check that the colours matched, just like he had done at the store when he had bought them.

Yuuri was already standing by the door waiting for his fiancé to join him. “Ready?” he asked, smiling at Victor in a lousy attempt to mask his anxiety.

He honestly didn’t even know why he was nervous. The last couple of times they had talked about Otabek and Yuri, Victor had made a complete U-turn. He had seemed to be alright with everything, so in reality there was no real need to be anxious about them having lunch with Otabek.

Victor was grinning widely when he pressed a brief kiss to Yuuri’s temple, before they both left their room and the door fell shut behind them. Heading for the elevator, Yuuri stopped Victor and took his hand to lead him toward the stairs instead.

“Where are we going?” Victor asked, totally clueless.

“We’re having lunch with Otabek,” Yuuri quickly replied before he could change his mind after all. He instinctively held Victor’s hand even tighter than before as they took the stairs down two floors to get to Otabek’s room. Much to his surprise Victor didn’t say a single word, but he didn’t look at him either.

“Are you okay with that?” Yuuri asked after a few moments. Victor replied just a little too fast for him not to notice it, when he said, “why wouldn’t I be?”

They walked down the stairs for another few seconds, before Victor suddenly stopped and turned around to look at Yuuri. “He ignored us all week. What’s different now? Why does he want to go out with us _now_?”

Yuuri sighed defeated. He had expected a reaction like this, because he knew Victor very well at that point, but dealing with a paranoid Victor just didn’t get any easier. “Otabek didn’t ignore us,” Yuuri said, “and even if he had, don’t you think it’s perfectly normal that he is a little detached from everyone? At least he said hello to us. I’m pretty sure Leo was the only other skater he was friendly to.”

Victor’s mouth didn’t move but his eyes said everything Yuuri needed to know. “He misses Yurio. Being away from him is obviously hard on him which, I think, is totally understandable. Yurio breaking up with him certainly doesn’t make things any easier I guess.”

Victor huffed and then began walking away from him, but Yuuri caught up quickly and stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “Answer me this, Vitya, how do you think you would act if I were to break up with you?”

Just for a second Yuuri was worried about what he had said, and when Victor’s eyes went wide, all Yuuri could see was utter shock. Victor wordlessly reached out for Yuuri’s hands, the expression on his face the very definition of sadness. “I would be heart-broken,” Victor confessed, “and I wouldn’t want to talk to anyone.”

Yuuri reached up with one hand and pushed some of Victor’s soft silver hair out of his eyes. “That’s exactly how Otabek feels right now,” he said, “so please be nice to him.” Leaning forward a little bit, it was like Yuuri’s lips automatically found Victor’s for a quick and innocent kiss. Yuuri tugged on Victor’s hand then and lead him to Otabek’s room.

Once they stood in front of it, Yuuri took another look at Victor before he knocked on the door.

“Yurio,” Victor choked out as soon as the door opened and Yuri appeared in front of them, Otabek right behind him.

“I want food,” the blonde Russian simply said, “now.” Yuuri watched as Yuri grabbed Otabek’s hand and then squeezed past him and Victor.

The four of them stood in front of the elevator, waiting for one to reach their floor, when Victor obviously couldn’t hold himself back anymore. “Why didn’t you tell us you decided to come?”

Yuuri wouldn’t deny that he was glad to see Yuri, especially since it looked like him and Otabek had managed to sort things out between them, judging by the way Yuri clung to the Kazakh skater’s side. He didn’t plan on asking them anything about their relationship. It was their business and as long as Yuri was happy, and he seemed to be, Yuuri wouldn’t interfere. Victor on the other hand apparently thought it would be wise to interrogate them, or rather Yuri at least.

“Was I supposed to?” Yuri shot back. “Are you keeping tabs on me now?”

Tugging on Victor’s hand again, Yuuri hoped he would be able to tell his fiancé to slow down without actually having to say so. A furious Yuri ready to fight Victor wasn’t really what any of them needed right now.

Victor sighed before he said, “no, I’m just saying that one of us would’ve picked you up at the airport. That’s all.”

The elevator doors opened and they all stepped inside. Otabek pressed the button for the lobby and the doors closed again, effectively trapping them inside. “You wouldn’t have,” Yuri suddenly said, picking up on what Victor had said.

“Why not?” Victor asked in return, quickly understanding what Yuri was referring to.

“My flight was delayed. I got here in the middle of the short program,” Yuri explained without so much as a glance in Victor’s direction.

Yuuri had a feeling that even though it seemed like the discussion was over, Yuri and Victor would soon find something else to argue over. “Anyway,” he said to stop them both from doing exactly that. Yuuri turned around to directly face Yuri and Otabek before he asked, “is everything okay between you two?”

Otabek let go of Yuri’s hand and placed it around his waist. Yuuri noticed how Yuri immediately leaned closer to Otabek, and how content he looked doing so. Surprisingly it was Otabek who eventually answered Yuuri’s question. “Yes,” he said, placing a kiss on Yuri’s temple. Yuuri could swear that he saw a small smile appear on Yuri’s lips, but it was gone as fast as it had appeared.

**_Saturday, 18 th February, Seoul, 6.44pm  
_ **

The afternoon had been a lot longer than Otabek had anticipated, and Yuri seemed to agree. Only barely managing to get rid of his leather jacket and hanging it over a chair, Yuri instantly had his hands on Otabek’s chest and pushed him back against the desk.

Yuri’s lips were on Otabek’s only a second later, so fast in fact that Yuri’s tongue was immediately exploring his mouth without any hesitation. His brain had difficulty to understand where Yuri’s hands were, because it simply felt like they were touching every single inch of him.

Unable to hold back an amused chuckle, Otabek tore himself away from Yuri’s mouth and asked, “what’s going on, Yura?”

The hungry look in the blonde’s eyes didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“Stress relief,” Yuri only replied.

With his shirt being pushed up and two delicate hands tracing over his stomach and chest, Otabek raised his arms and allowed Yuri to take the shirt off. Once it was disposed of, Otabek’s lips were entrapped between Yuri’s teeth once again while Yuri’s hands were fumbling with the button of Otabek’s jeans. Yuri made quick work of it, popping it open, pulling the zipper down and freeing Otabek’s painfully hard dick from inside his boxers.

Chasing after Yuri’s lips when the blonde pulled away, Otabek could only watch in awe as Yuri went down on his knees and wrapped his fingers around his cock. Overcome with the sensation of Yuri’s hand on him, Otabek supported himself on the desk by leaning back against it. His jeans were still low on his hips, but Yuri seemed to have all the access he needed nevertheless.

As soon as Yuri’s lips touched the tip of his dick, Otabek let completely loose. He threw his head back in ecstasy as Yuri began sucking him off. Yuri hollowed his cheeks, and twisted his hand as it moved up and down near the base, covering the bit he wasn’t able to take inside his mouth.

Otabek was close to wanting to hide the needy sounds that were escaping his throat, but Yuri’s expertise didn’t leave any other option except to enjoy every second of it. He moaned and whimpered as Yuri kept working his magic on his cock, and he didn’t hold back anymore as he began panting. Yuri’s free hand moved up Otabek’s abdomen, the movement only heightening Otabek’s senses.

It was almost embarrassing how quickly Otabek reached the edge. With the teasing Yuri had done to him earlier in the day and the urgency with which Yuri had been all over him practically as soon as they were back inside their room, it was no real surprise though. Otabek became aware of the familiar feeling in his gut that told him he wasn’t far away from jumping off the edge.

“Yura,” Otabek choked out as a warning. Then it only took a few more strokes of Yuri’s hand and his mouth sucking him hard, before Otabek forced himself to speak again. “Get off.”

He knew that Yuri would do whatever he asked of him, so the blonde immediately pulled his mouth away from him. Otabek had no idea how he managed to form any kind of coherent thought, but he absent-mindedly grabbed the used towel that he had dropped on the chair next to him after his shower hours earlier. Yuri kept stroking him and a second later he came, spilling his cum all over the towel.

Otabek was panting heavily as he kept riding that wave of intense pleasure, Yuri’s hand still on him milking every last drop out of him. If it weren’t for the desk he was leaning on, Otabek was sure he would be tumbling down onto the floor. His knees felt like jelly but his hands were still holding on to the desk. Otabek’s head fell forward and his chin dropped down on his sternum while his chest kept rising and falling at a steady pace.

One of Yuri’s hands came up to the side of his face, the other one on his neck, and Otabek slowly raised his head again. Incredibly blissful, he smiled at Yuri. His eyelids were heavy, but he was just so satisfied and content. Otabek wrapped his arms loosely around Yuri’s slim frame pulling him closer.

The smirk that appeared on Yuri’s lips was too tempting for Otabek to ignore. He leaned forward and indulged himself in the ever-overwhelming taste of Yuri’s mouth on his tongue. While his own cock was completely spent, Yuri’s own erection was undeniable when the blonde pressed himself against Otabek.

“I think you’re still stressed,” Otabek teased, and then grabbed Yuri just below his ass and lifted him up. Yuri held on by his neck while Otabek walked over to the bed with Yuri in his arms.

Setting Yuri down just on the edge of the mattress so his feet were actually on the ground, Otabek pushed him back onto the bed and hovered over him. He kissed him so hard that their teeth clashed, but Yuri seemed to care as much as Otabek did, not at all. They were biting and pulling, scratching and teasing, before Otabek copied Yuri and retreated so he could get into Yuri’s jeans. He bit the blonde’s jaw once, literally dragging a slow moan out of Yuri.

Otabek then quickly got on his knees. He opened Yuri’s jeans and pulled them down and off in one swift motion along with the boxers, all in a matter of two seconds. It was the same urgency Yuri portrayed not long ago when he had ravished him.

He could feel Yuri’s gaze on him, which only excited Otabek more. He didn’t hesitate and swiftly wrapped his lips around Yuri’s stiff cock, forcing a loud moan full of pleasure out of Yuri’s throat. Yuri’s dick was pretty much the same length as his own but it was slimmer, more elegant if that was even a word he could use to describe a guy’s junk. In Yuri’s case though it was simply true. Otabek loved the feeling of Yuri’s cock in his mouth, of the soft skin of it underneath his fingertips.

Even now, about a month and a half after he first found out how incredible it felt to do this with and _to_ Yuri, Otabek couldn’t completely comprehend how they had gotten here to begin with. However, it certainly wasn’t something he would busy himself thinking about right now. Instead he began to focus on Yuri a hundred percent, determined to make him feel as good as Yuri had made him feel.

Otabek licked along the underside of Yuri’s dick from base to the tip, swirling his tongue around the head and tasting the few drops of pre-cum that Yuri already willingly gave him. Yuri’s cock was so hard that for a few moments he let go of it. He removed his hand and then ran both of them up the sides of Yuri’s body underneath his shirt, over his perky pink nipples and his ribcage, all the while sucking and licking Yuri’s dick like he was enjoying a peach flavoured popsicle.

The second Otabek harshly twisted Yuri’s nipples, the blonde arched his back up and immediately grabbed Otabek’s hair. He could feel the sting Yuri’s fingers created by pulling his hair, but it spurred him on even more. A second later Otabek violently scratched the skin on Yuri’s hip while his other hand returned back to stroking Yuri’s cock in rhythm with his mouth that was still swallowing it.

Otabek could feel Yuri’s body tense up and he knew Yuri was definitely very close to being overcome with pleasure. Then it happened just as suddenly as it had hit him before. Yuri’s breathing hitched, it became ragged and erratic which was the most clear-cut sign that he was about to burst.

Just as Otabek reached out for the t-shirt Yuri had taken off him earlier, Yuri’s orgasm erupted and the first splash of cum hit the back of Otabek’s throat. As he leaned back and off Yuri’s pulsating dick, he swallowed and cherished the most intimate taste of Yuri he could ever get, while he kept jerking Yuri’s cock until there were no more drops left in him.

Yuri went completely limp on the bed once his orgasm had faded away entirely. Otabek pressed a kiss to the junction between Yuri’s leg and his torso, before he balled up the cum-stained t-shirt and threw it into the trash bin.

Leaning over Yuri’s completely relaxed body, Otabek pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Any stress left?” he asked, smirking.

It was so obvious that Yuri wouldn’t open his eyes any time soon, but the drunken smile that his lips was response enough. Yuri slowly shook his head before Otabek felt Yuri’s hands around his neck, pulling him down for a tender kiss.

“That was… amazing but I can’t lie,” Yuri mumbled, his eyes still closed, and it didn’t sound like he was actually planning on saying anything else.

“About what?” Otabek enquired because he really wanted to know what Yuri was getting at.

Yuri did open his eyes then and began stroking his hair, but he clearly tried to avoid looking at Otabek directly. “About the fact that I hate knowing that you obviously learned how to suck a dick like that by doing it to someone else,” he explained. There was the tiniest of smiles on Yuri’s lips, most likely an attempt to hide his discontent.

Otabek couldn’t lie either. Deep down he felt the same when it came to Yuri. “From what you’ve told me, you’ve been doing this to other guys as well,” he pointed out without sounding condescending or accusing, instead simply stating the obvious.

“I know it’s stupid,” Yuri immediately shot back, not denying what Otabek had said. “I just can’t help but be a little jealous.”

Surprised at Yuri’s unexpected honesty, Otabek leaned down and kissed him. He wanted this kiss to show Yuri exactly how he felt about him, how much he loved him and how amazing Yuri made him feel. From the looks of it, Yuri got the message. When they pulled apart again due to lack of air, the smile on Yuri’s lips threatened to split his face in two.

“It doesn’t matter what we did before we got together,” Otabek said, and before he continued Yuri interrupted him with a mocking grin. “You mean _who_ we did.”

Smiling himself, Otabek nodded and said, “I don’t want to think about who your past lovers were.” He winked and then continued, saying, “as long as I’m your last.”

Otabek was surprised to see Yuri’s eyes grow wide and his eyebrows shoot up on his forehead. He hadn’t realised what he had said, or rather how it must have sounded to Yuri, until the blonde dug a little deeper, asking, “was that a proposal, Beka?”

Feeling himself grow a little agitated all of a sudden, Otabek calmed down instantly when he saw the smug smirk on Yuri’s lips. “I’m kidding, idiot,” Yuri said, chuckling at the state Otabek was in a second ago.

“You know what?” Otabek said in return, actually thinking about what Yuri had been implying. “It was a proposal,” he insisted, if only to freak Yuri out for a moment, before he quickly added, “or at least it will be someday.”

Yuri kissed him briefly and then caressed his cheek. “You see us getting married in the future?” he asked, his voice so steady that it actually warmed Otabek’s heart. Seeing that Yuri didn’t seem to be offended by the idea of them eventually making that kind of commitment to each other, Otabek felt a rush of excitement running through him.

“I love everything about you, Yura. Your strength, your willpower and your determination. I love that you don’t take shit from anyone, and I love how you turn into this soft, little kitten when you’re alone with me. I love that I get to see sides of you that no one else can even imagine you have,” Otabek said, and watched in amusement as Yuri’s cheeks turned impossibly pink in pretend embarrassment. “If you think I’m ever letting you go again, you’re more delusional than I thought.”

Otabek knew that by saying all of those things he didn’t really reply to Yuri’s question, but everything he had said was the complete and utter truth, and he didn’t think that Yuri needed a straight answer. He was sure that Yuri knew the answer already anyway, just as much as he did.

**_Saturday, 18 th February, Seoul, 7.25pm_ **

Victor was aware that he had been exceptionally quiet since him and Yuuri had gotten back to their room after they had spent the afternoon out with Yuri and Otabek, but he refused to address the elephant in the room until his fiancé brought it up, which happened sooner than expected.

They were lying on the bed quite far apart from each other. Victor hated this immensely but he was too stubborn to give in first.

“What’s on your mind?” Yuuri eventually asked him, putting his phone on the nightstand and turning around to face Victor.

Unwilling to keep this up any longer, Victor put his book away as well and moved around on the bed so his face was only a few inches away from Yuuri’s. The Japanese man’s hand rested on Victor’s waist immediately which prompted Victor let out a sigh of relief.

Yuuri didn’t push him in any way, but now that he had outright asked Victor what was going on, he was not going to lie. “I’m not sure about Yuri and Otabek,” he simply said, and he knew that Yuuri would understand him without any further elaboration.

“Vitya,” Yuuri almost whispered, “we’ve been over this. _You_ were the one who convinced Yuri that Otabek loves him. Rightly so, I might add.”

Unfortunately, it was indeed him who had done that. When Victor had seen Yuri completely broken, he had known immediately that he needed to something. He cared too much about his rebellious friend to just ignore the pain Yuri had been in.

“They seem happy, Victor,” Yuuri spoke up again.

“I know,” Victor replied instantly, “but that doesn’t mean they will be in the future and it definitely doesn’t mean that I have to like it.”

The look Yuuri gave him then was impossible to read, Victor thought, but he still had a feeling that he knew what Yuuri was going to say. “They’re so in love with each other. They’ve clearly proved that, don’t you think? Yuri already messed things up and Otabek still chased after him. They found their way back to one another, now give them some time to figure everything else out.”

Victor didn’t respond with anything. Deep down he knew that Yuuri was right, but he wasn’t particularly pleased about it. When Yuuri kissed him though, his mind just went completely blank for a moment, all but one thought left in him.

“Expect me to say ‘I told you so’ a lot when it all comes crashing down on them,” Victor said, unable to help himself.

“It almost sounds like you want their relationship to fail,” Yuuri accused him, but he still smiled at Victor, if a little reluctant.

“I want Yurio to be happy,” Victor said, signalling that he was done talking about this, at least for now.

**_Sunday, 19 th February, Seoul, 12.19pm_ **

It was the day of the free skate. Yuri had come to the arena along with Otabek, Katsudon and Victor early in the morning, the hand on the small of his back never leaning him. Looking at Otabek now as he was sitting on Yuri’s right side, Yuri was suddenly overcome with a sense of gratefulness. It wasn’t the first time he had a feeling that Otabek was very much like a lifeline to him, always urging him to move forward, to be the best he could possibly be and to only do what he wanted to do rather than what others expected of him. Otabek wasn’t just simply his boyfriend, he had become so much more than that over the past four years.

Since Yuri still had Otabek’s original teddy bear in St. Petersburg, the one Otabek normally took with him to competitions for good luck, Yuri was currently holding on to a new teddy bear.

“You didn’t have this one with you in Vancouver,” Yuri pointed out while they were only half paying attention to whoever was currently skating their free program. “Where did you get it from?” he asked Otabek, briefly lifting the teddy bear in his hands for emphasis.

Otabek had his arm on the back of Yuri’s chair as he turned to face Yuri. “Max gave it to me for Christmas,” he explained without going into much detail.

“I like mine better,” Yuri replied, and by that he obviously meant Otabek’s teddy bear that was currently sitting on his bed back in St. Petersburg, probably with Potya curled up next to it.

Yuri loved the small genuine smile Otabek sent his way before they both returned back to watching the current performance on the ice. Otabek still had his free skate to come, unlike Yuuri who was sitting on Yuri’s left side and had already completed his program, which had also put him into first place for the time being.

With Victor sitting next to Yuuri, the four of them silently watched the Australian skater on the ice, who made a complete fool of himself from the looks of it.

“Well, well, look who showed up after all,” a rather quiet voice suddenly came from behind Yuri, but that wasn’t the end of it. The worst part were the two hands on his shoulders that squeezed tight and apparently made no indication of letting go of him any time soon. Yuri felt hot breath near his right ear and immediately tenses up.

His left hand had such a strong hold on the teddy bear in his lap that his fingers and even his fingernails started to hurt badly. Without thinking, Yuri reached over and harshly grabbed Otabek’s thigh. He didn’t dare to move otherwise, he couldn’t even if he had wanted to. Yuri was frozen, trapped in his own body yet again.

“Yura,” Otabek said and looked at him, “what’s wrong?”

Yuri’s eyes moved to see Otabek’s face change into something Yuri was glad he had never seen directed at him. Otabek must have realised what was going on. If looks could kill, JJ would surely had been six feet under by now.

“Leroy,” Otabek growled, and Yuri heard someone shifting next to him, Victor and Katsudon no doubt. “I’m only going to say it once, let go of him right now.”

Otabek perfectly presented himself the way he normally did in public, stoic, reserved and seemingly uninterested in anything. Only this time there was an edge to his voice that should be a sign to not fight him, but JJ was absolutely oblivious to it.

He patted Yuri’s shoulders once again and said directly into his ear, “oh come on Otabek, it’s all just good fun, right Yuri?”

It was only a fraction of a second before Otabek was out of his seat and standing, suddenly taller than everyone else, literally and figurately. Yuri could hear Yuuri gasp next to him, probably out of sheer surprise at how quickly Otabek had snapped. Still unable, and unwilling, to actually see JJ, Yuri held on to the teddy bear in an attempt to calm himself down. He was very well aware that it was only JJ who had snuck up behind him. As much as Yuri disliked JJ, the Canadian wasn’t someone he had to be scared of. He knew that, but there was something inside him that was ignoring that fact.

The moment Otabek had gotten up, Yuri had felt the hands on his shoulders retreating. He let out a relieved puff of air, one that he hadn’t even realised he was holding inside.

“Are you deaf, JJ?” Otabek snarled, “I told you to let go of him.”

Yuri had regained his composure at least so far that he could lift his hand and grab Otabek’s. He squeezed Otabek’s fingers briefly to get his attention. As soon as Otabek’s eyes were on his, Yuri dropped his hand and whispered, “get me out of here please.”

With another glare at JJ, Otabek gently wrapped his fingers around Yuri’s upper arm to help him up. Yuri dropped the teddy bear in Katsudon’s lap as he walked past him and Victor with Otabek right behind him. His rink mates didn’t have to say anything, Yuri still knew how worried they probably were. He had known and been living with them for too long to imagine anything else.

Yuri avoided actually looking at them both just as much as he kept his face hidden from JJ. He had just passed Victor when he faintly heard the silver-haired man’s voice. “If you ever touch him again, I will make sure your career as a professional skater is over,” Victor threatened someone, supposedly JJ. Yuri figured that JJ was about to retort in some way, when Victor added, “I would advise you not to test me.”

Just a moment later, Otabek had dragged Yuri out into a corridor. The reassuring hand at the small of his back was there again, moving them both away from prying eyes. The locker rooms were thankfully not too far away and once they had slipped inside, Otabek closed the door behind them. Since the free skate had already started, the locker room was thankfully completely deserted which gave them the bit of privacy Yuri so desperately craved at the moment.

Yuri only barely registered how Otabek got a hold of his hand and lead him over to some benches. They sat down straddling a bench and facing each other.

“Are you alright, Yura?” Otabek asked, and Yuri almost felt like forcing a small smile at the concerned tone in his voice. Otabek rested one of his hands on Yuri’s thigh while the other one reached up and stroked the side of his face. Yuri couldn’t stop himself from leaning into the touch because it felt just so damn amazing. He could completely let go when Otabek was touching him. It was the only time he really felt totally safe.

Yuri only hummed in response, content and finally absolutely calm again. He was sure it was more the shock of JJ’s hands on him than anything else. It could’ve been anyone, it wasn’t even specific to JJ (although Yuri did despise him nevertheless). Yuri had always been very particular about people touching him, but ever since the incident at the club it had gotten worse, especially when people approached him from behind and he couldn’t see them coming.

He had his eyes closed, relishing the soft touch of Otabek’s hands on him when Otabek spoke up again. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, worry still evident in his question.

“Yes,” Yuri said this time, “I will get over it all eventually.” He recalled what Otabek had said to him the previous night, how he loved the strength and determination and willpower in Yuri, something Yuri himself hadn’t seen in himself in quite some time, but he figured if Otabek had that much faith in him, he probably should as well.

“Get over what exactly?” Otabek asked in return and Yuri wasn’t quite sure if he was serious. He had thought that it was more than obvious.

“What that asshole at the club did to me,” Yuri breathed out, his gaze focussed on Otabek’s hands that were now holding his in between them. He knew at some point or another he would actually have to talk to someone about what had happened. Even Otabek didn’t know the whole truth yet.

Otabek brought their entwined hands up to his lips and pressed a quick kiss to Yuri’s knuckles. “No one is asking you to get over it, Yura, least of all me,” he said. “All I want is for you to be free of the pain it obviously still keeps causing you, but there’s no deadline attached to that.”

Yuri smiled weakly at him when Otabek put his hands on the backside of Yuri’s knees and pulled him closer, so his thighs were on top of Otabek’s. Automatically reaching for Otabek’s waist, Yuri looked at him only to find one of the most beautiful smiles he had ever seen on Otabek’s face. “I love the way you smile,” Yuri said, the words leaving his mouth before he even realised he would say them.

Otabek’s eyes suddenly shone brightly. They sparkled with something that Yuri could only describe as pure and unblemished affection. Strangely enough, he saw what he felt for Otabek reflected in Otabek’s eyes. “Consider yourself lucky then,” Otabek replied, “because you’re the only one who makes me smile this way.”

Instantly feeling a lot better, Yuri grinned at him and leaned forward to kiss his boyfriend. He arched his back forward so their chests were connected, while Otabek’s hands moved up his arms to his neck where they came to a halt. Yuri’s face was securely held in place thanks to Otabek, making it easy for Yuri to deepen the kiss. It wasn’t just lips on lips, it was the familiar taste of Otabek on Yuri’s tongue, the welcomed intrusion in his own mouth and the ignored human need for air to fill his lungs, that made Yuri give himself over to Otabek without any hesitation. He bathed in the sensation the intensity of the kiss sent through his entire body. It felt like Otabek had lit a match inside Yuri simply by kissing him, and Yuri immediately found himself surrounded by nothing but warmth.

When they broke apart, Yuri watched as Otabek took a deep breath, and he couldn’t really blame him. That kiss wasn’t just intense, it was them silently asking each other for more, which obviously wasn’t going to happen any time soon.

“I need to start warming up,” Otabek said, still very visibly trying to catch his breath. Yuri reached up, brushing over Otabek’s bottom lip with his thumb. Before he could retract his hand again, Otabek got a hold of his wrist and kept Yuri’s finger pressed to his lips. He kissed Yuri’s thumb once before he slid out from under Yuri’s legs to stand up. Offering Yuri a hand to help him up, the blonde gratefully accepted Otabek’s hand and moved to stand as well.

Otabek lead Yuri back to Victor and Katsudon. Yuri didn’t pay any attention to the older men because he suddenly felt Otabek’s arms around him, one hand on the small of his back and the other one in his hair. “I love you,” Otabek whispered directly into his ear, words that were meant for Yuri and him alone. Yuri pressed a quick kiss to the crook of Otabek’s neck, his face hidden by his long hair so no one would see.

Letting go of Otabek, Yuri watched him walk away before he shouted, “davai.” Otabek gave him a thumbs-up, disappearing out of sight a moment later.

When Yuri turned around to re-join Victor and Katsudon, he found that they had moved so there was an available seat between them, technically available anyway as it was currently occupied by the teddy bear Yuri had left with Yuuri earlier. He didn’t say anything when he grabbed the teddy bear and sat down in the now empty seat. Before Yuri realised what was happening, Victor and Katsudon both leaned over to him and kissed his temples. More surprised than anything, Yuri hugged the teddy bear close to his chest, but he didn’t resist their affection in any other way.

“Gross,” was all he mumbled when the other two men let go of him again. Yuri wasn’t very successful at hiding the tiniest of smiles on his lips.

**_Sunday, 19 th February, Seoul, 7.32pm_ **

Otabek wouldn’t deny that it had been an incredibly long day, because that was simply the fact. He didn’t particularly care though as he had found himself on the podium with a silver medal around his neck not long ago, and right now he was standing next to the person he loved most, waiting for Leo, the bronze medallist, to finish his gala piece.

“I’m really proud of you, you know?” Yuri said without taking his eyes off the American on the ice, but Otabek didn’t even need to see his face to know that Yuri meant every single word. Otabek couldn’t stop his chest from swelling with pride himself, which prompted him to tease Yuri a little when he said, “you won’t be when I beat you at Worlds.”

At this, Yuri did turn his face to look at him. “You wish,” he said as the music to Leo’s exhibition skate faded out.

Otabek leaned over to Yuri, his lips dangerously close to Yuri’s ear but still far enough away that no onlooker would suspect anything suspicious. “Promise me you won’t stop looking at me when I’m out there,” he said, basically asking him not to take his eyes off him.

“It’s physically impossible for me not to look at you,” Yuri simply replied.

Yuri’s hands were holding on to the barrier of the rink. Otabek squeezed one of them once as Leo stepped of the ice. It was Otabek’s turn and he had to admit to himself that he was a little nervous about his gala skate. He hadn’t known if Yuri would actually be in Seoul to see him skate it when he first chose the music and choreographed the piece. Now Yuri was there after all and as nervous as Otabek was about that, he was equally as excited to show his routine to his boyfriend.

He took of his team Kazakhstan jacket off and put it around Yuri’s shoulders, the commentator announced his turn.

_“For the penultimate exhibition skate tonight, we have Kazakh skater Otabek Altin who is so far having a fantastic season since bagging gold at the Grand Prix Final in Vancouver last December. Losing out on another top spot on the podium by only 0.9 points here in Seoul, he is definitely someone we all need to look out for at the World Championships in Germany next month. For now we will surely see another no doubt flawless performance. Please welcome back this year’s silver medallist, Otabek Altin.”_

At the sound of his name coming out of the speakers around the arena, Otabek stepped on the ice and did only one single round around the rink to say hello to the audience. He was greeted with massive applause which somehow actually calmed him down. Once he had reached the middle of the ice, it only took a few moments before the music for his routine began.

Much like Otabek’s exhibition skate from the Grand Prix Final, the song he had picked for his routine now basically had two distinct tempos, one fast, one slightly slower. About two thirds of the song were a lot faster than any other piece Otabek had ever chosen in his career, but when he had first heard the song something inside him had just clicked. It had almost felt like he had written it himself.

It was impossible to not get drawn into the sound of the unique vocals of the woman singing the song, but all Otabek was hoping for was that Yuri was closely listening to the what she was actually singing about.

_“We said goodbye, that’s what you told me once, so many times we’ve made our peace.  
But this is love, I’ll never give you up, I know you’ll always come home to me.”_

Otabek had picked out his outfit with intention. The black trousers as well as the slightly loose and white v-neck t-shirt he was wearing perfectly covered up how exhausting his routine actually was by making his every move look completely effortless.

_“Like a river, always running, I keep losing you. Like a fire, always burning, I’ll be here for you.”_

Every single time Otabek was facing in Yuri’s direction, his eyes automatically sought the blonde out, and what he found made his heart beat even faster.

_“If you’re ready, heart is open, I’ll be waiting, come find me. If you’re searching for forever, I’ll be waiting, come find me.”_

Even through the distance between them and the somewhat sparse lightning in at the rink, Otabek saw that Yuri did not only keep his eyes on him, he also listened intently to the song.

_“I see you, here in the darkness, blinding light right where your heart is.”_

Yuri’s eyes were tearing up, Otabek had no doubt about it, and from one second to the next he thought his were as well. All of a sudden everything became just so incredibly intense that Otabek almost let himself get distracted from his routine.

_“We lost our way, that’s what you told me last, the tears they come and go. This is us, I’ll never get enough, it’s taking losing you to know.”_

It was always this part that broke Otabek. Even the first time he had ever listened to the song, he had thought about Yuri. The lyrics fit them and their relationship so painfully well. There was no way for him to hold back anymore. He could only hope that the cameras weren’t too zoomed in on him for anyone to notice the occasional tear running down his cheeks.

_“Run to me and never leave now.”_

Otabek knew his performance would be over in only a few moments, and the only thing he wanted to do was get back to Yuri as soon as he possibly could.

_“If you’re ready, heart is open, I’ll be waiting, come find me.”_

The song came to an abrupt halt and Otabek finished his exhibition skate in his final position, one hand over his heart and his eyes turned downward on the ice.

He was breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling a little bit too fast for his liking, but he knew the exhaustion was absolutely worth it when he looked up again to see Yuri waiting for him at the exit of the rink. The roaring applause coming from the stands didn’t really register with Otabek. The only thing that occupied his mind was Yuri and all he wanted was to have him in his arms again.

Otabek skated over to the barrier, nodding once at Katsuki who was about to go on next as he had won gold. He took the skate guards from his coach and immediately walked the handful of steps over to where Yuri stood with Victor by his side. The skates added some height to Otabek so for once he was a tiny bit taller again than Yuri when he reached him.

“Never leave me again,” Otabek simply said before Yuri flung his arms around his waist and held on tight. Returning the hug just as intently, Otabek buried his nose in Yuri’s soft hair, relishing the familiar scent of his fruity shampoo.

He had no idea how long they had been standing there when Yuri finally said something, but Katsuki’s exhibition music was already echoing throughout the arena, drowning everything and everyone around them out. “I love you too much to be that stupid again,” Yuri reassured him and wrapped his arms around Otabek’s torso a little tighter.

“By the way, asshole,” Yuri said a few moments later, and Otabek leaned back at that without removing his arms from around Yuri’s shoulders. “I noticed the laces.”

Otabek laughed whole-heartedly when Yuri looked down to his skates that were sporting a perfect match of discreet leopard print laces securely tying his skates to his feet. “If that’s not a declaration of love, I don’t know what is,” Yuri quietly mocked him, before adding, “you sappy shit.”

It was so incredibly difficult not to kiss Yuri just then, when every fibre in his body wanted to do exactly that. Instead Otabek pulled Yuri in for another lingering hug. It had to be enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Otabek's EX music is "Find Me" by Sigma ft. Birdy.
> 
> I know Victor keeps being a massive dipshit when it comes to Yuri and Otabek, but there's a reason he's acting like such an idiot. It will all be revealed over the course of the story. ;)
> 
> If anyone has an idea on how I can stop myself from tearing up everytime I read your comments, please give me a shout!
> 
> Have a great weekend, everyone! Until next time... which will probably be early next week! <3


	3. We're Going to Hibernate All Year.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri still don't see eye to eye while Otabek and Yuri just try to enjoy themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6 scenes and over 11K words. I wanted to split it into two chapters but you know... cliffhanger and all. ;)  
> The last scene, which is practically the second half of this chapter, is pure smut (with a tiny, tiny bit of angst at the end). As always, please skip that scene if you're not comfortable with that stuff.

**_Monday, 20 th February, Seoul, 8.12am  
_ **

The previous day had been exceptionally long, for Otabek and Yuri alike. Otabek had accompanied Yuri back to the hotel right after the exhibition gala had finished in order to get changed for the banquet. Yuri on the other hand had crashed on the bed as soon as they had gotten to their room. It had been something Otabek was desperate to do as well, but his coach would have probably hammered on his door if he hadn’t shown up to the banquet. He had fulfilled his duties and made, for him, uncomfortable small-talk with some seemingly important people and potential sponsors for only a little over an hour, before he had found himself in too much agony.

Otabek loved skating and he loved competing, but he could very well do without all the responsibilities it brought along with it.

By the time he had made his way back to the hotel, he had found Yuri curled up on the bed with the duvet kicked to the floor and his golden hair practically covering his entire face. Otabek hadn’t been surprised to find Yuri sleeping in nothing but his boxers, yet he couldn’t help wondering how the blonde had not been freezing without the duvet covering him.

Taking it upon himself, Otabek had quickly brushed his teeth and then stripped down to his underwear as well, before he had collected the duvet from the floor and joined Yuri in bed, covering them both up to the shoulders. Yuri had obviously been asleep but as soon as Otabek had put the duvet over him, he had scooted closer to Otabek and snuggled into the older man’s chest, sighing contently. Otabek had smiled at him, knowing that Yuri wouldn’t see it, and had pressed a kiss to Yuri’s head, before he had drifted off peacefully as well.

Now they were sitting in a taxi, Yuri squished between Otabek and Katsuki in the backseat while Victor had insisted on the passenger seat. The ride to the airport in Seoul was fairly short, even despite the early morning rush hour.

Otabek had his arm around Yuri and pulled him a little closer, Yuri’s hand on his thigh. He noticed how Katsuki glanced at them once in a while, his face flushed and a small smile on his lips. Otabek assumed that he was happy for them. Unsure whether or not that was true, Otabek could at least agree that it was what he was hoping for.

Victor hadn’t said a single word to anyone since they had gotten into the taxi, and he was very short-spoken when they had met up in the hotel lobby as well. Otabek had no idea what was going on with him, but he didn’t really concern himself with it either. Worrying about anything, including what Victor’s issues were, was almost impossible with Yuri so close. It seemed like Otabek was physically unable to think about anything other than Yuri. The blonde was somehow connected to every last thought in his head.

Once they arrived at the airport, Katsuki paid the driver, and Victor and Otabek silently got all of their luggage out of the trunk. Otabek put his hand on the small of Yuri’s back, something he was so accustomed to by now, he wasn’t even really thinking about the fact that he was doing it anymore. Yuri didn’t seem to mind anyway, judging by the loving smile he rewarded Otabek with.

They got their boarding passes and dropped off their luggage before they made their way to security. Once through there, Yuri turned to Otabek.

“What’s your gate number?” Yuri wanted to know, a tinge of sadness already audible in his voice.

Otabek briefly looked through his bag trying to find his ticket. “Not sure. What’s yours?” he asked in return.

“46, I think,” Yuri said, double-checking his boarding pass.

“Good,” Otabek replied when he finally found his own and passed it over to Yuri, “looks like mine is the same.”

Clearly hearing Victor sigh in a rather annoyed way, Otabek briefly looked over to him and Katsuki, his eyebrows furrowed, but he didn’t comment anything, mainly because he still didn’t know what Victor’s deal was. They used to get along well and it was very unlike Victor to be so curt and cold around him. Making a mental note to ask Victor what was going on later, Otabek quickly turned around again.

He watched as Yuri compared their boarding passes and he couldn’t hold back an amused chuckle when he literally saw the lightbulb above Yuri’s head light up.

“You’re coming to St. Petersburg with us?” Yuri almost screamed and suddenly stopped walking.

Basically yanking Otabek around by gripping his arm, Otabek had no chance but to come to a halt as well. The indescribable excitement was written all over Yuri’s face, and Otabek felt himself returning the sentiment. He was insanely happy to be spending another few days with Yuri as well.

“Well,” Otabek said, “I don’t have to if you don’t want me to.”

“You’re an asshole,” Yuri said, before he gave Otabek a chaste kiss on the cheek and then wrapped his arms around Otabek’s neck, pulling him in for a bone-crushing hug. “I was wondering why your coach wasn’t with us.”

Otabek saw Victor walk past them then while Katsuki gave him an apologetic look. Something was definitely up, Otabek just had to find out what it was, possibly without Yuri noticing it first.

Deciding that worrying about whatever Victor’s problem was would be a waste of time for the moment, Otabek eagerly returned the hug. He pressed a kiss to Yuri’s temple before they let go of each other.

They began walking towards their gate, now following Victor and Katsuki, with Otabek’s hand back behind Yuri leading the way. “You’re staying with us, right?” Yuri asked and Otabek was a little confused for a moment. Why would Yuri ask him that? Where there other options?

“I asked Yuuri before I came here if I could fly back with them and stay with you for a few days,” Otabek confessed, and Yuri’s mouth literally fell open.

“You were coming to see me even if I hadn’t shown up here?” Yuri asked a little dumb-founded.

“ _Especially_ if you hadn’t shown up here,” Otabek said. “I needed to see you and I didn’t know if you were still coming to Seoul or not.”

Seeing as Yuri was fidgeting with his hands, Otabek had a feeling that Yuri was fighting his urge to touch him, and Otabek could definitely sympathise. It took all of his self-control not to leap forward and kiss Yuri himself.

“I fucking love you,” Yuri quietly said, “but you need to stop with this sappy crap.”

The grin on Yuri’s lips was too tempting to ignore, so Otabek went against every braincell that told him to hold back. Their lips touched for the briefest of moments before Otabek gave Yuri yet another tight hug.

When they pulled apart, Yuri’s cheeks had a nice colour of crimson on them, making Otabek smile brightly because he was the one to make Yuri look like that, and knowing that made him feel strangely accomplished. With his arm around Yuri’s shoulders, Otabek said, “let’s go find the others.”

“Selfie first,” Yuri announced whilst grabbing his phone out of his jeans pocket.

Otabek really wasn’t a massive fan of having his picture taken, but he would never ever deny Yuri his wishes. He was still shy though, so he was pretty certain that he wasn’t actually looking at the camera when Yuri took the photo. Yuri however refused to show him the end result, so Otabek just had to go with whatever crazy picture Yuri had taken.

He waited for a moment while Yuri made his Instagram post, before he asked, “all good?” Yuri nodded while he was still looking at his phone. He wordlessly followed him a moment later, but Otabek knew that Yuri was staring at him out of the corners of his eyes. Thankfully Otabek didn’t mind at all.

**_Monday, 20 th February, St. Petersburg, 1.07pm_ **

With the time difference between Seoul and Saint Petersburg, a flight of almost nine hours wasn’t reflected in the local time when they arrived back in Russia. Yuri always tried to sleep on long flights, but with Otabek sitting next to him, Yuri had given up any kind of hope he had the second they had boarded the plane.

Back at the apartment now, Yuri could already hear Potya behind the door as soon as Victor turned the key in the lock of the front door. Pushing past Victor, Yuri scooped his fluffy cat up off the floor and cuddled her senseless. Potya seemed to really enjoy it and Yuri loved her for it. He had seen Otabek with Ginger multiple times now. Their relationship seemed to be based more on mutual respect for each other, rather than the crazy love Yuri had for Potya. It was amusing really.

Caring very little about his luggage, Yuri almost danced around the living room with Potya in his arms while he saw Otabek take both of their suitcases. Just before Otabek reached Yuri’s bedroom, Victor cleared his throat for everyone to hear.

Yuri did see the partly annoyed and partly anxious look on Yuuri’s face, but he dismissed it as quickly as he had noticed it. “What is it?” he asked, his question directed at Victor.

Another glance at Katsudon proved the emotions Yuri thought he had seen on his face just seconds ago, and he suddenly feared for the worst.

“I would prefer it if Otabek stayed in the guest bedroom,” Victor said, his voice clear and firm.

Yuri wasn’t even sure he had heard his rink mate correctly, when Katsudon already let out an exasperated, “what?”

“I think it’s for the best,” Victor said in a way that left Yuri completely perplexed.

Unsurprisingly Otabek hadn’t shown any response, neither physically nor verbally. Yuri stared at him for a split second, still pondering over what the hell had gotten into Victor. “Forget it,” Yuri growled only a moment later, moving to stand between Victor and Otabek. “He’s staying in _my_ room,” Yuri added, “with me.”

Victor’s eyes sparkled dangerously, something Yuri hadn’t seen in them many times before, but if Victor thought that Yuri would be intimidated by that, he clearly didn’t know Yuri as well as he thought.

“This is not up for discussion,” Victor pressed further, and Yuri almost launched himself at him.

“Yura,” Otabek suddenly said, before Yuri felt an arm around his torso. “It’s okay.”

Yuri gawked at him in disbelief. “No! No, it’s not,” he said, turning around to Victor again. “What the fuck, Victor?”

Watching as Katsudon came up behind Victor, Yuri saw the anxiety he had suspected before now completely gone. Yuuri was pissed off and Yuri wasn’t sure how to process that fact.

“You two,” Katsudon said, looking at Yuri and Otabek, “go.”

Yuri glared at Victor once more for good measure before he dragged Otabek into his bedroom. He didn’t close the door fully, too intrigued by what was really going on. Pretty convinced that he had never seen Yuuri so angry before, most definitely not at Victor, Yuri wanted to hear their conversation.

“Yura,” Otabek said, already sitting on the bed and asking him to come over, but Yuri just waved at him to be quiet. “I want to know where that stick up Victor’s ass is coming from.”

With that he turned his ear back toward the slightly open door.

“Don’t make me yell at you, Vitya,” Yuuri said. “You know I hate raising my voice.”

Yuri couldn’t see them but he knew that Victor was most likely already sporting his puppy dog eyes. Victor hated seeing his fiancé upset. “I’m not comfortable with them sleeping in the same bed,” the silver-haired man tried to defend himself, but his voice sounded pathetic.

“What do you think they did in Seoul the last few days? I highly doubt that one of them slept on the floor,” Katsudon replied, and Yuri couldn’t hide his surprise at the way Yuuri had snapped at Victor, although the Japanese man was pretty sassy in general which was something Yuri had witnessed on multiple occasions. “If you’re worried about them having sex while Otabek is here, you know that ship has already sailed,” Yuuri deadpanned. “I’m done with your whole miserable bullshit about you not wanting them to be together. If you care about Yurio as much as you say you do, you let him be. It’s his life, not yours. You have to drop this whole thing right now if you can’t give me an actual good reason why you’re so worried about this relationship.”

Victor didn’t respond with anything. Instead Yuri heard footsteps coming closer. He stepped away from his door just as he heard someone open the master bedroom next to his. The door to Victor’s and Yuuri’s room was slammed shut just a second later.

“I don’t know what the fuck is going on with Victor,” Yuri said, looking at Otabek then, “but I sure as hell don’t like it.”

Walking over to Otabek, who sat on the edge of the bed, Yuri sat down in his lap once he reached him, straddling his hips. “Looks like he doesn’t like us being together,” Yuri mumbled.

“I kind of got that feeling already when they picked us up for lunch two days ago,” Otabek said, and Yuri stared at him in surprise. “Really?” he asked, unable to hide his mild shock, because he hadn’t picked up on anything.

Otabek put his hands on Yuri’s hips before he slowly let them wander behind him to rest them just above Yuri’s ass. Yuri for his part wrapped a hand around the back of Otabek’s neck and began stroking his hair with the other.

“I’m exhausted, Yura,” Otabek said, “and you’re literally an inch away from me right now. I have no energy to think about Victor at the moment. I just want to hold you in my arms and take a nap.”

Yuri could feel the hands around him squeezing even tighter. It literally washed away any thought Yuri had been wasting on Victor. He leaned forward and kissed Otabek, slowly and gently but equally passionate.

**_Monday, 20 th February, St. Petersburg, 5.57pm_ **

Still groggy and sleepy, Otabek woke up hours later with his arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders and Yuri’s blonde hair scattered all over his chest. He rubbed his tired eyes with his free hand, wrapping the other one more intently around Yuri. Kissing the top of Yuri’s head, which was acknowledged by Yuri tangling one of his legs over Otabek’s, he reached over to the nightstand to grab his phone.

Otabek hadn’t turned it back on since they had landed earlier. He slowly let his hand glide through Yuri’s silken hair while he waited for his phone to come to life. Once it did, he unlocked the screen (still with the help of Yuri’s birthday as his PIN number) to find an Instagram notification, or rather a bunch of them.

 **yuri-plisetsky** mentioned you in a comment: _@otabek-altin, aka my idiotic but better half, is bringing home silver from #FourContinents! #proud #screwyouKatsudon #offtoStPetersburg_

It wasn’t so much the caption of the photo that Otabek was surprised by, it was the photo itself. Yuri had refused to show it to him at the airport in Seoul and Otabek could now see why.

As expected Otabek had his arm around Yuri’s shoulders in the photo. He could remember as much, but Yuri had taken the picture the moment Otabek had turned away from the camera, his mouth pressed into Yuri’s soft hair and his eyes closed. Yuri was smiling broadly like he was absolutely carefree. Otabek loved seeing Yuri like this, but lately it didn’t happen nearly enough. The entire photo basically screamed the fact that they were actually together, but Yuri had obviously felt confident enough to post it anyway. They hadn’t talked about any of it yet, if they wanted to make their relationship public or keep it to themselves for the time being. Otabek knew he would go along with whatever Yuri would want to do, but they still had to talk about it, preferably before he went back to Almaty.

Pushing those thoughts back into his head for now, Otabek scrolled through the comments on the photo. One thing was for sure, Yuri’s fans certainly already thought the two of them were dating. But it wasn’t even the (slightly inappropriate) things Yuri’s, and his, fans were saying that caught Otabek’s eyes. What stood out to him were the comments the people close to him had left.

 **pinkAsel** _Sorry douchebag, silver means you’ll have to buy your own booze… See you Friday, @otabek-altin? #congrats #loveyouboth_  
**RedheadMax** _Fuck yes! Well done, Beka! Yuri, send him back in one piece, please? ;)_  
**a-ilyin** _Thank God! @rainbowbeat-e and I don’t have to kick Beka’s ass to St. Petersburg…_  
**MsMeiz** _Congrats, Beka!!! I love you guys!_  
**rainbowbeat-e** _Still got it, still got it… #ILYSBmix  
_**badboyT** _Wait!_ _How long is Otabek staying in SP? You need to be home on Wednesday, @otabek-altin!_

Looking at today’s date, it wasn’t hard to figure out what Temir was actually saying with his comment. Otabek knew exactly why Wednesday was so important to his friend, and it was to him too, but it didn’t change anything. He would still be in Saint Petersburg on Wednesday, because he needed to be with Yuri.

Otabek looked down at the sleeping figure of his boyfriend, half covering his own body with mounts of shiny hair and pale skin, and he knew he was doing the right thing. In such a short period of time so many things had already gone wrong. He would not risk what he had with Yuri, again, by dwelling over something he couldn’t change anyway. His decision to stay in Saint Petersburg until Thursday would come with certain consequences, but Otabek was more than willing to deal with them if it meant getting to spend more time with this car crash of a mess that was currently peacefully sleeping in his arms. 

**_Tuesday, 21 st February, St. Petersburg, 8.02am_ **

Waking up in the morning to find an arm flung over his stomach wasn’t something Yuri was used to, but when he looked over and saw Otabek lying next to him in his bed, he certainly wished he could wake up like this every day. Yuri gently reached out for Otabek’s hand and brought it up to his lips to press a feather-light kiss to the warm skin.

Otabek was lying on his stomach, his right hand buried underneath the pillow his head was resting on. His face was turned away from Yuri, so Yuri slowly moved closer to him. Yuri breathed in the sleepy morning scent of them both rising from the mattress and getting caught in their hair. He let his hand hover over Otabek’s broad shoulders, before he began kissing his neck. Yuri lived for the little unconscious sounds that Otabek mumbled into the pillow when Yuri touched him. He watched the muscles in Otabek’s back twitch as the older man began fidgeting under Yuri’s touch.

“Hmm,” Otabek sighed, and Yuri couldn’t help but smile. He _really_ wanted to wake up to this every day.

“Morning,” Yuri said quietly as he caressed the buzzing undercut Otabek still had going on. He had insisted on the same haircut for years now, but Yuri didn’t care. It was difficult to get tired of feeling the short cut hair under his fingertips, especially when they didn’t get to see each other that often.

Yuri leaned back, noticing that Otabek was about to move, or at least turn his head to face Yuri.

“Kiss me,” Otabek simply said with his eyes still closed, and Yuri obliged. It was a brief kiss, just a quick touch of lips on lips, which apparently wasn’t enough. “More,” the dark-haired man demanded immediately when Yuri’s mouth was out of reach again.

“You can’t even be arsed to look at me, asshole,” Yuri replied smirking, not that Otabek could see that.

Barely a second to react, Otabek’s arm was immediately around Yuri’s waist. Otabek rolled over on his back (thank God the mattress was big enough for him to do that without falling out of bed) and pulled Yuri on top of him at the same time.

“Better?” Otabek asked, now looking at Yuri through squinted eyes. Yuri was sure that unlike Otabek’s bed-hair, his own looked like a complete mess, something close to representing a bird’s nest, but Otabek either didn’t notice or wasn’t bothered by it as Yuri eagerly leaned into the touch of Otabek’s hands in his hair. He hummed contently in response to Otabek’s question.

“Kiss me again,” Otabek almost begged and Yuri could only laugh at that.

"No," Yuri said, “you’ve got morning breath.” At that Otabek’s eyes suddenly fully opened. He looked appalled for a second, before an amused smile appeared on his face. “So do you,” he deadpanned, and Yuri nudged his shoulder, “makes no difference.”

Yuri contemplated that for only a moment, before he said, “can’t argue with that logic, can I?” He leaned down and kissed Otabek the way he liked best, slowly and in the most teasing way possible. Yuri nibbled on Otabek’s bottom lip before he let his tongue slide over it languidly. Those kisses that Otabek left completely up to him were Yuri’s favourite. There was no power play, no fight to be in control, just Yuri exploring and trying to find out what Otabek liked and what would get Yuri the most reactions out of Otabek. Yuri loved those kisses.

“When are you going home?” Yuri asked when they broke apart. He was surprised how steady his voice was, considering how much his head was spinning. Kissing Otabek would never get old, he was sure of that.

“Thursday lunch time,” Otabek replied, pushing some of Yuri’s unruly hair behind his ear. Yuri only nodded in understanding. He didn’t want to be separated from Otabek so soon again, but he was confident that it would actually be okay this time. They would make this work, whatever it took. “What do you want to do today and tomorrow?”

Yuri knew exactly what he wanted to do. He would be alone again soon enough, so he had to make every minute he had with Otabek count. Plus, he wanted to make Otabek’s trip worth the effort. “Eat, kiss, fuck, repeat,” Yuri said with the most serious expression he could muster up, but Otabek still laughed at him.

“For the next forty-eight hours?” Otabek asked, smiling widely at the blonde on top of him.

“For the rest of my life if possible,” Yuri said, “but that doesn’t seem likely at the moment with Worlds coming up in less than five weeks, so I’ll take what I can get.”

With that Yuri leaned down again, his hands at the sides of Otabek’s neck and his entire body weight on the man underneath him. Yuri didn’t really understand himself and why he was trying to distract Otabek from what he had just said. He was however fully aware of what hidden wish he had practically just put into words, so he kissed Otabek with everything he had, emphasising his words even more.

Every kiss eventually had to come to an end though, damn the human need for air. Yuri breathed in deeply. Once he had collected himself he began kissing Otabek’s chin, moving down to his throat and over to his neck to scrape his teeth at Otabek’s earlobe. “Speaking of the rest of your life,” Otabek suddenly said, obviously trying to supress a lust-filled moan. “We are dating again, right?”

Yuri couldn’t hide his irritation, and slight embarrassment if he was honest, at what Otabek asked him. “I’d like to think we never stopped,” he admitted quietly, averting his eyes from his boyfriend, the guilty feeling in his stomach making itself known immediately. Thankfully Otabek didn’t comment on his reply, which Yuri decided to take as agreement from him.

“Do you want people to know?” Otabek asked next, and Yuri didn’t quite understand what he was talking about.

“Want people to know what?” he wondered out loud.

Otabek’s hands on his back were distracting as it was, but when they moved even further down and cupped his ass, Yuri thought he might lose every kind of coherent thought he still had left in his head. “That we’re more than just rivals and best friends,” Otabek said, and immediately squeezed Yuri’s ass, pushing their groins together.

Yuri responded with another thrust of his hips forward. He watched as Otabek’s head fell back into the pillow, how his eyes instantly closed and how his lips parted. “Moron,” Yuri said, making the most of the opportunity that presented itself by forcing his lips back on Otabek’s, his tongue immediately on a mission to drag another handful of explicit sounds out of Otabek’s throat.

When Yuri pulled away, he tried to look as nonchalant as he could, which was something Otabek definitely didn’t manage to do. His cheeks were flushed and his eyelids clearly very heavy, his breathing a little rugged and unsteady.

“I love you,” Yuri said, “and I love telling you that I love you, but for now, I want you to be the only one who hears me saying that to you.”

Otabek nodded slowly, clearly still unable to form any actual words or sentences. “Do you mind?” Yuri asked him. Otabek nodded once again, before he did say something, much to Yuri’s surprise. “It’ll always just be the two of us,” Otabek assured him, “no matter who knows about us. If you want to keep our relationship a secret for the time being, we’ll do exactly that.”

Yuri was confused. “I’m not ashamed of us,” he immediately said, defending himself but completely clueless as to what he was defending himself from. He noticed the irritated look on Otabek’s face, but he disregarded it and went on. “I don’t care what people think about me or us. I just don’t want some media frenzy right before Worlds, that’s all.”

He knew he must look pissed off, although he wasn’t angry at all. Yuri had no idea why his defence mechanism had kicked in just because Otabek mentioned keeping their relationship a secret. Looking at Otabek now, Yuri was even more thrown off balance. All he found on Otabek’s face was adoration. “What?” Yuri almost spat out.

“You’re an idiot, Yura” Otabek simply said before he pulled Yuri down by his neck to kiss him. Yuri wanted to pull back, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t able to resist Otabek, and he had a sneaky suspicion that he would never ever be able to say no to Otabek. Strangely enough, deep down Yuri was okay with that. “I wasn’t implying that you’re ashamed of us. If anything, I think you had a very hard time holding back from kissing me after my exhibition skate. At least I hope you did, because I was desperate to kiss _you_.”

Yuri was completely taken aback by what Otabek had just casually mentioned. Of course though, Otabek was absolutely right. “Why didn’t you?” Yuri asked, still perplexed.

“I didn’t think you would want to go public by having five thousand people staring and countless cameras pointed at us,” Otabek explained. “Plus I wanted to talk to you about this first. I didn’t know what you actually wanted and I didn’t want to screw it up.”

It was humanly impossible for Yuri not to be completely overcome with a rush of love and admiration whenever Otabek showed so much consideration for his feelings. This hadn’t even just started after New Year’s. It had always been like this, ever since Barcelona Otabek always made sure that Yuri was comfortable in whatever situation they found themselves in. It was only one of the numerous sides of Otabek that Yuri was completely infatuated with. “I want the whole world to know that you’re mine,” Yuri said, “after Worlds. I’m terrified I’m going to mess this, _us_ , up again, and I don’t want to put you in a situation where you would have to explain yourself to anyone, definitely not the media.”

“You think I’m yours?” Otabek asked, smirking. Yuri was more than relieved to hear the teasing edge to Otabek’s question when he heard him say that.

“Sorry,” Yuri said, “you’re stuck with me. Unless you find someone better.” He wasn’t entirely sure why he had said that just now, but Otabek immediately calmed his nerves when he said, “impossible.”

With the kiss that followed Yuri tried to show Otabek that there really was no one else better for him than Yuri. They’ve been dating for less than two months, but to Yuri it felt like they’ve been together for over four years at that point. It didn’t take much to go from best friends to boyfriends, and thinking about it now, the step seemed so natural to Yuri that he couldn’t help but wonder why they had waited so long to do it in the first place.

“You do know that your angels already think that we’re fucking, right?”

“Beka,” Yuri replied, his voice raised, “watch your language.”

Otabek laughed, and Yuri couldn’t explain how that sound made him feel weightless, like he was floating. He could listen to Otabek laugh for days on end and not get tired of it. “Want to prove them right?” Yuri asked in regards to what his fans already seemed to suspect.

Rolling them over so that Otabek was now on top of Yuri, Otabek said, “gladly.” Yuri pushed his hands down and underneath the waistband of Otabek’s sweatpants, smooth skin and round cheeks waiting for him, while Otabek’s mouth began covering every inch of his body with heated kisses.

**_Tuesday, 21 st February, St. Petersburg 9.34am_ **

Victor still wasn’t happy about their house guest. He knew Yuuri had just dragged him outside so they wouldn’t spend the whole day being surrounded by Otabek and Yuri, which would have most likely set Victor off again (he wasn’t going to deny that).

Yuri had glared at him the previous night when he had knocked on his door and asked them both if they wanted some dinner. Unsurprisingly Yuri had denied his offer angrily. Victor hated the tension between him and the blonde, he really did, and thanks to his too good to be true fiancé, he also knew that much of that tension was caused by him. He was still upset with Yuuri for undermining him the day before when he had asked Otabek to stay in the guest bedroom.

“Yakov,” Victor shouted as soon as him and Yuuri stepped foot inside the rink. As usual, Yakov didn’t pay any attention to them, and Victor figured it would take a little more than just yelling his name to get him to listen. “Yakov,” he repeated himself and tapped his former coach on the shoulder.

Yakov didn’t turn around, but Victor could practically hear the usual half annoyed and half angry expression on Yakov’s face when he finally acknowledged Victor’s and Yuuri’s presence. “Unless either one of you know why Yuri didn’t show up for practice, I’m not interested in anything you have to say.”

Victor quickly glanced around. He had thought that Mila would’ve mentioned something to Yakov about Otabek being in Saint Petersburg, but thinking about it now, he wasn’t even sure if she knew. Then again, she had most likely seen Yuri’s Instagram post, so one way or another she would probably know, which didn’t change the fact that she wasn’t at the rink.

“We figured Mila would tell you,” Yuuri suddenly spoke up next to him. Anytime Yuuri did anything that made Victor think his fiancé could actually read his mind, it creeped Victor out, massively. Yuuri bringing up Mila now was one of those times.

“She’s with Lilia,” Yakov growled, still not looking at them. He had his eyes fixed on one of his other students who was currently trying his best not to butcher a triple lutz, with minimal success however.

Of course, chances were that if Mila wasn’t at the rink at this time of the day, she would be at ballet practice. Victor also figured that him and Yuuri probably should’ve told Yakov about Otabek coming to stay for a few days before the Kazakh actually came to Saint Petersburg. Obviously that wasn’t something either one of them could change now.

“Otabek is in town until Thursday,” Yuuri explained, but Yakov didn’t appear to have heard him, or he just didn’t care. Both were very likely possibilities. “Yuri is not coming to practice until he’s gone home again.”

At that Yakov did turn around and the frown on his forehead was even deeper than before. He looked anything but pleased. “And who exactly told him he could do that?”

Victor hated it when Yakov got so calm, because whenever he got like that, he was practically just preparing to explode at someone. Yakov was never relaxed, and calm wasn’t something he did, at all. “I did,” Yuuri said, and Victor’s head flung around to stare at him in awe, as well as concern.

The look on Yakov’s face was indescribable just then, it was a mix between fury and something like genuine respect. Victor had no idea what was happening there. When Yakov spoke up next, his voice was the same as usual, no hidden undertone of any kind to it. “Tell Yuri I expect him to be back here straight after he dropped off the Altin boy at the airport on Thursday.”

As soon as the instruction had left his mouth, Yakov turned back around and continued to ignore them. Victor’s lips were parted in irritated shock, his eyes flying back and forth between Yakov and Yuuri.

Only a moment later Yuuri tugged on Victor’s hand and dragged him away. They were out of the rink less than a minute later.

“What just happened?” he asked, still confused.

“Does it matter?” Yuuri asked without even looking at him, but Victor could see how his lips curled up slightly. “Let’s go. We have potential wedding venues to visit.”

That was the actual reason they had even left the house that morning. Victor had promised Yuuri a day off from practice after Four Continents if he would win gold, and Yuuri had ended up doing just that. When Yuuri suggested that they use the day to check out a few localities around the city to see if they could find a place to get married that summer, Victor had happily agreed.

“You still want to marry me?” he couldn’t help but ask, because after the previous day and generally everything that had been going on with Yuri lately which they kept arguing about, Victor hadn’t been able to push back the worry he had about Yuuri calling of their engagement.

“Of course,” Yuuri said and turned on his heels to look at him. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Victor sighed a breath of relief. “I thought you’re mad at me for how I’ve been handling the situation with Yuri and Otabek.” He hated showing weakness. It was probably the one thing him and the angry blonde Russian in his apartment actually had in common.

“I am mad at you for that,” Yuuri said, and Victor’s eyes opened wide surprise, “it doesn’t mean I don’t want to marry you. I don’t know what your problem with their relationship is, and I really wish you would talk to me about it, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about you. This isn’t our first fight and it definitely won’t be our last, we both know that. The important thing is that we always manage to work it out somehow.”

Victor so desperately wanted to trust someone with his secret, especially Yuuri, but he couldn’t tell anyone, not before he told Yuri, and Yuri would be an unpredictable force Victor wasn’t prepared to deal with just yet.

“You love me, yes?” Victor asked for two reasons. One, it was the safest thing he could say in response to what Yuuri had told him, and two, he knew the answer to his question already.

Yuuri replied with a simple nod and a brief kiss to his cheek, before he took Victor’s hand again and lead him away from the rink to the first venue they had made an appointment at to have a look around.

**_Tuesday, 21 st February, St. Petersburg, 1.18pm_ **

A couple of hours ago Otabek and Yuri had finally dragged themselves out of bed after having thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Although the fun hadn’t lasted as long as both of them had probably hoped for. The last two days had been too exhausting for them to generate any kind of energy to be intimate, but when they had woken up earlier it had been difficult for them to keep their hands off one another. A heavy make-out session had both of them panting and their fingers covered in cum in a shockingly short amount of time. Otabek had certainly been as surprised as Yuri that a lazy hand job had been all it took for them _both_ to reach the full potential of their pleasure.

They had each taken a shower, separately, and had quickly made themselves some sandwiches before they had crashed on one of the sofas in the living room. The television was on but neither one of them paid any attention to it. They were too mesmerised with each other to care about much else.

With Yuri on top of him straddling his hips, Otabek was getting incredibly warm again. Their lips were still red and swollen from earlier, but it didn’t stop Yuri from continuing what they had started in the morning. Otabek had his hands on Yuri’s hips when he pulled him in even closer. The blonde arched his back and their chests pressed together.

Otabek felt Yuri’s hands on his shoulders moving up to his neck. Yuri was teasing him, literally hovering above him, and forcing him to lift his head to be able to reach his lips, which Otabek happily did. Whatever amount of teasing Yuri was going to throw his way, Otabek would take it all if the reward was Yuri handing himself over to him without any hesitation.

“Don’t you ever get tired?” Otabek asked when he momentarily leaned back due to lack of hair. The look in Yuri’s eyes made Otabek think that Yuri was already completely gone. The blonde’s eyes were flickering back and forth between Otabek’s lips and his eyes.

“Of kissing you?” Yuri asked, his mouth already on Otabek’s neck just below his ear. Otabek nodded while he tipped his head a little to the side to give Yuri better access. His throat was suddenly too dry to actually reply to the question he had been asked. He hoped that the man on top of him would understand him anyway. “Never,” came Yuri’s mumbled response.

Letting his hands wander a little, Otabek lifted one of them underneath Yuri’s shirt and up his back, the other one going down and under the waistband of Yuri’s sweatpants. His middle finger found its way into the crease between Yuri’s ass cheeks where his middle finger stopped right on Yuri’s entrance without applying any pressure to it. It still had the desired effect Otabek had been hoping for.

Yuri pushed his hips forward, pressing their clearly already more than obvious hard-ons together. “Where do you think this is going?” Otabek asked him, his voice heavy and deep.

“Hopefully further than this morning,” Yuri replied with his lips still pressed against Otabek’s neck, biting down on the soft skin a second later.

Otabek knew he was already wrecked, but Yuri’s words spurred him on even more. “Not out here,” he breathed out, surprised by himself that he managed to think and talk at all.

“Why not?” Yuri asked, as Otabek felt the blonde’s hands sliding down the side of his torso and under his shirt. Otabek was getting tense under Yuri’s touch, but he still managed to respond. “I don’t think it would help if Victor saw us out here naked and all over each other. He already hates me.”

“Screw Victor,” Yuri immediately replied and finally leaned back a little, his hands still on Otabek’s chest. “I don’t know what the fuck his problem is, but he does not hate you.”

Otabek caressed Yuri’s cheek gently, smiling a little at the pissed off expression on Yuri’s face. “It certainly looks like he does,” Otabek insisted and Yuri’s immediate response was to tug at his shirt to take it off him.

When Otabek stopped Yuri by grabbing his wrists, Yuri sighed in exasperation. “Come on Beka,” he whined, “I don’t want you to think about Victor when you fuck me.”

Yuri was pouting, but Otabek’s smile grew wider. Otabek put Yuri’s hands behind his neck, ultimately pulling him closer again by doing that. His eyes didn’t leave Yuri’s when their lips were only a millimetre apart. “What about when _you_ fuck _me_?” Otabek asked quietly, his voice full of unspoken lust.

“What?” Yuri choked out and leaned back. Otabek chased after him and kissed Yuri to give his question even more meaning.

He had thought about asking Yuri this on more than one occasion, but Yuri had been so insistent on Otabek on top the two times they had slept together so far. It seemed like something Yuri was pretty set on, but Otabek figured he might at least take a shot and bring it up.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he quickly said to ease the shocked expression on Yuri’s face, “but I think you would enjoy it.”

“I’m fucking positive I would enjoy it,” Yuri said, but he was clearly still hesitant. “It’s just that… You know I’ve never done that before.”

Otabek let his hands slide up Yuri’s chest. Yuri was obviously reluctant, but he looked so incredibly adorable with his flushed cheeks and shy eyes. “Do you want to?” Otabek just asked, because in the end that was the only important question. They would figure everything else out together.

Yuri nodded, but he still didn’t look at Otabek.

“Get up,” was all Otabek said to him, and Yuri immediately followed his wishes by getting off Otabek’s lap. Otabek took his hand and dragged him into Yuri’s bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

Once they were alone in the room, something inside Yuri seemed to have switched. Whereas he was so obviously hesitant before, he now pushed Otabek back against the door, all confident and cocky. The blonde crushed their lips together and immediately yanked at Otabek’s shirt. “Take it off,” Yuri mumbled against Otabek’s lips, and Otabek followed suit. The moment he pulled his shirt off, Yuri tore his own off as well.

They were desperate for each other. What they had done since Yuri had shown up at Otabek’s hotel room in Seoul was nice, amazing actually, but even the most incredible blowjob ever wasn’t enough. Otabek wanted to be connected to Yuri completely, and Yuri appeared to feel the same way.

Quickly removing their sweatpants and underwear as well, Yuri was back on Otabek’s lips in the matter of a few seconds. It was a complete mess; wet, uncoordinated and needy, but neither one of them stopped or intended to stop.

“Get on the bed,” Yuri growled, his voice undeniably full of lust and desire, “on your back… with your feet on the edge of the mattress.”

Otabek barely managed to acknowledge all of Yuri’s instructions, but he did as he was asked, walking backward into the bed with Yuri attached to his front, their cocks constantly brushing against each other with every step they took.

Yuri pushed Otabek down on to the bed, but Yuri didn’t follow him. He was still standing, looking down on Otabek, and his eyes were slowly inspecting every inch of Otabek’s bare figure. For a split second Otabek felt something akin to embarrassment, but the hungry look in Yuri’s eyes just added fuel to his already brightly burning fire of desire.

Slowly pulling up his legs and placing his feet on the very edge of the mattress, just like Yuri had requested, Otabek noticed the pleased look on Yuri’s face as he watched Otabek’s every move. Yuri’s hands went up on Otabek’s knees before he leaned forward slightly, hovering over Otabek once again. “I didn’t think you would be so willing for me to fuck you,” Yuri pointed out, teasing Otabek by carefully sliding his hands down the top of Otabek’s thighs and just stopping when he reached the junction between his legs and his torso.

“Kiss me,” Otabek said, and Yuri willingly leaned forward even more, but just before their lips were to touch he added, “down there.”

Otabek immensely enjoyed the very brief flicker of shock in Yuri’s eyes, before the ever-present smirk returned to Yuri’s lips. “That was the plan cause it’s something I’m actually good at,” Yuri replied full of confidence.

“Show me,” Otabek whispered, his voice already hoarse from being naked himself and seeing Yuri in all his beautifully naked glory as well.

With his ass right on the edge of the mattress, Otabek shivered when he saw Yuri getting down on his knees. “Keep your legs apart,” Yuri ordered him, and Otabek grabbed the back of his knees to hold his legs in place. Otabek could feel Yuri’s hot breath on his skin, even when all he could actually see was the top of Yuri’s golden head.

Yuri’s hands were going down the insides of Otabek’s thighs. Otabek himself crashed his head back on to the mattress then. His eyes fell shut, the pleasure and anticipation already getting the better of him. He forced himself to only feel and not see, to trust Yuri completely. Throwing caution into the wind, Otabek calmed himself down and let loose. He tried to focus on Yuri’s hands on his thighs, on Yuri’s tongue licking up his hard cock and on Yuri’s pleasantly warm breath creating a tingling sensation on the sensitive skin of his dick.

Not watching what exactly it was Yuri was doing, Otabek bathed in the intensity of Yuri’s touches. When he finally felt Yuri’s lips on his ass, Otabek’s back arched off the mattress, his body overcome with pleasure by something he had never experienced before. He had slept with other people before and he himself had done exactly what Yuri was doing to him right now, but not one single person before Yuri had ever pleasured _him_ that way. In that aspect, getting to enjoy the unique experience that came with rimming had been a completely new thing for both of them. It was finally a chance to bring them both to the same level when it came to sex. It was a first for both of them and strangely enough, it made Otabek feel even more connected to Yuri.

Almost overcome by all those thoughts, Otabek was jerked back to reality when Yuri’s tongue was forcing its way inside Otabek. He was surprised by himself and how willingly he invited Yuri in, how easy it apparently was for Yuri to make him so relaxed. Yuri licked around Otabek’s entrance, dropping in and out of it whenever the mood struck him. There was no pattern to it, no order in which Yuri’s lips were gentle and cautious, and his tongue was relentless and eager, but Otabek suspected that was exactly what made Yuri so incredible at what he was doing to him.

Otabek had absolutely no idea when Yuri had gotten the lube out of his nightstand, but when a slick finger pressed against his asshole right along Yuri’s tongue, it didn’t even matter. The feeling the combination of the stiff finger and Yuri’s flexible tongue caused inside Otabek was impossible to describe. When Yuri’s finger pushed inside him, Otabek wanted to pull back from it and move forward onto it at the same time. It was a weird paradox that was hard to understand, but Otabek couldn’t bring himself to actually think about it for too long.

The way Yuri’s finger moved in and out of his ass was mind-blowing. Yuri’s fingers were slim and elegant, equally long and delicate, and Otabek wasn’t surprised when Yuri added a second one. Yuri’s lips and tongue were still kissing around his hole, soothing the initial tinge of pain that went through Otabek with every new intrusion.

Yuri worked him open with a third finger, and only then did he take his mouth off of Otabek’s ass. Instead, and while his fingers were still pumping in and out of Otabek, Yuri wrapped his lips around Otabek’s cock. The sensation of it all suddenly pushed Otabek dangerously close to the edge of the cliff. He didn’t want to finish just yet, he wanted Yuri’s dick inside him, not just his fingers, but the way Yuri’s mouth moved around Otabek’s cock was so delicious that Otabek thought he might as well just give up. He would come just like this and it would be absolutely amazing, far better than any orgasm he had ever had before Yuri.

Just as he was about to make his peace with the fact that his climax was most likely to hit him any second now, Yuri removed himself from Otabek entirely. His spit-slick dick was suddenly cold and his ass was empty, neither one of those things were pleasant. When Otabek finally opened his eyes and looked up at Yuri who was now standing right between his legs staring down at him, Otabek was immediately distracted by Yuri’s striking beauty. One other thing was clear as well, Yuri was just as ready as he was, evident by Yuri’s flushed cheeks, his heavy-lidded eyes and his hand lazily stroking his own cock, while Yuri’s eyes were glued to Otabek’s.

“You still want this?” Yuri asked Otabek without so much as a hitch in his voice.

Surprised by his desperate urge, Otabek growled at him, his breath totally out of sync. “I’m taking the next flight home and find Max to fuck me if you stop now,” Otabek said, and thankfully Yuri was back on his lips in an instant.

The kiss was brutal and violent, teeth drawing blood on both ends, but neither one of them stopped. Otabek had never been this overcome with the burning desire to be this close to someone else before. Yuri was different, he was someone Otabek couldn’t resist, couldn’t keep his distance from. Everything about Yuri was luring him in and there was absolutely no way out.

“Yura,” Otabek breathed out between kiss-swollen lips, “condom.”

It was easy to see how difficult it was for Yuri to lean back a few inches to look at Otabek, the confusion also clearly visible on his face. “We don’t need one,” Yuri said. They had talked about this before, and technically there was no need for them to use protection because they were both clean, but Otabek still had his reason.

“Please, Yura,” Otabek said, hoping that Yuri wouldn’t dig any deeper, but of course he did. “Why?”, Yuri asked.

Otabek looked away from him. When it came to sex, he normally wasn’t shy, especially not with Yuri. He was never reluctant to ask for what he wanted, but this one thing always made him uncomfortable. “Just do it, please,” he almost whined, still not looking at Yuri.

“Talk to me, Beka,” Yuri said, his voice gentle and loving instead of accusing or annoyed. Yuri was caressing the sides of his face, and eventually lightly nudged his head so Otabek was forced to look at Yuri again. “We are stopping right now if don’t tell me what’s going on.”

Communication was key, Otabek knew that, but that didn’t mean that he liked talking about this. “I just,” he began, trying to convince himself that he needed to be honest with Yuri, and it actually wasn’t even that big of deal, but he was still embarrassed. “I don’t like cum dripping out of my ass. I’m sorry,” he said, apologising, for what exactly he wasn’t sure.

He didn’t want to look at Yuri, but when Yuri got off him, Otabek did. Staring at Yuri in surprise and fear, Otabek was confused when Yuri spoke up. “Move up the bed and get on your knees and elbows.”

Otabek had no clue what Yuri’s intention was, but he did as he was asked. He noticed that Yuri opened his nightstand again to retrieve a condom, while he forced his body into the requested position. Letting out a sigh of genuine relief, Otabek’s heart instantly slowed down again. Yuri didn’t refuse his wishes, he followed them and didn’t reject him.

Yuri’s stiff cock was pressing between Otabek’s ass cheeks, when the blonde leaned over Otabek and ultimately covered his entire body. Otabek could feel Yuri’s lips brushing over his shoulders, along his neck and then up to his left ear. “Never apologise for something that makes you feel uncomfortable.” Yuri nibbled on his earlobe and then pressed his lips to the side of Otabek’s neck, before he said, “kiss me, idiot.”

For some strange reason, Otabek was surprised at Yuri’s understanding, but it really just made him fall for Yuri even more. Otabek turned his head to the side to reach Yuri’s lips. It was only then he realised his eyes were wet, a single tear dropping down the sheets underneath him. Yuri must have noticed it as well, because he laced their left hands together only a second later. “I love you,” Yuri said, trapping Otabek’s bottom lip between his teeth as he had done so often before. Otabek eagerly and gratefully returned the open-mouthed kiss.

A few moments passed by like this with both of them lost in the simple pleasure of the kiss, but Otabek was aching for Yuri’s cock. He squeezed Yuri’s hand and hoped that the blonde would get the hint, which seemed to be the case. Yuri spread Otabek’s legs a little wider with his own while he let his hands wander down the sides of Otabek’s torso. He kissed along Otabek’s spine when Otabek heard him grab the condom he had gotten out of the nightstand not long ago.

Yuri leaned back, probably to sit on his heels to roll the condom over his hard dick, all the while still plastering kisses all over Otabek’s backside. Otabek heard the cap of the lube bottle click open before he felt some of the cool liquid dropping on his entrance, the explicit sounds of Yuri squirting some on his cock as well echoing throughout the room.

One of Yuri’s hands held on to Otabek’s hips while the other one no doubt helped him guide himself to where Otabek wanted him the most. Just the tip of Yuri’s dick pressing against his hole already drove Otabek insane. His eyes were shut and his head had fallen forward, hanging just a few inches above the mattress. Yuri moved his hand from Otabek’s hips to the small of his back where he rubbed soothing circles into the soft skin. For someone who had never done this before, Yuri seemed to be fairly confident in what he was doing. Although that probably shouldn’t come as a big surprise to Otabek. Yuri was a fast learner and very observant. Even without any experience, Yuri would make sure this was amazing for both of them.

Yuri slowly pushed forward and the jolt of pain that shot through Otabek once the tip of Yuri’s cock was eagerly invited in, was gone as fast as it had appeared. “More,” Otabek breathed out and Yuri carefully continued pushing inside him. Otabek hadn’t been on the receiving end in quite some time and he realised how much he actually enjoyed being filled by someone else’s dick, especially Yuri’s. Yuri hadn’t even moved yet, and it was already better than anything he had ever experienced before.

When Yuri was completely buried inside him, Otabek let out a deep breath in an attempt to collect himself. It was only the third time they actually went this far, and it still felt so incredibly new, and amazing. When Yuri hadn’t made any indication that he would be moving anytime soon, Otabek urged him on. “Move, Yura,” he begged, desperate to really feel Yuri inside him.

What the blonde behind him then said though, felt a bit like a splash of cold water on his face in the morning when he was still half asleep. “I can’t,” Yuri simply stated, his voice dangerously close to breaking.

“Why not?” Otabek asked, wondering what was holding Yuri back. He raised his head to look over his shoulder, and his gut twisted unpleasantly when he saw Yuri’s distraught face, his brows furrowed and his eyes almost empty.

“I just can’t,” Yuri said again, and then completely pulled out of Otabek without any warning. It was enough to set Otabek’s alarm bells off. He quickly turned himself around to sit up on his knees. Scooting closer to Yuri, he immediately put his hands on the side of Yuri’s and forced the blonde to look at him.

“I can’t do it, Beka,” he choked out, “not like this.”

Otabek had no idea what Yuri was talking about. The only way to find out was to ask him directly. “What do you mean?”

Yuri leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Otabek’s waist. Otabek just held him without pushing him for an answer. There was no point in forcing anything out of Yuri. He had learned that much over the years. It would only make Yuri close up even more.

“We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to,” Otabek eventually said, just making sure that Yuri was fully aware that it was absolutely fine to stop now.

“I want to,” Yuri whispered into the crook of Otabek’s neck, “but I need to see you. I need to see that it’s really _you_ here with me.”

That was all it took for the penny to drop. Now Otabek understood what the problem was. A sliver of anger shot through him, anger at the guy at the club who still managed to ruin aspects of Yuri’s life that Yuri should be able to fully enjoy without doubts or hesitation. Even so, Otabek would do anything for Yuri, would help him through it all, because Yuri was worth it.

Otabek let himself fall backward onto the mattress, pulling Yuri on top of him. His legs were spread wide and Yuri was lying between them.

“Anything you want, Yura,” he just said, and the small smile on Yuri’s lips made his heart flutter. Otabek’s hands were back on the side of Yuri’s neck to bring their lips together once again.

When they broke apart a few moments later, Yuri grabbed a couple of pillows and placed them underneath Otabek’s ass, lifting him up for better access. Otabek put his hands behind his knees again and pulled his legs up to make things easier for Yuri as well. He watched as Yuri guided himself towards his entrance yet again, before the blonde leaned forward and pressed another kiss to Otabek’s lips in the exact same moment he pushed into Otabek.

Otabek’s mouth went open wide and Yuri eagerly licked the inside of it, over his lips and teeth. “Fuck,” Otabek hissed, and for once Yuri didn’t scold him for his language. He slung his arms under Yuri’s and held on to his boyfriend by his shoulders, pulling Yuri in even closer, as Yuri began pushing in and out of him.

It felt absolutely incredible. Again, for someone who hadn’t done this before, Yuri set the right pace and hit the right spots almost instantly. It didn’t take long for Otabek’s vision to get blurry, bright lit stars appearing in front of his eyes. When his hands found their way to Yuri’s ass, he squeezed the squishy, yet firm skin as tight as he could, silently asking Yuri to go deeper, to give him more, and Yuri immediately obliged him.

Otabek’s leaking cock was trapped between their bodies when Yuri was still licking his neck and his collarbone. “Touch me,” he whimpered, and once again Yuri fulfilled his wishes the next second.

Yuri leaned back, kneeling between Otabek’s legs and relentlessly pounded into him. Otabek felt Yuri’s slim fingers wrap around his painfully hard dick before he began stroking him in the same rhythm that his cock was setting inside Yuri.

Both of them were panting heavily at that point. If Victor and Yuuri had been back by then, they would definitely have heard them. Otabek’s throat released one strained moan after the other with every single thrust of Yuri’s hips. He was fisting the sheets underneath him to the point of ripping tiny holes into them.

Otabek could feel Yuri’s cock twitch inside him, an obvious sign that he was close, and it pushed him further along as well. “Yura,” he choked out, broken and hoarse, and Yuri picked up his pace even more, probably encouraged by the sound of Otabek’s pleading.

The grip around Otabek’s dick got tighter, and that bubbling feeling of what was about to come became more noticeable in Otabek’s gut. Otabek watched as Yuri squinted his eyes shut, how his lips parted and his head fell back in pleasure. “Fuck,” Yuri hissed out, elongating the vowel to carry him through his orgasm as he released himself into the condom that covered his cock.

Just seeing Yuri like this, completely wrecked, vulnerable and overcome by this raw feeling of intimacy, was more than enough to push Otabek toward his own climax. He spilled his cum all over his own chest as Yuri kept lazily pounding into him, making sure to savour every last flicker of unspeakable pleasure they had created together, and for each other.

Yuri kept stoking Otabek’s cock until it became too sensitive. Otabek reached out and grabbed Yuri’s hand by his wrist, indicating for him to let go of his slowly softening dick. Otabek’s legs fell flat on the mattress when he pulled Yuri down on top of him, the cum on his chest soiling Yuri’s in the process, but Yuri didn’t seem to be bothered. Yuri’s cock slipped out of Otabek’s ass at the sudden movement, both of them moaning briefly and displeased at the loss of contact.

They were both wrapped in utter bliss, basking in the usual post-sex haze. Yuri rested his head on Otabek’s shoulder, their breathing still uneven and loud, so Otabek pressed his lips to Yuri’s forehead.

“Do you make a habit of sleeping with your friends?” Yuri asked after a minute or so, once their lungs had been filled with enough oxygen to actually form some words.

Otabek chuckled because Yuri’s question was utterly bizarre. “What on earth are you talking about, Yura?” he asked, wrapping an arm around Yuri’s shoulders.

“You said you would fly home and find Max to fuck you,” Yuri reminded him, and yes, he actually had said that. Why it was Max he had thought of back then, Otabek really didn’t know. “It’s bad enough that you had sex with Asel. Please don’t tell me you’ve slept with Max as well!”

“Yura,” Otabek said, placing two fingers under Yuri’s chin and lifting his head up. “You have history as well. It’s not worth getting worked up over.”

At that Yuri put a hand on Otabek’s other shoulder and slightly pushed himself up, staring directly into Otabek’s eyes. “So you did sleep with Max,” Yuri said, and for just the shortest of moments, Otabek was worried that Yuri was seriously upset, but thankfully the mocking grin on his lips told Otabek otherwise.

“I did not,” Otabek eventually said, and it was the truth. “We made out once shortly after I moved back to Almaty, but nothing else ever happened. We were both drunk and Max came on to me. I wasn’t involved with anyone then and just went along with it. It was before I met you.”

Yuri put a finger on Otabek’s lips and shushed him. “Beka,” he said, smiling, “I’m just messing with you. You don’t owe me any explanation.”

Otabek pulled Yuri in by the back of his neck, desperate for the blonde’s lips on his again. The kiss was open-mouthed but slow and tender. It was a chance to really show each other what truly mattered, which was only the fact that they were together now.

“Thank you,” Yuri eventually mumbled against Otabek’s lips, but Otabek could not even begin to imagine what Yuri was getting at.

Chuckling lightly, Otabek asked, “for what?”

Yuri stroked his hair carefully and answered without looking at him. “For putting up with all my shit,” Yuri then said, and he didn’t need to go any deeper. Otabek understood him perfectly.

Otabek rolled them over, so Yuri was lying on his beck. He leaned down and kissed Yuri again, the outline of their kiss-swollen lips invisible by then. Otabek was sure he could spend _days_ just kissing Yuri. It was air and food alike, as long as Yuri was with him, that was all he needed.

While Otabek distracted Yuri with his tongue gliding over his teeth, Otabek reached one hand down to take the cum-filled condom off Yuri’s dick to throw it away. “You did very well,” Otabek said, grinning down at Yuri, and the unbelievably beautiful smile he got from Yuri in return made Otabek feel like his heart was about to explode. “I know,” was all Yuri said in response before their lips collided again.

Exhaustion soon got a hold of both of them and Yuri nodded off fairly quickly. Otabek used the chance to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. He quickly washed his chest and returned to the bedroom with a small damp towel in his hand to clean Yuri as well. He was careful not to wake Yuri and immediately pulled the duvet over them, once Otabek had dropped the towel on the floor and joined Yuri in bed.

Unconsciously Yuri snuggled closer to him and Otabek happily pulled him in. Being able to be this close to Yuri still felt like a privilege, one he wasn’t ready to give up any time soon, possibly never.

Otabek looked down at the blonde tiger in his arms, kissing the top of his head, before he reached over to the nightstand to grab his phone.

 **Otabek:** _I won’t be there tomorrow, T. Sorry._

He knew why the next day was so important, but Yuri was his biggest priority and he would be damned if he let anything get in the way of them being together ever again. Otabek didn’t have to wait long for a reply.

 **Temir:** _Fuck you!_

Otabek had expected him to say exactly that. It didn’t make it any less painful though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Victor still is a huge dipshit and it will get even worse between him and Yuri before it can get better... 
> 
> Also, there's more smut in the next chapter, mainly because then Otabek's going home again and there won't be any more opportunities for them to be with each other until Worlds. So yeah, smut overload in the first four chapters of this story but then there won't be any for a quite a while. 
> 
> No clue when you can expect the next chapter cause I have to start applying for jobs I don't want since rent and food don't come free after all. 
> 
> Until next time... Behave youselves! ;) x


	4. You are the Cryptic Code.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otabek is having a hard time but Yuri is not leaving his side. Meanwhile Victor is forced to hear some things he'd rather not hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to regular chapter length (5K). No smut in this chapter, but there'll be more in the next one.

**_Wednesday, 22nd February, St. Petersburg, 1.22pm_ **

Over the last four and half years, Yuri had been lucky enough to get to know Otabek inside and out. There was so much more to Otabek than what people would ever expect when they saw him in public, surrounded by strangers, uncomfortable and reserved. Undoubtedly Otabek didn’t make the best first impression, or second or third. Knowing the real Otabek was a privilege not a lot of people were privy to. Luckily enough, Yuri considered himself to be one of those chosen few.

They had spent hours the previous evening just talking and listening to some of Otabek’s mixes that he used to play at the club he had been DJing at with Ezra in the past. Yuri had angrily refused to have dinner with Victor and Yuuri yet again, so they had treated themselves to some pizza and had ended up on Yuri’s bed once more, entangled with each other and reluctant to let go. They had kissed and touched, and enjoyed the other’s company as much as they possibly could because they both knew it wouldn’t last. It _couldn’t_ last, at least not like this.

Yuri knew, even now sitting on the sofa with Otabek the second day in a row, that it was all too good to be really true. He wanted to be with Otabek in every way possible, he wanted to be with him completely or… There was no or, no other possibility. Yuri understood perfectly and surprisingly well how much he and his state of mind were almost solely dependent on Otabek these days. People had been telling him all his life to not let his happiness and his sense of worth be determined by someone else, but when it came to Otabek, Yuri couldn’t influence the impact the older man had on him in any kind of way. Nowadays he didn’t see himself as the strong and bratty teenager that had no filter between his head and his mouth. The incident at the club had knocked his confidence further down than he had ever thought possible. In every area of his life, except for his skating, Yuri felt vulnerable, insecure and sometimes completely worthless. He thought he was nothing without Otabek anymore, but he would rather suffer again than to tell Otabek that. Yuri didn’t want to guilt-trip his boyfriend into being with him.

It was the last full day they had together until the World Championship in Germany the following month, and Yuri already dreaded the trip to the airport the next day, unable to ignore the memories of the last time they were there. Otabek had somehow managed to drag Yuri outside for a walk in the morning, and Yuri had to admit that the cold but fresh air had felt incredibly good swishing around him and wrapping him up in its freezing arms.

Being back home on the sofa with his feet in Otabek’s lap, Yuri stared at him pointedly. Otabek was reading one of his incredibly boring books, totally engrossed in it, while his free hand was slowly going up and down Yuri’s calves. Yuri himself was observing him, his eyes sneaking over the top of his phone for a better yet hidden look at Otabek.

The concentration on Otabek’s face was easy to see but there was something else, something Yuri couldn’t quite put his finger on. While Yuri was never able to tell exactly what was up with Otabek at any given time (because he was just so damn mysterious without even trying to be), he still had a feeling that _something_ was bothering his boyfriend. Yuri knew him too well to not see it in Otabek’s tense shoulders and jaw, his furrowed brows and his forced smile when he occasionally glanced over at Yuri.

“Okay,” Yuri said, putting down his phone and taking his feet out of Otabek’s lap, “what’s going on, Beka?”

“Nothing,” Otabek quickly replied without taking his eyes off his book, which was seriously just another indicator that something was bothering him. The way he avoided looking at Yuri by staring at his book was forced, and Yuri could see through that.

Yuri leaned over and took the book out of Otabek’s hands. He put it aside on the coffee table and turned back around to look at Otabek. Squinting his eyes as if he could actually see inside Otabek’s mind, Yuri scooted closer to him. “Is this about Temir by any chance?” he asked, and judging by the way Otabek’s head practically flew around to face him, Yuri could easily figure the answer out. “Thought so.”

“How did you know?” Otabek wondered out loud, the surprise clearly filling his beautiful deep brown eyes.

“Beka,” Yuri said, taking Otabek’s hand in his, “I might be a selfish asshole who doesn’t seem to care about anyone other than himself, but I care about you… a lot.” Otabek attempted a small smile, but it didn’t quite work the way he had probably intended. It just made Yuri’s heart ache for him. “I saw Temir’s comment on Instagram yesterday. I was hoping you would tell me what that was all about. You didn’t say anything and I didn’t want to bring it up unless you did, but you look like shit and I don’t want to see you like that.”

Yuri reached up with his free hand and began caressing the side of Otabek’s face. He loved the feel of the soft skin of Otabke’s cheeks under his fingers. It was surprising how smooth and squishy it was despite the strong and seemingly sharp edges of his face. Otabek leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and clearly enjoying the tenderness and innocence of the moment between them.

After a little while of this, Otabek did finally respond to Yuri’s comment, “it’s nothing, Yura.”

Yuri found it immensely difficult to keep himself from rolling his eyes at Otabek. He could sense that whatever was weighing heavy on Otabek’s heart, wasn’t something minor and actually really messed with him.

“You’re a terrible liar, Beka,” Yuri said, trying to keep his voice calm and steady, quiet even, just so he could give Otabek a sense of security. “Temir wants you to be with him in Almaty today for some reason, but you’re here with me. Why?”

Instead of answering right away, Otabek pushed Yuri back on to the sofa so he could lie between his legs. He rested his head on Yuri’s chest, right above his heart, and Yuri was instantly a little overwhelmed. It wasn’t like Yuri had never seen Otabek in a vulnerable place before, but this was different. They were a couple now, and Yuri couldn’t just be his usual annoying self and joke his way out of this.

He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s slightly shivering figure. Otabek’s physical distress confused Yuri even more. Otabek rarely displayed his emotions to Yuri by being so… needy. Yuri knew what a hungry Otabek looked like, the one overcome by lust and the desperate urge to be physical with Yuri. The Otabek he was now holding in his arms was a rare sight, and it worried Yuri more than he was ready to lead on.

“Beka,” Yuri said to get his attention again. Right away he felt Otabek snuggling into him even more. “Tell me what’s going on.”

Otabek took a deep breath without looking at him, when he said, “he hates me for not being there.”

“Temir?” Yuri asked, trying to understand the piece of information Otabek had thrown at him.

Only nodding in response with his cheeks scratching against Yuri’s shirt, Otabek reached down and lifted Yuri’s leg. At first Yuri didn’t quite grasp what Otabek wanted him to do, but when he put his legs over the back of Otabek’s thighs, Otabek let out a content sigh and Yuri knew he had done the right thing.

“Come on, Beka,” Yuri begged him, drawing mindless circles on Otabek’s back. “Temir is one of your oldest and closest friends. He could never hate you, even if he wanted to… which he doesn’t.”

“You don’t understand, Yura,” Otabek said, his words muffled by Yuri’s t-shirt. “I should be there for him today and I’m not. Instead I’m here with you.”

Yuri was sure that Otabek didn’t mean for it to come across the way it did, but it was hard for Yuri not to be a little hurt. Did Otabek not want to be in Saint Petersburg with him? If he didn’t, why did he come?  “Do you not want to be here with me?” he had to ask, because if he didn’t, he would never get rid of that lingering feeling of uncertainty about their relationship.

“I’m sorry,” Otabek responded in an instant, lifting gaze to look Yuri directly into his eyes, “that’s not what I meant.” He lifted himself up just a few inches so he could move up higher to be level with Yuri. Otabek turned over on his side and squeezed himself between the back of the couch and the blonde.

Yuri himself turned on his side as well to face Otabek, their noses only a couple of centimetres away from each other. He still had his arms and legs wrapped around Otabek, and he wasn’t planning on letting go. The couch wasn’t particularly comfortable in the position they were in, but at least it was big enough for the both of them.

“Temir, Asel and I normally spend today together,” Otabek said, avoiding Yuri’s eyes that were on him. A sneaking suspicion was starting to build in Yuri’s head, and Otabek confirmed it to him a moment later. “Today would’ve been Sofia’s twenty-fourth birthday.”

When Otabek only mentioned Temir and Asel, and not any of his other friends, Yuri assumed his issue with Temir had something to do with Sofia. “I’m sorry, Beka,” Yuri said, and actually meant it. He was aware of how important Sofia had been to all three of them, and even despite the tiny tinge of jealousy Yuri felt deep inside him when he thought about Otabek and Sofia (because Yuri couldn’t stop himself from wondering if him and Otabek would be where they are now if Sofia had not gotten ill), he certainly knew what it was like to lose someone you care deeply about.

“Why didn’t you go home today to be with Temir and Asel?” Yuri asked and realised that he would’ve truly been okay with that. He wanted to spend every waking minute with Otabek, but something like this he would have understood.

Otabek then did look up at him, and Yuri was surprised to find not only sadness in his eyes, but also an immense amount of love and gratitude. “Because me being there wouldn’t bring her back,” he said. “It makes no difference. She’s gone and there’s nothing anyone can do to change that.” Yuri hated the tears that were rolling out of Otabek’s eyes, so he reached over and gently brushed them away. “I left Almaty for two years to deal with her death, but I’m no longer going to let the past get in the way of the future I want.”

Yuri briefly pressed his dry lips against Otabek’s wet ones, trying very hard to reassure Otabek that he was there for him. “What future do you want, Beka?” he asked Otabek, simply because he was too curious to just ignore what Otabek had said. Yuri had a few ideas of what he wanted his own future to be like, and he was wondering if Otabek’s plans were going in a similar direction.

“Any that lets me move on,” Otabek admitted, pulling Yuri even closer so that their foreheads were touching, “as long as it involves you by my side.”

It was impossible to resist then. Yuri closed the tiny gap between them and kissed Otabek again, his lips lingering for much longer than they had before. When Otabek suddenly opened his mouth and nibbled on Yuri’s bottom lip, Yuri copied him immediately and let Otabek in by parting his lips. He wanted to believe that it was Otabek’s way to show Yuri how serious he was about what he had told him just then, that he was hellbent on them staying together and that he would do anything he could do to guarantee that.

“I’ll be right next to you as long as you want me to be,” Yuri said when their lips separated again. Otabek smiled weakly at him, his eyes slightly red and puffy, but all Yuri saw was perfection.

“That’s why I’m here and not in Almaty today,” Otabek replied quietly. “It sounds horrible, but I’m done with Sofia. She is in my past. You’re the one I see in my future.”

It was only those few words that literally made Yuri want to become one with Otabek, to merge with him until nothing could separate them ever again. He knew his feelings for Otabek went beyond anything he had ever experienced before, but that one short sentence sent his heart into overdrive. Unable to say anything, Yuri arched his back, pressing his chest forward and holding on tight to Otabek’s neck. “Promise me something,” he said, his lips ghosting over Otabek’s.

“Anything,” Otabek whispered, and probably really meant it, but Yuri still didn’t like the sound of it.

“Don’t just say that, moron,” he replied. “You have no idea what I want from you.”

It was Otabek then who reached a hand up and pushed some of Yuri’s messy hair behind his ear, admiring every inch of Yuri’s face from the looks of it. “Then tell me,” Otabek said with his fingers still buried in Yuri’s hair.

Yuri angled his head just a tiny little bit before he gave Otabek another chaste kiss. “Promise me to talk to me about this kind of shit. I don’t want you to bottle this crap up. I want you to come to me and tell me what’s bothering you,” Yuri pleaded with Otabek. It was the truth, it was exactly what he wanted from Otabek and this entire relationship. He wanted trust and he wanted them to be able to lean on each other when things got tough, no matter in what way.

Otabek chuckled for just a second, but it made Yuri’s heart grow ten sizes. “Says the guy who ran off to a cat café in Vancouver to play with a random kitten because he was too afraid to talk to me about a dream he had,” Otabek teased him, “that involved _me_.”

The way Otabek smirked at him immediately flushed every wave of annoyance out of Yuri. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but Otabek had a point. “You know exactly what I mean,” Yuri said. “I want to be the first person you think off when you need advice. I want to be the one you call at 3am in the morning when you can’t sleep because the thoughts in your head just won’t quiet down. I want to be the one to console you when you’re upset or when you’re pissed off at something. I… I want to be the last person you think of when you go to bed at night and the first person you think of when you wake up in the morning, because… because you are that person to me and I want to be that person to you too.”

“Where is all of this coming from, Yura?” Otabek asked, and Yuri didn’t immediately understand what exactly Otabek expected him to say to that.

“I’ve always felt that way about you,” Yuri confessed, and he knew he was blushing because his cheeks felt incredibly warm. “I just never knew what all of those things meant, but now I do.”

Yuri didn’t have to say any more than that. Just by the look in Otabek’s eyes he could see that his boyfriend understood, he got what Yuri was talking about. Otabek _knew_.

“You know,” Otabek said, brushing another strand of Yuri’s loose hair back, “for someone who always complains about me saying all of those sappy and cheesy things, you’re pretty good at it yourself, Yura.”

Even though Otabek was a hundred percent right about that, Yuri still mockingly scolded him. “You’re a fucking asshole for saying that.”

“Now _that’s_ the Yura I fell in love with,” Otabek said, grinning widely, and Yuri was positive his heart was about to flatline. He couldn’t quite believe that Otabek had chosen him, the most annoying, rude and cocky bastard around.

“Good thing I love you too then,” Yuri replied, kissing Otabek again like he would never get another chance to do so. He pressed himself against Otabek, pushing the older man back into the cushions, and held on to him even more, his legs wrapping tightly around Otabek’s. They were so entangled with each other, that even if they had wanted to get up at that point, it would have taken them a few moments to separate all of their limbs from one another. Luckily for Yuri, Otabek made no indication whatsoever that he was uncomfortable with Yuri draping himself over him. In fact, Otabek seemed to welcome and enjoy Yuri’s affection.

The kiss itself was slow, open-mouthed but without any tongues involved. It was lazy and soft, full of all the things Yuri couldn’t quite yet bring himself to say out loud.

He wanted the kiss to tell Otabek that he trusted him, that he was a fool for letting Otabek go, for ignoring him and for pushing him away when all he had truly wanted was to be with him. Yuri needed Otabek to know that he couldn’t go on without him, that nothing he did, including his skating, would be worth anything from now on without Otabek by his side. Yes, Yuri was young and so was Otabek, but if this was what love felt like, Yuri was not ready to ever give it up again.

With that in mind, Yuri remembered the thing that had set their entire conversation off. “Temir will forgive you for not being there today. You know that, right?” he said once their lips had disconnected again.

Otabek only nodded in response, but it was all Yuri needed from him. “And if he doesn’t, I’m going to kick his fucking ass so hard he will feel my foot in his throat,” Yuri added, and that did get him an amused chuckle out of his wonderful boyfriend.

“I wish I didn’t have to go back to Almaty,” Otabek said a few minutes later when they both had stayed quiet for some time. Yuri wouldn’t deny that he had the same wish, but there wasn’t anything they could do to change their situation for the time being. As much as Yuri loved falling asleep in Otabek’s arms and waking up next to him, it was a luxury they couldn’t hold on to. They both had other responsibilities they weren’t possibly able to get out of, no matter how much they wanted to stay together.

There was no point in adding salt to the wound, so Yuri kept his response short. “Me too,” he admitted, just in time before Otabek drifted off to sleep. Inclined to shut his eyes as well, Yuri carefully reached out for the blanket that was hanging over the back of the sofa and draped it over the both them, although he was pretty sure that they didn’t really need it. They easily kept each other warm.

**_Wednesday, 22nd February, St. Petersburg, 4.22pm_ **

Their first day back at the rink after Four Continents had been a short one, at least shorter than a normal Wednesday would’ve been anyway. Yuuri and Victor only spent half a day on the ice, before they went out for a coffee and headed to the local market, picking up some ingredients for dinner.

There was still tension between them, but Yuuri tried his best not to let his displeasure show too much. He had a feeling that Victor was already very aware of how upset he was anyway. They had bought some vegetables for the pirozhki Yuuri was going to make in hopes that it would make everyone in the apartment feel a little less on edge, at least that was what Yuuri was hoping for.

Victor opened the front door to their apartment and held it open for Yuuri to squeeze past him. The first thing Yuuri noticed once he was inside was the eerie silence filling the place, the second thing was the reason for said silence.

Otabek and Yuri were snuggled up to each other and sleeping on one of the sofas in the living room. Yuuri only had a second to smile happily at the pair of them, before an uneasy feeling set in the bottom of his stomach. He was so pleased for Yuri, and in extension for Otabek as well. They had found each other, finally, after over four years, and Yuuri couldn’t be any happier for them. Of course he also knew how his fiancé felt about the young couple, and Victor’s opinion couldn’t be any more different to his own.

The moment Yuuri turned around to check if Victor had seen Otabek and Yuri on the sofa yet, Victor stood right behind him with his mouth open and his eyes wide. Yuuri thought there was no reason for Victor to be so surprised to see the younger men together like this, but at a second thought, he suspected that it probably wasn’t just surprise on Victor’s face.

Yuuri immediately lifted a hand and covered Victor’s mouth before his fiancé could say anything. He gave him a look that hopefully told Victor to stay quiet. Waiting for Victor to give him some sort of sign that he understood what Yuuri asked of him, Yuuri dragged him away toward the kitchen as quietly as he could once Victor’s eyes went back normal.

“Do not wake them up,” Yuuri whispered, because he had to. The open-plan kitchen and living room area didn’t give him an opportunity to speak at a normal volume without disturbing Otabek and Yuri.

Victor only nodded and Yuuri felt himself breathe out a sigh of relief. He was glad there wouldn’t be much of a discussion this time from the looks of it. At least that was what he thought until Victor dropped the two bags full of groceries on the little kitchen bar, including the one that contained multiple jars full of gherkins, red cabbage, mustard, pickled peppers and sardines. The sound the jars made when they hit the bar was definitely loud enough to wake Otabek and Yuri up.

Yuuri sighed exasperated and shot Victor an angry glare right before he looked over to find Yuri stare at them both, his eyes small and sleepy but dangerous.

“What the fuck is your problem, old man?” Yuri growled, glancing at Victor, who didn’t seem to be bothered at all. Victor only returned Yuri’s angry facial expression for a few moments, before he busied himself with unpacking the bags of groceries.

“Fucking dickhead,” Yuri mumbled when he got no response out of Victor. Yuuri saw Otabek pull him down on to the sofa again and they both disappeared out of his sight behind the back of the couch.

Turning around to see Victor still emptying the bags, Yuuri reached out and grabbed one of his wrists. “I told you to be quiet,” Yuuri said, his voice now filled with venom. He was a little shocked to see that Victor didn’t really react to the unusual tone at all. “What were you thinking?”

Victor slowly moved to face him directly. His brows were furrowed and his eyes flickering when he said, “sorry.”

Yuuri eyed him suspiciously. There was no sincerity behind Victor’s half-arsed apology and it was more than obvious that he didn’t mean it. It was starting to really irritate Yuuri.

When Victor looked over his shoulder, Yuuri followed his gaze. Otabek and Yuri were silently getting up from the sofa. Yuuri noticed how Otabek was tugging on Yuri’s hand in an attempt to not make the situation any worse, to keep Yuri from exploding at Victor, and Yuuri’s admiration for the Kazakh man suddenly grew immensely.

The furious frown on Victor’s face didn’t light up when the two younger men had left the living room and made their way into Yuri’s bedroom. Yuuri snapped his fingers in front of Victor to force the silver-haired man’s attention back on him.

“What is up with you, Victor?” Yuuri asked his fiancé, wondering more than ever what was going on with the man he had shared practically every aspect of his life with for so long. Just now it felt like Victor was keeping something from him, and Yuuri couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed. Nothing made sense.

Victor’s eyes fixed themselves on Yuuri’s immediately, but in a way Yuuri hadn’t really seen them ever before. It was freaking him out.

“How much do we really know about Otabek?” Victor asked calmly, no hesitation or uncertainty in his voice at all.

Yuuri didn’t really understand anything. “What are you talking about?” he wanted to know as he got more and more impatient with Victor’s irrational behaviour.

“We don’t know anything about him,” Victor said. “Who is he really? What does he want from Yurio? How serious is he about this _relationship_?”

The way Victor said ‘relationship’ made Yuuri cringe. “They already slept together, Yuuri, and we have no idea who Otabek really is,” Victor continued, “and I don’t like it.”

Yuuri was getting so incredibly tired of Victor’s paranoia, especially because he didn’t understand where it was actually coming from. “Your passive-aggressive stunts are not helping, Victor!” Yuuri said, almost shouting at him. He was a bit taken aback by his own words, but he was certainly not going to take them back.

Victor stared at him completely frozen for a moment, a jar of gherkins in his hand, before he turned away from Yuuri and continued putting their shopping away into the cupboards and the fridge. Yuuri leaned back against the kitchen counter, resigned and annoyed. “I don’t understand you, Vitya,” he said, using the diminutive on purpose to calm his fiancé, and himself if he was honest. “You’ve known Yurio almost all his life. You were the one who asked him to move in with us. I know you care about him and I know you only want the best for him, and right now he is happy. He’s happy because he’s with Otabek. Why are you so set on getting in the way of that?”

Closing the fridge door, Victor sighed, but there was still a deep crease between his eyebrows when he turned around. Yuuri just didn’t know whether it was sorrow or anger written on Victor’s face.

“I don’t know anything about Otabek other than that he’s a skater and I don’t want Yurio to have sex with someone we don’t know. Actually, I don’t think he should be having sex at all,” Victor said, sounding uncharacteristically serious, but Yuuri just wanted to laugh. This whole thing was so incredibly ridiculous and he hated that it did not only make things between Victor and Yuri unbearable, but also between Victor and him.

Because Yuuri just couldn’t get over how pathetic Victor and this entire situation were, and had been for a while, he burst out into laughter, but he sensed that he sounded pretty pathetic himself. “First of all, Yurio is legally an adult whether you like it or not. He can sleep with every person in Saint Petersburg if that’s what he wants to do,” Yuuri said, and Victor flinched. He obviously really had issues with the idea of Yuri being sexual with anyone. “Second of all, you _know_ Otabek. He’s determined, focussed, kind and nothing but nice and polite whenever we see him and he loves Yurio. Isn’t that the only thing that matters?” Victor’s furrowed brows still didn’t ease up. “Most importantly, this is none of your business, Victor. You are not his father or his grandfather. You have no say in what he can and cannot do.”

“But…,” Victor said. Yuuri didn’t let him interrupt him though. He wasn’t finished.

“Yurio is turning twenty next week. Even if you were his father, he wouldn’t have to listen to you. The only thing you’ve been doing for weeks now is push him away. You know very well that he doesn’t have to live with us. He can afford to live on his own, yet he’s still here because he wants to be here, but if you keep this nonsense up for much longer, he will leave and be on his own, and _you_ will despise yourself for having pushed him that far.”

Victor’s lips were slightly parted and his eyes were fixed intently on Yuuri. It was a familiar and seldom sight at the same time. Yuuri really wanted to fling his arms around his fiancé, convince him that everything was going to be okay if he would just let go of whatever was weighing them all down this much.

“If you don’t stop treating Yurio like a kid and start trusting him, you will lose him, and you and I will also be in serious trouble. Don’t let it get that far,” Yuuri said, and because Victor now suddenly looked absolutely mortified, Yuri then did what he so desperately wanted to do. He wrapped his arms around Victor and briefly kissed the side of his neck, when he felt Victor shiver against him.

What Yuuri didn’t notice were the handful of tears that escaped Victor’s tired eyes.


	5. Blamed and Framed, I'm Frozen in the Picture.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri is revealing something Otabek was not expecting and Victor makes no effort to remidy the painful situation he keeps putting everyone in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no real smut in this chapter, or at least no sexy smut (you'll see). It starts fluffy but gets angsty. Please mind the updated tags!

**_Wednesday, 22nd February, St. Petersburg, 5.51pm_ **

Yuri had literally freaked out, just not because he was scared but because he was upset and angry, at Victor to be precise. Otabek thought that Victor had finally taken it a little too far for Yuri to ignore the heavy tension between them.

“Who the hell does Victor think he is, huh?” Yuri had snapped at him as soon as Otabek had closed the door behind them. It was hard to calm Yuri down whenever he talked himself into a rant, Otabek had learned that very quickly when they had first become friends. This time had been no different.

“Victor has always been an overbearing dipshit who doesn’t know where to draw the fucking line, but he definitely stepped _over_ the line this time. I don’t know where all of this bullshit is coming from,” Yuri had sighed exasperated. “He used to adore you. I’m pretty sure there were times where he would’ve preferred you to live here instead of me.”

Otabek had wanted to interrupt Yuri so much then, convince him of the opposite, tell him how Victor would do anything for him, but he couldn’t. It hadn’t seemed like Yuri was done talking, and Otabek had suspected that he wouldn’t listen to anything Otabek would say to him anyway. Yuri had been too caught up in his fury to be reasonable.

Sitting on the bed with one leg bent on front of him and the foot of the other still on the floor, Otabek had been leaning back against the headboard and observed Yuri as the blonde paced in an endless circle from the room door to the balcony door and back, again and again and again. Yuri hadn’t stopped talking, and Otabek had just sat there and listened to him.

“Living with Victor in this hellhole is turning into a damn nightmare,” Yuri had yelled so loud that Otabek was still sure the two older man out in the kitchen had heard him. “If he keeps this circus up, I’m going to lose my shit. I’ve had enough and I can’t deal with his irrational bull crap anymore.”

Otabek had just watched. He had stared at Yuri and wished he could somehow make it better, calm him down, even though all he had really wanted to do was have a word with Victor. At first it hadn’t bothered him much because Victor had always been a little odd, slightly difficult to read. In one way or another, Otabek had always thought that Victor and him had more in common than one might imagine just looking at them. They were both perceived in one specific way in the public. While Otabek was the stoic, reserved and seemingly ignorant, at times even rude man who wasn’t known to socialise much with the other skaters (aside from a handful of exceptions), Victor was the complete opposite of him. He was welcoming, polite and didn’t shy away from engaging with the press, fans or fellow skaters. It was strange really. On the one hand, they were practically the same kind of person, on the other hand they were nothing alike. One uniting factor did connect them though. That factor was Yuri.

“I just don’t get why Victor is so against us. What on earth have we done that he’s so fucking upset about? Four years, Beka, four bloody years! He never said a single bad thing about you when we were just friends,” Yuri had tried to make some sense of it all. “He was the only idiot who could make me believe that you’re actually in love with me. He was the only one who managed to get inside my thick head.”

It had come as a bit of a surprise to hear Yuri say those things. Otabek hadn’t known that Yuri had really doubted his feelings. He had been under the impression that it was more of a self-confidence issue rather than Yuri thinking Otabek’s feelings weren’t sincere.

Otabek hadn’t been able to sit on the bed any longer, being forced to listen to Yuri trying to find a motive or a reason why Victor had been behaving so unlike himself, since Otabek and Yuri had gotten together. He got up from the mattress and walked over to where Yuri stood right in front of the balcony door, looking out over the rainy city.

“Did you really not believe I was serious about you?” Otabek had asked the blonde by the window, who had turned around at the sound of Otabek’s voice right behind him. Otabek had closed the gap between them and pushed Yuri back against the balcony door. “Did you really think I would just play with you?”

Yuri’s eyes had turned toward the floor, his cheeks flushed and his hair still dishevelled from them napping on the couch. He had stayed quiet while his fingers were twitching by his sides. It hadn’t been the first time Otabek had noticed how there was something almost magical about how Yuri’s entire demeanour could change in a heartbeat whenever Otabek was this close to him. There had been something adorable and equally tear-jerking about Yuri just then, which Otabek hadn’t been able to look at for too long.

“Yura,” Otabek had whispered before he reached out and lifted the blonde’s face as gently as he could by placing two fingers underneath Yuri’s chin. Once he had been granted the chance to explore the depth of Yuri’s shimmering blue-green eyes, Otabek had simply smiled at him. It hadn’t been the first time Otabek was taken aback by Yuri’s stunning beauty, and the fact that Yuri really wanted him. “Do you still have doubts?”

Otabek had watched as Yuri swallowed visibly, perhaps to try to buy himself some more time. It hadn’t mattered much though, when Yuri finally replied and said, “no, not anymore. Not after your song, not after Seoul.”

Regardless of whether or not Yuri had spoken the truth, Otabek had reached up with both hands, carefully framing Yuri’s face, and angled him slightly to the left. He had noticed how Yuri’s breath hitched, how his yes had first grown wide before they got impossibly small the nearer Otabek’s lips moved to his. When their mouths had finally met, Yuri’s hands immediately gripped Otabek by his hips, pulling him in close.

Kissing Yuri was still something Otabek couldn’t quite wrap his head around. The feeling of Yuri’s silky hair between his fingers, of his dominating tongue licking over his lips and his lithe frame pressed against Otabek’s body were still so new and exciting, and Otabek was hoping that the firework inside his stomach would never stop when he was with Yuri.

Even now, as he was sitting on the bed again leaning back against the headboard with his legs crossed at his ankles, this strange sensation of pleasure and desperate want rushed through Otabek. Yuri’s head was in his lap and Otabek’s hand absent-mindedly went through Yuri’s golden hair without any intention to do otherwise. He studied Yuri’s face, the way the corners of his mouth twitched occasionally, how his nose crinkled, and how his eyebrows smoothed out into even lines when he was smiling. Yuri couldn’t really get much closer and it still wasn’t close enough. He was right there but Otabek’s body didn’t seem to register that. It just wasn’t enough.

“Beka,” Yuri said to get his boyfriend’s attention, taking out one of the earphones he was wearing to listen to some music on Otabek’s laptop, which he was balancing on his stomach. He looked up at Otabek with his huge, and now calm and rather loving eyes.

“Hm,” Otabek hummed in response without taking a break of stroking Yuri’s hair.

“Why is this song titled ‘EX music’?” Yuri asked, pointing at some specific song information on the laptop screen. Otabek looked over to check which record Yuri was talking about. “I like it. Are you using it for your exhibition piece at Worlds?”

Smiling down at his gorgeous boyfriend, Otabek replied, “no. It was my original choice for Four Continents. I have another song in mind for Worlds.”

There was obvious confusion displayed through Yuri’s facial expressions. “Can I have a listen?” he asked Otabek, his eyes shining with excitement and anticipation.

“No,” Otabek said immediately, still brushing through Yuri’s hair with his fingers. “I want you to hear it for the first time when you see me skate to it.”

Yuri then put his hand behind Otabek’s neck and pulled him down. When their lips met, Otabek could feel the muscles in his back tense up at the angle, but he didn’t dare complain. He would never even think about doing that because the divine taste of Yuri’s lips was an easy distraction from the slightly uncomfortable position.

“Fine,” Yuri smirked, “then I won’t show you my music either.” He pressed his lips against Otabek’s another time, only briefly but just as intently, before he turned his attention back to the laptop in front of him.

Once Yuri’s eyes were off him again, Otabek looked at him in childlike wonder, like he did so often when he was physically around him. Otabek was convinced that he knew Yuri like no one else did, and he relished that fact more and more. It made their relationship that extra bit special because no one else would ever understand them, not separately and especially not together, the same way they understood each other.

It took quite some time for Otabek to take _his_ eyes off Yuri again, and when he finally did, he reached over to the nightstand yet again to get his phone. He was happy, he had absolutely no doubt about that, but that happiness came with an extra portion of guilt, at least on that specific day.

Otabek unlocked his phone and texted the one person he could think of to not only make him feel a little less guilty, but also help Temir deal with his haunting memories.

 **Otabek:** _Can you drop by T’s place and check on him for me please?_

Just as he was about to drop his phone on the bed next to him, it vibrated with a text notification.

 **Asel:** _It’s nine o’clock, Beka. I’ve been with him all day. Someone had to look after him._

This was exactly the kind of message Otabek had been scared of. Asel was the only one besides Temir who could really understand why this day was so horrible. He had hoped that she would also get why Otabek had decided to try to save his relationship with Yuri, even if that meant he had to miss Sofia’s birthday. It looked like Asel wasn’t quite so understanding after all.

 **Otabek:** _There is no way you can make me feel even more guilty than I already do._

 **Asel:** _I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. Don’t snap at me._

 **Otabek:** _I’m sorry, ok? I’m sorry. For everything.  
_**Otabek:** _It was Sofia or Yura, which really wasn’t much of a choice at all. She’s gone but Yura is still here. I wasn’t going to just let him go._

 **Asel:** _Stop, Beka. You don’t need to explain this to me. It’s T you need to talk to. You should’ve done that before you went away. I’m sure he would’ve understood. You just made it worse by keeping it from him._

It was impossible to deny the fact that Asel was right. Otabek should have told Temir that he wasn’t going to be there for Sofia’s birthday. He should have been honest with him, instead he messed it all up. That rush of self-loathing was somewhat new to Otabek, but it was so incredibly easy to identify, and he wanted to get rid of it as quickly as it had appeared.

“Yura,” Otabek said, hastily shutting the laptop that was still resting on Yuri’s stomach and taking the earbuds out of Yuri’s ears, “kiss me.” He noticed the irritated look on Yuri’s face when he put the laptop down on the nightstand. “Now, Yura.”

Otabek didn’t explain anything, not even when Yuri was sitting in his lap and straddling his hips just a moment later, asking him if everything was alright. He just pulled Yuri closer with one hand on the small of his back and the other one entangled in his hair at the back of his head. He crushed their lips together without another word, and suddenly Otabek felt a little less like a horrible douchebag, and a little more like he was actually loved by at least one person.

**_Wednesday, 22nd February, St. Petersburg, 7.12pm_ **

When the knock on the door disrupted them violently, Otabek and Yuri had been making out eagerly for almost an hour. Things had just started to heat up immensely with Yuri on his back and Otabek’s hands under his shirt on his bare chest, Yuri’s calves pushing Otabek up by his ass, pressing their groins together. It was obvious they were both well on their way to fully give in to temptation. Whoever was hammering on the bedroom door, was interrupting the one thing Yuri wanted at that moment, which was Otabek. He had no idea what had gotten into Otabek, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to stop him.  

“Can’t catch a fucking break with these morons,” Yuri huffed while Otabek rolled over onto his back, lying next to the blonde. Yuri kissed Otabek’s shoulder once before he got off the bed and said, “if I don’t get to see your naked ass in the next five minutes, I might just go insane.”

With a smouldering look back at Otabek, Yuri walked over to the door only to find Katsudon on the other side of it, which wasn’t quite who he expected if he was totally honest. “What do you want?” Yuri almost growled, his mask of indifference and rudeness perfectly back in place.

“Dinner is almost ready. You two are joining us,” Yuuri said, pointing between Yuri and Otabek, who was apparently visible lying on the bed in the background. Yuri was just about to respond and flip him off, not intending to leave his room until he had to the next day, when Yuuri continued. “I don’t want to hear it, Yurio,” Yuuri said, waving his hand in a way that immediately shut Yuri up. “If you and Otabek are not sitting at the dining table in five minutes, I will drag you both there.” With that Yuuri turned around and left a stunned Yuri standing by his open bedroom door.

Not bothering to actually close the door again, Yuri trotted back over to the bed and instantly flung his legs over Otabek’s sprawled out body. “I said I wanted to see your naked ass in the next five minutes, not be forced to eat dinner in crazy town,” Yuri whined, snuggling into Otabek’s chest. There was a pair of soothing hands on his back just before Yuri felt Otabek’s lips on the top of his head.

“Come on, Yura,” Otabek then said, but Yuri only held on to him even tighter. “The sooner we get this over with, the faster we can get back to doing… other things.”

Once again Yuri noticed that Otabek is the only person he didn’t mind being right, he was even prepared to admit that out loud. The only reason he didn’t was Otabek already squirming and trying to get out from under him.

“I don’t like it when you’re all reasonable and shit,” Yuri insisted and forced himself to get off Otabek. He pouted, but the smirk he got from Otabek in return was exactly what he had wanted to accomplish with his nagging. Yuri would never get tired of that beautiful smile.

“Because you know you can’t argue with me when I’m being reasonable,” Otabek countered, the curve of his lips not wavering. Yuri offered him his hand which Otabek took a moment later, and dragged him out of his bedroom.

They walked up to the dining table and quietly sat down next to each other. Yuri noticed the pleased grin on Katsudon’s face as he was still busy with something in the kitchen. Victor was sitting across from Otabek at the table, and Yuri couldn’t help but eye him angrily. Otabek must have noticed that fairly quickly, as Yuri felt his boyfriend’s hand on his thigh which, of course, immediately calmed him down.

The three of them sat there in silence until Yuuri came over and put a batch of what Yuri assumed were katsudon pirozhki in the middle of the table. They all already had some green salad on their plates and some dressing in front of them. Yuuri went back into the kitchen to get a mug of ice water while Yuri couldn’t resist and just reached out to get his hands on some pirozhki. Once Yuuri finally joined them and took a seat at the table, they all began eating without saying a word.

“I’m sorry but I have to ask,” Victor cut through the silence and everyone instantly stared at him.

Yuri rolled his eyes and dropped his pirozhki. “What do you want?” he spat out, his voice filled with venom because he had a feeling that he knew what was on Victor’s mind.

“Vitya, please,” Yuuri tried to bargain with his fiancé, but Yuri interrupted him in an instant. “No,” he said, “he needs to get it out of his system. I’m done with his bullshit, so let’s get this over with.”

Ignoring the concerned look Otabek shot him, Yuri practically glued his eyes to Victor who suddenly seemed a bit unsure about what to do. Yuri didn’t say anything and just observed Victor as he fidgeted with the fork in his hand, separating the tomatoes from the cucumber on his plate.

“Spit it out already,” Yuri eventually snapped at him with his hands balled up and resting on the table. He was more than just simply aware of Otabek’s fingers grazing his thigh, but even his boyfriend’s touch suddenly didn’t do much anymore to keep him calm and rational.

“Don’t yell at me,” Victor eventually growled, his jaw tense and his teeth rubbing against each other. Yuri noticed how Otabek and Yuuri’s eyes widened in surprise. They had probably never seen Victor like that, but Yuri wasn’t a complete stranger to this specific side of Victor, one that he knew Victor was normally trying to hide from everyone.

Hyped up and poised to fight, Yuri only chuckled, mocking Victor even more than he normally would. “You said you have something to ask, so do it,” Yuri demanded, and Victor’s eyes narrowed dangerously. It didn’t intimidate Yuri in the slightest though. “But I can guarantee you most likely won’t like the answer.”

“Yura,” Otabek said, trying to get his attention. Yuri decided to just do Otabek the favour, but not without an agenda of his own. He leaned over and stared at Otabek, his lips hovering over his boyfriend’s and a hand on Otabek’s neck. “He hates us, Beka,” Yuri mumbled, “and I want him to admit it.”

“I do not,” Victor cut in immediately. Yuri didn’t move away from Otabek, but he turned his head to look at Victor. He noticed the pulsing vain on Victor’s forehead, indicating that he was very close to exploding, which was exactly what Yuri was counting on. Maybe that would finally get Victor to reveal to them all what his actual problem was. “Of course you do,” Yuri challenged him.

He gave Victor a moment to reply, but there was no response. “If you don’t have anything else to say, I think we’re done here,” Yuri said, ready to get up from his chair and go back to his bedroom with Otabek.

“I just want you to be safe,” Victor quietly confessed as Yuri stood up.

Surprised but still suspicious, Yuri turned to look at him again. “What makes you think I’m not?”

Victor had avoided Yuri’s gaze up until then, but something had obviously changed. Yuri had no idea why this specific question seemed to get Victor’s attention so quickly, but he didn’t question it either.

“You and Otabek have only been together since New Year’s. This is your first real relationship, you’re already having sex and…” This was as far as Victor could get before Yuri angrily stopped him.

“First of all,” Yuri said, leaning forward with his hands flat on the table surface, “fuck _you_.” Victor’s eyes widened at that and Yuri cherished every second of it. “Second of all, fuck _off_. Beka’s dick is not the first one I sucked, and even if it was, it’s still none of your God damn business.” The deep blush on Yuuri’s face was priceless, but Victor’s shocked face and his parted lips were even better. “Ever since I told you that Beka and I are together, you’ve been acting like a complete dickhead, even more so than usual and that’s saying something.” Yuri felt Otabek’s fingers squeezing his hand which did very little to stop Yuri from his tirade. “What is your fucking deal, Victor? I was constantly annoyed with you and your everlasting fiancé,” he said, vaguely pointing over at Yuuri, “but I never said or did anything to actually break you guys up. All you’ve done lately is ask stupid ass question and act like a complete and utter moron, trying to drive me and Beka apart. Beka doesn’t deserve your shit and neither do I.”

“Yurio,” Victor began and then paused, likely to think about what he was going to say. “I just… We don’t really know anything about you and Otabek. Are you just having fun, are you exclusive, are you serious about this?”

“Newsflash, idiot,” Yuri shouted because he was about to lose his patience. “This is still none of your fucking concern, but I have a feeling you won’t shut up until you get some answers, so here they are. No, we are not _just_ having fun. Yes, we are exclusive, and yes, we are serious about this… us.” It was impossible to know what Victor was thinking then, but Yuri refused to let it irritate him. “I don’t know what the hell is up with you, but if you don’t give this shit a rest, I’m leaving.”

Apparently that was all it took for Victor to stand up as well. It felt like it was only the two of them in the room. Yuri couldn’t shake the feeling that he finally found what he was looking for.

“You can’t leave,” Victor almost hissed, his eyes deep and sparkling with danger. Yuri _definitely_ found Victor’s weak spot. In any other situation, Yuri might have felt something akin to affection or sadness upon seeing Victor how he tried to cover up his hurt at the idea of Yuri leaving, but right now, Yuri just wanted to dig deeper.

“Watch me,” Yuri provoked him. “You need to understand one thing, Victor.” Maybe the pause then was for dramatic effect, maybe it was just to rile Victor up a little more. “Beka makes me happy. When my grandpa died, he was there for me. I didn’t think I would ever be happy again, but Beka somehow manages to do that. I don’t understand it, but I would be a damn fool if I were to do something to deny myself the happiness he gives me. I won’t be that stupid again. If you think I would drop the one person who, for whatever fucked up reason, actually loves me just because _you_ have a problem with it, you’re hugely mistaken.” The way Victor’s eyes just went smaller and smaller, and how his fingers twitched at his sides told Yuri everything he needed to know. Victor _hated_ the idea of him leaving. “Not that Beka has to do anything to prove his feelings for me to you, but just out of interest, what would it take for you to just be happy for us?” Yuri asked, only a second later continuing, “actually, don’t answer that. Bottom line is, if you keep pushing me, I’m gone.”

With that Yuri reached out for Otabek and the two of them left the dining table again, hand in hand to prove a point.

**_Wednesday, 22nd February, St. Petersburg, 7.41pm  
_ **

As soon as the bedroom door closed behind them, Yuri pushed Otabek up against it. He took Otabek’s chin between his thumb and index finger, lifting Otabek’s head up so he could kiss him all over his jaw, his neck and his throat. Yuri bit down on the soft skin just underneath Otabek’s left ear. It went straight to Otabek’s cock.

“Yura,” he breathed out, already so turned on that he was sure his dick was half hard just from Yuri’s lips on his neck. Otabek had no idea what had gotten into Yuri, and a tiny voice in his head told him to actually find out, but his entire body was focussed solely on Yuri’s skin on his.

Yuri for his part didn’t slow down either. He only let go of Otabek for a second to take off his own shirt, yanking on Otabek’s and pushing it over his boyfriend’s head a moment later. With their chests bare, Yuri immediately went down and began licking Otabek’s nipples. One of his hands cupped Otabek’s cock through his jeans without any warning, which elicited a deep moan out of Otabek’s throat.

Keeping his hands glued to the door, Otabek closed his eyes and just revelled in Yuri’s attention. Yuri went down slower until his knees hit the carpet. Yuri opened up Otabek’s jeans and slipped them down a little bit along with his boxers, just far enough that he could grab Otabek’s cock. Without any kind of warning once again, Yuri wrapped his lips around Otabek’s dick and swallowed him whole, or at least as much as he could manage. There was something very different about the way Yuri was sucking him, but it barely registered with Otabek. His mind was clouded with lust, and rational thinking wasn’t really his priority in those kinds of situations.

Unable to tell just how long Yuri had been working him towards his climax, Otabek could feel how very close he was already. Just as he was about to say, or attempt to say something, Yuri removed himself with a loud plop. A second later he was back up on eye level with Otabek, kissing him harshly and taking his lips between his teeth, each individually, to tear at them. When Yuri pulled back and roughly grabbed Otabek’s arm to drag him over to the bed. Otabek was sure he could taste blood in his mouth.

Yuri shoved Otabek on to the bed. “Move up,” he demanded, and Otabek did as he was asked.

On his back, Otabek watched through heavy-lidded eyes how Yuri removed his own tight jeans, socks and underwear completely before he went over to straddle Otabek. Yuri didn’t hesitate at all when he started swaying his hips back and forth to brush their painfully hard dicks together. The blonde buried his hands in Otabek’s dark hair and pulled tight to support himself, sending a sharp pain through Otabek’s entire body.

That was the moment Otabek’s responsible and rational side finally kicked in. It certainly wasn’t like Yuri had never pulled his hair, but normally he didn’t take it quite this far, he had never actually hurt Otabek before. The rough way Yuri had handled his cock before, the blood producing kiss and the hurtful hair pulling were already worrisome signs, but the thing that really concerned Otabek was what Yuri did next.

At first he wasn’t even fully aware of what Yuri was up to. It was just Yuri’s lips on his, still biting and pulling, and one of his hands back on Otabek’s dick, stroking him at a fast pace, but when Yuri’s hand slowed down immensely and he began to hold it still, Otabek finally willed his eyes to open. What he saw almost made him want to shout at his boyfriend.

Yuri was lining himself up over Otabek’s stiff cock, obviously wanting it inside him. That thought would normally not alarm Otabek in the least, but it terrified him right now.

“Yura,” he choked out while Yuri pressed their foreheads together, clearly concentrating on what he was doing further down. Either Yuri hadn’t heard Otabek or he ignored him on purpose.

When Otabek felt the tip of his cock pushing against Yuri’s dry entrance, Otabek reached down and put his hand over Yuri’s to pull his dick away. He pressed it flat against his stomach, when he said, “Yura! Stop!”

It was a little louder than he intended, but it did get Yuri’s attention which was all that mattered. He was not going to let Yuri hurt himself.

Otabek looked into Yuri’s shocked and wide eyes, which forced him to watch as they slowly filled with tears. Yuri stared back, his lips slightly parted without any words passing them. A few moments later he was apparently too weak to hold himself up anymore, as he went to sit down on Otabek’s thighs, his hands quickly wiping his eyes dry only for more tears to spill out of them.

“Yura,” Otabek began again, but didn’t get any further than that as Yuri immediately went off.

“He fucking ruins everything! Why can’t he just be happy for me? Why does he have to destroy the only thing that still makes me want to breathe?” Yuri’s hands were balled into fists again, hammering on Otabek’s chest in despair and frustration. “I wanted to give up so bad. I just wanted to not exist anymore, but you wouldn’t let me do that. Why can’t Victor see that you’re the reason I’m still here?” Otabek was completely out of it, seeing Yuri so distraught. It was so hard to hear Yuri say these things, because he had no idea it had been _this_ bad for Yuri. “What did I do that makes him hate me so much?” Yuri whimpered, tears mixing with snot and covering his lips and chin. “He doesn’t want to see me happy, Beka. Why doesn’t he want to see me happy?”

Otabek reached out for Yuri’s wrists when Yuri gave up and stopped hitting his chest. Yuri let his head fall forward in defeat. The broken sounds that came out of him were heart-breaking. When Yuri started shivering, Otabek couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled him forward and down, and just held him close.

The longer Yuri cried into his chest, the more worked up did Otabek get. He absolutely hated seeing Yuri like this and the fact that Yuri had apparently been in a much worse place in his head than Otabek first suspected, made him incredibly furious and angry… at Victor, and in part even at Yuuri. They were supposed to look after Yuri. In a way Otabek still blamed them for what happened to Yuri at the club, even though he had apologised to them both for accusing them of being at fault. Yuri’s state of mind had gotten to such a bad place apparently, and neither Victor nor Yuuri had noticed it. They were living with Yuri, they were around him almost all day long and they didn’t think to get Yuri some help? Otabek was getting incredibly upset and starting to lose his control.

But then Yuri stirred in his arms and lifted his head to look at Otabek. His eyes were swollen and red all over, the sparkling green and blue almost completely gone. They were empty, void of any and all emotion. Otabek couldn’t tell if Yuri had realised by now what he had actually told him, but it didn’t even seem to matter much anyway, because it didn’t change anything. It only made Otabek want to stay with Yuri more.

Otabek carefully rolled them both over on to the side. He pulled the duvet over them to cover Yuri up and stop him from shivering so much. Reaching over Yuri to grab some tissues from the nightstand, Otabek wiped Yuri’s face clean. He peppered kisses all over Yuri’s face to calm him down, which seemed to work wonders. Yuri immediately relaxed and closed his eyes. Otabek kept stroking Yuri’s hair for a little while before he felt the blonde’s breath even out, an indicator that he fell asleep or was at least about to fall asleep.

Yuri was clearly exhausted. He had been holding in all of these things for so long, keeping them even from Otabek. He hadn’t just shut himself off from Otabek, he had literally wanted to shut himself off from the world and everyone in it.

Just thinking about those things again, Otabek’s blood was starting to boil. He cautiously scooted away from Yuri, the sight of his broken and vulnerable being crushing him.

Once he had wrapped the duvet tightly around Yuri’s still slightly shaking figure, Otabek tugged himself back into his underwear and zipped up his jeans. He got up from the bed, picked up his shirt from the floor and put it on. Without another look at Yuri, Otabek opened the bedroom door and stepped out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise you Victor has two good reasons why he's so overprotective of Yuri. It will all be revealed in due time. Have faith in me, please.
> 
> The next chapter sees Otabek confront Victor, Yuri putting all his hopes into his relationship, Otabek going home and Asel (and her girlfriend!) making things a little better for him.
> 
> Many thanks to all the lovely souls who keep commenting. You guys are amazing! <3


	6. While You're Leaving, I'm Still Believing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otabek tells Victor exactly how it is and Yuri's head is still a mess. Victor meanwhile is taking baby-steps in the right direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10.4K made up of 8 scenes. I think this chapter has a little bit of everything, some angst and some fluff with a bit of smut sprinkled in the mix. Enjoy your weekend reading! :)
> 
> PS: Can't believe we're only 130 words away from 200K for the entire series! Crazy sh*t!

**_Wednesday, 22nd February, St. Petersburg, 8.03pm_ **

When Otabek walked back out of Yuri’s bedroom, he was surprised at what he found in the kitchen. Victor and Yuuri were still sitting at the table, but that wasn’t what shocked him so much. The tears that were streaming down Victor’s face without any kind of hesitation or shame were something Otabek had not expected at all. Just seeing the older man like this, so broken and hurt, immediately made Otabek feel a little less furious, but it certainly didn’t make it vanish completely either.

“What’s going on?” he asked neither one of the other two in particular. Victor didn’t seem to be in a state to answer anyway. Yuuri on the other hand didn’t look like he _wanted_ to answer.

While Victor was obviously trying to pull himself together by brushing away his tears with the back of his hands, Yuuri looked up at Otabek and asked, “how’s Yurio?”

Otabek sat down again in his seat right across from Victor. He couldn’t take his eyes off him, too stunned by the open display of emotion he had never seen quite like this from Victor before. “Trying to sleep, I think,” Otabek responded to Yuuri’s question. “He’s heart-broken.”

At that Victor finally looked up and what Otabek saw made him feel very uneasy. Victor’s face was an exact copy of Yuri’s. The puffy eyes, the overheated cheeks, the empty eyes; it was uncanny. If Otabek realised anything then, it was that this entire messed up situation affected Victor just as much as Yuri, which Otabek hadn’t really considered a possibility before.

“Why?” Victor choked out and Yuuri flinchd at the despair in Victor’s voice.

“Because he cares about what you think,” Otabek replied, now strangely calm but no less upset about everything, especially Victor. “The fact that you apparently can’t bring yourself to be happy for him is getting to him.”

Victor and Yuuri were both sitting sideways on their chairs, their bodies facing each other. What Otabek said to him appeared to affect Victor greatly, as he rested his elbows on his thighs and buried his head in his hands. Yuuri got up to fetch some tissues from the kitchen, and Otabek suddenly noticed the wet spots on Victor’s shirt, an indication that he had been crying for quite some time.

It took a while for Victor to say something else. When he did, his words were muffled by his hands but Otabek still heard him. “All I want is for Yurio to be happy,” Victor said, avoiding Otabek’s eyes.

“If that’s true you have a funny way of showing it,” Otabek said, reaching out for a glass of water, when he realised how thirsty he actually was.

As he was chucking down the entire content of the glass, Otabek kept staring at Victor. After another few moments Victor eventually raised his eyes at him again. “You and Yurio are moving very fast, Otabek,” Victor stuttered, trying to explain himself and his actions. “I don’t think this is healthy. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He needs someone to look out for him.”

“What are you insinuating, Victor?” Otabek asked, the anger that had ebbed away before starting to make its way back to him. Whatever right Victor thought he had to decide _anything_ for Yuri, it was unwanted, unnecessary and most of all imaginary. Legally, Victor was nothing to Yuri.

“I’m not insinuating anything,” Victor immediately shot back. “I just want him to be careful and not rush things. He hasn’t said anything, but he’s still vulnerable after what happened to him at the club. I don’t want him to be taken advantage of when he’s this fragile.”

Otabek noticed how Yuuri’s eyes searched for his. With his eyebrows high up on his forehead and his lips slightly parted in anticipation, Yuuri seemed to know very well that Victor had taken it too far. There had been something inside of Otabek that had actually felt bad for Victor, even empathised with him, but now that feeling was gone completely. What Victor had said flicked a switch in Otabek and enraged him. He stood up from his chair and leaned forward, supporting himself with his hands flat on the table. The shocked expression on Victor’s face was already very pleasant, just not satisfying enough.

“Like it or not, Victor, no one knows Yuri better than I do, not you, not Katsuki, no one. He’s been feeling worse than you could ever imagine and you haven’t even noticed it. For reasons that I really don’t understand at the moment Yuri cares about you and what you think of him, and you’re hurting him by being so unsupportive. I don’t know what I have done to you to make you think that I would ever take advantage of him or hurt him in any way. That’s never going to happen,” Otabek said, taking a deep breath to collect his thoughts. “If you’re really so against Yuri and me being together, you owe him at least an explanation instead of just this passive-aggressive nonsense. Whatever he chooses to do then is up to him, but don’t just put him into this impossible position where he feels like he is hurting _you_ by being happy. Yuri has no obligation to you whatsoever and yet he’s still here, completely devastated because you apparently can’t be bothered to just support him.”

Victor was clearly too overwhelmed to be able to say anything to that, which only served him right. It also gave Otabek a chance to finish his tiny rant.

“Don’t be fooled, Victor. This is not over just because I’m going home tomorrow. If I could I would take Yuri right now and get away. If you keep this up, I will be on the first flight back here, pack Yuri’s stuff and leave with him. I don’t care if we would have to stay in a hotel until I find him his own place. I don’t even care if I would have to miss practice. I will pull my registration for Worlds if I have to if that’s what it takes to get Yuri away from you. I know you don’t want to lose him, so don’t do anything stupid… because trust me, he might care about you very much but if you force him to choose, he will pick me.”

Neither Victor not Yuuri made a move to say something in return. Otabek just reached out for more pirozhki, and then grabbed Yuri’s full plate and his glass of water. With food and a drink in his hands, he made his way to Yuri’s bedroom, but he did turn around again just before he disappeared around the corner. “It’s your call, Victor,” Otabek said with one last glance at the couple, before he left their sight.

Much to his surprise Yuri was sitting on the edge of the bed when Otabek stepped back into his bedroom. Yuri was dressed again, in Otabek’s team Kazakhstan t-shirt actually and a short pair of sweatpants. He looked up at the sound of the door opening and weakly smiled at Otabek. “Hey,” Yuri said as quiet as a whisper.

“Hey,” Otabek replied, putting the food and the water down on Yuri’s desk, before going over to the blonde and sitting down next to him. He reached over and took Yuri’s hand in his, bringing it up to his lips and gently pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

“You’re right,” Yuri mumbled, looking directly at Otabek, his eyes red and swollen, and his voice dangerously close to breaking.

Otabek put his arm around Yuri and kissed his forehead. “About what?” he asked, seriously wondering what Yuri was talking about. As far as he could remember, Otabek hadn’t really said anything to him before he had left for the kitchen.

“I would pick you,” Yuri said and wrapped his arms around Otabek’s middle, hiding his face on Otabek’s shoulder. “There wouldn’t even be any other choice.”

“Did you eavesdrop?” Otabek asked with a small smile on his face, simply because listening in on other people’s conversations was definitely something Yuri would do. What Yuri had just said to him also made his chest swell with pride, simply hearing Yuri say what he already suspected felt amazing.

Yuri pulled back a little just so far that he could look at Otabek. He lifted one hand and caressed the side of Otabek’s face. Otabek soon felt himself get lost in the sensation when he leaned into the touch, humming contently. “I did,” Yuri confessed, a silent tear rolling down his cheek.

Otabek declined to lie flat on his back on the mattress, taking Yuri with him. Yuri immediately flung a leg over both of Otabek’s and snuggled into his side. “I meant it, Yura,” Otabek said, turning his head to the side to look at his boyfriend. “Let me know if things with Victor become unbearable and I will be on the next flight to St. Petersburg. I will get you out of here if that’s what you need.”

Yuri stayed silent for a moment and just observed Otabek. Their eyes were focussed on each other, almost like they were in a staring competition, only this wasn’t about winning. It wasn’t about who would budge first, who would give in and look away. This was different. To Otabek it felt like they knew, they both just _knew_ how difficult it all was, how much they wished that it could be easier, and how desperate they were because it just wasn’t.

“Why are you still here, Beka?” Yuri suddenly asked without looking away. The question itself was confusing enough, but it was even more irritating because Otabek only saw love and want in Yuri’s eyes. He couldn’t comprehend why Yuri’s eyes were telling such a different story to what he was apparently thinking about.

“Where else should I be if not here?” Otabek asked in return, trying to coax out of Yuri whatever was on his mind.

“Don’t you have enough?” Yuri continued, his voice eerily calm and steady all of a sudden. “Aren’t you fed up with everything? The distance, skating, Victor… and me?”

Otabek rolled them both over so that he was on top of Yuri, one of his knees between Yuri’s legs and his hands on the mattress just under Yuri’s armpits. “Yes, no, yes and no,” he said, leaning down and kissing Yuri. “Please stop doubting my feelings for you, Yura,” Otabek added when they broke apart again, their foreheads touching and Yuri’s arms around his neck. He leaned down again for another kiss, a slower and deeper one that had them both a little out of breath at the end.

“Just look at you,” Yuri urged him to. “You’re the sort of friend everyone wishes they had. You’re kind, you care more than anyone deserves, you’re always ready to drop everything just to comfort the people you care about, and you’re incredibly hot. You could have anyone on this planet. Why did you pick me?” Every word he had muttered felt a bit like a needle puncturing Otabek’s skin over and over again. It was like Yuri had looked inside Otabek’s head.

Otabek kissed Yuri briefly before he responded. “It’s funny you say that because that’s what I constantly ask myself when I think about you wanting me, and yet here we are, head over heels for each other and still wondering why,” Otabek said, chuckling lightly, because it really was quite amusing. “I don’t want just anybody, Yura. I want you.”

The smile that spread across Yuri’s tired face made Otabek realise one thing for sure. He would try to convince Yuri of his feelings as often as he had to if a smile like that was what he would get in return. Yuri had no idea how beautiful he really was, but Otabek saw it in everything he did, even if he was just lying on his bed looking up at Otabek.

“You barely touched your plate,” Otabek said whilst getting up from Yuri and off the bed. “I brought you some more pirozhki.” He went over to get the plate full of food along with the glass of water, and the two of them settled in on the bed. They sat next to each, leaning back against the headboard, and indulged themselves in Katsuki’s, or rather Nikolai’s katsudon pirozhki.

“I really do love you,” Yuri said after a while when he had finished his food, squeezing one of Otabek’s hands without looking at him.

Otabek smiled to himself and quickly got up to put the empty plate back on the desk. He grabbed his laptop from the nightstand and sat back down next to Yuri. “Come here,” he said, gesturing for Yuri to lean back against his side. Otabek put one arm around Yuri’s shoulder and rested his hand on the blonde’s chest, pulling him a little closer. He passed the laptop over to Yuri and asked him to open it up so they could listen to some more music.

“I’m still not showing you my EX music if I don’t get to listen to yours,” Yuri said, turning his head around to smirk at Otabek.

Kissing Yuri’s temple, Otabek reached over and clicked on one specific song that caught his attention for some reason. “I know this song,” Yuri said when the first few notes started playing.

Otabek certainly wasn’t expecting that. “You do?” he asked, looking at the laptop screen just to double-check which song he had actually put on, even though the music playing was obviously the exact song that he had picked out. Somehow Otabek expected to find something else on the screen, because he didn’t understand how Yuri could possibly have heard this tune before.

Otabek watched as Yuri turned the volume down a little bit before he spoke up, explaining what Otabek was wondering about. “It’s one of Ezra’s songs. He showed it to me when he came to in Sheffield,” Yuri told him, which only really raised more questions than it actually answered.

“He did?” Otabek asked, starting to feel a bit stupid for being so clueless, although Yuri seemed to think it was quite funny judging by the quiet chuckle coming from him.

“He gave me a USB stick with four songs on it before he left. This was one of them,” Yuri said. He turned around once more and kissed Otabek’s jaw. Just as Yuri was about to look away again, Otabek tipped his head even more and pressed a kiss to Yuri’s lips. Otabek made a mental note to ask Ezra about the songs he had shared with Yuri.

Another tune began playing, one that Yuri didn’t appear to be familiar with. Half-way through it, he asked, “is this one of yours?”

“No,” Otabek mumbled into Yuri’s hair, “it’s one of the twins’ first recordings.”

They silently listened all the way through the song. Otabek didn’t remember too much about the backstory of it, but he knew it meant a lot to Ezra and Alisur. “Do you know who’s singing it or what it’s about?” Yuri asked, once again as if he could read Otabek’s mind.

“You should ask the twins about that,” Otabek said, trying to avoid answering the question.

“You don’t know anything about the song?” Yuri blurted out, obviously surprised or simply calling Otabek out on his bullshit. “I know you do,” he added. “Tell me.”

Otabek sighed. It wasn’t like he was trying to hide anything from Yuri, it was more that he had other things on his mind. “Ezra wrote the music and Ali recorded it,” Otabek simply said. “Their mother wrote the lyrics.”

“Seriously?” Yuri asked, squirming a little in Otabek’s hold on him.

“She’s the one singing as well,” Otabek said. “She wrote the song before the twins were born. Ezra found it by accident when he was seventeen or so. That’s all I know. You should ask him if you want to know more.”

Yuri put the laptop on the mattress and moved onto his side to lean into Otabek, resting his head on Otabek’s shoulder. They both stayed silent for some time while more music was playing quietly in the background. Otabek kissed Yuri’s forehead and put his arms around him, placing his hands on Yuri’s slim waist.

“Can I ask you something?” Otabek eventually wondered out loud, because he couldn’t ignore the itch inside him any longer. Yuri only hummed in response which Otabek took as permission to go on. “Do you remember what you said earlier? About… wanting to give up and…”

“Beka,” Yuri cut in, twisting in Otabek’s arms so he could look at him, “just forget about it, okay?” He stroked the side of Otabek’s face, once again avoiding directly looking at him.

“This is not something I can just forget, Yura,” Otabek said, covering Yuri’s hand with his own.

Yuri moved up and kissed Otabek. It was slow and gentle, yet passionate and full of emotion. “I’m fine,” Yuri whispered against Otabek’s lips. “I’ve got you now.”

It didn’t happen often that Otabek felt a sudden surge of happiness mixed with an equal amount of sadness rushing through him, but he did the second those words had left Yuri’s lips. He never thought he could possibly care about someone else as much as he cared about Yuri. It was amazing and incredibly scary at the same time.

**_Wednesday, 22nd February, St. Petersburg, 9.12pm_ **

By the time Victor and Yuuri were finally ready for bed, Victor’s face was dry but it was easy to see that he was still on the verge of more tears. Yuuri tried his best to avoid that, because he had definitely reached a point where he couldn’t stand seeing his fiancé like this anymore, so lost and vulnerable.

Victor’s tall body was curled up into a tiny ball on the mattress, facing away from him when Yuuri walked out of their adjoining bathroom. He sighed deeply because he was painfully aware of how little he could do to make things better for Victor. As much as it hurt Yuuri to admit it, Victor had put himself in this situation and he was the only one that could mend it. Unless Victor decided to actually confide in him, there really wasn’t anything Yuuri could do for him.

He slowly walked over to the bed and put his glasses down on the nightstand. Climbing under the covers, Yuuri lay down behind Victor and wrapped his arms around him, one under Victor’s neck, the other one around his waist. He pulled Victor in closer and kissed the back of his neck cautiously.

Victor was pressing back against him, which Yuuri was glad about since it showed that his attention wasn’t unwelcomed. Normally when Victor was upset about something, be it getting the wrong order at a restaurant or not getting a choreography right he had been working on for ages, he had a tendency to ignore everything and everyone for a little while until he cleared his head. This time however, he seemed to practically crave Yuuri’s affection.

“You can still fix this, Vitya,” Yuuri mumbled into the soft skin on Victor’s shoulder, knowing full well that Victor wasn’t asleep yet.

“No, I can’t,” Victor said in response with a hoarse voice. “They hate me. Both of them.”

Yuuri held on to his fiancé a little tighter. Victor was engulfed by pain and despair completely at this point and Yuuri was tormented because he just couldn’t do anything to free Victor from it all. “They don’t hate you. They’re disappointed because they don’t know why you’re acting this way. I think Otabek is the best thing that could have possibly happened to Yurio and I’m convinced that you can see that too. You have to let them know what’s going on with you.”

Victor turned around in Yuuri’s arms to look at him, pressing himself as close to Yuuri as he possibly could. “I can’t tell them, especially Yurio,” Victor said, and Yuuri didn’t understand why. “Even if he doesn’t already hate me, he will if I tell him the truth.”

“What truth? What are you hiding from him?” Yuuri asked him, leaning back a little in hopes Victor’s eyes might give something away. Victor couldn’t take it for long though as he hid his face right under Yuuri’s chin. “Talk to me, Vitya,” Yuuri said, losing his patience. The whole situation, the tension between Victor and Yuri at home was beginning to make him antsy and incredibly worried. They were all drifting further away from each other and he was afraid they would soon hit a bump that none of them would be able to get over.

After a few more moments of silent tears that wet Yuuri’s shirt, Victor began to say something without lifting his head. The words were muffled, but Yuuri could still hear them perfectly since he had enough practice with his fiancé being in a state like this. “I never had anyone,” Victor mumbled. “No one was there for me when I was Yurio’s age. No one told me that there was nothing wrong with saying no or that I didn’t owe anybody anything. No one gave me a lecture when I came home sore and hungover after sleeping with a random guy on a first, and last date, because no one cared enough about me to be worried. I never had anyone looking out for me. I always thought what I did and what others did to me was normal, because there was no one there telling me otherwise. I’ve been on my own and _lonely_ for as long as I can remember and I don’t want Yurio to feel that way, ever.”

Even after all of those years, Yuuri didn’t know too much about Victor’s life before he had entered it, besides from the obvious, the things everyone knew about Victor through his constant presence in the media. The press had always painted this amazing picture of Victor, the success and the attention that came with it. Yuuri had no idea that Victor had felt so miserable all these years.

“Why didn’t you ever talk to me about all of this?” Yuuri asked him, scooting down a little bit because he had a feeling that Victor wouldn’t move even a single inch. He framed Victor’s face with both of his hands and forced his fiancé to look at him. “Why did you keep this from me?”

“My life changed when you came into it,” Victor said, his eyes as blue as a sunny afternoon sky. “It was all about you from that point on. My past didn’t matter, but ever since Yurio and Otabek got together, all those horrible memories keep coming back to me. I don’t want him to make the same mistakes I made.”

Yuuri leaned forward and kissed Victor, trying to soothe him. “You need to tell Yurio that,” he said. “Right now it looks like you’re acting this crazy just out of spite.” He felt Victor’s head go up and down as if he was nodding in understanding. Neither one of them said anything else for a while. Yuuri just rubbed gentle circles into Victor’s back in an attempt to calm him down. He was so close to drifting off, still thinking why any of what Victor had just told him would make Yuri want to hate him, when he heard Victor’s voice cut through the silence again.

“There’s something else you should know,” Victor simply said, his bright eyes suddenly back on Yuuri’s.

**_Thursday, 23rd February, Almaty, 8.02am_ **

Maxim was in the middle of pouring some coffee into his to-go cup when he heard his phone chime on the counter. Once the top was screwed on the mug to keep the content hot, he reached over to grab his phone only to find a text message from Otabek.

 **Beka:** _I land at 7.50pm tonight. Can you pick me up at the airport?_

Frowning in confusion, Maxim quickly typed his reply.

 **Maxim:** _Doesn’t T normally do that?_

 **Beka:** _Can you pick me up or not?_

 **Maxim:** _Of course.  
_**Maxim:** _But you have to tell me what’s up._

Something didn’t feel right. Temir was always the one who went to get Otabek from the airport. No one else had ever gone to pick him up. As far as Maxim was aware Temir didn’t have anything going on that would keep him from fetching Otabek. It just didn’t add up and Maxim didn’t like it.

He grabbed his coffee mug and headed for the door to go over to Otabek’s place to feed Ginger before he went to the office. Maxim really wasn’t someone who felt the need to butt into other people’s business, but Otabek and Temir were his friends, some of his closest friends at that. He didn’t necessarily want to get caught up in the middle, but Maxim already had a bad feeling that he might not be the only one who was going to be dragged into their mess. There probably was only one person besides the guys who could enlighten him on the matter.

 **Maxim:** _What happened between Beka and Temir?_

Just as he was about to get into his car, he got a reply back.

 **Asel:** _Long story. They’ll sort it out, don’t worry._

Maxim was positive that she was right, but it didn’t stop him from worrying. Her text didn’t make him feel any better, which Asel had most likely hoped for.

**_Thursday, 23rd February, St. Petersburg, 6.32am_ **

When he woke up in the morning, Yuri was still exhausted. He knew Yakov expected him at the rink in the afternoon, but practice was the very last thing he wanted to do that day, other than not see Victor anyway.

He was lying on his back, his limbs sprawled out all over the mattress, and someone was definitely stroking his hair. Yuri loved the feeling of getting his hair brushed, whether it be with an actual hair brush or with fingers, especially if those belonged to Otabek. Turning over and moving to cover Otabek’s entire body, Yuri immediately glued himself to his boyfriend and let himself relax.

“Morning,” he mumbled into Otabek’s chest, wiggling his hips once just to see if it would get him a reaction from Otabek. The hand the was in his hair before moved down to Yuri’s ass, cupping those round cheeks through his sweatpants. Yuri smirked unbeknown to Otabek, and asked, “how long have you been watching me sleep?”

Otabek kissed the top of Yuri’s head before he answered. “About an hour and half I guess.”

“You’re such a creep,” Yuri responded, finally looking up at him. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

He let his knees drop to the sides of Otabek’s body, ultimately straddling his hips. Lifting himself up from Otabek’s chest, Yuri supported himself with his hands on the mattress. He looked down Otabek expectantly.

“Your day will be a little longer than mine. I thought I’d let you rest as much as possible,” Otabek said, brushing some of Yuri’s messy hair behind his ear.

“You’re leaving today. We could’ve done… things for the past hour,” Yuri complained and pouted, which didn’t last long. He leaned down to kiss the God of a man underneath him, but Otabek turned his head away. “What are you doing, idiot?”

Otabek silently pushed Yuri off of him and then stood up from the bed. He reached out a hand, silently asking Yuri to follow him. Yuri didn’t hesitate long before he took it. Otabek dragged him off the bed as well and then into the bathroom, leaving the door a little adrift.

"Here," Otabek said, handing Yuri his toothbrush. Yuri shot him an annoyed glare but didn’t say anything. He snatched the toothbrush out of Otabek’s hand and held it out.

“Toothpaste,” was all he said. Otabek chuckled and put some toothpaste on Yuri’s toothbrush, slightly shaking his head while he did so. Yuri began brushing his teeth without leaving Otabek out of his sight. They stood opposite of each other in front of the bathroom mirror, just staring at one another. Yuri bathed in the attention he got as Otabek let his eyes wander all over him.

After a couple of minutes, Otabek rinsed his mouth and put his toothbrush to the side. Yuri still observed his every move as he did the same a moment later. Once Yuri was done, he turned back around to look at Otabek.

“Are you done?” Otabek asked him calmly, to which Yuri only nodded.

The next thing he knew was the feeling of his lips getting crushed. Otabek was on him in an instant, already pulling on his bottom lip and forcing his tongue inside Yuri’s mouth. Otabek’s hands were roaming all over his body, under his shirt and inside his sweatpants. Yuri was so surprised that it took him a short a moment to realise what was going on. His knees already felt wobbly as he let himself sink into the sensation Otabek’s lips and hands send through him.

“I want to see you naked,” Otabek breathed against the sensitive skin on Yuri’s neck. “Now.”

Yuri could feel how goose bumps seemed to cover every inch of his body, especially when Otabek began marking him. He tilted his head a little to the side to give Otabek a better angle to do whatever he wanted to do, because Yuri was willing to give Otabek anything he asked for. Yuri’s hands wandered under Otabek’s t-shirt and up his back to his shoulder blades, covering as much skin with his fingers as he could. It wasn’t enough and Yuri knew it would _never_ be enough.

When Otabek let go of his neck, Yuri could feel a sting close to his collar bone. He had a quick look in the mirror and started to smirk when he saw what Otabek had done to him. Yuri loved it, and he wanted more.

Otabek was tugging on Yuri’s shirt, which he managed to take off the blonde in a matter of seconds. Otabek’s own shirt followed just as quickly before he went back to Yuri to rid him off his sweatpants. Everything was happening so fast that Yuri barely had a chance to breathe properly. Once they stood there facing each other in nothing but their underwear, Yuri could literally feel his eyes blow up wide with lust and anticipation.

They surged forward at the same time, their lips meeting again in yet another heated kiss. Yuri wrapped his hands around Otabek’s neck while Otabek’s went straight inside Yuri’s boxers, cupping his naked ass once more. Otabek pulled him closer so their groins met and both of them moaned out in sync. Yuri already felt himself get lost in the rhythm of their hips swaying in tandem, but he didn’t want it to be over so soon.

It certainly looked like Otabek didn’t want that either. Yuri felt his boxers being slid off and a short moment later he was completely naked, just as Otabek had wanted him. He raised an eyebrow at his gorgeous boyfriend as Otabek just stood there looking him up and down again, admiring him. Yuri really loved it when Otabek got so distracted by his body, but he wanted more now, so he reached over and pulled Otabek’s underwear down as well. They both stepped out of their boxers before Otabek grabbed Yuri’s hand again. Yuri followed him into the shower where Otabek turned on the hot water immediately.

Only a minute or so later the entire shower was full of steam. Yuri and Otabek were all over each other, their hands memorising every hidden part of the other’s body, every crease and every bump. Already so very conscious of how painfully hard his dick was, Yuri somehow managed to detach his lips from Otabek’s for long enough to ask him what he wanted to do.

“Anything you want, Yura,” Otabek replied, his mouth back on Yuri’s neck while one of his strong hands found its way into Yuri’s wet and silky hair. Otabek pulled slightly but it turned Yuri on more than he expected.

“Fuck me, Beka,” he choked out, before he turned around without any warning. Yuri leaned back against Otabek’s broad chest and rested his head on Otabek’s right shoulder. He could feel how Otabek went a little tense and he knew why, but he really wanted to see how far he could go like this.

Otabek wrapped his arms around Yuri’s waist, one of his hands on Yuri’s stomach, the other one going further down until his fingers reached his cock to wrap them around it. “Are you sure about this?” Otabek asked, the hesitation in his voice more than obvious. It warmed Yuri’s heart, it really did. He had trouble understanding how Otabek could possibly care about him so much, but all that mattered to Yuri at that moment was Otabek behind him being desperate for him.

“I want to try,” Yuri said. “Just stay on my left shoulder and keep talking to me.” He figured that as long as Otabek kept talking to him, his brain would somehow be convinced that it was actually Otabek behind him and no one else. Yuri was scared to close his eyes in fears of seeing things behind them that he didn’t want to be reminded of, but the feeling of Otabek’s hands on him and his breath on his neck was too much to not just give in to it.

“Promise me to tell me if it gets too much,” Otabek said to him, his lips ghosting over Yuri’s ear. For just a second Yuri wanted to stop, to just turn back around so his eyes could focus on Otabek, but he forced himself to remember where he was. He wasn’t at the club surrounded by strangers, he was at home in his own shower with the one person who probably cared more about him than Yuri cared about himself.

Yuri nodded and reached up with his left hand to keep Otabek’s head right in place in the crook of his shoulder. Otabek kept pumping his cock for a little longer while Yuri pushed his ass back against Otabek’s equally hard dick with every thrust of Otabek’s hand.

They were both breathing heavily when Otabek removed his hand and reached between them. Yuri immediately leaned forward and put his hands against the tiled shower wall. He could feel Otabek’s legs behind him when he heard a bottle, which he assumed to be lube, click open. Yuri briefly wondered when Otabek had managed to sneak the bottle in, but as soon as a lube-covered finger pressed against his entrance, that thought instantly vanished.

Otabek stood slightly to Yuri’s side, his cock pressed into Yuri’s hips while his finger began working the blonde open. He kissed Yuri’s back and his shoulder, his free hand going up to lace together with one of Yuri’s on the wall. Yuri’s head hung between his arms, his long hair flung over his right shoulder as he concentrated on his breathing.

“You’re so beautiful, Yura,” Otabek said, before he plastered more kisses all over Yuri’s skin. “I love your messy hair in the morning.” Another kiss to Yuri’s spine. “I love the way your body fits so perfectly together with mine.” His hot lips were back on Yuri’s ear while a second finger joined the first one to prepare Yuri thoroughly. “I love that you can’t keep your hands off me.” Otabek’s hand wandered down Yuri’s arm, reached down his side only to go back up over his chest. “I love how the angry tiger in you turns into a soft kitten when we’re alone.” Yet another finger slowly sneaked into Yuri. “I would spend every waking second with you if I could.”

Yuri couldn’t take it anymore. He pushed himself off the wall and pulled Otabek into him. Their lips met in an instant, nibbling and pulling with intent. Yuri’s tongue was desperate to taste Otabek, to commit every little thing about Otabek to memory that would help him get through the next four weeks. Even though Otabek stood now in front of Yuri, his fingers hadn’t left Yuri’s ass. They were still working in and out of him carefully with Yuri pushing himself back on them to get more.

“Please, Beka,” Yuri murmured when the fingers inside him just didn’t satisfy him anymore. He wanted Otabek’s dick, he wanted to feel full, he wanted them to be connected in the most intimate way possible.

Yuri held on to Otabek’s wrist and pulled the fingers out of him. He turned around again and stood in front of the wall with his chest pressed against the cold tiles. Otabek’s hands went straight up to his hair, they pulled again which only caused Yuri to moan out in pleasure. While Otabek’s fingers slowly made their way down along his shoulders and then down his sides, Yuri’s entire body shuddered. He was so ready to give in to Otabek completely, but Otabek seemed to take his shivering as a bad sign.

He wrapped his arms around Yuri and quietly spoke to him. “Everything okay?” he asked, the concern and worry so freaking obvious in his voice that Yuri almost wanted to smack him for it. “I’m fine, Beka. Stop worrying,” Yuri replied immediately, and it hit him then that he actually was fine for the moment.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Otabek said again, and Yuri only pushed his ass back into Otabek’s groin in response. Yuri heard the distinct sound of the top of the bottle of lube opening once more, before he felt the tip of Otabek’s cock press against his hole.

“Fuck,” he hissed out because it was already so much better than Otabek’s fingers, even though Otabek hadn’t even pushed in yet. “Beka,” Yuri breathed out, “stop teasing me please.”

It wasn’t often that Yuri begged, but he couldn’t help thinking about Otabek leaving Saint Petersburg in a few hours. He just really wanted to be as close to him as he could get. It would be a long four weeks until he would be able to share this kind of intimacy with him again.

Otabek finally pushed deep inside Yuri. Once he was completely settled he gave Yuri a moment to catch his breath. “I love you, Yura,” Otabek told him. Yuri thought it was so cliché to say something like while they were fucking, but he somehow cherished those words in that specific situation more than he thought he would. “I love everything about you,” Otabek added when his hands went up Yuri’s arms to entwine his fingers with the blonde’s delicate digits against the wall. He began to slowly pull out of Yuri only to push back in just as cautiously when he said, “I love you so much. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise, especially not yourself.”

Yuri felt his eyes tear up. Everything he had done to Otabek suddenly came rushing back to him, everything he had put him through, the hell he forced Otabek to go through. It all hit him like a ton of bricks and completely out of the blue. “Move,” Yuri almost shouted out, his silent cries masked by the sound of the water splashing on their naked bodies and both of them panting from the intensity of Otabek’s cock filling Yuri.

Incredibly gently, Otabek began thrusting in and out of Yuri. It was such a strange sensation Yuri hadn’t experienced like that before. When Otabek hit that magical spot inside him everything in him screamed in pleasure, but the chaos in his head was just so overwhelmed by it all. Suddenly Yuri was incredibly thankful for the position they were in. He could perfectly hide his face from his boyfriend, as Otabek got a hold of Yuri’s hips.

Yuri started to full on sob. It all felt so right and wrong at the same time. He was so insanely conflicted, but he tried his best to focus on the good rather than the bad. Reaching back with one hand, he grabbed one of Otabek’s ass cheeks as best as he could, intent on feeling closer to Otabek in the hopes that it would help him sort himself out. Otabek began kissing his neck which only made everything worse for Yuri. He squinted his eyes shut so he could actually concentrate on the only thing that mattered, which was Otabek there right with him.

It took them both surprisingly long to even be close to their orgasms, but when Otabek’s hand wrapped around Yuri’s leaking dick and his hips began to stutter, Yuri knew Otabek wasn’t far away. Putting his own hand above Otabek’s, Yuri pumped his own cock together with Otabek, and as soon as his boyfriend had reached his climax, Yuri could finally let go as well. His tears were mixing with the water, invisible to Otabek, while Otabek’s cum was dripping out of his ass.

Yuri dropped down on to his knees as soon as Otabek had pulled out of him. With his hands on the shower floor and his breath ragged and heavy, Yuri turned into a small pathetic mess. He barely registered how Otabek came to sit beside him or how Otabek wrapped his arms around him, or how the water still came splashing down on them.

“I asked you to tell me if you couldn’t handle it,” Otabek confronted him without actually sounding accusing. Yuri just held on to him and kept crying into his neck, his body still shivering.

“It’s not that,” Yuri said through his sobs. Otabek pulled Yuri in a little tighter, and Yuri felt himself relax a bit at the skin on skin contact. “You just can’t say all this sappy shit while your dick is buried in my ass.”

Otabek was practically giggling, his chest vibrating against Yuri’s. “Bloody hell, Yura,” he said, brushing Yuri’s hair back and out of his face. “Don’t scare me like that ever again.”

Yuri immediately flung his arms around Otabek’s neck. “I love you so fucking much,” he stammered out. “I’m such an idiot and I’m so sorry, Beka. I’m so sorry.” Everything just came crashing down on him. All those things that he had tried to push back into the darkest corners in his head suddenly saw the light again. He had hurt Otabek over and over again, he had inflicted so much pain on Otabek and even despite all of that, Otabek was still here, professing his love for him, and Yuri just didn’t understand why.

“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about,” Otabek said, wiping away his tears now that he had probably realised that Yuri was actually crying. Yuri was desperate to get out of the shower but at the same time he wanted to stay there forever, just hide there with Otabek by his side and let the world pass by them outside of the four walls of his bathroom.

“You don’t deserve to be stuck with someone like me,” Yuri said, meaning every word. He couldn’t comprehend how anyone could love him, let alone someone like Otabek. This whole thing was starting to make Yuri angry. Why couldn’t he just enjoy being with Otabek without questioning everything? Where were all of those doubts coming from? They hit him like a freight train when he least expected them. Yuri knew he let himself be blissfully happy with Otabek for too long over the past few days by ignoring his actual issues.

Otabek took Yuri’s face between his hands and Yuri had nowhere else to look but at him. “Stop it, Yura,” Otabek said firmly. “Just stop it… please. I’m here with you because I _want_ to be here with you. I’m stuck with you because I _want_ to be stuck with you. You’re perfect just the way you are and there’s nothing that could ever change that. I don’t know what else I can do to prove to you how much I love you. Just… please believe me, Yura.” Without waiting for a response, Otabek leaned forward and kissed Yuri.

The intensity of the kiss, how Otabek didn’t push him or ask for anything, it all freed Yuri of the pent-up tension in his body. When Otabek pulled back, Yuri smiled at him as much as he could manage, which probably wasn’t very much at all. “I love you too, asshole,” he said right against Otabek’s lips, feeling himself get lost in Otabek all over again.

A set of strong arms pulled Yuri up to stand, making sure he didn’t slip. “Let me wash your hair,” was all Otabek said before he reached over for the shampoo bottle. As soon as Otabek began massaging Yuri’s scalp, Yuri held on to him tightly, silently promising himself never to let go again.

**_Thursday, 23rd February, St. Petersburg, 10.39am  
_ **

Instead of asking Yuuri or Victor for a ride to the airport, Yuri had been insistent on taking a taxi. The entire ride had been filled with silence, neither Otabek nor Yuri sure about what they could possibly say, but they hadn’t felt the need to talk anyway. They had held hands all the way to the airport, but both of them were in their own little world.

Once they had reached the airport, Yuri paid the driver and they went into the terminal. Standing in the same spot now as they had the last time he went back to Almaty made Otabek feel a little resentful, but this time things were different. He hoped that Yuri finally understood that this was not just a fling or quick fuck to Otabek, that this was so much more than just physical.

With his suitcase next to him, Otabek reached out for Yuri and grabbed him by his hips to press their foreheads together. Yuri’s arms snuck around his neck when Otabek was about to say something, but Yuri beat him to it. “We can do this, right?” Yuri asked, the question echoing in Otabek’s mind from the last time. Otabek also remembered how he had had doubts the last time they came to the airport, how he hadn’t been certain about them as a couple, but back then he had been worried about the distance between them and the fact that they wouldn’t get to see each other very often. Now he was concerned about Yuri for a variety of different reasons.

“We can,” Otabek said as convincingly as he could, “and we will.”

There wasn’t much else he could say, but for the moment it seemed to be enough. Yuri leaned in to kiss him and Otabek eagerly responded. It was reminiscent of their very first kiss on New Year’s Eve, innocent and simple, just a slight press of lips against lips. “Just like the first time,” Yuri mumbled when they broke apart again.

Otabek saw him smile, seemingly more to himself and at the memory rather than at Otabek. It didn’t matter though, for the moment Yuri appeared to be content and that was all Otabek could really ask for.

“Don’t do anything stupid while I’m away,” he said, letting his fingers run through Yuri’s hair.

“No promises,” Yuri replied immediately, leaning into the touch, “but I’ll try my best.”

Otabek pressed another chaste kiss to the blonde’s lips. “It’s just a little over four weeks, Yura. Once we’ve won Worlds, you can get away from here and come back to Almaty. We can do whatever you want and I’m sure the others would love to see you again.”

Yuri hugged him tight and Otabek squeezed him right back. “I miss everyone,” Yuri mumbled into Otabek’s neck, “and I miss you already.”

Pulling back to kiss Yuri again, Otabek was so very reluctant to let go of him. He wished he could stay or Yuri could go with him, but he knew neither one of those things was an actual option without serious consequences for both of them. It wouldn’t be too bad if there weren’t so many loose ends to tie up. Otabek was worried about the situation with Victor, about Yuri falling back into a hole, about Yuri isolating himself again. There were a lot of things Otabek couldn’t do anything about from the distance and that was something he couldn’t really deal with, but he had to find way to live with it.

“Don’t just shut me out again, Yura. Promise to call me whenever something’s on your mind. I don’t care if it’s five in the morning or eleven at night, call me, okay?” Otabek pleaded with Yuri.

“I promise,” Yuri said, and it at least sounded sincere. All Otabek could do was to keep his fingers crossed that Yuri really would learn to lean on him.

Kissing Yuri deeply and urgently this time, Otabek found himself in turmoil because he really didn’t want to leave Yuri alone. “I need to go,” he whispered anyway without actually letting go of Yuri. Another kiss followed where Yuri seemed just as reluctant to let him leave.

“I love you, you stupidly perfect ass of a human being,” Yuri said, probably trying to lighten the mood. It worked at least so far that Otabek had no other choice but to smirk at Yuri.

Otabek captured Yuri’s lips for one last time, putting everything he felt for Yuri into this one kiss. “I love you too. Don’t forget that, kitten,” he asked of Yuri, pressing another innocent kiss to the blonde’s lips, before he hugged him again only pull back. Otabek grabbed his suitcase and slowly walked away toward security. He waved at Yuri, the sad and fragile smile on Yuri’s face already breaking him before he disappeared out of sight.

As soon as Otabek was through the security about ten minutes later, he bought himself a bottle of water and sat down in a fairly quiet corner near his gate. He fished for his phone in his jacket pocket and took a sip of his water. There were three messages he had to send, the first one to Katsuki.

 **Otabek:** _Thanks for letting me stay at your place. Please look out for Yura and Victor._

There wasn’t much else he could say to Yuuri. As much as he was annoyed by Victor’s behaviour towards Yuri, he knew that there was no point in bitching about it to Katsuki. Victor was to Yuuri what Yuri was to him.

The second text went to Mila. He hadn’t seen her at all during his short stay in Saint Petersburg, but he knew he could count on her.

 **Otabek:** _Do me a favour and keep an eye on Yura. I’m scared he’ll snap again soon, so please don’t push him. Just be there for him while I can’t be._

He hated the fact that he couldn’t be there for Yuri. It was the one thing that weighed incredibly heavy on his mind.

The last message was going to Yuri himself. Yuri was probably still at the airport and waiting for his taxi back into town. He was still so close, yet so far away at the same time. It was worse than actually being thousands of miles away from him. Otabek didn’t have his entire music library on his phone, but the one song he was looking for was there. He attached it to his text and typed the first thing that came to his mind.

 **Otabek:** _Don’t forget about me, Yura._

**_Thursday, 23rd February, Almaty, 9.12pm  
_ **

As promised Maxim had picked Otabek up at the airport in Almaty, but Otabek had refused to tell him anything about what had happened between him and Temir. Otabek figured that it would be a topic for a different day. He was just exhausted and had been desperate to get home. He had thanked Maxim for looking after Ginger and they agreed to get together the next night to celebrate Asel’s birthday.

Otabek had taken a quick shower and then snuck into bed with Ginger his side. The fluffy cat was very clingy which was unlike her, but Otabek welcomed her neediness. He craved a substitution for Yuri’s missing body heat next to him and the silkiness of Ginger’s fur strangely enough reminded him of Yuri’s golden mane.

He had thought Yuri was still at practice when he landed, so he hadn’t bothered to text him then, but Yuri should have been home by now. Otabek was close to drifting off, exhaustion suddenly overcoming his tired muscles, when his phone briefly rang.

 **Yura <3:** _Did you get home okay?_

It was such a simple question, but it still caused Otabek’s lips to turn into a massive grin. He missed Yuri already. The next few weeks would be pure torture, he just knew it.

 **Otabek:** _Yeah. Max got me home safe and sound. How was practice?_

 **Yura <3:** _Apart from fucking Victor not leaving me alone, it was alright I guess. Wish you were still here though._

 **Otabek:** _Don’t let him get to you, Yura. But do let me know if you need to get away._

 **Yura <3:** _So you can come riding into the rink on your white horse and rescue the fairy from the danger that is the evil king Nikiforov?_

It was physically impossible not to laugh at that. Just the mental picture of himself on a shiny white horse and Yuri as the damsel in distress was so incredibly absurd. Otabek still chuckled when he typed his reply.

 **Otabek:** _Precisely. The hero rescuing the fairy… Can’t get much more romantic than that, right?_

 **Yura <3:** _You’re such a dork, Beka! :P_

 **Otabek:** _Blame yourself. You bring out that side of me._  
**Otabek:** _I’m beat, Yura. Text me tomorrow?_  
  
**Yura <3:** _Of course. I love you, you sappy shit._

 **Otabek:** _Love you too, angry kitten._

Texting with Yuri certainly didn’t make up for him not being with Otabek, but it was better than nothing. They would talk on the phone and skype, and somehow find a way to make this work. He was sure of it this time.

**_Friday, 24th February, Almaty, 8.52am_ **

As soon as Otabek stepped foot into the rink, his coach was right in front of him holding out a small padded envelope in his hands. Otabek didn’t even have a chance to greet the man before the envelope was shoved into his chest.

“Your friend dropped this off half an hour ago,” Otabek’s coach said. “You got ten minutes to get ready.”

Silently nodding in acknowledgement, Otabek grabbed the envelope and headed off towards the locker rooms. He already had a feeling what he was holding in his hands and he couldn’t wait to check if his suspicion was right.

Once inside the changing room, Otabek dropped his bag on one of the benches and sat down next to it. He emptied the content of the envelope into his hand and inspected the shiny silver thing, smiling at it. It turned out exactly the way he had hoped. He got his phone out of his pocket and immediately texted Asel.

 **Otabek:** _It’s gorgeous, Asel. Absolutely perfect._

He was so thrilled about it that he really wanted to talk to Jasmine himself. Asel’s girlfriend hadn’t even met Otabek yet since she was living in Germany and she still had done him this huge favour, somehow turning this vague idea into something this beautiful.

 **Otabek:** _Do you mind giving me Jasmine’s number? I really want to thank her personally.  
_**Otabek:** _My place at 7pm tonight by the way. Drinks are on me. Max is coming as well._

Practice would be so painfully difficult to concentrate on that day, not just because Otabek would be thinking about Yuri all day, but his mind would be distracted with that tiny shiny thing that was now hidden deep inside his bag and safely stored in his locker until he would drop it off at the post office during his lunch hour.

**_Friday, 24th February, St. Petersburg, 6.49pm_ **

When Mila had asked him if he wanted to spend the weekend at her place, Yuri had immediately agreed. He was relieved that he had been offered an opportunity to get away from Victor, even if it was just for a few days. Instead of just leaving though, Yuri had send Katsudon a message telling him where he would be. As annoyed as he was by the tension at home, he didn’t want Yuuri or Victor to worry about him and wonder where he would be.

Two sessions at the rink with Victor’s eyes constantly on him had been so taxing that Yuri couldn’t wait to get a break from his rink mate. Once Mila and him had finished their afternoon practice at the rink, they made their way back to Mila’s apartment. Yuri would never actually tell her how much she really meant to him, but he was more than just grateful to have her support. He didn’t feel like bothering her with what was going on with Victor (hell, he didn’t even really know himself) and he was thankful that Mila didn’t question him about it either.

Going against their normally quite strict diet, at least during the season, they had decided to order some Chinese food and they certainly went all out. There would be plenty of left-overs for the entire weekend probably, but neither one of them particularly cared. Mila had picked out a couple of cheesy rom-coms that Yuri normally wouldn’t even consider watching, but if he was completely honest with himself, he could use some mind-numbingly senseless distraction which these kinds of films definitely were to him.

They were lounging around on Mila’s single two-seater sofa in her small but surprisingly comfortable apartment. Mila was already deep into her caramel and sesame chicken when Yuri got his phone out to snatch a picture. He leaned over to Mila who currently had a pair of chopsticks in her mouth, licking the sticky caramel off the ends of them, and stuck his tongue out, pulling a face.

“Perfect,” he said when he inspected the photo.

“Show me,” Mila demanded and Yuri turned the screen so she could see. She nodded in agreement and Yuri posted the picture to Instagram.

 **yuri-plisetsky** _Since asshole @otabek-altin went back to Almaty yesterday, @mila-b has to put up with me now! #moviesandchinesefood #fuckthisdiet_

He put his phone back down and grabbed the nearest container of the food he could reach. Barely tugging into it what seemed to be chow mein noodles, Yuri’s phone chimed where it lay screen down on the coffee table. It was a message from Otabek with a photo attached.

Yuri opened the text to find a picture of Otabek, Asel and Maxim. It was obvious that Asel was the one who took the photo with her on the left side, Otabek slightl behind her and Maxim behind him, resting his head on Otabek’s shoulder and kissing his cheek. Asel was laughing with her mouth open in ecstasy and her eyes squinted almost completely shut. Otabek had a very distinct blush on his cheeks and a provocative smirk on his lips. The colour on his face definitely came from too much alcohol, Yuri could easily tell as he was familiar with Otabek in a drunken state although his boyfriend didn’t get completely wasted on many occasions. Otabek had mentioned that they would be celebrating Asel’s birthday, which was actually when Otabek had been away for Four Continents.

 **Beka <3:** _Too drunk for photos but Asel wouldn’t take no for an answer._

Every single time Yuri was impressed with how Otabek still managed to type so flawlessly when he was intoxicated. It was probably yet another super power Otabek possessed that Yuri admired about him.

At any other point Yuri would probably explode with jealousy seeing Maxim’s lips pressed against Otabek’s cheek, but for some strange reason Yuri just smiled from ear to ear at the photo on the screen. He was happy that Otabek had such good friends, and it just made him realise that he had that kind of friendship with someone as well. He looked over and nudged Mila on the upper arm with his elbow, much gentler than he normally would.

“What?” Mila mumbled with a mouth full of fried rice.

“Thanks,” Yuri simply replied without explaining himself any further, but he had a feeling that Mila understood him nevertheless.

“Anytime,” she said and smiled at him, turning her attention back to the film in an instant.

It didn’t take much of an effort to figure out what Yuri would reply to Otabek’s message. If anything, talking to Otabek, in whatever state he was in, came to him as easily as skating, at least now it did.

 **Yuri:** _Tell Max to keep his mouth off you or I will have to fight him!_  
**Yuri:** _Say hi to the idiots from me. Wish I could be there with you all._

 **Beka <3:** _You can! I’ll book you a flight for tomorrow if you want!_

Now Otabek wasn’t one to use a lot of exclamation marks, that was quite a scary but nonetheless rather amusing sign that he was drunk, even despite his typo-free messages.

 **Yuri:** _I want to but I can’t. You know that, idiot._  
**Yuri:** _Enjoy your hangover tomorrow, you moron, and don’t you dare come crying to me in the morning. I’m staying at Mila’s place so I need to sleep in.  
_**Yuri:** _I miss you._

He really didn’t expect another reply from Otabek and truth be told, Yuri really was happy that Otabek wasn’t alone. If it weren’t for Mila, Yuri would be all miserable and hiding in his room right about now, and he suspected that Otabek would do the exact same thing if he didn’t have Asel and Maxim and all the others who wouldn’t let him sulk on his own. Much to his surprise, Yuri did get another text from Otabek, one that he already began to crave to receive every single day until they would see each other again.

 **Beka <3:** _I miss you too, gorgeous!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are getting closer to the roots of Victor's issues, slowly but surely... Oh, and she wasn't really there yet, but please say hi to Asel's girlfriend Jasmine! She'll actually show up towards the end of the story and I have a feeling you're going to love her... 
> 
> The song that Otabek picks out for him and Yuri to listen to (the one that Yuri recognises from the USB stick) is [this one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aatr_2MstrI). The song that Ezra and Alisur's mother wrote is [this one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLdsGL5M1sQ) and the tune that Otabek sends to Yuri at the airport is [this one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdqoNKCCt7A).
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this monster chapter! <3


	7. Going Nowhere With My Trains of Thought.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri discovers a side of Otabek he wasn't really aware of yet, while Otabek is far more affected by everything than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a beautiful Sunday but my new housemate is absolutely doing my head in, so I thought why not distract myself and treat you all to another new chapter instead. It's a short one (4K) but it is what it is. Enjoy!
> 
> I also wanted to crack the 200K though... obviously... ;)

**_Saturday, 25 th February, St. Petersburg, 8.41am  
_ **

Yuri woke up in the morning with some horrendous neck pains. He actually really liked Mila’s apartment but he definitely hated that small sofa. Even though he obviously wasn’t the tallest guy around, that couch was too short even for him and it wasn’t comfortable in any other way either. Rubbing the back of his neck, Yuri slowly moved his head from side to side, carefully testing how far he could bend. The pain subsided after a little while but he still felt stiff. His legs were probably pulled up to his chest all night long, which didn’t bode well for him now either. Just sitting up straight took a lot longer than it should have.

“Fucking hell,” Yuri muttered under his breath once he finally managed to get his feet on the floor.

Out of habit, he grabbed his phone to find it blinking wildly. There were a bunch of messages from Otabek, and surprisingly even one from Asel. Just because Yuri didn’t know what he should expect from the pink-haired Kazakh girl, he checked that specific text first. He knew he had fallen asleep shortly after 11pm, which was quite early for him, especially on a Friday night, but it had already been past 2am in Almaty at that point. Asel’s message was from about an hour later. It certainly seemed like Otabek, Maxim and Asel had been making the most out of being together again.

 **Asel:** _Yuriiiii! You need to come back to Almaty asap! Beka is no fun without you. He’s so boooring… Didn’t even want to take a picture for you! Tell him that’s not okay, okay?_

Besides the obvious overuse of the word okay and the content of the message, Yuri noticed how Asel was exceptionally good at keeping her texts typo-free as well when she was drunk. Was this a Kazakh thing? Yuri had no idea, but it was very amusing nevertheless. He promised himself to bring this up the next time he was going to visit the gang.

Grinning down at his phone, Yuri decided to disregard Asel’s text for the time being. The other messages from Otabek were a little more intriguing to him at the moment. Yuri hadn’t been passed out on the sofa for long when four out of the five texts from Otabek came in short succession one after the other judging by the time stamps on the messages.

 **Beka <3:** _Max says he’s lonely. He’s jealous, Yura. One-night stands and affairs with married women are not enough for him anymore._  
**Beka <3:** _I think he has a crush on you. Keeps talking about you. Can you stop my friends from crushing on you please?_  
**Beka <3:** _Wish you were here so we could make him reeeally jealous though.  
_**Beka <3:** _I would be all over you right now if you were here. Don’t care if Asel and Max would watch._

Yuri literally burst out laughing at those messages. Otabek really wasn’t someone who drunk texted a lot, but things had changed between them since New Year’s and maybe something inside Otabek had changed as well since then. Reading those words, Yuri could sympathise. He understood perfectly well how Otabek felt because he was going through the exact same thing. They had only been apart for about forty-eight hours, but the distance was already testing their willpower.

The last message was from just before 4am Almaty time. Yuri couldn’t even remember the last time he had been awake this long throughout the night. Even on New Year’s Eve they had gone to bed before then. It was only fair, Yuri supposed, since Otabek hadn’t seen his friends in practically two weeks and he had missed Asel’s birthday as well. Yuri was the kind of person who got jealous when it came to people he cared about, especially someone he _loved_ , but he wasn’t someone who got upset just because his significant other had some fun spending time with his friends. He simply desperately wished he could be part of that fun.

 **Beka <3:** _Please don’t ever leave me again because I don’t think I could handle that. I love you so much, Yura._

Now that text was a little unsettling. Otabek must have gotten quite sentimental then. God only knew what the hell he had been talking about with Asel and Maxim that made him sent Yuri this message. In the end though, Yuri didn’t mind at all. He knew he had messed up big time by pushing Otabek away before, but hurting his hunk of a boyfriend again just wasn’t an option ever again. Yuri certainly got why Otabek still seemed to be worried about it all, he probably would be too if the roles were reversed. He couldn’t even pretend like he wasn’t scared of Otabek leaving him either. Instead of mulling over this crap any longer, Yuri decided to just respond to Otabek’s messages.

 **Yuri:** _I had no idea you were into voyeurism, Beka. Just get everyone together next time I’m visiting you and they can all watch as long as you’re the only one who’s touching me. ;)_

It was practically lunch time already in Almaty, but Yuri guessed that Otabek wasn’t awake yet. Otabek had probably fallen asleep just like Yuri had, in the most uncomfortable position on one of his sofas, most likely with some limbs that did not belong to him but to Asel and Maxim flung all over him. Yuri was just about to get up to make some coffee since there was no sign of Mila being up yet, when his phone chimed with a reply from Otabek.

 **Beka <3:** _What???  
_**Beka <3:** _My head is killing me…_

Yuri really wanted to call Otabek then just to hear his hoarse and sleep-deprived voice, _and_ because Otabek normally didn’t get awful headaches like every normal person did when they got drunk off their asses. This was way funnier than Yuri thought it could be, mainly because it was just so unexpected.

 **Yuri:** _I told you not to come crying to me when you’re hungover. :P Do you remember anything from last night?_

 **Beka <3:** _Just the taste of lots of schnapps, beer and weird fruity champagne stuff. Why?_

That certainly explained a few things, Yuri thought. He was just about to type his reply when he received another text from Otabek. It sounded like someone had gone back through some of the messages he had send a few hours before.

 **Beka <3:** _Bloody hell… Please forget I ever said those things, Yura._

Once again Yuri couldn’t help himself but practically howl at that. He could literally hear Otabek’s embarrassed voice in his head pleading with Yuri to not make fun of him, which of course was something Yuri was planning on doing regardless of what Otabek was hoping for. He did however feel a little bad for Otabek, especially since Yuri knew from experience how bad hangover headaches could be, so he kept his teasing to a minimum.

 **Yuri:** _So that’s a no to putting on a show for your friends? Don’t want anyone to watch while you suck my hard dick or how you fuck me senseless into the mattress? Such a shame… ;)_

One thing was for sure, Yuri would never ever share Otabek with anyone and he certainly wouldn’t tolerate anyone watching them when they had sex. Yuri relished the attention he got when he was skating, but he was also determined to keep anything beyond the ice private. It obviously wasn’t like Yuri could compare Otabek’s friends to the media who would probably eat him alive if they could, but friends or not, no one would ever get to see Yuri and Otabek being intimate with each other. The more Yuri thought about the absurdity of his thoughts, the more he realised that he wasted too much time thinking about all of it to begin with.

 **Beka <3:** _I don’t know if I’m more hungover or incredibly turned on thinking about you touching me. Thanks, Yura._

 **Yuri:** _Anytime, asshole! Just think of me while you jerk off in the shower. It’ll make you feel better and wash the grossness from last night away all at once._

 **Beka <3:** _Who else would I think about?_

That was certainly a reply Yuri hadn’t expected. Perhaps he was starting to rub off on Otabek, which could only be a good thing as far as Yuri was concerned. A sassy Otabek was an incredibly hot Otabek (although it was almost impossible to top Otabek’s already existing hotness), so Yuri certainly wouldn’t dare to complain.

 **Yuri:** _Right answer, moron! Now go take a shower and get some rest.  
_**Yuri:** _And kick Asel and Maxim out while you’re at it. I’m sure they’re still at your place and they don’t need to hear you moaning out my name when you’re in the shower._

 **Beka <3:** _I fucking miss you, Yura… Come here and rub my temples before this headache actually kills me._

He had no idea how he could put what he felt then into words, but a needy Otabek was also kind of sexy he decided. That fact though didn’t really distract him enough from that aching feeling inside his chest that was already incredibly awful. Whenever he texted or skyped with Otabek, that feeling just got a hundred times worse. He hated the distance between them so much, it was driving him crazy already.

 **Yuri:** _You’re not going to die from your headache, idiot. Now go take a shower and wash that stink off you. I need to get myself some tea. Call me later?_

 **Beka <3:** _Of course. Love you, kitten._

 **Yuri:** _Go shower already!_  
**Yuri:** _Love you too though._

Mila still wasn’t awake yet, but Yuri definitely wasn’t planning on waiting for her to get up. He longed for a hot cup of peppermint tea and he prayed that Mila had some in the cupboard, otherwise this day was off to a very underwhelming start. Just before he made his way to the kitchen, Yuri remembered Asel’s message. He sent a reply and promised her to have a talk with Otabek about being more fun in the future, but he also told her not to complain about his boyfriend. Only he was allowed to do that. Yuri had to admit, it felt fucking amazing calling Otabek his boyfriend.

**_Friday, 25 th February, Almaty, 10.22pm  
_ **

Just as Yuri had told him to do, Otabek had thrown Maxim and Asel out once his last text to Yuri had been sent. Neither one of them had seemed as affected by their immense alcohol consumption the night before as he had, and that just hadn’t been acceptable. Otabek had also taken that shower like Yuri had practically ordered him to do, and yes, he had also shamelessly jerked off to some of his most prized memories of Yuri underneath him, or inside him for that matter. However, Otabek had read some time ago that masturbation helped to relieve the pain of menstrual cramps for women. Why wouldn’t that apply to monstrous headaches as well? The scientific side of that shower session wasn’t as successful as he had hoped though. Otabek went in and out of a majorly dazed state all day long right up until Maxim had been knocking on his door again to pick him up for Ezra’s DJ gig.

When the two of them arrived at LUX, the most popular club in all of Almaty where Ezra had regular stints as a DJ, everyone else had already started drinking. Otabek was still far from feeling completely like himself again, and the tension between him and Temir that hung so very uncomfortably in the air all around them really didn’t help. He had no idea who was actually aware of what had happened between them, but Otabek was sure that the second they didn’t hug when him and Maxim joined the group and just kind of awkwardly nodded to acknowledge each other’s existence, they all noticed that _something_ wasn’t quite right. Regardless, Otabek still felt the disgusting aftertaste of schnapps and beer in his throat which didn’t allow him to think about much else.

Instead of joining the others with their usual three shots of vodka, Otabek immediately made his way to the DJ booth up on the stage. The security personal knew him well from the various times that he had played his own sets at LUX, which granted him the luxury of getting into areas of the club that normally weren’t available to the general public. Otabek thanked the bouncer that was guarding the stairway up to the stage for letting him through. Once up on the stage, he stood a little to the side for a little while just observing Ezra in his element. It was so obvious that his friend enjoyed what he was doing. Ezra was an incredible DJ for many reasons, but Otabek knew that the most important one was probably his passion for his music. It showed through every move of his body, every tune he chose, every mash-up he played. Ezra’s messy but shiny hair bounced on his head to the rhythm of the music, his long eyelashes were resting on his cheeks beneath his closed eyes while his natural tan glistened in the low light of the dancefloor. It seriously was a mystery to Otabek how Ezra could possibly be single.

The second a new song began playing, a remix he knew Ezra had done the previous year, Otabek finally walked up to him. Ezra seemed to have noticed him before he even reached him as he turned around to Otabek and immediately wrapped him up in a bone-crushing hug. Ezra was easily three inches taller than him, but Otabek was definitely used to it.

“Beka,” Ezra mumbled directly into his ear and over the deafening sounds of the music, before he let him go again. “How was St. Petersburg?”

“Really, Ezra?” Otabek countered, “how about asking me how Four Continents went?”

Smirking at him, Ezra flung one of his arms over Otabek’s shoulder. “I already know you won silver and I’m incredibly proud, but I want to know what’s going on with little Yuri.”

Otabek just shook his head at his friend in amusement. He wasn’t sure whether to take this as a compliment on his wonderful boyfriend or an insult to his skating career. “He’s fine,” Otabek said. “We’re making it work this time.”

Ezra briefly returned to his mixing desk, before he flashed one of his bright smiles at Otabek. “I’m rooting for you two,” he told Otabek, winking at him. It felt a little strange to hear Ezra say that considering that things had been a little tense between them right after Otabek and Yuri had gotten together. Thankfully the events from New Year’s Eve really didn’t seem to be a cause for friction between them anymore.

Otabek then suddenly remembered the last time he was at LUX. He had found Ezra hiding underneath the mixing desk, trying to make himself invisible when he had spotted his ex-boyfriend Daniar in the crowd. “Are you alright being back here?” Otabek asked Ezra. He didn’t know whether Ezra had actually been back at the club since the incident, but he still worried.

“Yeah,” Ezra said, his smile not wavering. “My dad took care of it.”

It was no secret at all that Ezra and Alisur’s father was a lawyer with connections to very high-profile politicians and police men, but no one ever bothered to ask any real questions about those connections. That was one of the reasons why Otabek didn’t dig any deeper about the situation with Daniar either. Whatever did or did not happen to Daniar, Otabek was convinced that he deserved it for what he had done to Ezra. Therefore, he wouldn’t question what exactly Ezra meant when he said his dad took care of it.

He just nodded once to show Ezra that he understood. “Come have a drink with us when you can,” Otabek told Ezra before he turned to leave the stage again.

Walking through the busy crowd dancing and some people singing along to the tunes, Otabek was hit with a rush of sadness. Being at the rink and skating, focussing on his program and choreographing his EX routine for Worlds, allowed him to fully be immersed in what he loved doing and not spend every second of the day thinking about the _person_ he loved. It was strange, but Otabek thought while he was on the ice, he was somehow connected to Yuri despite the physical distance between them. Skating was something they shared, something they both put their heart and soul in, it was the reason they met. Them being professional skaters had allowed them to fall in love and Otabek wouldn’t change anything about it.

Being at the club and surrounded by a bunch of strangers on his day off, actually made Otabek feel pretty miserable. It bummed him out and not even the prospect of spending time with his friends, especially when one of them was mad at him, improved his mood. As soon as he reached the gang back at the bar, Otabek put his mask on once again and tried his best to pretend that he actually wanted to be there, when the reality was the complete opposite.

Temir didn’t even bother to look at him when Otabek joined the group. Meiz was holding Temir’s hand, which led Otabek to assume that they actually were together now, but there was no way to tell for sure unless he would ask either one of them. Of course Otabek was not going to do that, at least not right there. Meiz shot him an apologetic look, indicating that she probably knew why Temir was so cold to him. Otabek didn’t know why, but the way she gazed at him made him think that she might even understand why Otabek had decided to stay with Yuri in Saint Petersburg and not return in time for Sofia’s birthday. It was another thing that he wouldn’t get an answer to unless he asked, which still wasn’t going to happen.

Maxim’s unruly red hair and his pale skin stood out as much as it always did, while he was talking to Alisur next to him. Alisur was almost an exact copy of Ezra, his hair and his body a little shorter than his DJ brother but they both shared the same chocolate brown eyes and impressive facial features.

Otabek was silently observing his friends talking to each other and he felt very out of place all of a sudden. It didn’t happen often that he was being made to feel like he didn’t belong, and he was sure that even now the others didn’t intend for him to feel that way, but he honestly just wanted to leave and get away from everyone. Asel practically pushed a small bottle of water into his chest when Otabek was about to get completely lost in thought. He took the bottle gratefully and looked over at her.

“Where did you go?” Asel asked him, her hand absent-mindedly going through her bright curly hair.

Frowning at her in confusion, Otabek could only ask, “what?”

It was undeniable that Asel could easily read him, and she probably sensed that Otabek wasn’t entirely comfortable being at LUX. He still felt like utter crap from the previous night, and he really cursed Asel and Maxim for seemingly not suffering from any hangover symptoms. That coupled with the misery of not having Yuri around seriously got to Otabek, and he knew that Asel was aware of that even without him saying as much.

“You went somewhere,” she said, “in your head.” Otabek wasn’t certain whether Asel’s ability to see through him was a blessing or a curse. “Do you want to go home?”

They had all come to the club to support Ezra, and Otabek really wanted to be there for him, but the desire to leave was too overwhelming. Before he could even answer, Asel reached out for his free hand and began to drag him along to the DJ booth. Asel made up some stupid excuse Otabek didn’t even care about enough to pay attention to. They said goodbye to Ezra and then snuck out through the back entrance.

Otabek’s place wasn’t that far away, but Asel decided they should take a taxi anyway. Watching her as she typed another few messages on her phone, Otabek soon turned his attention elsewhere. He spent the short ride to his apartment looking out of the window thinking about how much the situation with Temir was actually bringing him down. Otabek would never deny that Sofia had been an important part of his life and he perfectly understood that her birthday was a big deal to Temir, but at the same time he had hoped that Temir would understand him as well. Especially now that it seemed like Temir had found someone special as well in Meiz, Otabek would have thought that his friend would be able to see why Otabek had wanted to stay with Yuri for as long as he could. Their brief encounter at LUX just proved that they were still on completely different pages.

The taxi came to a halt right in front of the entrance of Otabek’s building. Asel made no move to get out of the car, but Otabek didn’t want to be alone, so he told her to come up with him. Without hesitating Asel followed him inside once Otabek had paid for the ride.

Otabek was still in the middle of closing the front door behind them when Asel already disappeared into his kitchen. When he had discarded his jacket and shoes, Otabek followed her and found her already busy making tea for them. Thanking her quickly, Otabek made his way over to the living area where Ginger was snoozing on the big sofa. He didn’t pick her up but he sat down right next to her and started stroking her fur gently, which she actually seemed to welcome for once as she purred delightedly.

Asel brought two mugs with steaming hot tea over and put them down on the coffee table. She took a seat on Otabek’s other side and sat down cross-legged, turning on the television to a low volume. Otabek didn’t even think about it before he lay down on his side with his head in Asel’s lap. He felt awful.

“Have you talked to T yet?” Asel asked casually, already threading her fingers through Otabek’s undercut.

Otabek decided to not even answer her question, especially because just for a fraction of a second he could pretend that it was Yuri he was leaning on and not Asel. When even after a minute or so he still hadn’t responded, Asel seemed to have taken his silence as confirmation that him and Temir obviously hadn’t sorted anything out yet. Much to Otabek’s surprise, Asel let it all rest for the moment. She didn’t say anything else.

It wasn’t solely the hangover that made Otabek want to curl up and hide, it was so much more than just that. He was exhausted from the stress he had ultimately inflicted upon himself when it came to Temir, and being so far away from Yuri again just added on top of that. It all had slowly snuck into his unconscious and now he was simply on the brink of actually crashing down. Thinking about it all, Otabek realised how much of an emotional rollercoaster the weeks since New Year’s had truly been, and even despite his usual collected and level-headed mind things were starting to get to him much more than he had thought they ever would.

Otabek drifted off fairly soon which was exactly why he didn’t notice how Asel somehow managed to take a photo of his sleeping face. It was why he didn’t see her type a message to Yuri and it was why he didn’t know that Asel understood very well what he was going through.

 **Asel:** _He misses you, Yuri…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long-distance relationships suck... :(
> 
> It's about time to thank you glorious people for the amount of kudos and comments this story already has, so yeah, thank you all! Even with the sixth story in the series, I'm still amazed people actually read my stuff... Thank you! <3


	8. What are You Thinking Over There?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otabek starts to realise that the distance between him and Yuri affects him more than he thought, and Yuri has some realisations of his own.

**_Sunday, 26 th February, St. Petersburg, 12.24pm_ **

Lounging around on Mila’s sofa, Yuri was about to pass out again. Mila had made them what she called a light lunch consisting of a warm goats cheese salad with pears and walnuts. It still annoyed Yuri how delicious it actually was even though it had sounded so incredibly awful when Mila told him she would make it. It had been supposed to be a small dish just to get them through to dinner, but Yuri felt absolutely stuffed. Chinese food for the past two nights didn’t really help him to feel any less gross (he couldn’t remember the last time he had indulged himself this much and Yakov sure as hell should definitely not find out about it either). None of that mattered to Yuri though because it was still better than being at home with Victor and Yuuri, although he did miss Potya a lot.

Yuri was absent-mindedly rubbing his bloated stomach while Mila was busy loading the dishwasher when his phone chimed briefly with a text message notification.

 **Beka <3:** _Skype?_

Straight to the point as always. Otabek was normally a little more, or a lot more actually, articulate when he talked to Yuri compared to how he presented himself in public, especially when cameras were around, but Yuri loved it when he didn’t dance around a subject. Without even responding to the text, Yuri grabbed his laptop from the coffee table and turned it on.

“What are you doing?” Mila asked from the kitchen, looking over at him from underneath her ravenous red-hair that was covering half of her face. She closed the dishwasher and filled the kettle next, getting out just one mug and a teabag while the water began to boil.

“Beka wants to skype,” Yuri said without even trying to hide his excitement. He knew he was practically beaming at Mila, but he didn’t care. It had been about seventy-three and a half hours since they said goodbye at the airport (not that Yuri was counting) and he was dying to see Otabek again, even if it was only through a grainy laptop screen.

Opening up Skype and already calling Otabek, Yuri was surprised when Mila came over and put a mug of hot peppermint tea next to him. She smiled tentatively and said, “I’ll just go take a shower and leave you to it.”

Yuri really should not have been as shocked as he was. Mila was so much more considerate than he always tended to think of her, and right now he was incredibly grateful for it. He hadn’t expected or even wanted her to leave just for his sake, but simply the fact that she did made him appreciate her in a way he never knew he could or would. “Thanks,” he all but choked out and smiled back at her, his face no doubt tinged in a nice shade of pink.

The second the bathroom door closed behind Mila, Otabek answered the call and Yuri could feel his blush through his heated cheeks in an instant. Otabek was sitting in his usual spot on the couch in his living room. From what Yuri was able to make out, he was wearing a pair of dark grey sweatpants and his favourite black hoodie, the one with the big white square on it that Yuri loved to steal from him because it was so incredibly soft from constant wear. Just looking at his boyfriend made Yuri’s heart ache.

“You look flushed,” was the first thing Otabek said in lieu of a greeting, not that Otabek ever really bothered with a simple hello anyway.

True to Yuri’s nature, he didn’t take the bait though. “Shut up,” he shot back, unable to hide the massive grin that spread across his face. “Why didn’t you go to LUX last night to see Ezra?”

The irritation on Otabek’s face was priceless. “I did go,” he responded, clearly wondering why Yuri would ask him that. It was Yuri then who was confused. If Otabek had gone out to the club, how come Asel had sent him the photo of Otabek at home?

“Hang on,” Yuri said, reaching out for his phone that was sitting next to the laptop on the coffee table. Yuri could have just shown Otabek his screensaver, because he had changed it to the photo Asel had sent the second he received it, but he didn’t want to scare Otabek off. He quickly opened up Asel’s last message and the attached photo. Turning his phone screen for Otabek to see, Yuri watched how Otabek’s eyes went wide.

“Where did you get that from?” Otabek asked with his brows furrowed. Thankfully he didn’t look displeased or even upset, which put Yuri at ease immediately.

Yuri turned the phone away again and briefly glanced at the photo (he just had to), before he said, “Asel messaged me last night.” The expression on Otabek’s face told Yuri that his boyfriend had not been aware that Asel had texted him. Otabek chuckled and slightly shook his head in disbelief without saying anything. “What happened yesterday, Beka?” Yuri asked, because he needed his own confusion to dissipate.

He saw how Otabek shifted slightly uncomfortable in his seat and how he avoided looking at Yuri. Nevertheless, Yuri got the feeling that it had more to do with embarrassment rather than anything else, which in turn just made him even more curious.

“Max picked me up and we went to LUX,” Otabek said, his eyes still lowered, “but I couldn’t stand being around Temir and Asel took me home.”

About two percent of Yuri wanted to laugh, the other ninety-eight percent were almost literally melting. Otabek was freakishly adorable when he admitted something to Yuri he would normally never dare to say out loud. “Look at me, Beka,” Yuri told him. “Temir is going to realise that he is blowing this whole thing way out of proportion. You know that.” Fighting the urge to call Temir himself to give him a piece of his mind, Yuri tried his best to stay calm.

Otabek sighed and did lift his head to actually look at him then. Yuri thought it would make him feel better, but Otabek just looked so sad and exhausted. He hadn’t even noticed it before, but it was so obvious now. The dark circles under his sunken eyes, the creases of worry on his forehead and the hint of a stubble on his jaw were visible signs that something was going on with Otabek, and Yuri was convinced that there was more to it than just the issue he had with Temir. He could literally count on his fingers the times he had seen Otabek so crushed. It wasn’t often at all that the Kazakh let his troubles shine through his physique so obviously.

“Are you alright, Beka?” Yuri had to ask, since it wouldn’t give him any peace if he didn’t. The weak attempt at a smile on Otabek’s face was awful to witness. He wouldn’t force Otabek to tell him what was up with him, he just wished he could be with him and wrap his arms around his broad shoulders. When Otabek didn’t answer Yuri continued, “where’s Asel?”

“She went home. Sunday lunch with her family,” Otabek answered in an instant.

The fact that Otabek seemingly had no problem talking about someone other than himself didn’t particularly make Yuri feel any better. He desperately wanted to know what was on Otabek’s mind, but he knew better than to push. “Is Mila around?” Otabek asked then, interrupting his train of thought.

Yuri was hesitant to respond. Otabek’s turmoil was gnawing at him, and had turned his excitement at the prospect of talking and seeing him into despair and concern. “She’s in the shower,” Yuri informed Otabek nevertheless.

“How long are you staying?” was the next question Otabek asked, not missing a beat, and Yuri could feel himself get more and more annoyed at the situation.

“I’m going back home tomorrow after practice,” Yuri said, “and yes, the old geezer and Katsudon know where I am.” He just knew that Otabek would want to know that, so he figured he might as well just get it out while he was at it.

All Otabek did though was nod. Under normal circumstances Yuri could easily get lost in his deep dark eyes, but now they looked like Otabek was so insanely far away. Right now, those tired eyes only stirred an intense feeling of homesickness inside Yuri. Otabek was his actual home, and Yuri simply wasn’t and wouldn’t be home soon in any and every sense of the word.

They kept talking idly for a little while about nothing really important or interesting. There were a ton of different thoughts and questions rushing through Yuri’s head, but he couldn’t bring himself to voice any of them in fear that Otabek would get mad at him. He figured that it was probably quite unreasonable to think that way and that Otabek was not the kind of guy who would be upset with him just for asking a few questions, but it didn’t stop him from feeling reluctant.

There were many awkward silences between them, which hadn’t happened in ages. Otabek apparently wasn’t really in the mood to talk and Yuri wasn’t in the mood to retort anything sassy. “Why did you want to skype, Beka?” Yuri eventually asked since they had gotten stuck somehow and hadn’t said a word in at least two minutes. Otabek had just stared at him with something akin to longing and yearning for something.

“I wanted to see you,” Otabek said, which stunned Yuri as much as it warmed his heart, “and I really needed to hear your voice.” Otabek was barely that blunt, but Yuri absolutely loved it.

“I miss you,” he sighed, wishing desperately that he could just put his hand through the screen and touch Otabek. He would let his fingers run over the stubble on Otabek’s jaw because he never really got to experience that before. He would gently slide his thumb along and over Otabek’s rough and strangely equally soft lips. He would brush Otabek’s lazy Sunday morning hair out of his flawless face. Yuri was overcome with a sudden physical ache to feel Otabek’s gorgeous bronze skin underneath his fingertips, but looking at Otabek now, this ache turned into despair.

Otabek really wasn’t someone who was easy to read. He was a master at hiding his true feelings and emotions, only letting that guard down when he was with people he trusted. “Thank you for coming to Seoul,” Otabek suddenly said, his voice quiet and barely there but Yuri still heard him, and he shared the sentiment.

Yuri can’t even imagine anymore where he would be right now or _who_ he would be right now if he hadn’t gone to Seoul. It had only been a week since Otabek won silver at Four Continents and Yuri surprised him a few days prior to that by showing up unexpectedly, but it already felt like that decision had changed his entire life. He had Otabek now, and he would be with him for as long as Otabek will have him.

“I’m glad I went,” Yuri said, “and didn’t chicken out at the airport.” He had fought a number of unbearable doubts after he talked himself into actually flying out to South Korea. It hadn’t been easy and the flight had been such a huge challenge for him, being surrounded by strangers with no one around that he could rely on, but he had tried to keep his focus on the moment he would get to see Otabek and somehow that had carried Yuri all the way to Otabek’s hotel room.

“What do you mean, Yura?” Otabek asked. “Were you really not going to come?”

The question itself was bad enough, but Otabek sounded so disappointed that it felt like a knife twisting in Yuri’s chest. “I wanted to. I really did,” Yuri said and hoped he was convincing Otabek of the truth. There was a moment of silence where Otabek was the one staring and Yuri was the one avoiding him. There were so many things he wanted to say, but no words would actually pass his lips, at least not the way that he would have liked them to. “I was about to die, Beka,” Yuri whispered and then dared a glance at Otabek, who looked positively shocked and even… angry? “I was hurt, but even worse was that _you_ were hurt, and I was the reason for it. I just… I fucking hated the thought of going all the way to Seoul on my own or stepping foot on a fucking plane without anyone with me. Just thinking about it still terrifies me. I’m still paranoid when go anywhere alone because I think that asshole from the club will walk around the next corner and see me. I think about what he will do when he does. Finish what he started probably and no one will be around to – ”

“Yura…,” Otabek interrupted, probably wanting to say something, although Yuri could see that he didn’t know what that should be exactly. Yuri hadn’t even noticed how far his mind had started to wander until Otabek spoke up. “Why did you put yourself through all that when you have these fears?”

Yuri sighed deeply. He knew the answer by now and he had thought that Otabek did too, but apparently that was only wishful thinking. The way Otabek had asked that question though just showed genuine concern and nothing else. “Because,” Yuri said, “I had to see you.” He took a deep breath, bracing himself for the next thing he was going to say. “I was selfish, okay? You were competing and I essentially fucking distracted you with all my bullshit. I’m sorry for that.”

Otabek looked positively hurt, and it made Yuri feel horrified. What if Otabek began to see things clearly after all? What if he suddenly realised what a pathetic excuse of a human being Yuri really was? This sudden terror running through every vein of his body scared the shit out of Yuri. It literally ran him over so fast that he didn’t even give Otabek a chance to respond anything. “Please don’t leave me, Beka. Don’t break up with me. Please don’t,” he practically chanted, tears forming in his eyes actually unnoticed by Yuri but apparently very visible by Otabek.

“I am not leaving you, Yura,” Otabek immediately said, “how often do I have to tell you that? I’m not breaking up with you. Please believe me.”

Inhaling deeply, Yuri felt himself relax in a matter of seconds. Otabek told him to breathe, and Yuri did so without even questioning it. He suddenly realised how his fear of Otabek changing his mind about their relationship was the most intense when he actually talked to Otabek. Yuri constantly thought about Otabek coming to his senses and starting to ignore him from one day to the next. It was a lingering feeling always swimming somewhere in the back of his mind. It certainly wasn’t like Yuri was someone who normally had his temper under control, but this was different. Doubts, hatred (mostly for himself), mood swings, a need to self-destruct, Yuri felt it all on a regular basis. It had gotten so bad and Yuri just began to understand it all.

“Yura?” Otabek’s voice came from very far away, but it snapped Yuri back to the moment.

“I’m fine,” he said, trying his best to smile at Otabek. “You look tired. You should get some rest, Beka.”

Yuri didn’t want to end the call, but he still felt like he had to for both of their sakes. He needed time to sort himself out, calm himself down and get himself back together. When he told Otabek he looked tired, Yuri wasn’t just talking about his boyfriend. He was incredibly tired as well.

“Okay,” Otabek replied, “I’ll talk you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah,” Yuri forced out before he waved at the camera once. “Bye, Beka.”

“Bye, Yura.”

It was hard to tell who ended the call first. Once Otabek’s face vanished from the laptop screen, Yuri felt tears rolling down his face. He was so detached from his own mind that nothing really registered with him, especially not the bathroom door that finally opened or how Mila stepped through it with a towel wrapped around her head. Yuri’s eyes were focussed on the sweaty hands in his lap where his phone was. Had Yuri really just finished that conversation with Otabek and not even told him he loved him?

Yuri’s phone chimed again, startling him out of his stupor.

 **Beka <3:** _I love you, Yura and I will tell you so until your ears bleed._

Letting out a depressed but amused puff of air, Yuri quickly typed his response. He could already feel how his heartbeat, and his mind, stopped racing and started to slow down.

 **Yuri:** _I wish there were a million ways to tell you how much I love you._

Almost jumping out of his seat on the sofa, Yuri finally tore his gaze away from the phone screen. He was ready to curse Mila to hell and back when she let herself fall into the seat next to him. “What the fuck?” he spat out and added, “are you a damn cat or what? Why did I not hear you come over?”

Mila just smirked at him and patted his hair. Yuri brushed her hand away and glanced at her. “You were distracted,” she said, “and I seized an opportunity. Sue me.” She was still grinning, so Yuri decided to just let her have that one moment instead of retorting with something rather unpleasant and not child-friendly. “Everything okay?” she asked, probably precisely because Yuri hadn’t picked a fight with her.

“Yeah,” he said, “all good.” His phone alerted him to yet another text. His heart was instantly pumping at a faster speed, only difference was that this time it was excitement and not dread that caused it.

 **Beka <3:** _I don’t care about the how or where or when. I only need you to keep saying it. Never stop.  
_**Beka <3:** _I love you, kitten!_

The exclamation mark made Yuri want to scream and shout, let everyone know how freaking amazing Otabek was and how Yuri was the luckiest guy on the planet because Otabek had actually chosen him to be his boyfriend. It was the first time Yuri truly and honestly realised that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Otabek. Get married, buy a house, have a kid or two, adopt another ten cats together, just all that domestic crap that Victor and Katsudon personified on a daily basis, even though they hadn’t even taken all these steps themselves yet (it was only a matter of time though, Yuri was sure of it). Yuri had always expected those thoughts to be frightening, to be intimidating, and he had definitely expected to never even actually have those thoughts, but now he had Otabek, and that guy had turned his life upside down in a no time. It was scary and strangely exciting at the same time, Yuri noticed.

“He loves me,” Yuri whispered to himself more so than anything else, but judging by the way Mila threw an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in for an awkward side-hug, she had heard every word.

“Of course he does,” she said, and went on without waiting for Yuri to comment. “Is that news to you?”

Before Yuri could stop himself, he was laughing. He was laughing so hard that the tears now fell for entirely different reasons. “Every single day, yeah,” he barely managed to choke out through his strained breath. Mila had seemed a bit surprised to see Yuri react that way to what she had said, but she soon joined in the laughter at Yuri’s response.

“Be prepared to get that newsflash every day for the rest of your life then,” she said, smiling so impossibly wide that Yuri couldn’t help but think of a smiling Victor, “because Otabek did not just fall for you, he literally jumped to be with you. He’s never going to let you escape from him.”

Funny thing was that Yuri didn’t _want_ to escape anyway. He wanted Otabek by his side for as long as possible.

**_Monday, 27 th February, Almaty, 7.50am_ **

His first proper day back at practice after Four Continents, Otabek was exhausted even before he had set foot on to the ice. He had spent his weekend either hungover or upset because he was alone. That feeling of needing someone so constantly around him was very new and he hadn’t quite figured out yet how to deal with it. When Yuri and him had still been friends and nothing more, Otabek relished some alone time just as much as he enjoyed spending time with the blonde. Now that had all changed. He didn’t know he could be so dependent on another person, emotionally as well as physically. It felt like not only his heart ached for Yuri, but his fingertips did too, missing the sensation he experienced when he let his fingers run over every inch of Yuri’s pale but oh so smooth skin.

This whole situation, _being in love_ , was so completely new to him that every foreign emotion in connection to Yuri made him want to stop and examine what he was actually feeling. It was intense, but Otabek almost craved it at that point.

Walking into the rink with his skates tied securely to his feet, he quickly scanned every inch of the room to find his coach. Otabek’s fingers were wrapped around his phone because he had refused to keep it safe in his back locked up in the changing room. The person he was looking for was already on the ice, waiting for him to do the same so they could get started.

“Good morning, coach,” Otabek greeted the other man, his voice still strained but motivated nonetheless.

His coach turned around, his eyes narrowed just looking at him. Otabek was immediately nervous for some reason. Perhaps he didn’t manage to hide his exhaustion as much as he had hoped. Was it really that obvious? He hadn’t really done much over the last week with Yuri in terms of training or even just moving, except for a walk here and there, and the short practice session he had done the previous Friday didn’t really count either, so physically he couldn’t be that tired. It was the emotional strain weighing heavy on him that made his body shut down, he knew that. His head wouldn’t stop worrying about Yuri, not just about how he was doing on his own or with Victor, but also about how Yuri was actually seeing their relationship now. Otabek no longer had doubts about them being together, not after everything that had happened. He just wasn’t sure if Yuri felt the same, if he had really let all his misgivings and misconception go, if they had honestly worked it all out (at the least for the time being) when Yuri had gone to Seoul. It was annoying and disturbing how much his mental insecurity influenced his physical well-being.

“Morning, Otabek,” was the greeting he received in return. There was no malice in those words, no hidden judgement or question as far as Otabek could tell, which did put him at ease at least a little bit. He suddenly didn’t feel so afraid anymore about asking his coach for a rather unusual favour. “Are you all set?”

“Actually,” Otabek said, “I wanted to ask if it’s possible for you to hold on to my phone during practice?” The look he got from his coach then would be impossible for anyone who didn’t know this man to decipher at all. Luckily Otabek did know him, and all he could see was genuine surprise.

Even though Yuri and Otabek had decided to keep their relationship from the public for the moment, Otabek’s coach was well aware of it. Otabek and his coach weren’t just student and master, they had formed something like a friendship over the past four years and Otabek had found that he didn’t want to keep his relationship from his coach. After all, it was the first proper one he had ever been in since Sofia, and Otabek was honestly not even sure if he would still call what he had with Sofia a real relationship. He had been honest with his coach, he had to be. There hadn’t been any other choice when he had just dropped everything and went off to Saint Petersburg for a week after Yuri’s assault and he certainly couldn’t have sweet-talked his coach into giving him another four days off after Four Continents without giving him a real reason. Otabek had never felt the need to lie to his coach about his intentions and his priorities. He loved skating, he loved what he did and he wouldn’t change a thing about even if he could, but since things with Yuri had developed, Otabek had realised that his priorities had changed, and he had told his coach as much.

Otabek’s new found love for Yuri didn’t change his love for skating though and he was still committed to it just like he had been before, regardless of the emergency breaks he had allowed himself to take since the new year had started. “I know it’s not the norm, but I want Yuri to be able to reach me whenever he needs me and that includes practice time,” Otabek elaborated on his wish.

His coach sighed in response, but Otabek couldn’t make out any annoyance or refusal at all. Considering everything, he really shouldn’t be surprised when his coach spoke up and told him that it was indeed no big deal. “As long as you keep your focus on the ice, I suppose we have an arrangement.”

Unable to stop himself from smiling a little, Otabek passed his phone over to his coach who immediately buried it in his jacket’s pocket without another comment about it. “Thank you,” he said sincerely, before he turned around to finally begin with his morning practice session.

**_Monday, 27 th February, St. Petersburg, 11.51am_ **

It was unbelievable how Yuri could actually feel his face fall every single time Victor so much as glanced in his direction. Three nights away from him only heightened Yuri’s dislike for the man and having to see him at the rink during practice didn’t really help change that at all. He was still pissed off about how Victor had acted not only in front of him but also in front of Otabek the previous week. It riled Yuri up to no end just thinking about it. He tried to avoid Victor as best as he could, although he surprisingly came to the realisation that he actually missed talking to Katsudon. Yuri had no idea why that was, but it was the truth.

The entire morning went by Yuri with everyone raining on his parade. It wasn’t just Victor doing his head in, even though they hadn’t exchanged a single word since they both arrived at the rink, it was everyone else as well. Yakov kept shouting at him only for Yuri to ignore him even more just out of spite. There were new kids present that weren’t even that new anymore. Yuri had just never bothered to learn their names or even pay any attention to them, but they were massively inconveniencing him just now. Adding to that were the concerned looks Katsudon shot at him every five minutes, and Mila’s mindless and constant chatting. Yuri’s head felt like it was about to explode.

“Yuri,” Yakov yelled at him again from the barrier. Yuri growled under his breath and reluctantly turned to face him. “Take a break and sort yourself out. Your head is not in it today. Do something about that!”

One half of Yuri was incredibly annoyed with that comment, his other half was relieved that he got to sit down. His neck was still stiff from sleeping on Mila’s couch all weekend and his feet were bleeding, figuratively and probably literally as well. He didn’t dare to check on that, because he was certain that if he took his skates off, he wouldn’t be able to put them back on.

Yuri slumped down on one of the benches, reaching out for his water bottle that he had carelessly thrown on top of his bag earlier. He emptied almost the entire bottle in one go, knowing that there was another one waiting for him underneath his towel on the floor. Almost out of instinct, Yuri grabbed his phone and shot a quick text to Otabek. He needed to let off some steam and there was no one else he could, or want to bitch about his frustrations to.

 **Yuri:** _Literally everyone is out to get me today. Come and hide with me somewhere._

Not expecting a reply, Yuri put his phone back down and took another sip from his water. Next thing he knew was that Mila unceremoniously let herself fall down on the bench next to him, her legs stretched out in front of her and her hands firmly holding on to the back of the bench. “There’s a party this Saturday,” she said without any introduction whatsoever or looking at Yuri for that matter.

“Okay?” Yuri all but asked in return, not really understanding where she was going with this or what he was supposed to say to that.

“Do you want to come?” That was apparently Mila’s way of inviting him to said party then. Something inside Yuri told him that it would probably do him good to get out for once and be around other people, but something else inside, a much much louder voice, told him to be careful. He hadn’t gone to any party or club since his assault and considering that he still didn’t like being surrounded by strangers, not that he ever really did, or being left on his own, this was probably not such a great idea.

“Whose party is it?” he asked instead of outright refusing the invitation, because he noticed that if Mila was busy he had to stay home if he didn’t want to be alone and just the prospect of being surrounded by Victor during the weekend made him shiver.

“Sevastyan's. He's a friend of mine,” Mila said, now finally looking over at Yuri, a smile on her lips. “He’s one of the hockey players I hang out with.” That certainly explained the supressed excitement in her voice. Mila had quite the history with some of those athletes. “So, do you want to come along?”

Yuri really thought about it. He really did, but he wasn’t kidding anyone, least of all himself. There was no way he would be comfortable going to a party where Mila would be the only person he knew and he couldn’t possibly cling to her arm all night, not that he wanted to do that either. He definitely wasn’t interested in going, so he decided to leave it up in the air for the moment. “Not really,” he said, “but I’ll think about it.”

Mila nudged his arm in acknowledgement and said, “fair enough.” With that she got up again and made her way back on to the ice. Judging by the look on Yakov’s face he didn’t particularly give her the green light for a break to begin with as he narrowed his eyes at her when she went passed him, a smile still in place on Mila’s naturally shining face.

Surprisingly Yuri’s phone grabbed the attention of his own eyes as it rang twice in quick succession. He leaned down and picked it back up again to find two text messages from Otabek that he honestly did not see coming, at least now right now.

 **Beka <3:** _Hide where?  
_**Beka <3:** _And then do what?_

Yuri felt his lips curl up into a seductive grin, even though Otabek was thousands of miles away and not around to actually be seduced by him. Typing his reply without even thinking about it, Yuri felt a pang of sadness run through him once again. He knew he would never get used to the feeling of missing someone as much as he missed Otabek. The end of the season couldn’t come fast enough if it were up to Yuri.

 **Yuri:** _Just take me anywhere on your bike and I’ll let you do whatever you want to me._

 **Beka <3:** _That’s all it takes? You should’ve told me that earlier. I’ll remind you of this text the next time you’re in Almaty._

It was unbelievable how vivid Otabek’s smile suddenly came to life in front of Yuri’s eyes. That smile that was reserved for only a handful of people, a selected few that included Yuri. It was so easy to get lost in that smile and Yuri desperately wished he could see it for real and not just in his memories.

 **Yuri:** _I’m counting on it.  
_**Yuri:** _Why are you texting now anyway? Aren’t you at practice?_

 **Beka <3:** _Afternoon weightlifting session at the gym.  
_**Beka <3:** _You’re going home today after practice?_

 **Yuri:** _Yeah. Mila invited me to a party on Saturday. Hope I can stay with her another weekend._

 **Beka <3:** _A party? Do you want to go?_

 **Yuri:** _Thinking about it._

 **Beka <3:** _Please don’t feel like you have to go. I don’t want you to put yourself in any situation you’re not ready for._

 **Yuri:** _Come here and stop me then._

He certainly got what Otabek was saying, and Yuri appreciated it immensely whenever it was Otabek who was concerned about him. While other people just got on his nerves with their overprotective babysitting (yes, he was thinking about Victor), it made Yuri feel funny things when Otabek was worried about him. His reply was meant to come across as uplifting and sassy, but it didn’t seem to have the desired effect. Either Otabek didn’t get it or he didn’t think it was funny at all. Yuri suspected it was the latter.

 **Beka <3:** _I’m serious, Yura. Don’t go unless you really want to._

 **Yuri:** _I hear you, Beka. Haven’t decided anything yet._

Just like that, Yakov was shouting at him yet again, urging him to get back to his training. Yuri was just glad that neither Victor nor Katsudon had actually interrupted his break with some nonsense that he was absolutely not up for. Maybe both of them had actually learned to read Yuri a little better and stay away when he was brooding at them. Whatever the cause, Yuri was thankful that they had let him rest in peace, even if it was only for a few minutes.

 **Yuri:** _I have to go. I’ll call you tonight when I’m home._

 **Beka <3:** _Ok. Love you, Yura._

 **Yuri:** _Love you too!_

Everytime he said or even just typed those words, Yuri felt a rush of adrenaline run through him like a lightning strike during a thunderstorm. It was electrifying and exciting, and scary at the same time. He still couldn’t quite believe that not only did he love Otabek, but Otabek loved him back. It was surreal, something Yuri had consciously longed for since Vancouver, unconsciously probably a lot longer than that. For once, Yuri just let himself enjoy the sparks that came with saying those words instead of worrying what he would do next to screw it all up again.

**_Monday, 27 th February, Almaty, 9.25pm_ **

Just before Otabek was about to skype Yuri, his phone rang with a text from Katsuki. He had a feeling he knew what it was about and relief washed over him in an instant, even before he opened the message.

 **Yuuri K.:** _Yuri’s gift arrived. It’s beautiful, Otabek._

Thank goodness. When Otabek had posted it, he wasn’t sure if it would arrive in time for Yuri’s birthday even though he had paid a ridiculous amount of money for express postage.

 **Yuuri K.:** _I have a black velvet box I could put it in if you like._

 **Otabek:** _Thank you. That would be great._

 **Yuuri K.:** _He’s going to completely freak out, you know that, right?_

 **Otabek:** _Are you sure? I’m nervous he won’t like it._

He really was anxious about that. When Otabek had gotten the envelope from Asel and actually saw Yuri’s present for the first time, he completely fell in love with it, was even tempted to keep it for himself (only for a second though), but that didn’t stop him from fearing that Yuri might not like it in the end. He had taken a gamble with this gift, asked Jasmine to do him this huge favour without actually knowing if it would be worth it. Even though Yuri’s birthday was still two nights away, it was probably too late to change his mind now anyway. Not just because Katsuki already had the gift, but because Otabek couldn’t get something else for Yuri in the next thirty-six hours or so.

 **Yuuri K.:** _Trust me. He will. He’ll probably be ready to jump on the next plane to see you._

 **Otabek:** _Please stop him if he wants to do that._

 **Yuuri K.:** _I will. I promise._

All Otabek could do now was wait and see what Yuri really thought about his present when he opened that black box in a little over a day’s time. In an attempt to stop himself from fretting about it all, Otabek finally did ring Yuri himself, the skype call connecting for only a moment or two before Yuri’s gorgeous face lit up the screen in front of him. Otabek could feel himself smiling without even deciding to do that at all. Yuri just had that kind of effect on him.

“Hey,” Yuri said, smiling back at him just as brightly.

“Hey,” Otabek replied, their familiar greeting ringing in their ears.

It was comfortable and nothing special, but so loaded with meaning that neither one of them were eager to ever change it. Just seeing Yuri, his golden hair beautifully framing his delicate face and falling loosely over his shoulders, immediately relaxed Otabek. The nervousness and anxiety was gone in an instant, and he couldn’t help but be amazed at how easily Yuri could influence seemingly every little aspect of him. It was another thing Otabek didn’t want to change ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hi to Mila's friend Sevastyan! He will properly show up very very soon... and stirr up some trouble!
> 
> I sketched some of the apartments mentioned in the series (mainly Otabek's, Asel's, Victuuri's, the twins' and Mila's), so if you're interested check them out [here](https://thesameoldfairytale.tumblr.com/post/162175494071/i-apparently-have-no-life-so-i-sketched-some-of). If there's anything else you would like me to sketch for more clarity or if there are any other burning questions, give me a shout.
> 
> Have a great weekend everyone!


	9. I'm Trying to Read the Signs.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asel and Otabek try to sort out some of their relationship turmoil while Yuri gets some unexpected birthday presents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently the awesome folks at 'otayuri fic recs' on tumblr happened to recommend this series (the first three stories in particular for the theme of "slow burn") a week ago and I legit squealed when that post popped up on my timeline today! There were some other awesome fics on that list, so please do check out the post [here](https://otayuri-ficrec.tumblr.com/post/161939515266/hi-do-you-happen-to-have-recs-for-slow-burn-i). If any of you lovely people who made the post are still reading the series, please know I'm very grateful and still giddy about it... :)
> 
> Back to the regular programme now with part one of Yuri's 20th birthday!

**_Tuesday, 28 th February, Almaty, 7.13pm_ **

The knock on the front door was anything but unexpected, however, Otabek wasn’t particularly keen on getting up from the sofa and opening the door to let Asel in. She should really just get a key, he thought, but he probably couldn’t deal with another person having unrestricted access to his apartment. Maxim was bad enough as it was.

Every fibre in Otabek’s body refused to let him move without sending a few quick shooting pains down his spine. Otabek didn’t really have a choice though, so he just ground his teeth and got on with it. He reluctantly dragged his beaten body to the door where he was greeted with a glimpse of a smile on Asel’s face before her look turned rather unpleasant.

“What?” Otabek asked her instantly, wondering why she was glaring at him like that.

Much to his annoyance, Asel just rolled her eyes at him and pushed past him to walk inside the apartment. Otabek wordlessly closed the front door and followed her to the living room where she had already made herself comfortable on the big couch without waiting for him.

“You look like shit,” Asel announced matter-of-factly. Otabek knew he couldn’t really argue with her (because she was right), but it still wasn’t really what he wanted to hear from her.

“Thanks for that,” he just replied, sitting himself down next to her. He ultimately had to agree with Asel. His pair of sweatpants showed some obvious signs of wear as there were at least two tiny holes in the legs somewhere, and the shirt he was wearing was too big for him. It was undeniable that Otabek didn’t really think about his looks when he had put those clothes on as soon as he got home earlier.

Asel rummaged through her bag and got two bottles out, something fruity and fizzy, and some of the Czech beer Otabek liked. Both bottles were stone cold. “Did you stop at your place before you came over?” Otabek asked, eyeing the drinks suspiciously.

Passing along the bottle of beer to him, Asel looked Otabek up and down at least twice. “I did,” she responded, finally leaning back against the cushion and putting her feet up on the coffee table. Otabek would normally growl at anyone who did that, but Asel was probably the one exception to that rule.

They sat there in silence for quite some time, just sipping at their beverages and half paying attention to that ridiculous game show that was currently on the television.  With some other people the silence would be awkward, not with Asel though. They’ve known each other for so long, grew up side by side and watched as they turned into the people they were now.

Out of the corner of his eye, Otabek glanced over at Asel. He briefly caught himself staring at how her curly pink hair shone in the barely there light of the floor lamp, her hazel eyes twinkling just as much, but she seemed to be very far away, preoccupied with something in the back of her mind.

“Are you okay?” Otabek had to ask her because he couldn’t stand the emptiness in her gaze.

She slowly turned her head around to look at him, the tiniest of smiles on her lips. “Sure,” Asel said, and Otabek immediately knew she was lying. If they had anything in common, it was that they were both terrible liars and that neither one of them really liked talking about their feelings. Otabek knew very well that Yuri was an exception, and even with him he didn’t always find the right words to express himself.

With one eyebrow raised in obvious irritation, Otabek actually turned around entirely to face Asel so he could call her out on her bullshit. “If you don’t want to talk to me, you might as well leave,” he said and actually meant it. Otabek was aware that he was a massive hypocrite, because he had countless things he was dying to talk about with someone and he didn’t really seek anyone out either. On the other hand, Asel was, apart from his parents, siblings and Yuri, probably the most important person in his life (along with Temir) and he wouldn’t just let her sulk and stew next to him. “Spit it out,” he practically demanded.

Asel seemed to be eager to buy herself some more time as she raised her bottle again and gulped down almost a third of the fizzy strawberry wine. “I had a fight with Jasmine and it’s pissing me off that I haven’t seen her since the beginning of November.” She had spoken so fast that Otabek would’ve barely understood a word if he hadn’t known her for so long and was used to her doing that when she was nervous or upset. “Happy now?”

Obviously Otabek wasn’t happy. He knew perfectly well what it felt like to miss the one person you cherished the most when you haven’t seen them for months on end. There was no need to tell Asel that though. Neither one of them had to spell it out, because they both just knew. “What did you fight about?” Otabek asked instead, trying to get Asel to talk.

“Me being an idiot,” she replied with a look of indifference on her face. Otabek frowned at her, wondering what she meant by that statement. Without prompting her to, Asel continued on her own accord. “I miss her and it’s driving me crazy that she’s so far away,” she admitted, and Otabek sensed that it wasn’t easy for her to lay her feelings bare like that. “I’m scared she’ll get too annoyed with the distance, that she’ll get tired of me.”

Otabek immediately looked down to the hands in his lap, smirking to himself. “You know what,” he said, “you sound a lot like Yuri.”

Asel playfully hit his arm, her cursed lips giving her amusement away. “I do not,” she insisted.

“Yes, Asel,” Otabek said, “yes, you do.” He chuckled at her offended glare, and leaned back a little out of her reach before she could hit him again, meaning it this time. “You two are more alike than you think.”

“Okay,” she said, giving in, “fine. Explain.” She put her bottle down on the coffee table and turned to him expectantly, the look on her face surprisingly intrigued, and perhaps a little mocking as well. Otabek assumed that even while she was interested to hear what he had to say, a part of her had already decided that it was all nonsense.

Inhaling deeply and unconsciously rolling his bottom lip between his teeth, Otabek tried to sort his thoughts out. “Yuri is terrified that I might break up with him,” he began. “No matter how often I tell him that I love him, I know that fear is always present somewhere in his mind.”

“Are you planning on breaking up with him?” Asel asked out of the blue, interrupting him.

Otabek’s eyes went wide in surprise at the same time as his eyebrows creased in horror. The possibility of being without Yuri again made him feel sick. “What? No!” he said as soon as his brain managed to function again, “no way. Never!”

Asel’s eyes on him were very intense, like she assumed that he was lying or that she might find something written on his face that he was keeping from her as if he was only telling her half the truth. “How can you be so sure about that?” she asked. “There’s no way you can know that Yuri is the one.”

It was so obvious that Asel was trying to justify her own fears by projecting them on Yuri, but Otabek easily saw through that. “No,” he said, “I can’t know for sure, but I _have_ to believe that we are each other’s endgame.”

“Why?” Asel blurted out, seemingly having trouble to see where Otabek was going with all of this.

“Because if I don’t, Yuri and I will both fall apart and our relationship is doomed. I don’t want that,” he confessed. “What’s the point of loving someone if you’re not going to think that you’re spending the rest of your life with that person? There is none, so if you don’t want to believe in your happily-ever-after, you might as well let Jasmine go and stay single.”

It all sounded so easy, Otabek was aware of that, but in reality it was so much more complicated than that. The distance between him and Yuri was stressing him out, and that still seemed to be the smallest of their issues compared to everything else that was hellbent on getting in their way.

Asel stayed suspiciously quiet for a long time, and Otabek began to get worried. “Do you love her?” he asked her, knowing the answer already. Only nodding in response, Otabek spotted Asel’s eyes tearing up. “I get why you’re scared and I know why Yuri is scared, but you both just have to trust that you’re loved in return,” he said, sounding a lot more confident than he actually felt saying those things, “and I think you should go and see Jasmine soon. Don’t you have a reading week or something coming up?”

Brushing the tears away before they could roll down her cheeks, Asel smiled at him. “Yeah,” she choked out between barely audible sobs. “Not sure if my dad will let me go though.”

Uncharacteristically for him, Otabek rolled his eyes at her. “Are you kidding me? Your dad adores Jasmine. Why would he keep you away from her?” Otabek remembered how fondly Asel’s dad always talked about Jasmine. The girls had been inseparable while Asel’s family lived in Germany and both of them broke down at the airport when the Niyazov family had to return to Kazakhstan. Of course, Otabek only heard stories about it, but he had seen countless photos of Asel and Jasmine together, and the way they looked at each other easily made everyone who was single envious of them, probably even people who were in a relationship. They had gotten together about a year and a half ago, which didn’t come as a big surprise to anyone then. Asel’s father might just be their biggest supporter and Otabek sensed that a lot of that had to do with Asel’s mother being gone. Things may have changed in recent years, but same-sex relationships still weren’t the norm, especially not to the older generations. Asel’s dad however was exceptionally supportive of her and Jasmine. “He wants you to be happy and you’re clearly not at the moment,” Otabek pointed out.

Asel then lunged forward and flung her arms around Otabek’s neck, squeezing tight. “Thank you,” she whispered into the crook of his neck, “just for being you.” Otabek hugged her back just as intensely. They’ve been friends for such a long time that he couldn’t even imagine what his life would be like without her in it. “Anytime,” he responded, carefully patting her hair. It was something he did to Yuri so often, it was basically a reflex by now. When she leaned back, Asel’s eyes were still shining but they weren’t sad anymore. They were full of expectancy and unfiltered excitement. No doubt was she thinking about seeing Jasmine again.

“Speaking of parents,” she began, and Otabek’s stomach dropped in an instant. He could easily guess where she was going with this. “Have you told yours about Yuri yet?”

Instead of answering right away, Otabek downed the rest of his beer. “No,” he said through gritted teeth. He had been thinking about telling them since new year’s, and definitely after Darja and Miras had talked to him (even though him and Yuri weren’t even together at that point), but just the thought of confronting them made Otabek feel uneasy.

“They won’t care, Beka. You know that,” Asel tried to convince him. It really didn’t do much to reassure him.

“My father might not,” Otabek said, “but my mother definitely will.” If anything, his dad probably won’t have much of an opinion either way. His mum was a completely different story. She would flip, and Otabek wasn’t too keen on being the cause of it.

“You just told me that you believe you will spend the rest of your life with Yuri,” Asel stated, reminding him of his own words that now came back to bite him in the ass. “Don’t you think your parents should know about the person you plan on marrying at some point?”

How did the tides have suddenly changed? Why did Asel get to be the wise one now? Regardless of that, what she had pointed out made sense, and Otabek didn’t like it. “No one even mentioned marriage,” he said, and Asel immediately interrupted him. “Tell me I’m wrong,” she challenged him, and Otabek instantly shut up, realising that she was most likely right once again.

“I suppose you might have a point,” Otabek gave in, refusing to say any more on the matter. Thinking about that conversation with his parents already freaked him out. There was no need to get worked up over it before it even happened. “Do you want another drink?” he asked Asel in an attempt to signal that he was ready to move on with another topic.

“No,” Asel responded without taking her eyes off him. “I want to dance.” She got up from the sofa and pulled a USB stick out of her bag. Otabek watched her every move as she walked over to the entertainment set and plugged the stick in, before she turned the television off. A slow country song started to play as Asel went back to the couch and held a hand out, waiting for Otabek to take it.

It took Otabek less than a second before he gave in and reached out for her hand. He let her drag him over behind the smaller sofa where there was a little more space for them to move. Asel looked up at him, waiting for him to tell her what to do as he was the one to lead. The truth was, Otabek wasn’t that familiar with traditional dances and the song was to slow for any of them anyway, so he put his right hand on the back of Asel’s shoulder while her left hand came to rest on the small of his back. Otabek took a hold of her other hand and took it into his left one, pulling her in closer at the same time. With her cheek rested against his shoulder, they began to sway from side to side, silently listening to the song rather than actually dancing.

It was easy to pay attention to the lyrics with the vocals so clear, and Otabek caught himself thinking of Yuri without even consciously wanting to do so. It almost felt like the song with written with them in mind, because it so elegantly put everything Otabek wanted to tell Yuri into actual words. It was frightening and sad in equal measures, that he wanted to say all of these things to Yuri and couldn’t seem to find a way to do it for so long. Perhaps now he had.

**_Friday, 1 st March, St. Petersburg, 8.02am_ **

Yuuri was rushing around in the kitchen like a maniac. The first time he had met Yuri when the younger man was angrily yelling at him in a bathroom stall at the Grand Prix Final in Sochi, Yuuri would’ve never imagined that he would be fussing about the blonde’s twentieth birthday the way he was now, let alone that he would actually be living with him. It was almost funny how his life had developed over the last five odd years.

His younger rink mate would get up every second now, and the eggs still weren’t ready. “Would you calm down a little, darling?” Victor scolded him lovingly from his seat at the bar, but it let Yuuri completely cold. This had to be perfect, not just because it was Yuri’s birthday. It had to be perfect for all of their sakes because there was just still so much tension hanging in the air around the apartment. Perhaps Yuuri was hoping that a nice breakfast for all three of them would calm everyone down, or that it at least would be a start for things to get better.

“I can’t,” he replied without looking up from the boiling water where he would be poaching the eggs in a moment. “I want Yurio to know that we care about him.”

“I’m pretty sure he knows that,” Victor replied whilst taking a sip of his morning coffee. Yuuri only glared at him, the sarcasm not getting lost on him. Victor should be the last person to be so confident in that moment since he was the one causing all the problems lately. Instead of commenting in any way though, Yuuri just turned back around to busy himself with the eggs.

Just a minute or so later, he heard feet shuffling their way, alerting him to the birthday boy’s arrival. “Yurio,” he said happily when he spotted the blonde, “I made breakfast.” Yuri didn’t even flinch when Yuuri grabbed his arm and practically shoved him into a seat at the bar next to Victor. Yuri was probably still half asleep and not really capable of noticing the other man there.

“Here,” Yuuri said, pushing a mug of hot peppermint tea into Yuri’s hands, “and happy birthday, Yurio.” He knew the smile on his face was extremely wide and perhaps even blinding, at least judging by the Yuri was squinting at him through half-closed eyes.

“What?” he mumbled, carefully nibbling at his tea and from the looks of it almost burning his tongue.

Yuuri saw Victor frown at the younger Russian next to him. “You do know today is your birthday, yes?” Victor asked, trying to understand if Yuri was just not awake enough yet or if he seriously forgot about his birthday, just like he almost did an hour or so ago.

“I do,” Yuri said, taking a proper sip of his tea, but otherwise ignoring both of them. Yuuri wasn’t sure what to make of his behaviour, so he finally fished the poached eggs out of the water. They all sat there in silence for a few minutes while Yuuri got the toasted sourdough bread out of the oven, put some squashed avocado on it and topped it off with the eggs and a few spritzers of lime juice, as well as a pinch of salt and pepper.

He placed a plate each in front of Victor and Yuri, both of whom seemed impressed even though it was such a simple breakfast. “What?” he asked, “is something wrong?”

Yuri surprisingly shook his head immediately. “No,” he answered enthusiastically, “it looks amazing.” Victor’s face seemed to portray the exact same feeling, and Yuuri couldn’t help but be pleased with their reaction.

“Tug in then,” he said, waving his hands to motion for his fiancé and his friend to finally start eating. Yuuri quickly made himself a plate as well before he topped up Victor’s coffee and sat down opposite of them on the other side of the bar.

They were all practically done with their breakfast when Yuuri got back up and walked over to the dining table. He picked up the envelope and the small gift bag he had dropped there earlier, and then returned to his seat. Sliding both things along the bar to Yuri, he said yet again, “happy birthday, Yurio.”

Yuri seemed a bit perplexed when he spotted the presents in front of him, like he had just properly realised that it was indeed his birthday. “What is all this?” he asked, his eyes giving away his excitement.

“Just open it and see,” Victor said hesitantly. Yuuri knew he was careful around Yuri now, afraid he will make this worse with whatever he would say. Victor wasn’t great at hiding his insecurities, at least not anymore, not since he had met Yuuri. They had talked about it occasionally, how Victor used to be an expert on supressing his real emotions, especially when the cameras were constantly directed at him, recording and detailing his every more. It was only when Yuuri had entered his life that he learned to open up.

Looking over at Victor for a second, Yuri’s expression was stoic and not giving away anything. He had clearly spent a lot of time with Otabek, Yuuri couldn’t help but think, easily seeing how the Kazakh’s behaviour had rubbed off on the blonde.

“Fine,” Yuri mumbled. He reached out for the black bag first, gingerly removing the excess wrapping paper before he pulled out a fairly small but not tiny green satin box. “Jewellery?” he asked, one of his eyebrows raised in confusion.

“No,” Yuuri replied, smirking, “just open it already.” Yuri did as he was asked only to reveal the purple leopard print collar Victor had picked out for Potya while they were in Seoul. It wasn’t a planned present, but Victor had seen it and talked Yuuri into getting it for Yuri.

“Are you shitting me?” Yuri almost shouted, literally jumping out of his seat and running away with the collar in his hands.

Looking after him briefly, Yuuri turned to Victor. “I would guess that he likes it,” he said, smiling at his fiancé. Victor got out of his seat and walked over to stand behind Yuuri. He wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed Yuuri’s temple, saying, “I told you he would.” All Yuuri could do was turn his face to the side to kiss Victor properly. It was only a chaste kiss that quickly got interrupted by a beaming Yuri waltzing back into the room with Potya in his arms. She was already wearing the collar.

“Does she like it?” Yuuri asked, as Yuri sat back down in his seat. He smiled at both of them fondly, sudden memories of Vicchan and Makkachin coming back to him. He really did miss both of those fluffy dogs.

“She does,” Yuri responded, “and I do too.”

It had been a while since Yuuri saw the blonde beaming so carelessly, and he was grateful to see it again. “Victor actually picked it out and insisted on getting it for you,” he informed no one in particular. He figured it might be a bad idea to point this out, but he was too curious to see where it would take them.

Sheepishly looking over at Victor, who was still standing behind Yuuri with his arms around him, Yuri sighed. His smile waivered a little, but it didn’t vanish completely. It was more hesitant rather than anything else. It was still genuine, just a little unsure. “Thank you,” Yuri mumbled without averting his gaze from Victor.

“You’re very welcome,” the silver-haired man replied, a similar small smile grazing his lips.

Yuuri exhaled deeply, relieved the other two didn’t tear each other apart. Victor probably noticed how he relaxed in his arms, as he pressed another soothing kiss to his temple causing Yuuri to blush and smile down at their entwined hands on his chest.

“So what is this?” Yuri asked after he had put Potya down on the now empty seat by his side. The cat quickly started sniffing around but Yuri stopped her from jumping up on the bar and ravishing the rest of their breakfast.

Simply shrugging a shoulder in response, Yuuri felt himself suddenly getting anxious again. Him and Victor had talked about this specific gift for quite a while, debating whether or not it was a good idea but they had both decided that it was exactly what they wanted Yuri to have or rather do. It was hard to tell how Yuri would react, but even if it turned out that he hated the idea, they were convinced that he would come around and take them up on the offer.

Yuri slowly ripped the envelope open. Feeling Victor tense up a little bit behind him, Yuuri straightened his back as well, squeezing Victor’s hands tightly in an attempt to calm himself down. He really hoped they had made the right choice by being so forward.

“What is all this?” Yuri asked them without looking up from the plane tickets he was holding in his hands. One of them had Yuri’s own name on it, the other one was for Otabek. Before anyone could even answer, Yuri got the other sheet of paper out and stared at it in even more disbelief. “Seriously,” he said, “what on earth is this? Why am I holding plane tickets and a hotel booking confirmation in my hands for me and Beka?”

Yuuri was the first one to respond. He wiggled himself out of Victor’s hold and went around the bar. Cautiously picking up Potya from the seat next to Yuri, he put her down on the floor before he took the seat for himself, turning so his entire body was facing Yuri. “We want you to go to Moscow to see your grandpa,” Yuuri said.

“And we don’t want you to go by yourself,” Victor reluctantly added. Yuuri was surprised that he even said anything, considering that he was so against the idea of Otabek joining Yuri on this short trip. It had been a pretty short argument though, because Yuuri wouldn’t budge on the subject, not after Victor had finally told him the truth about his extremely irritating behaviour. He had refused to let Yuri go by himself and he had immediately talked Victor out of the idea that the two of them go with him. There was only one person who could possibly do this with Yuri, and that person was Otabek, whether Victor liked it or not. Yuuri had put his foot down, and that was the end of it.

“Do you want to go?” Yuuri asked, thinking he already knew the answer just by looking at Yuri. The blonde was clearly on the verge of tears, which didn’t surprise Yuuri in the slightest. Yuri hadn’t been back to Moscow since his grandfather’s funeral a year ago. Nikolai had been Yuri’s entire life, the reason why Yuri did what he did, why he put a hundred and ten percent into every single one of his routines. Yuri’s grandfather was, and probably still is, his biggest motivation, the sole reason why Yuri never did things by half. If something was important to Yuri, he put his entire heart and effort into it, and Nikolai was no doubt the one who taught him to do that.

Without actually replying, Yuri leaned forward in his seat and flung his arms around Yuuri’s shoulders. It took Yuuri a moment to comprehend what was happening, but as soon as he did, he reciprocated by wrapping his own arms around the younger man. “Thank you,” he heard Yuri whisper near his ear. Suddenly it was Yuuri who couldn’t hold back his tears, which of course didn’t go unnoticed by Victor.

Before Yuri had a chance to pull back, Victor engulfed them both in a bone-crushing hug, throwing all caution into the wind. Yuuri was surprised to see Yuri not protesting at all. “Thank you so much,” the blonde just mumbled again, which Victor responded to by closing his arms around them even more.

None of them really knew how long they had stayed like that, but Yuri seemed to eventually remember his more normal behaviour. “Alright,” he said, shoving and pushing at the other two to get out of their embrace, “enough already. Stop the damn mush fest, you two.”

Yuuri and Victor both let go of him and leaned back. Yuri wordlessly got up from his chair and walked off, presumably to his room. Smiling relieved and happy, Yuuri began to clear their dishes away, tidying up as Victor got himself another cup of coffee. Before they knew it, Yuri was back at the bar, typing away on his phone with Victor taking the vacant seat next to him again.

“What are you grinning at?” Yuuri couldn’t help but ask as he noticed the stupidly charming expression on the blonde’s face.

Much to his surprise, Yuri didn’t retort with some annoyed or snide comment. He looked up at Yuuri and simply kept smiling, holding his phone up and turning it around for Yuuri to see.

**Beka <3:** _Happy birthday, Yura! I wish I could celebrate with you, but I promise I’ll make it up to you later. I love you, kitten!  
_ **Beka <3:** _Behave yourself today!_

Yuuri had to chuckle at that second text. It was impossible to deny that Otabek knew Yuri well, very well actually. “Are you going to listen to him?” Yuuri asked, unable to keep the mocking tone from his voice.

“I’m not promising jack shit,” Yuri replied while his fingers continued to rush over his phone screen, probably texting Otabek back, “but I’ll try.”

Pleased with that, Yuuri informed him of their evening plans. “We talked to Yakov and Lilia,” he said, “and they agreed that you can take the afternoon off and skip your ballet lesson if you want.”

“We figured you might want to relax a little, have a bath or something, just enjoy your solitude without any of us interrupting you,” Victor added in a sing-sang voice, now obviously more relaxed than he was earlier.

One of Yuri’s eyebrows shot up on his forehead in suspicion as his eyes twinkled dangerously. “What’s the catch?” he asked, apparently a sixth sense for something like this.

Victor and Yuuri both started laughing. Perhaps Otabek wasn’t the only one who knew a thing or two about Yuri. “We’re taking you out to dinner tonight,” Victor said, and Yuri’s facial expression immediately turned from suspicious to slightly annoyed. “Yakov, Lilia, Mila and Georgi are joining us,” Yuuri added with yet another amused giggle.

Yuri huffed in response, clearly not happy at the thought of going out with all of them, but Yuuri wouldn’t let him get out of this, and neither would Victor probably. “I knew there was a fucking catch,” Yuri growled, eliciting more laughter out of the other two. “Do I really have to go to this thing?”

“Well,” Victor said, “considering you’re the reason we’re having this dinner, I would say yes.”

Clearing the last few dirty dishes away, Yuuri reached out for Victor and Yuri’s empty mugs and put them into the dishwasher. “Now go get ready,” he told Yuri, “you’re not getting out of your morning practice with Yakov.”

With a displeased smirk on his face but otherwise silent, Yuri stood up and began to walk away yet again. Two steps later he turned back around, swiping the plane tickets and the hotel confirmation off the counter before he bent down to sweep Potya up into his arms. The cat instantly purred, so obviously comfortable pressed against his chest, as Yuri finally stalked away to get ready.

“I suppose this went well,” Victor said absent-mindedly, still looking after Yuri when the blonde was already out of sight. Yuuri knew none if this was easy for his fiancé. Seeing Yuri grow up, him getting more independent and seemingly having found someone he wanted to share the foreseeable future with, was hard on Victor. The two Russians had known each other for a long time with Yuri practically turning into this stunning and determined young man he was now right in front of Victor’s eyes. Yuuri could understand why Victor was so reluctant to let go, but he had to learn that Yuri was his own person who needed to make his own decisions and live his own life.

“It went very well,” Yuuri responded, coming up by Victor’s side and putting an arm around his shoulder. All three of them would eventually figure out how to move on without bumping heads all the time. It just took some work from everyone involved, but Yuuri was positive that they could make it work, even despite the big bombshell Victor was bound to drop on Yuri soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second part of Yuri's birthday is coming up next. Can't wait to reveal what Otabek got Yuri! :D
> 
> The song Otabek and Asel are dancing to is ["Bring It On Home"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8l4AC5rUSUo) by Little Big Town.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading, leaving kudos and writing comments. It's really only thanks to you this series is still going! Haha! <3


	10. For All My Faults and Problems.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri finally gets his birthday present from Otabek, only for someone else to rile him up shortly afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We, or rather I, completely missed Miras' and Darja's birthday a little over a week ago, so please wish Otabek's siblings a belated happy birthday! Miras turned 31 on 20 June, and Darja celebrated her 30th birthday only a day later on 21 June. *throws confetti*
> 
> This chapter sets up one of three big(-ish) scenes from the next chapter, just fyi. ;)

**_Wednesday, 1 st March, Almaty, 5.39pm_ **

Otabek had a hard time remembering the last time he had felt his exhausted after an afternoon practice session on the ice. He was absolutely beat and there was only one thought that kept him awake.

Just a little over half an hour ago, he had finally checked his phone as soon as he had entered the locker room at the rink to find he had been bombarded with a bunch of text messages from Yuri. Even now as he stepped through the front door of his apartment, Otabek’s tired face portrayed nothing but pleased and excited giddiness.

**Yura <3:** _ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, ALTIN????  
_ **Yura <3:** _What even… like… How did you… I mean… WHAT?_

At first Otabek had no idea whatsoever what Yuri was talking about. He had gotten a quick reply to his morning text, just thanking him for the birthday wishes and telling him that Yakov and Lilia had given Yuri the afternoon off. The assortment of messages from Yuri that came later were most likely a sign that Yuri finally got his present from Otabek.

**Yura <3:** _Seriously though, what the hell, Beka????????????  
_ **Yura <3:** _Where did you get it from? Who did you get it from? Just… IT’S SO FRIGGIN COOL!_

One thing was for sure, it certainly seemed like Yuri liked his gift which put Otabek at ease immensely. He had been worried Yuri wouldn’t particularly be thrilled about it, but judging by his texts, it was the complete opposite. Katsuki had been right, Yuri clearly was freaking out because of it.

**Yura <3:** _I’m never taking it off. I hope you know that.  
_ **Yura <3:** _If you end up ripping it the next time you fuck me senseless because you can’t control yourself, you will PAY!  
_ **Yura <3:** _I will still love you… a lot… but don’t test me…  
_ **Yura <3:** _Skype when you get home.  
_ **Yura <3:** _I love you, Beka!  
_ **Yura <3:** _Thank you…_

Otabek simply dumped his bag in the middle of the hallway and trotted into his living room where his laptop was still sitting on the coffee table from the night before. Asel hadn’t stayed for long after their little impromptu dance, saying she had work to do for uni. As soon as she had gone, Otabek made some food and relaxed on his couch. It did amaze him every single time how easily it seemed to be for Asel to make him feel better. He just hoped that he had been able to return the favour as well.

After turning his laptop on, Otabek went to the kitchen to get himself a drink. He filled the kettle with water and took two mugs out of the cabinet. Just before the water began to boil, he dropped two teabags in the mugs and got the milk out of the fridge. It was only when he went to pour the hot water into the mugs that he noticed he was actually alone, that Yuri wasn’t really there. With the kettle in hand, Otabek stilled, realising how normal it felt for him to prepare two teas without even thinking about it. It was a strange sensation as it warmed his heart and made it clench in equal measure.

Sighing deeply, Otabek finished preparing only one tea, his own with lots of honey and milk. He carefully carried his mug over to the sofa and immediately opened up skype, calling Yuri. It took less than two rings for the birthday boy to pick up. Otabek was once again stunned by how beautiful Yuri was. It kind of felt like every time he got to see him, either through a laptop screen or in person, he found something new about Yuri he could admire, which, of course, didn’t diminish any of the things Otabek already loved about him.

“Happy birthday, Yura” Otabek said, as Yuri’s grinning face appeared on the screen. It made it impossible for him not to return the smile, especially when his eyes caught the shiny silver thing hanging around Yuri’s neck.

“I hate you,” Yuri deadpanned after a second, every ounce of happiness washed from his face in an instant, like someone had flicked a switch inside him all of a sudden. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed, his hair damp like he had just showered, and he seemed unusually tense.

Otabek’s brows furrowed immediately while his heart sank. Did he misread any of Yuri’s messages? Did he get the wrong end of the stick and Yuri disliked his present after all? There were a billion other thoughts rushing through his head at once, but before he could ask Yuri what he had done, the blonde interrupted him.

“I hate that you’re not here with me today,” Yuri said, a teasing smirk appearing at the corner of his mouth. “I hate that I can’t kiss you into oblivion to thank you for my truly kickass birthday gift.”

It took a moment for the words to sink in, but when Otabek understood what Yuri had just said, his eyebrows as well as his lips went into straight lines, unimpressed with what Yuri had done to him. “If you scare me like that again,” he started, “I will take that necklace back during Worlds, drive up to the coast and throw it off some cliff into the North Sea.”

Otabek was incredibly serious, but Yuri just burst out into laughter, actually clasping the charm on his new necklace to seemingly protect it from him. “That’s really creative, Beka,” Yuri said, “even for you.” It was difficult to do anything but shake his head at Yuri, so Otabek did just that, the smile from before reappearing in the process.

“So you _do_ like your present?” he couldn’t help but ask, because it was still sort of difficult to tell what exactly Yuri thought about it. The massive grin spreading across Yuri’s face was a great start though, a good indication that Otabek’s gift idea had been a good one.

“No,” Yuri replied, still smirking, “I’m wearing it because I think it’s absolute shit.” He held the charm on his necklace between his right thumb and index finger, looking down and smiling at it fondly. Otabek loved seeing him like that, lost in thought like he wasn’t aware that someone was watching him.

The silver necklace itself was thin. Otabek had been particular about that, since it wasn’t supposed to be too heavy to be distracting for Yuri. He didn’t want it to be too thick and flashy, and therefore too noticeable. Surprisingly and despite his social media addiction, Yuri was a very private person when it came to the things and people he held dear, and Otabek had been eager to show Yuri that he understood that by picking a necklace that would suit Yuri. In the end, it wasn’t even about the necklace itself though, it was about the small charm on it. A bear and a tiger, both standing on their hind legs, hugging each other. Otabek hoped that Yuri would get what he intended for them to symbolise and he was sure that Yuri did. The charm wasn’t big, but the detail in it was astonishing. Otabek had been amazed when he first saw it, and it seemed like Yuri was too.

“Where did you get it from?” Yuri suddenly asked, when Otabek hadn’t said anything but just stared at Yuri’s fingers playing with the charm.

Otabek looked up at him, into those sparkling eyes that simultaneously managed to look like a blue and cloudless sky on a hot summer’s day and the wide green meadow underneath it. They were irresistible and Otabek knew he could easily spend the rest of his life marvelling at them. “I had it made for you,” he finally answered Yuri’s question only to revel in the shocked expression on his face.

“What? How?” Yuri wanted to know, probably trying to understand how Otabek could possibly pull something like this off. As with most things, Otabek was aware that it all came down to who you knew and how many connections you had.

“I had the idea for the bear and the tiger,” he began, “but Jasmine turned it into what it is now.” Otabek really had to message her and thank her for all the trouble she went through to do him this favour, because it had obviously been absolutely worth it.

“Who’s Jasmine?” Yuri asked, still unable to let go of the necklace. Thinking about it now, Otabek wasn’t sure if they had ever talked about Asel’s girlfriend, let alone actually mentioned her name. From the looks of it, this was new information for Yuri.

Otabek got his phone out and quickly browsed through Asel’s Instagram. He found a throwback photo from not too long ago that showed her and Jasmine together, and he couldn’t help but wonder how Yuri had missed it since he followed Asel on Instagram as well. Otabek turned his phone around for Yuri to see the picture. “That’s Jasmine,” he said. “Asel’s other half.”

Yuri stared at the picture for a few seconds and said, “I’ve seen that photo. Didn’t know the blonde girl was Asel’s girlfriend though.”

“She’s a jewellery designer,” Otabek informed him, completely mesmerised by the way Yuri’s fingers were still holding on to the necklace. “Her dad’s a manager for Lufthansa, so she was free to pursue whatever she wanted since money wasn’t an issue,” he said and shrugged his shoulders.

He watched as Yuri smirked, briefly raising one eyebrow as he obviously thought about something specific. “Well,” he said, “if all her stuff is this awesome, she’s pretty fucking amazing at what she does.”

Otabek didn’t know why, but he got a feeling that if Yuri and Jasmine ever were to meet, they would get along instantly, probably even become best friends in record time. Just the thought made Otabek smile, even though he himself hadn’t had a chance to get to know Jasmine personally yet. “I know you’re not big on jewellery,” Otabek said, “but I’m glad you like it.”

“Are you fucking joking?” Yuri asked in return, seemingly offended, “I absolutely love it, you moron.”

All Otabek could really do was smile. He could feel how his chest swelled with pride and uncensored happiness at seeing Yuri so ecstatic about his gift. It meant so much to Otabek that Yuri liked it, and he hoped that his beautiful idiot of a boyfriend really did understand that the bear and the tiger were supposed to symbolise them. The way the bear had his paws around the slimmer figure of the tiger mirrored exactly how Otabek felt about Yuri. Neither the bear, nor Otabek were ever letting go.

“How are things with Yuuri and Victor?” was the next question that passed Otabek’s lips. He had been thinking about that constantly since he had left Saint Petersburg and especially since Yuri had returned home after spending the weekend at Mila’s place.

A part of him was incredibly annoyed with Victor and his very uncalled-for behaviour. Otabek had never done anything to hurt Yuri, not while they were only friends and most definitely not after they had taken that step toward something more. Sure, they had dealt with some arguments over the years, but none of those had been unfixable obviously.

Barcelona had been a turning point for Otabek, one that he had been looking forward to for years before then. Seeing Yuri at Yakov’s summer camp had thrown him off to the degree that he couldn’t get Yuri out of his head ever again. When the Grand Prix Final in Spain had rolled around, he saw his chance and eagerly took it. Becoming friends with Yuri was something Otabek had never regretted, more like the complete opposite. It was strange to think of it that way, but his friendship with Yuri had somehow turned him into the person he had always wanted to be. Yuri didn’t complete him, it was never like there was a part of him missing, and he knew that he certainly didn’t complete Yuri either, because he didn’t need to completed. They had both always been their own person, only bringing out hidden sides of each other that no one else ever got to see before. It was like Yuri had unlocked something inside Otabek, something that he had always known was there, but was too afraid to explore. Once Yuri entered his life for real, whatever he had opened inside Otabek would never be locked away again.

“It’s alright, I guess,” Yuri admitted. It was easy to see that he wasn’t entirely comfortable, but Otabek still took it as a good sign. Perhaps Victor had finally gotten the message that there was absolutely no breaking them up, regardless of what he would try to get them away from each other. “They did get me some pretty cool presents actually.”

Now Otabek was intrigued. He knew that Katsuki was a pretty decent gift giver as evidenced by past birthday and Christmas presents for Yuri, but he wasn’t so sure about Victor, especially at the moment with all the stress he had caused them all. “Show me,” Otabek said, and suddenly realised how tired he was getting, but he was determined not to let Yuri see it openly on his face. Instead he smiled, waiting patiently for Yuri to show him what other presents he had received for his birthday.

Yuri leaned out of the frame of the laptop screen toward the right in order to get something, Otabek assumed. When the blonde was back right in front of the camera, he had Potya in his arms. “My princess has a new collar,” Yuri grinned, stroking Potya’s fluffy fur. Even through the screen Otabek could make out that the collar was purple and had leopard print on it. He wouldn’t have thought that it would fit with the colour of Potya’s fur, but it actually did.

“It suits her,” he said, just then _really_ picking up on the fact that the collar was purple, which was Yuri’s favourite colour. He smirked a little bit, thinking that Katsuki probably found it for Yuri, which was exactly why he was so surprised when Yuri said, “Victor picked it out while we were in Seoul.”

Deep creases appeared on Otabek’s forehead in an instant, because he seriously was surprised by that piece of information. Then again though, he knew how much Victor had loved Makkachin and how devastated he was when the dog eventually passed away, so he clearly could understand what Potya meant to Yuri. “Seriously?” Otabek asked, still a little taken aback.

“Yeah,” Yuri said, his fingers gently running through Potya’s fur, “I was shocked too.” He shrugged his shoulders, apparently not bothered much about Victor being so observant, which was very unlike him. “They got me something else that kind of involves you,” Yuri then added, ultimately throwing Otabek a little off his game, not that he had any to begin with.

“How so?” he asked, equally intrigued and frightened by what Katsuki and Victor gave Yuri that had something to do with him. If Victor was still upset about them being together, this couldn’t be something enjoyable, that was for sure.

Yuri’s arm reached out to somewhere beyond his laptop again. His movements must have disturbed Potya in a way that made her get up and out of his lap, a look on her face that was full of defeated annoyance.

Instead of actually explaining anything when Yuri was back in the frame, he just held up two small pieces of paper and one larger one. The quality of the video call was good, but Otabek still couldn’t make out what exactly was on those papers, except for the word hotel on the big sheet, which just raised a bunch of questions (and red flags if he was being completely honest). “What am I looking it?” he asked Yuri, before he just kept on wondering about what Yuri was showing him.

“Plane tickets and a hotel booking for three nights in Moscow next month,” Yuri explained, “for both of us.”

Again, more questions made their way through Otabek’s mind. What was this all about? And why would Katsuki and most of all Victor give Yuri something like this for his birthday if they, or rather Victor, had so many issues with Otabek as Yuri’s boyfriend. “I’m going to need a little more information, Yura,” Otabek said.

“They want me to go see my grandpa,” Yuri explained, the smile on his lips suddenly wavering a little at the mention and memory of his grandfather.

Seeing Yuri sad was something Otabek would never get used to. Regardless of what was going to happen between them in the future, if their relationship would actually last, if they were to decide that they were better of as friends after all, or even if they were to start drifting apart, Otabek promised himself that he would always be a shoulder for Yuri to cry on.

“Do you want to go?” he asked, wondering if Yuri even wanted to go to Moscow. The blonde hadn’t been back to visit his grandfather’s grave since the funeral, and Otabek wasn’t necessarily convinced that Yuri was up for it yet. There was just so much going on, other things that he had to deal with and Otabek didn’t want him to add anything on top of it all, at least not for the moment.

“I do,” Yuri said, his voice strangely firm and determined, “and I want you to come with me. It’ll be after Worlds and the second plane ticket is in your name already, so you really don’t have a choice here anyway.”

Otabek couldn’t help but still be surprised at all of this. He couldn’t comprehend why Victor would be okay with Katsuki giving Yuri a gift like that. When he stayed silent for a little too long, just lost in thought, Yuri interrupted his daydreaming with, “do you not want to go with me?” That determination Otabek had heard just moments before was suddenly gone, insecurity sneaking into Yuri’s words, and Otabek flinched slightly, knowing that he was the cause of it.

“Of course I do,” he then quickly added, not wanting to risk Yuri feeling any worse than he already did, “I wouldn’t let you go on your own anyway.” He meant it. There was nothing that would hold him back from joining Yuri on that trip, certainly not the first time the blonde was seeing his grandfather again after a year.

“Wouldn’t _let_ me go on my own, huh?” Yuri teased him, a small mischievous glint in his now almost emerald eyes. Otabek was glad to see the sadness gone out of them. A smiling Yuri was just such a beautiful sight Otabek would never get tired of staring at.

He pondered with himself whether or not he should mention what was actually on his mind, but something told him that he should indeed bring it up. “I’m surprised Victor was involved in a present that has me in close proximity to you,” he said and hoped that it didn’t come across as petty or ungrateful. Every opportunity he got to spend time with Yuri was definitely not something he would turn down, regardless of the circumstances.

“I was too,” Yuri confessed, “but I honestly don’t give a single fuck. I get to see you and I get to see my grandpa, that’s all I care about.” His fingers went immediately back to the necklace and the charm resting on his chest. Otabek had a feeling that Yuri would absent-mindedly be doing that a lot from now on, not that Otabek minded at all. He still felt the relief that went through him earlier when Yuri admitted that he liked his present.

Just barely managing to supress a yawn, Otabek asked, “so what do you have planned for the rest of your birthday?” He finally remembered that he had made himself a cup of tea when he got home, but he knew when he picked up the mug now that it was no good anymore. It might have been without the milk in it. Cold tea with milk however was just unacceptable. Perhaps that was the reason Yuri drank his without, since he was a slow tea drinker.

Disappointed, he set the mug back down on the coffee table, when Yuri said, “apparently I’m being forced to go out for a stupid dinner with literally everyone from the rink, even Georgi is coming.”

Otabek could only imagine how much Yuri hated even the thought of having to attend a dinner, especially when he was the centre of attention, which Otabek knew was something he normally enjoyed, just not under those circumstances. “At least you’ll get a nice meal out of it,” he said, trying to warm Yuri up to the idea of it.

“Suppose that’s true,” Yuri mumbled, the smile on his face not leaving though. Perhaps he did realise that there was something to look forward to after all.

Now freely yawning because he just couldn’t hold it in anymore, Otabek didn’t even manage to turn away from the screen to hide the obvious sign of his tiredness. “Beka,” Yuri said accusingly, and Otabek didn’t like the sound of it at all, “you’re exhausted. Go take a bath or something.”

Just the idea of soaking in some hot water in his spacious bathtub already relaxed Otabek, but the thought of ending the call with Yuri simply because he was tired seemed wrong. “I like seeing your face,” he said, his statement not having any real relevance to what Yuri had told him to do.

“Sappy idiot,” Yuri replied, smirking mockingly. “I like seeing your freakishly gorgeous face too, but it will turn into a really ugly one if you don’t get some rest.”

Otabek knew that Yuri was right. He just didn’t want to say goodbye so soon. “I miss you, Yura,” he said, and before Yuri could interrupt him, he added, “call me tomorrow please.”

The fond smile on Yuri’s face almost made Otabek’s heart melt. It was in moments like these that the distance between Almaty and Saint Petersburg was exceptionally hard to deal with. He wished he could see that smile in person, follow the lines of Yuri’s curved lips with his fingers and kiss that enchanting mouth. Alas, he wouldn’t be able to do any of that for another three and a half weeks.

“If I survive that dinner later, I definitely will,” Yuri joked, although he was somehow capable of keeping his expression rather serious. The slight sparkle in his eyes gave him away though.

Otabek took another look at the necklace Yuri was now proudly wearing, and a tired but genuine smile found its way back onto his lips. “Take good care of that necklace,” he said, and Yuri quickly expressed the same amount of joy Otabek himself felt.

“I told you I’m never taking it off again,” Yuri insisted, his fingers sliding towards the charm yet again. Otabek seriously couldn’t wait to see that necklace up close at Worlds. It was different holding it in his hands to Yuri actually having it around his neck, and Otabek definitely preferred it on Yuri.

A few minutes and love declarations later, Otabek had ended the call. He was anything but ready to get up and take a bath, but the thought of the hot water surrounding him entirely was just too tempting. Reluctantly he stood up, slowly as not to strain any more muscles, and made his way to his bathroom to fulfil Yuri’s request.

**_Thursday, 2 nd March, Almaty, 5pm_ **

Meiz wasn’t entirely surprised when she opened the door to find Temir on the other side. Normally they called each other if they were coming over, or at least sent a text, so technically Temir’s presence should have been a surprise, but it honestly wasn’t. Meiz had noticed how distracted and out of it he had been lately, and she was very aware of what caused that distraction. She had talked to Asel about it to get some answers, simply because she hadn’t gotten a chance to chat to Otabek since he came back from Saint Petersburg.

“Is Iman home?” Temir asked before he walked into the apartment, wanting to know if they would be alone.

Iman was Meiz’s flat mate. They were good friends and liked living together, and also respected each other’s need for privacy. They could afford to live on their own, but neither felt like dealing with the stress of apartment hunting. All in all, it was a very relaxed and chilled atmosphere in their flat, and that was basically what mattered most to them. For some reason though, Iman and Temir didn’t really get along by any means, hence the question about Iman’s whereabouts.

“She’s still at work,” Meiz informed him. It seemed to have been exactly what Temir had been hoping to hear as he instantly walked passed Meiz into the flat. She only rolled her eyes behind his back and followed him as soon as she closed the door.

Grabbing two bottles of water out of the fridge, Meiz made her way into the living room where she found Temir flopped down one of the sofas. He held his arms out open wide and said, “come here, babe.”

Now, there were a lot of things in Meiz’s life that she didn’t actually want to be in it and every time Temir called her babe, she began to think that Temir should be one of those things. She stopped and stood right in front of him, and then said, “I told you not to call me babe.”

She glared at him, her eyes small and dangerous, causing Temir to apologise immediately. “Sorry,” he mumbled without lowering his arms. When Meiz saw the pout on his lips, she only debated for another second before she put the water bottles down on the coffee table. She went to sit in Temir’s lap, straddling his hips and placing her hands on the side of his neck.

“I’ve missed you,” Temir whispered sadly. One of his hands snuck around Meiz’s waist while the other one gently pushed some of her shiny black hair back behind her ear, carefully caressing her cheek with his knuckles simultaneously.

They hadn’t seen each other since the previous Saturday at LUX. It had been two months now since they ended up in bed together, twice, at Otabek’s New Year’s Eve party. The thing was that they hadn’t shared the same bed since. They made out constantly, whenever they saw each other, which was at least every other day except for the last five days, but it hadn’t gone any further than that again. Temir had taken Meiz out to dinner plenty of times, usually when Iman was home, because they could never go to his apartment either since he lived with two other guys and both of them were unbearable nightmares.

The situation Meiz and Temir found themselves in was rather difficult to say the least. There was no doubt in Meiz’s mind that whatever was going on between them was entirely different to any other relationship she had ever been in, and she wasn’t even sure if they actually _were_ in a relationship. She wasn’t in a rush to put a label on it either, to be perfectly honest, and she had no clue how Temir felt about them anyway.

Meiz let her fingers glide up the back of Temir’s head, the black hair of his short buzzcut similar to hers, and she sighed when she saw the way he looked up at her. His eyes were nothing like Meiz’s, the colour of them so much lighter than hers. Whereas her own eyes were almost black, his were tinged in such a light shade of brown, that it almost matched his skin colour. There was something about them that kept drawing her in, unable to look away no matter how long she was gazing at them.

“Why are you here, T?” she eventually asked without averting her eyes from him, not even when Temir eventually closed his to get away from the intensity of her stare.

“What are we, Meiz?” he asked, insecurity and longing equally present in his voice. “What are we actually doing?” His hands both wandered down to her hips and pulled her in closer, like he was desperate to feel more of her, to have her in his ultimate reach and not provide a way for her to escape him.

A little over two months ago, Meiz probably would have laughed and made fun of anyone who suggested that she would someday feel comfortable sitting in Temir’s lap. It was strange, something she certainly did not predict to happen, but she definitely couldn’t say that she was upset about it in any way. Even considering that, she still didn’t know what they were really were to each other or even what she wanted them to be, so instead of answering his questions, she ignored them completely and tried her best to change the subject.

“That’s not why you’re here,” Meiz said confidently, even though she was really just taking a shot there. Temir’s eyebrows furrowed in an instant and the grip around Meiz’s hips got a little more intense, which lead her to believe that she may be on to something after all. “What’s going on, loverboy?” she asked.

Meiz eyed Temir’s reaction suspiciously when he reached up with both hands and carefully pulled her face down to press his lips on hers. The kiss quickly turned open-mouthed and heated, but Meiz stopped them both before it could get too passionate. “Seriously T, what’s up?” she dug deeper. “You’re clingier than usual and I really didn’t think that was possible.”

Temir let go of Meiz’s face, but obviously very reluctant to do so. He sighed deeply, probably sensing that he was not going to get out of Meiz’s interrogation, but when he looked at her again, there was determination in his eyes, it just wasn’t the right kind. “I’m clingy because I can’t resist you,” Temir said, a weak smirk trying to make its way onto his face. Meiz however saw through it.

“This is about Otabek, isn’t it?” she asked. She knew she had hit the nail on the head, when Temir’s eyes turned a shade darker. “I knew it,” Meiz announced, poking her index finger into his chest. “You need to sort things out with him. You’re both miserable when you’re fighting with each other.”

Raising an eyebrow at that, Temir gazed at her questioningly. All Meiz could see though was a huge imaginary question mark shining brightly above his head. “Have you talked to him since he came back?” Temir asked her.

“No,” Meiz replied, her fingertips enjoying the feeling of Temir’s stubble as they wandered along his defined jaw.

“Then how do you know that he’s miserable because of me?” Temir tried to make a point. “He’s probably just missing Yuri and doesn’t care at all about me, just like he didn’t give a shit about Sofia on her birthday.”

While Meiz could perfectly understand why Temir was so upset, she thought he went a step too far. Granted, she wasn’t close to Temir or Otabek, or Asel for that matter, when Sofia had gotten sick, but she was still convinced that Temir crossed a line with what he had said. “I talked to Asel,” she began, “since she knows you and Otabek better than anyone else. You know that Beka cared for Sofia just as much as you did.”

It was true that Meiz’s only information on the subject came from Asel. Temir normally didn’t talk about Sofia and she had never been in a position where she felt confident enough to ask Otabek about what had happened. Everything Asel had told her over the years though clearly suggested that Otabek did indeed care deeply for Sofia.

“If that’s true,” Temir said, “then why wasn’t he here for her birthday?” He didn’t even look at Meiz when the words left his mouth. Even after almost seven years, his sister’s death still had a massive impact on him, and Meiz definitely couldn’t blame him. If it was her brother who had gone through everything that Sofia had been forced through, she was positive she wouldn’t be able to get over it either.

“He has Yuri now,” Meiz pointed out, “and you need to accept that. Otabek moved on, but that doesn’t mean he’s just going to forget about Sofia.” At least she hoped that he wouldn’t, but something inside her told her that Otabek would never just ignore his past, no part of it.

Meiz brushed her thumb over Temir’s lips to get rid of that pout on them. It was obvious that he wasn’t pleased with the idea of Otabek having someone else other than Sofia, but there was no way around it anymore. Meiz had seen the way Otabek had looked at Yuri at the New Year’s Eve party and she had instantly known that he was completely gone, so smitten without even realising it. She assumed that it would take a _lot_ for them to ever let go of each other again, and Temir had to get used to the idea of them being together.

“You like Yuri, don’t you?” she eventually asked when Temir didn’t actually comment on what she had said before. With sad and tired eyes, he only nodded in response, but it was all Meiz needed from him. “You should be happy that Otabek found someone you actually approve of,” she said, only half joking, “and you should also be happy that he got out of that hole he was in before he met Yuri, especially now that you have someone too.”

As soon as that idiotic grin appeared on Temir’s face, Meiz realised the mistake she had made. “Fuck,” she hissed out and immediately leaned over to get out of Temir’s lap, which proved to be rather difficult because he wouldn’t let go of her.

“Did you just say I have someone too?” he teased her. “Were you talking about yourself just now?”

Meiz hated how pleased he sounded. “Let me go, asshole,” she growled, still trying to get away from Temir because she really just didn’t want to have that conversation right now. He did loosen his grip on her hips a little bit, but he only let her go as far as the space next to him, gently pushing her down on her back so he was hovering over her. She tried to push him off, but Temir was practically a giant above her and there was no way for her to get away.

“You do like having me around,” he stated, not leaving any room for a discussion. Meiz couldn’t hold herself back nevertheless and had to retort. “Of course I do, you moron,” she said, “and now get off of me.”

Temir wouldn’t budge, not even an inch. “So you can kick me out?” he asked, that grin still present on his lips, even despite the threat he had practically put into Meiz’s mouth.

“So we can go into my bedroom to watch a film, you dipshit,” she responded. Temir seemed completely thrown off by that reply, which Meiz took immediate advantage off to slide out and off the couch from under him. Once she stood right in front of him, she looked down into his wide and surprised eyes. Holding one of her hands out, she said, “now come on. I want to make out and we can’t do that out here because Iman will be home any minute now.”

Grabbing her hand even before she had finished, Temir let himself be dragged through the living room, past the kitchen and into Meiz’s bedroom without any further comment. She was shaking her head slightly while Temir followed her, unable to truly understand how things had gotten this far when not long ago she would’ve never even considered making a move on him.

Meiz made a mental note to give Otabek an intense scolding the next time she saw him. It was his New Year’s Eve party that had started all of this nonsense in the first place, and she needed someone to blame for her newfound and unexpected fondness for Temir.

**_Thursday, 2 nd March, St. Petersburg, 8.13pm_ **

Somehow Yuri had actually survived that birthday dinner the previous night without any major incidents. He had received more presents, some of them useful like a new brush for Potya that she would definitely love, some of them less useful like a weird shirt in neon colours that he would never actually wear. All in all though, the night out had certainly not been as bad as he had expected, especially because Victor had actually behaved himself for once.

Of course that wasn’t bound to last, Yuri knew, and he was almost immediately proved right when Victor came waltzing into his room without knocking now. The first thing that alerted Yuri to something he sensed he wouldn’t like was the fact that Victor was alone. Katsudon was nowhere in sight, and that didn’t promise anything good.

“Can we talk, Yurio?” Victor asked, not waiting for an actual response before he sat down on the edge of Yuri’s bed where the blonde was sitting with his laptop on his knees.

Yuri was so damn sure that it didn’t matter what he would say, Victor wouldn’t leave him alone until he had said whatever it was that was on his mind, so he kind of just went with it and said, “what do you want?” It lacked his usual bite, because Yuri just wasn’t in the mood to argue, least of all with the man in front of him.

The broad and pleased smile on Victor’s face already annoyed Yuri, but he chose not to comment on it. Instead he just sat his laptop down next to him and pretended that he was actually interested in what Victor had to say, even though he really wasn’t.

“I just want to make sure that you know that you don’t have to go to Moscow with Otabek,” Victor said, and Yuri instantly wanted to strangle him.

“Don’t even bother saying anything else, Victor,” Yuri replied, rolling his eyes at him. “I’m taking Beka. Get fucking used to it.”

Victor was fidgeting, obviously a little uncomfortable with the topic, which wasn’t really news. Yuri just couldn’t understand why he kept all this bullshit up if he so clearly didn’t even want to talk about it. “I’m just saying that we can change the name on the plane ticket,” Victor pointed out. “Yuuri or Mila could go with you, or even I could join you on –“

“Stop,” Yuri practically shouted. He had enough of this and he was getting incredibly frustrated that Victor just wouldn’t let it all go. As if Yuri’s own insecurities about his relationship with Otabek weren’t enough, Victor had to constantly add to his fears and it just didn’t help. “Are you so fucking oblivious or just so damn stubborn to keep up with his crap? I’m taking Beka and no one is changing anything on those tickets.”

He watched as Victor sighed, his shoulders slumping down in defeat, at least that was what it looked like. Judging by the things that left Victor’s mouth next however, he wasn’t ready to give up. “Yurio,” he began, “you’ve already been through so much over the past year. I don’t want you to get hurt anymore.”

While Yuri could appreciate the sentiment, at least to a certain degree, Victor was still impossibly annoying, especially since he seemed to insinuate that Otabek would purposefully do something to inflict pain on Yuri. That was just ridiculous and completely absurd, and Yuri was sure that Victor knew that just like he did.

“You seriously think that Beka would hurt me?” he asked, exasperated and absolutely frustrated with Victor. Yuri felt himself get angry, really angry, and he didn’t like it. He had been hopeful that his birthday was a sign that Victor had come to his senses, but only twenty-four hours later that hope was gone in a matter of seconds. “The only one who’s been fucking hurting me for a while now is _you_ , and you just can’t bloody help yourself, can you?”

Yuri was surprised how satisfying the shock on Victor’s face was to him. He was almost basking in that horror, a rush of excitement even flooding through him. Seeing Victor like that strangely enough spurred Yuri on, and everything he had been holding in for quite some time just came bubbling out of him.

Victor didn’t look like he was about to say something anytime soon, and Yuri used his chance, crossing his legs and leaning forward, almost into Victor’s personal space. “Remember those things Beka said to you before he left? Did you really not understand what they meant? You need give this thing a fucking rest, Victor,” Yuri said, “and I want you to leave me alone. I don’t give a shit if your head is literally filled with air, but even you have to see that you can throw whatever the hell you want at us. You’re not going to break Beka and me up. The only asshole who could achieve that is me, and if it comes to that, I will only have myself to blame for hurting _myself_ , but I’ll be damned to let you of all people come between us. So how about you just keep your fucking unwanted concerns to yourself and leave me in peace? Now get the fuck out of here and piss off if you don’t have anything supportive to say.”

Unwilling to back down, Yuri kept glaring at Victor, trying his best to not even blink. They just stared at each for an eternity, neither one of them saying anything. Victor’s brows then suddenly furrowed, but Yuri was absolutely sure he saw a flicker of disappointment and even hurt flash in his eyes, before Victor turned away and stood up. Victor wordlessly walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

Yuri didn’t know how to feel about that. Did he take it too far? Did Victor really just care about him? He thought about it for a moment, but ultimately his anger won. Victor had been pushing him for so long now, had managed to rile him, and Otabek up, on more than one occasion, and Yuri just didn’t understand why.

Impatiently and full of rage, Yuri got up from his bed as well. He stalked over to the door and locked it, then walked over to his wardrobe to dig out a bottle of vodka he had stashed in the back of it quite some time ago. It was more surprise than anything else that he hadn’t actually made use of it before. He opened the bottle on his way back to the bed, let himself fall down onto the mattress before he put his headphones on, and played some loud and headache inducing music, although he was certain the vodka would help with that too. Yuri just didn’t particularly care.

It was only about an hour and a half later when he was crouched over the toilet bowl and emptying the entire contents of his stomach into it, that he regretted his hot-headed decision to chuck down most of the vodka in record time. He hadn’t been this wasted in quite some time, and when the persistent knocks on his door wouldn’t stop, he remembered why. He was unable to get up, fearing that whatever was left inside him would land somewhere in the middle of the carpet of his room if he did, but he so desperately wanted the knocking to stop. Surprisingly, it did only a few moments later.

Yuri let himself believe that he was in the clear, which he apparently wasn’t. He heard a key turning in the lock of his door, and Katsudon and Victor appeared in his bathroom just a second later. Yuri’s brain wouldn’t allow him to really process what they were saying, but he was somehow sure that Victor didn’t say anything at all.

Another wave of nausea hit Yuri then. He pressed his eyes shut, unable to even feel embarrassed, and he acknowledged someone holding his damp hair back. The next thing he knew was that burning sensation in his throat, like it was lit on fire by the alcohol and the acid contents of his stomach he was heaving up. He felt disgusting and he sure as hell blamed Victor for it all, who seemed to have disappeared when he turned around again, at least that was what his clouded brain seemed to tell him.

What happened after that, Yuri wasn’t really sure. Yuuri apparently somehow helped him up and put him to bed, but he wasn’t even certain about that. As far as Yuri was concerned, he would have just passed out on the bathroom floor and waited for someone to find him the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will include three pretty important scenes, one will finally introduce Sevastyan and one will introduce some other new people.
> 
> Many thanks to everyone who's still following this story! You're all massively appreciated. Please do comment and let me know what you thought about this chapter. I kind of feel like I'm falling into a hole with this story, so I could definitely use some motivation. ;) 
> 
> Hope you're all having a nice and relaxing weekend! x


	11. It was Late Last Night.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otabek finally manages to resolve one of his problems, while someone new creates one for Yuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are only two of the three big scenes in this that I mentioned before because I wasn't happy with the last one. I'll have to rewrite that one, but I still wanted to put something out tonight, so yeah... it is what it is. 
> 
> Also, I bothered to complete the apartment layouts, so I just uploaded the missing three (Meiz, Maxim and Temir) over on my tumblr in case you want to check them out, which you can do [here](https://thesameoldfairytale.tumblr.com/post/162674965266/i-figured-i-might-as-well-finish-all-the-apartment). As mentioned in the post, if there's anything you want to know about the OCs, just let me know and I'll try to answer any questions without spoiling anything.

**_Friday, 3 rd March, St. Petersburg, 7.03am_ **

Yuri’s phone had been going off at least three times already, but he kept pushing the snooze button. His head was pounding like someone was consistently hammering a bunch of nails into his skull. He was afraid to even open his eyes, let alone move an inch or get up. Yuri knew he was pathetic, what he had _done_ last night was pathetic, and it was all Victor’s fault.

Why couldn’t the idiot just keep his fucking mouth shut? When Victor had first started to get on his nerves about his relationship with Otabek, Yuri was simply annoyed and nothing else, but that hadn’t been news. Now Yuri was just frustrated, because he simply didn’t understand what Victor’s problem was. The old geezer wouldn’t actually tell him anything. He just kept giving Yuri unsolicited advice and making stupid ass comments that Yuri really didn’t appreciate. It was pissing him off.

Drowning his frustrations and anger in alcohol though wasn’t particularly the best idea Yuri had ever had either. It hadn’t been after his grandpa’s funeral and it hadn’t been last night either. It had never been a smart idea, yet Yuri couldn’t seem to stop it. It was his way to deal with these unwanted emotions, his brain making a snap decision before he even had a chance to actually think about it.

After his assault, Yuri was numb. There was no fury, no sadness or disappointment, there was nothing. Alcohol had not been a solution for how he felt, because he didn’t feel anything.

Victor’s continuous bickering did his head in though. When people bothered him, it was almost like the connections in his head didn’t work. It was basically like he got electrocuted, and it just made him do exceptionally stupid things that more often than not involved some form of intoxication.

It was the fourth time now that his alarm went off, but before he could weakly reach out to grab his phone, someone else snapped it away from him. “What the fuck?” he mumbled, still refusing to open his eyes until he heard Yuuri speak from somewhere inside his bedroom.

“Time to get up,” Katsudon said, his firm voice forcefully drilling its way inside Yuri’s big head. “You need to shower before we leave.”

Yuri didn’t like the sound of that, but he instantly noticed the unpleasant smell of vodka and sweat hanging around the room which only brought back horrifying memories, not just from the previous night. “Don’t tell Beka,” he suddenly whined, trying his best to roll over onto his side, but even the smallest movement made him nauseous.

Katsudon sighed, before he sat down next to Yuri on the edge of the bed, very much like Victor had done the day before. “What was that?” he asked, but Yuri had a feeling that he had heard him perfectly well.

Finally opening his heavy eyes, Yuri felt miserable. The bright light coming from his ceiling lamp only increased the pounding in his head, but he was desperate to make his request. “Don’t tell Beka what I did last night,” Yuri almost pleaded, and after a brief pause added, “please.”

Literally everything about Yuri then was pathetic and he definitely didn’t want Otabek to know about it. “I’m not telling Otabek anything,” Yuuri reassured him, “but you should.”

Yuri tried to glare at him, but he gave up on it only moments later. It took too much energy to be angry. He decided to ignore Katsudon’s comment and instead asked, “where’s your other awful half?”

There was no doubt that Yuuri understood who he was talking about, when he was the one glaring at Yuri, his lips pressed tightly together and one corner of his mouth raised slightly in apparent annoyance. “He already left,” Katsudon informed Yuri.

Briefly sneaking a look at the digital clock on his bedside table, Yuri realised that it was way too early for Victor to be at the rink. Not even Yakov would be there _that_ early. “Why?” he asked, a part of him seriously wondering why Victor would voluntarily leave his bed, and Yuuri, before he absolutely had to.

“He blames himself for your irresponsibility,” was all that Katsudon said in response, and Yuri felt a sudden but welcomed rush of validation shoot through him. Only a second afterward did he pick up on the accusation in Yuuri’s words as well.

Trying his best to finally sit up straight, Yuri forced his body to move and his eyes to fully open. Every muscle hurt and the pounding in his head just wouldn’t go away, but now he was slowly getting upset, and he was simply too hungover for something like that. “Good,” he growled out while he willed his limbs into an upright position, “he should. It was his fault.”

It was no secret that Katsudon wasn’t particularly keen on arguments of any kind, although he could certainly stand up for himself. Yuri knew he was being unreasonable, he simply didn’t care. He needed someone to blame and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be himself, so Victor was the next logical target for his anger. “You need to cut him some slack, Yuri,” Katsudon said, sighing audibly because he could probably tell that Yuri was already aware of how stupid this entire situation was.

Yuri couldn’t help but be stunned hearing the other man use his real name for a change, but that moment passed quickly. “You think?” Yuri angrily shot back. “How would you feel if someone was constantly on your case trying to break you and the person you love up for no good reason at all?” It was equally frustrating and fascinating how quickly his mood could go from one extreme to another sometimes. Yuri was pissed off and this time it was Katsudon who found himself at the receiving end of his overwhelming emotions.

Yuuri obviously chose to not respond to his question when he said, “there actually is a reason why Victor is so overprotective of you. Give him a chance and don’t just dismiss his concern. You need to listen to him.”

This was only riling Yuri up even more. “I can’t fucking listen to him if he’s not talking to me, now can I?” he almost shouted out. “All he’s doing is getting on my fucking nerves. He never told me why the hell he is acting like a complete knobhead, so until he’s ready to actually tell me what the fuck is going on, I don’t have to do jack shit.” He immediately looked away from Yuuri, afraid he might start crying because he knew that the whole situation with Victor was getting to him more than he was willing to admit. “Now get out,” Yuri added, “I need to shower.”

It took a few moments for Yuuri to do as he was asked, but eventually Yuri felt the mattress move and the other man get up from the bed. Yuuri wordlessly left the bedroom and closed the door behind him, leaving Yuri to fight his own misery.

**_Friday, 3 rd March, Almaty, 6.42pm_ **

There was really no way for Otabek to express how truly ecstatic he was that he was done with practice for the week. He loved skating, he honestly did and he couldn’t imagine doing anything else, but there were so many other things on his mind lately that kept him from enjoying it as much as he normally did.

Just the fact that it was Friday now and he was home from the gym made him feel a little better. Otabek was freshly showered and dressed in a pair of comfortable black sweatpants and a forest green t-shirt (that strangely enough reminded him of Yuri’s eyes which was totally not the reason he bought the shirt), ready to make the butternut squash risotto he promised Meiz.

Otabek really wasn’t much of a cook, but even he had a few go-to recipes that he loved, mainly because he actually knew how to make them properly. That risotto Meiz requested was one of them. She had texted Otabek in the morning, letting him know that she would be coming over in the evening.

Meiz was a lot like Asel in the sense that she rarely asked for anything, she just took instead. It got them both into trouble plenty of times, but Meiz especially didn’t take shit from anyone. She had simply let Otabek know that she would be spending the evening with him at his place rather than asked him if it would be okay. Luckily for her, Otabek didn’t mind at all and he didn’t have any other plans anyway.

The butternut squash was roasting in the oven while Otabek got the other ingredients out. He was just about to weigh the rice when he heard a knock on the door. According to his kitchen clock, Meiz was a good ten minutes early, which was something else Otabek didn’t really have a problem with. He definitely preferred it when people were early rather than late, he hated it when someone made him wait.

Quickly wiping his hands on a tea towel, Otabek slid along the wooden floor on his fuzzy socks in the direction of the front door. Who he ended up finding behind the door was definitely not Meiz.

“What are you doing here?” he eventually said after overcoming the initial shock of Temir standing in front of him. They hadn’t talked since Otabek returned from Saint Petersburg over a week ago, and Otabek suddenly felt his heartbeat picking up. Temir was still his best friend after all and the tension between them had been unbearable for him. He was anxious what Temir showing up at his place actually meant. Was he there to shout at Otabek or perhaps even to fight him? There were so many unanswered questions Otabek was too scared to ask, afraid he would just make everything a million times worse.

“Can we talk?” Temir then simply blurted out, his voice not giving anything away. The only thing that lead Otabek to believe that Temir was just as anxious as he was, were his fingers fidgeting at his sides. It was a nervous tick Temir hadn’t been able to get rid of ever since they were kids. It certainly put Otabek a little at ease, although it did nothing to slow down his racing heartbeat.

“Sure,” he mumbled and stepped aside to let Temir in. They silently walked into the living room, Otabek following behind Temir. Before they sat down, Otabek suddenly remembered the butternut squash, the smell of the roasted vegetables slowly sneaking into his nose. “Just give me a second,” he said and excused himself to turn the oven off.

“It smells good,” Temir mentioned casually as he took a seat on the big L-shaped couch. Otabek dared to look over to where he was sitting and actually saw a tiny smile of recognition on Temir’s lips, which made him feel so much better in a single second. “What are you making?”

Otabek got the veggies out of the oven and put them down on the counter. “Meiz requested butternut squash risotto,” he explained, and then it suddenly dawned on him. “I guess she wasn’t actually planning on coming over, was she?” Otabek asked, realising now that Meiz had definitely tricked him, which actually didn’t surprise him at all. It was a move that had her name written all over it.

“Not really,” Temir said, answering his question. Otabek saw him walking over to the bar then, taking a seat there and just observing what he was doing. It made Otabek slightly uncomfortable, not because Temir was there watching him, but because he still didn’t know why he was there.

“Now that you’re here,” Otabek carefully began, “do you want some risotto?”

The whole situation felt strange and tense, even a little forced. Sure, they had been involved in countless arguments before, but they had never gone this long without talking to each other. Normally one of them would give in the next day, make a stupid joke and everything was forgiven and forgotten. This time was different, and neither one seemed to know how to deal with it.

“Sounds good,” Temir said, once again getting up from his seat. He walked over to the fridge and helped himself to a beer, which made Otabek smile to himself. It was a sign that Temir still felt comfortable enough around him to do that.

As Temir sat back down at the bar, Otabek began grating the parmesan cheese. There were a few minutes of absolute silence in the room apart from the radio that was on, playing some modern pop music that neither one them had probably ever heard of before. It didn’t matter though what was providing background noise as long as the awkwardness between them didn’t become too much.

Otabek was stirring the risotto when he became so tense that he felt like he really had to address the elephant in the room. “Listen T,” he said, turning around to actually face Temir, even though that was technically the last thing he wanted to do. Unless it was Yuri he was talking to, maintaining eye contact wasn’t something he was particularly good at, especially when the topic he wanted to talk about was such a heavy one. “I’m sorry,” Otabek apologised, “I know I should have been here for Sofia’s birthday. I should’ve been here for you and Asel. I’m sorry. I really am sorry, T.”

He didn’t know what else he could possibly say. Otabek had thought about what he had done by abandoning Temir on such a difficult and important day as what would have been Sofia’s twenty-fourth birthday. He knew he shouldn’t have let his newly blossoming relationship with Yuri get in the way of something that had already had significance to him before he had even met Yuri. He loved Yuri, of course he did, but after returning to Almaty, Otabek had realised that he had made a mistake. He just hadn’t been able to admit that to anyone, least of all Temir. It was a selfish thing he had done, choosing to spend time with Yuri instead of being at home with his friends to mourn someone who once held great importance to him, who still meant a lot to him. All he could do was hope that Temir would eventually be able to forgive him.

“Give it a rest,” Temir said, waving a hand at him to dismiss Otabek’s apology whilst taking a sip from his beer. Otabek however didn’t understand what he was saying. He was sure the surprise was clearly written all over his face. It did look like Temir had noticed the shock in his eyes as he soon began to explain what exactly he meant. “I get it, okay? Meiz said something last night that got me thinking,” Temir told him, but Otabek still didn’t quite understand. “I was mad at you, Beka. When you texted me saying that you wouldn’t be back in time, I got upset. I thought you had forgotten about Sofia and I didn’t like the thought of that.”

It was a mystery to Otabek how Temir could possibly have thought that he would ever forget Sofia, but now that he thought about it, he could understand where Temir was coming from. At the time, Otabek hadn’t really considered how his decision to stay in Saint Petersburg with Yuri would affect his friend, it wasn’t a priority to him. Yuri was. He hadn’t really contemplated the consequences at all, not until he had seen Temir at LUX the previous Saturday.

Otabek didn’t know what to say in response, but he had a feeling that the other man wasn’t done yet anyway. “Meiz said I should be happy for you,” Temir said. “She asked me if I like Yuri and I said yes, because I do. I like that little angry fairy.” Otabek couldn’t help but smile at that. He was happy to know that Temir actually approved of his boyfriend, not that it actually mattered but it was certainly warming his heart. “Meiz pointed out that just because you found someone you want to be with doesn’t necessarily mean that you will forget about Sofia,” Temir confessed. “I hope that she’s right. I hope I can trust that you being with Yuri now doesn’t diminish what you had with my sister.”

It was difficult for Otabek to think of anything meaningful to respond to that. He was at a complete loss, just as much as he was surprised by Temir’s words in the first place. “T,” he began, still unsure of what he actually wanted to tell his friend, “I could never forget Sofia. She meant the world to me, you know that.” Otabek purposefully didn’t use the word love to describe what he once felt for Sofia, just because he didn’t know if his feelings actually went that deep. In the end that didn’t matter though. It didn’t change anything. He would never be able to forget Sofia or anything that had happened back then all those years ago.

“I do,” Temir replied, “and I _am_ happy for you. I’m glad you were finally able to move on. Just looking at you and Yuri makes it so fucking obvious how you two feel about each other. I’m sorry I piled all that shit on you. I’m sure you didn’t need that on top of everything that was going on with Yuri.”

Instead of answering anything, Otabek just went to the fridge to get another bottle of beer out for Temir, as well as one for himself. He opened both bottles and placed one right in front of his best friend. “You have no reason to apologise, T,” Otabek reassured him, which earned him a small appreciative smile in return. Another moment of silence passed between them, before he continued by asking hesitantly, “are we cool?”

Temir held his bottle out, obviously waiting for Otabek to toast with him. “To you and Yuri,” he said, and smile on his lips that Otabek couldn’t refuse to return. “To you and Meiz?” he shyly asked, wondering what those two actually were to each other, and all Temir did was laugh wholeheartedly. They both gulped down a massive sip of their beer, both of them relieved that the air between them was finally clear again.

“So what _is_ the situation between you and Meiz?” Otabek couldn’t help but ask. He was too intrigued to just let it go. When Temir and Meiz had hooked up on New Year’s Eve everyone was surprised, including Otabek, although he had heard Temir gush over Meiz for ages before then, so he really was more surprised by Meiz finally giving in to his advances rather than him pursuing her.

Otabek went back to stirring the risotto which he almost managed to burn whilst he had been listening to Temir before. It was pretty much done now though, so he got two bowls out of the cabinet and filled them both up. Just as he slid one along the bar to his friend, Temir finally responded and said, “God only knows, dude, God only knows.”

They both burst into laughter once more. Otabek could only imagine how complicated things were between Meiz and Temir since both of them were incapable of addressing romantic feelings openly. They were complete idiots when it came to relationships and Otabek suspected that at least one of them needed a massive push to finally open up to the other. He promised himself to be there for them once that time came around.

**_Saturday, 4 th March, St. Petersburg, 9.16pm_ **

Thankfully Yuri hadn’t been forced to see Victor or talk to Yuuri again after practice the previous day. He had made his way to Mila’s place right after he finished his ballet practice in the afternoon and hadn’t been in touch with his housemates since then.

It was difficult, still, especially after Victor’s latest unwanted comments about his trip to Moscow, and Yuri honestly didn’t really know how to feel about any of it. Just when he had thought that things finally looked up at home, Victor had come running in and ruined it. Yuri was at his wits end, and he wasn’t sure what he could do to make Victor come around and accept his relationship. The more he pondered about his messed-up situation, the more he realised that he shouldn’t even be in this situation in the first place. He didn’t owe Victor anything, he didn’t have to defend himself or his relationship to the older man. Theoretically at least he didn’t. Yuri however knew that now that his grandfather was gone, Victor somehow was the only person he would consider family. The fact that he obviously didn’t approve of Otabek, was seriously gnawing at Yuri.

He figured that time away from home might do him some good, so he took Mila up on her offer to stay with her for the weekend again. They hadn’t done much the previous night, just watched a silly movie while Yuri was busy texting with Otabek, but he immensely appreciated the chance to take a deep breath away from Victor and Yuuri. It might help him to sort his head out, one way or another.

Now they were stood in front of a massive and bright white house that apparently belonged to Mila’s hockey friend Sevastyan. Yuri had reluctantly agreed to go with Mila, even though she had reassured him that he was under no obligation to go to that party with her whatsoever. It was obvious that Mila had wanted Yuri to be comfortable, and she seemed to doubt that going out to a stranger’s house where he wouldn’t know anyone but her was not necessarily a way to achieve that. Yuri had somehow found himself quite touched by her worries, but he was determined to join her, even despite his initial reservations when she first mentioned the party at the beginning of the week.

Mila waited for Yuri just outside the front door of the house. The music from the inside was clearly audible through the walls and Yuri noticed people dancing behind the curtains of what he assumed to be a spacious living room from the looks of it. He suddenly was a lot less eager to go inside with Mila, but he eventually reached out for her hand that she had extended out to him as a sign of encouragement. Yuri sighed and even wished he was home, before he pulled a face and let Mila lead him through the front door.

Inside the music was even louder than it was out on the front steps. The place was swarmed with people and Yuri couldn’t help but clutch Mila’s hand a little tighter in an instant. He couldn’t tell whether or not Mila had noticed it, at least she certainly didn’t give him any sign that she did. Mila didn’t turn around and just dragged him along further into the house.

Yuri was starting to feel himself grow tired and annoyed in equal measure. It didn’t take much these days for him to change his mood from one second to another. He had always been someone who was quick to snap, but the difference now was that he didn’t immediately make his mood swings public. It bubbled up inside him, quietly and slowly, before it burst out of him whereas he used to explode right away when he was younger.

By the time Mila and him had found the kitchen, which was just as crowded as the hallway and every other room they had passed on the way, Yuri desperately wanted to leave. Mila offered him a drink, but Yuri declined much to her (and his) surprise. Just the smell of alcohol hanging around them made Yuri feel slightly sick, the memory of his last hangover from only a day before still too fresh in his mind.

“Sevastyan,” Mila suddenly shouted to a tall dude who just walked into the kitchen. The dark-haired giant smiled from ear to ear when he noticed Mila. He walked over to her and Yuri, and immediately engulfed the redhead in a bearhug.

“Mila, my love,” Sevastyan said as soon as he let go of her. “So glad you could make it.”

Smiling back at him, Mila quickly reached out to grab Yuri by his arm, pulling him close to her side. “This is Yuri, a great friend and rink mate of mine,” she said and introduced the blonde.

Sevastyan looked over at Yuri, his smile not wavering. Yuri eyed him sneakily, and he had to admit that the guy seemed to be nice. “Yuri Plisetsky,” Sevastyan said without sounding condescending or rude, “Russia’s ice tiger and youngest Grand Prix winner ever.” Yuri was absolutely taken aback by those words, not having expected him to know who he was at all. “It is a pleasure to meet you. I’m Sevastyan.”

It was impossible not to see the extended hand Sevastyan offered him, but Yuri was out of it for a moment. Only when Mila nudged him in the side, Yuri finally took the other man’s hand and shook it. “How do you know who I am?” he couldn’t help but ask, curiosity taking over.

He unconsciously squinted his eyes a little when that smile on Sevastyan’s face only seemed to grow. Yuri felt like a tiny mouse looking up at him, into his big and shiny blue eyes that seemed to stand out so much more thanks to his dark hair. “Well,” Sevastyan began, “I know Mila for a start.” If anyone else had said that, Yuri would’ve probably lost it, because they would belittle him, but apparently this guy could say anything without making it sound horrible in Yuri’s ears. “It’s hard not to know your name and face when you’re playing on the ice, no matter if it’s hockey or skating.”

Before Yuri could say anything in response, another girl was shouting for Sevastyan from another room. Nodding at Mila and Yuri, and promising to have another chat with them later, the hockey giant made his way towards the girl who was calling him. The only thing Yuri could do was look after him, completely baffled by how genuinely friendly he appeared to be. “He’s great, isn’t he?” Mila practically beamed, before Yuri shot her a judging frown. “As a friend, I mean, nothing more.” All Yuri did in response was roll his eyes at her.

They spent a little over an hour or so making small talk with people Yuri didn’t know. He didn’t dare to leave Mila’s side and was starting to get extremely irritated by the music just begging for a headache, as well as all those strangers that Yuri couldn’t possibly care less about. He wanted to go home, but he didn’t get a chance to tell Mila as much before all hell suddenly broke loose.

Mila had left Yuri on his own for a moment to go to the bathroom, and Yuri had decided to wait for her by the kitchen window, not wanting to seem too clingy by waiting right outside the bathroom door. He was stood in front of the window with his phone in his hand, people rushing about around him. Yuri knew Otabek was out with Ezra and Maxim, even though he was probably home at that point since it was past 1am in Almaty already. He really wanted to text Otabek, just let him know that he was thinking of him, but he decided against it, not ready to willingly disturb his boyfriend on a night out with his friends.

Yuri had just buried his phone back in his jeans’ pocket when someone tall and big came up to him and hugged him from behind. Instantly tensing up, Yuri barely noticed the strong arms squeezing his shoulders or the hands on his chest or the head resting on his right shoulder, not even the warm breath ghosting over his cheek. He didn’t hear what that person was saying to him and he didn’t know who was actually touching him, but everything about that huge figure behind him reminded him of the guy who assaulted him. Every little thing he picked up on from the broad chest pressed against his back to the gross smell of alcohol coming from the person’s mouth, it was all screaming at him, taking him right back to that night in January that had caused so much unnecessary trouble in his life and relationship.

“Get the fuck off of me,” Yuri suddenly yelled, and he knew instantly without even turning around that everyone in hearing distance was staring at him. “Get off, get your hands off me. Get off, get off, get off!”

“Yuri,” he heard Mila’s voice coming from somewhere down the hall, but he didn’t really listen. He just wanted to get away. Eventually turning around when the person behind him had released him out of their hold, Yuri saw that it was Sevastyan who had touched him, but it didn’t change anything. No matter how nice the guy was, Yuri was freaking out so much that he couldn’t even calmly consider the fact that Sevastyan most likely didn’t want to do him any harm, less alone knew about what had happened to him or why he was shouting at him. Yuri was so far gone that nothing anyone said made any sense. The only thing left was a dull humming sound in his ears, the loud and obnoxious music from before gone completely.

He stared, he just stared into those shiny blue eyes for a few moments, before he bolted away, pushing Sevastyan out of his way which was a lot easier than Yuri had expected. Practically running through the house, Yuri even ignored Mila reaching out for him. He swatted her hand away and forcefully ran past her. Unsure where he was actually headed, Yuri spotted a closet near the front door. A split-second decision later, and he found himself locked in the room in the dark.

With his breathing heavy and his heart racing, Yuri was at a loss as to what he should be doing now. The rational part of his brain that was aware of what had just happened, and how harmless it had actually been, was silenced by the irrational part of his brain that kept shouting at him to get out, get home and get into his own bed where he would feel safe, at least a little.

Without really thinking about it, Yuri grabbed the headphones from inside his jacket’s pocket and plugged them into his phone. He hurriedly looked through the dozens of songs he had on there and pressed play on the only song that could possibly calm him down. As soon as Otabek’s voice echoed in his ears, seemingly rushing through him from head to toe, Yuri slowly began to get his breathing under control.

Once back to normal, as much as it could get anyway, Yuri began to feel disgusting. He ignored Mila’s knocks on the door and her pleading words asking him to open up, the urge to just rip his clothes off so much stronger and starting to overwhelm him completely. Yuri desperately wanted to get home and shower, wash it all off of him, rid himself of the memories and the smell that was suddenly back in his nose.

He wanted his boyfriend. He wanted Otabek to hold him, to soothe him and tell him he was safe with him.

With shaking fingers and uncontrollable streams of tears running down his face, Yuri opened up the messages on his phone and contacted the only other person he could think of to get him out of that house. He texted Yuuri.

 **Yuri:** _Come and pick me up!!!_

Sending another text with the address, Yuri tried his best to focus on the song, on Otabek’s voice so near him, even though he knew Otabek himself was so incredibly far away, and that probably hurt him even more than any unexpected hug from a strange dude he just met could possibly ever be.

He barely acknowledged the tears that were spilling from his eyes, because he was trying so hard not to hyperventilate. The knocks on the door didn’t stop, neither did Mila’s shrill voice pushing through it, asking him what had happened and urging him to let her in. Yuri kept ignoring everything from outside the closet he had hid himself in.

 **Yuri:** _HURRY THE FUCK UP!!!!!!_

Already starting to feel bad for practically yelling at his only option out of his misery, Yuri shot Katsudon another text only a few moments later.

 **Yuri:** _I need to get out of here. Come and get me… please…._

There really wasn’t much else he could do besides sit and wait now. Yuri closed his eyes and turned the volume up on his phone, the mellow sound of Otabek’s first love confession piercing through the noise coming from the other side of the door, entirely drowning it all out. He focused on his boyfriend’s voice and tried to remember what it felt like to be close to him, to have Otabek hold him in his arms and especially how good he felt when he was with Otabek, when nothing could harm him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm seriously starting to get lost in this hole I keep digging for myself when it comes to this story... I'm surprised it only started now after over 200K. All I'm saying is that I have no clue how frequently I'm going to update from now on. Even though I have a complete outline for the entire story, writing seems more of a burden lately than anything else because I get side-tracked thinking about shit that happens later in this story or in the following ones I have planned for the series. I just need that spark back that I had when I started. If anyone knows where I can find that, give me a shout. x
> 
> PS: Massive shout-out to you lovely people who left a comment on the previous chapter, many of whom commented for the first time I believe. Thank you so so much for that!!!


	12. Before They Frighten the Love out of Us.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri is awaiting his rescue while Otabek is about to fight a completely different battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to post this chapter on my phone using data because our wifi at home is just so incredibly f**ked up at the moment so I'm not sure what the format is like. I'll double-check as soon as I have wifi on my laptop again. Sorry if this chapter format is a little off.

**_Saturday, 4_ ** **_th_ ** **_March, St. Petersburg, 10.33pm_ **

Saturday nights for Yuuri and Victor were rarely about big outings or club visits. The occasional fancy dinner at a luxurious restaurant or a relaxed night out with a few friends were normally extent of their weekend plans. Yuuri especially felt very out of place in many of the busiest and most popular establishments in Saint Petersburg. Given all of that, it was no surprise that they found themselves home on yet another Saturday night, each other’s company the only one they needed.

They had ordered a messy take-away from their favourite Indian place with all the extras from peshwari naan bread (which was Yuuri’s favourite, especially from this specific restaurant as they didn’t put gross raisins in it) and egg fried rice to poppadoms with mint sauce, mango chutney, and tomato and onion relish. They went all out and Yuuri couldn’t help but be thankful that Victor wasn’t such a strict coach, although he knew he probably really shouldn’t be indulging in something so heavy so close to the World Championships. When his fiancé wanted to pamper him though, he honestly didn’t have it in him to deny Victor that.

Whilst Victor was in the middle of clearing all the take-out boxes away and getting them a bottle of red wine to wind down with, Yuuri was looking through the different television channels to find something else for them to watch when his phone all of a sudden went off. Curiously, he reached over to the coffee table from his seat on the couch to check the message.

 **Yurio:** _Come and pick me up!!!_

Frowning deeply, Yuuri couldn’t even begin to comprehend the apparent urgency showing through in Yuri’s text before he received another one containing an address he didn’t recognise. Yuri was supposed to be at Mila’s place and as soon as that realisation hit Yuuri, he felt something very unnerving and unpleasant bubbling up inside him.

He didn’t notice Victor sitting down next him or how the tall Russian put the bottle of wine in front of them, until Victor’s voice dragged Yuuri out of his momentary haze. “What’s going on, love?” he asked, clearly worried and perhaps a little afraid. “You look upset. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Victor had a tendency to get hysterical really quickly and Yuuri normally found that quite exhausting, but right now he could actually sympathise and Victor didn’t even know yet what had happened. To be fair, neither did Yuuri, at least not entirely. “I’m not sure,” he admitted, still staring at his phone as if it would magically explain what had gotten into Yuri.

Just as he was about to tell Victor about the messages he had received, Yuuri’s phone buzzed again, alerting him to yet another text with a second one following before he had even opened the first one.

 **Yurio:** _HURRY THE FUCK UP!!!!!!  
_ **Yurio:** _I need to get out of here. Come and get me… please…_

One thing was for sure, whatever trouble Yuri had managed to get himself into, it was serious. He never said please to Yuuri unless it was important to him.

“Get your car keys,” was all Yuuri said before he got up from the sofa. Victor however made no indication that he would be moving anytime soon, which caused Yuuri to frown once again, this time at his fiancé rather than his phone.

He questioningly shook his head as he looked down at Victor but remained silent otherwise. Yuuri was itching to get going but Victor didn’t seem to feel the same way.

“Where are we going?” Victor asked, still glued to the couch.

Instead of answering Yuuri just reached out for his upper arm and hauled him up. “Yuuri, what’s going on?” Victor almost whined, obviously desperate to find out what had gotten into the other man.

Yuuri lead him away to the front door until Victor suddenly stood his ground. “Unless you tell me why you’re so eager to leave the house instead of drinking wine with me on our sofa, which by the way would most certainly end up with you on top of me in less than twenty minutes, I am not even considering putting my shoes on or getting into my car,” Victor said, his stare intense and equally pleading.

Sighing deeply, Yuuri was already in the process of tying his shoes and throwing his jacket over his shoulders when he was suddenly the one begging. “Please, Victor,” he said, “I’ll explain in the car. We just need to get going. I think Yurio is in trouble.”

It only took the mention of Yuri’s name for Victor to first look at him in shock and then get himself into gear a second later. “Next time you might want to lead with that, Yuuri,” he said dryly, grabbing his car keys so they could both finally head out the door.

Thanks to slow traffic on a Saturday night, they eventually found themselves in a quiet residential area of Saint Petersburg a good twenty minutes later. According to the GPS they were at the right address but neither one of them knew exactly where they were and they couldn’t see Yuri anywhere either. Instead of further wondering about where they had ended up, Yuuri and Victor both made their way out of the car and toward the front door of the house they were parked outside of.

There was obviously something going on inside this massive white house and they probably should have been a little more careful instead of just waltzing in, but the only thing they had on their minds was Yuri. His messages were disturbing and since they didn’t know what had happened to him, Yuuri and Victor threw caution into the wind.

They came to a halt as soon as they were through the door. The first thing Yuuri noticed was Mila leaning against what he assumed was a closet or utility room door, occasionally knocking on it. She was mumbling something that was hard to hear through the insanely loud music that was echoing throughout the entire house. An incredibly tall and large young man was standing opposite the door Mila was clinging to, his muscular arms crossed in front of his broad chest. He looked concerned but Yuuri couldn’t let himself be bothered by that for long.

He had no idea if Victor had spotted Mila yet. Not wanting to wait any longer though, Yuuri launched forward and immediately turned Mila around by grabbing her shoulders. “Where is Yurio, Mila?” he asked, desperate to find his younger friend.

Mila’s eyes grew wide instantly but she collected herself only a moment later. “He’s in there,” she answered quietly, pointing towards the door she was practically talking to just a second ago.

Yuuri let go of her immediately and turned towards the door. He could hear Victor talking to Mila but their voices were very far away even as they stood right behind him. Their words barely reached him as Yuuri himself began pleading with Yuri through the door of what he now knew must be a closet. “Yurio,” he said, hopefully loud enough for Yuri to hear him. “We’re here to take you home. Please open the door.”

A single breath later, Yuri came out of the dark closet and threw his arms around Yuuri, who was so surprised by the embrace that he almost lost his balance. Once he made sure that his feet were firmly on the ground, he hugged the shaking blonde back, holding him close. “Shhh,” he tried to soothe Yuri. “You’re alright now.”

Yuri didn’t respond and even though he was shivering, he didn’t seem to be crying. Yuuri almost wished he did, at least then he would definitely know that something was seriously wrong. A quiet Yuri was a scary Yuri, one who had a tendency to hide things and that was the last thing Yuuri wanted from him.

Victor came up beside them and quietly said, “Let’s go, you two.” Before Yuuri could begin to understand what Yuri was doing, the blonde’s arms let go of him and instead wrapped tightly around his fiancé’s waist. Yuri hid his face in Victor’s chest and only let loose when the older Russian started to walk them out of the house.

Nodding briefly at Mila, Yuuri quickly looked away from her and followed the other two men to their car. Heartbreak and guilt were clearly written all over Mila’s face. Yuuri couldn’t remember if he had ever seen her like that before, her eyes filled with worry and concern. He still didn’t know what had actually happened to Yuri at this party and he wasn’t even sure he wanted to find out.

Victor helped Yuri into the backseat before he went around the car to sit behind the wheel. Yuuri slid into the back as well and immediately put an arm around the blonde, pulling him close. Yuri still wasn’t crying.

The car ride home was completely silent, only disturbed occasionally by a loud in- or exhale from Yuri. Once the car stopped outside their apartment building, Yuuri instantly got out and went around to open the door for Yuri. Victor soon flung his arms around both of them, pressing a kiss each into their shiny hair before he urged them on to follow him inside.

As soon as they stepped inside the flat, Yuri practically ran into his room while the other two couldn’t do much beside look after him. Yuuri could see how desperate Victor was to follow him but he got a hold of his elbow before Victor could do so. “Let’s give him a few minutes,” Yuuri said, silently asking his fiancé to be patient.

After obviously thinking about it for a moment and another sad look in the direction of Yuri’s room, Victor nodded defeated. He reached out for Yuuri and hugged him tight. They couldn’t possibly get any closer. Yuuri was starting to feel the air squeezed out of his lungs. “Vitya,” he mumbled close to Victor’s ear, “I can’t breathe.”

Shocked and upset, Victor immediately pulled back from Yuuri. “I’m sorry, love,” he apologised. “I’m just so angry and I feel… useless.”

Yuuri didn’t really understand what Victor actually meant or where those things were coming from, so instead of possibly saying something wrong and make Victor feel even worse, Yuuri decided to stay rational and tried to distract him.

“You talked to Mila,” he began, wondering again if she even knew what made Yuri freak out like that in the first place. “Did she tell you what happened to Yuri?”

Victor got a hold of Yuuri’s hand and dragged him along into the living room. They sat down in their usual spots before Victor told him what Mila said had happened.

Yuuri couldn’t really say that he was surprised. From everything that he had seen after Yuri’s assault, it was so obvious to him that physical contact was something that made Yuri uncomfortable to the extent that he completely panicked and began to scream from the top of his lungs. Unless he himself initiated a hug or anything even remotely physical, it was unwelcomed.

Yuri wasn’t the kind of person who had ever been fond of _anyone_ touching him, unless that person was Otabek. It was one of the reasons Yuuri had been so floored when Yuri had practically wrapped himself around him and Victor. Perhaps it had been some sort of safety measure, perhaps it had provided him with a sense of security, because they were both familiar to him.

Yuuri would never know for sure. Yuri would no doubt deny it all if he were ever to bring it up.

He could only imagine how paranoid and even afraid Yuri must have been when Mila’s friend went to hug him which was no doubt intended as a friendly gesture and nothing more. Yuri just couldn’t differentiate between harm _less_ and harm _ful_ anymore. That line was so blurred that he probably couldn’t see it all. To Yuri, it was all the same.

When Yuuri looked at Victor, it just broke his heart all over again. There were unshed tears in his fiancé’s eyes that were just begging to be set free, but for some reason Victor held back.

“What’s wrong, Vitya?” he couldn’t help but ask, even though he felt like a complete fool because he knew full well what was wrong, and he got the answer he expected only a moment later.

“I should have been there for him,” Victor said, avoiding Yuuri’s eyes at all costs. “He should not have been at that party, not with all these strangers around. Why did Mila let this happen, Yuuri? Why was I not there to stop it?”

Yuuri couldn’t stand to see the people he cared about hurt like this on a regular basis. It was fair to say that the first two months of the year had been nothing but a big mess, and Yuuri hated every second of it.

“Hey, listen to me,” he said, framing Victor’s face with his hands to force him to look up. “This is no one’s fault, least of all yours or Mila’s. Do you understand that?”

There was no reaction from Victor whatsoever, just empty eyes that were longing for… something.

“It’s useless to point fingers and it would only make things worse. Just be here for Yurio. That’s all you can do and that’s all you should do. He needs us right now.”

What he said must have flicked a switch inside Victor as his tears now fell freely from his tired eyes.

“I thought he was better,” Victor mumbled, reaching up to place his hands over Yuuri’s and leaning into the comforting touch. “I thought he finally made his peace with the assault. I just… I thought he was over it.”

Yuuri smiled sadly at the broken man in front of him. It made his heart clench so badly that he even wished for the hundredth time that they had never gotten out to the club on that fateful January night.

“Experiencing what Yurio had to go though is not something anyone can just get over, Vitya,” he said, trying to sound comforting and not condescending. “It takes time and Yurio has all the time in the world. I don’t know when or if he will ever be able to put that part of his life behind him but he’s strong. You know just as much as I do that he’s way too stubborn to let anyone or anything dictate the rest of his life for him. He won’t allow that and he won’t be on his own either. We’re here for him whatever he needs. That’s all we can do.”

They spent another few minutes in each other’s arms, just trying to provide comfort. Yuuri wasn’t even sure who needed it more at that point.

By the time they both made their way to Yuri’s bedroom to ask if they can do anything for him, they found him lying on his bed, sound asleep. Yuri had his knees pulled up to his chest while he held Otabek’s teddy bear in his arms, clinging to it like his life depended on it. Victor was quick to put the duvet over his lithe body, wrapping him up in it as best as he could.

Yuri was eerily calm asleep like that but Yuuri was grateful that he slept. The aftermath of what happened to him at that house earlier on would come soon enough.

 **_Sunday, 5_ ** **_th_ ** **_March, Almaty, 11.31am_ **

His head had been pounding and his muscles had been aching but somehow Otabek had found the strength to get out of bed. A shower hadn’t helped, neither had the aspirin or the water he had chugged down in an attempt to make himself feel better.

Now that he was on his way to his parents’ place for lunch, he was silently cursing Asel and Temir to the moon and back for getting him so incredibly drunk the previous night. Otabek hated the fact that he couldn’t even be mad at them, least of all Temir. He was just glad that they had finally sorted things out between them and to be fair, he had a feeling that his friends were just as miserable and hungover this morning as he did.

The second Otabek pulled into the driveway of his parents’ house, his mouth went exceptionally dry and his heart began to race. He knew why he was there and he knew he had put this off for way too long already, but it didn’t mean that he was any more prepared for it.

His thoughts immediately wandered to Yuri. He checked his phone as he got off his motorcycle only to find what he expected – no messages from Yuri whatsoever. Otabek wasn’t too worried, especially since he himself had been busy spending time with his friends and he knew that Yuri had been safe with Mila. It might have even been a good thing that they weren’t so incredibly hung up on each other all the time.

But now that he was about to tell his parents about Yuri, Otabek wouldn’t deny that he probably could have used a few words of encouragement after all. Then again, he hadn’t told Yuri anything about his visit to his parents. Yuri didn’t know and Otabek wasn’t even certain if he wanted him to know.

With his phone still in his hand, Otabek was undecided over whether or not he should warn Yuri in advance. He was about to type out a text but words failed him in the end.

As soon as he heard Arman shouting out his name, Otabek had forgotten all about his phone. Instead he looked up to see his father waving at him from the front door.

Sighing deeply, Otabek managed a small smile before he walked over to the front door of his parents’ house. “Hello father,” he greeted Arman who immediately engulfed him in a tight hug.

“It’s good to see you, Otabek.”

The genuinely happy smile on his father’s face did nothing to calm Otabek’s nerves. Admittedly, he wasn’t all that nervous about Arman’s reaction to what he was about to tell his parents. His mother Bibigul was the one that worried him.

“Is Darja still here?” Otabek couldn’t help but ask. The prospect of his sister being around for moral support was just too comforting to ignore but the sliver of hope in his chest evaporated as soon as it had appeared.

“She left about half an hour ago,” Arman told him as he stepped aside for Otabek to enter the house before he closed the door behind them. “She wants you to call her tonight.”

At that Otabek frowned. “Why?” he asked.

“She didn’t say,” Arman said.

Otabek thought he saw a tinge of concern in his father’s eyes but before he could ask if anything was wrong, Bibigul showed up out of nowhere.

“Otabek, my love,” she almost shouted ecstatically when she saw him. She held his face in both of her hands when she came to stand in front of him. Bibigul kissed both his cheeks once, then took his hand and lead him into the living room. “You just missed your sister, I’m afraid. Darja wanted me to tell you that she expects you to call her tonight.”

Otabek said down on the too soft sofa right next her and didn’t attempt to retract his hand out of her grip. “Father already mentioned it,” he said with a strained smile on his lips.

“Good,” Bibigul replied, nodding to herself, “and please don’t forget to call her or she will end up complaining to us.”

It was difficult to pretend that he was happy to be at his parents’ house. Otabek did love them but the anxiety welling up inside him threatened to spill over. His mother seemed completely oblivious to Otabek’s reserved demeanor. If she did pick up on it, she at least didn’t comment on it.

“Lunch will be ready in a couple minutes,” Bibigul informed him, her eyes shining bright with happiness to have Otabek in her house for a visit. It made him feel even worse.

“So, Otabek,” Arman spoke up as he sat down in his favourite dark blue armchair that Otabek had only fond memories of. He briefly remembered how Miras and Darja used to squeeze into it next to each other before Otabek jumped up into their laps because he wanted them to tell him a story when he was younger. Even despite the age difference between the three of them, Otabek had always felt loved by them. His siblings were a blessing in many ways.

Otabek’s fond memories were quickly interrupted as his father asked, “What’s new with you, son? We haven’t seen you in over a month.”

Lost for words already, the uneasiness inside Otabek became almost unbearable when Bibigul cut in as well. “How have you been, darling?”

This was worse than any competition Otabek had ever competed in. When it came to skating, he knew what he was doing. He was confident in his abilities on the ice. This here now was a completely different story.

“Actually,” he began hesitantly, “I do have some news.”

Otabek saw his father tense up for a moment but he couldn’t imagine why. His mother’s smile didn’t falter at all though. She still held one of Otabek’s hands between hers and patted the back of it as a sign of silent encouragement.

“Do you…,” Otabek started again without knowing where actually wanted to go. He took a deep breath and reminded himself why he was doing this. “Do you remember my friend Yuri?”

Otabek was absolutely certain that he heard a small gasp coming from his father but when he turned his head around to look at him, he couldn’t see any shock or any reaction at all on his face. “I do,” Arman said, his voice neutral and lacking any emotion or judgement.

Instead of mulling over any hidden meaning behind Arman’s unusual behaviour, Otabek just nodded. When he looked at his mother’s face again, his anxiety was back in the blink of an eye. “The small, blonde Russian skater you met in Barcelona?”

“That’s the one,” Otabek replied, almost whispered. He was determined to not waver, not look away from his mother’s intense gaze when he told her about Yuri but before he could get anything out, Bibigul continued.

“He’s very talented, especially for his age. It’s astounding how well he’s doing despite his reputation,” she said and glanced over to her husband, clearly seeking support from him but all she got out of Arman was a dismissive wave of his hand. Bibigul ignored him in favour of turning her attention back to Otabek. “Anyway,” she said, briefly glaring at Arman, “tell us your news, sweetheart.”

Otabek gulped visibly. Every fibre of his body knew what was coming, knew what was about to happen but he had to get it over with, not just for Yuri and their relationship, but mostly for his own peace of mind. He was tired of hiding Yuri as it was, hiding him from his parents was even worse.

“Well,” Otabek said as he was hyper-aware of how sweaty his palm was in his mother’s hand, “Yuri and I… we are… dating.”

Bibigul’s fingers squeezed his hand hard, a little too hard in fact, but she didn’t say anything. Arman didn’t say anything either, so Otabek felt the need to explain himself more.

“Yuri was here for New Year’s and we kind of found out then that we both want more. You know I spent a week in Saint Petersburg in January. I just… Something happened to him before I flew over there and I thought he felt better but he didn’t deal with it all very well. He actually… He broke up with me after the European Championships because he thought he wasn’t good enough for me but he came to Seoul to surprise me and we talked about everything. I flew back with him to Saint Petersburg after Four Continents and stayed there with him for a few days. I got into trouble with Temir because I missed Sofia’s birthday to stay with Yuri but… I’m done hiding him. He means the world to me and I really hope that you can accept him and… _us_.”

The words had come tumbling out of his mouth without much thought but time seemed to stand still when Otabek had finished. It felt like no one dared to say anything, too afraid of saying the wrong thing.

“Otabek,” Arman began, clearly ready to tell him _some_ thing but Bibigul cut him off. She let go of Otabek’s hand, almost throwing it aside, before she stood up without moving away from the sofa. She was even smaller than Otabek but as she looked down on him, her dark eyes were all the more intimidating.

“Break it off,” was all Bibigul said, her gaze unwavering and fixed on her son.

“What?” was the only thing Otabek could respond with. He had expected her to be anything but happy about his relationship, he still hadn’t thought that she would actively push him to end things with Yuri.

“This is unacceptable, Otabek,” Bibigul said, making her stance perfectly clear, “and I will not have you risk your career for Yuri.”

Otabek was completely taken aback but he didn’t really know what to say either. Bibigul watched him for a moment before she went on.

“Do you really want people to focus on your relationship instead of your talent? Your skating should speak for you, Otabek, not the gossip about who you share a bed with. The Russian Punk, that’s what they call him, don’t they? Yuri may be your friend but that’s it,” she almost spat out and then paused, giving Otabek as well as Arman a chance to speak up but neither one of them did.

Bibigul sighed and then continued, “You can’t let the media or someone brash and rude like Yuri distract you from your career, and they will do that as soon as someone sees you together. You know that just as much as I do. This relationship is not worth it. You just told us Yuri broke up with you before. Who says he won't do it again and I know you wouldn’t handle that well. We all remember how you ran away after Sofia died. You’re too sensitive when it comes to matters of the heart. Yuri is not the kind of person you should be with, especially not right now. You’re not jeopardising your career again, Otabek, not for someone like Yuri. Break it off while you still can and just walk away."

She didn’t even wait for any kind of response from Otabek. Bibigul just turned around and walked away, leaving a frowning Arman and a shocked Otabek behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this took long enough, didn't it? I do apologise for the long wait but I hope you guys enjoyed this update nevertheless! x


	13. Your Silent Invocation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arman reveals a secret to his son, much to Otabek's disappointment, and Yuri does something he never thought he would do.

**_Sunday, March 5th, Almaty, 11.46am_ **

Otabek was still staring at the open door his mother had disappeared through, torn between shock, disappointment and even betrayal. A thousand thoughts were running through his head all at once, none of which he could make any sense of.

He had expected this, well, not exactly _this_ , not this outright dismissal of his feelings like they meant nothing to Bibigul. She didn’t even ask him how he felt about Yuri, if he was serious about him. She hadn’t bothered to think about what _he_ wanted before she told him to end things with Yuri.

As Otabek slowly cast his eyes down to the floor underneath his feet, a wave of silent anger overcame him and he balled both of his hands up into fists. He felt like he was going to suffocate, like the walls of the living room were closing in around him and threatening to crush him. He was up on his feet and ready to run when his father’s quiet voice cut through the silence.

“Sit,” Arman said, as he leaned back into his armchair and crossed his legs.

Otabek looked up then, looked into his father’s warm brown eyes, the same as his, and it instantly made him feel better.

“Take a seat, Otabek,” Arman said again, his voice still as gentle and caring as the first time.

Snapping out of his momentary confusion, Otabek dropped himself back down onto the sofa. He didn’t dare to look at his father again and kept his eyes lowered instead. His hands were fidgeting in his lap, his foot tapping lightly on the floor in a steady rhythm.

Otabek was scared. He just didn’t know why.

“Why are you so restless?” Arman asked out of nowhere, stunning Otabek with his calm and collected demeanor.

When Otabek had thought about telling his parents about Yuri, he had known that his mother wouldn’t be thrilled. He had expected more tolerance and acceptance from his father but Arman didn’t seem fussed at all and that threw Otabek off even more.

He decided to stay quiet, too afraid to say anything or perhaps the wrong thing to make the situation even worse than it already was.

“Otabek,” Arman said, a slight sense of urgency audible in his voice, “look at me.”

Reluctantly, Otabek raised his eyes. What he found when he looked at his father went against everything he had thought he had known about his parents. There was nothing but love and concern in Arman’s gaze.

“Are you happy?,” he asked, leaving the question open-ended. Only when Otabek stared at him questioningly did he clarify his question. “With Yuri, I mean. Does being with him make you happy? Does _he_ make you happy?”

Otabek was so confused, so dumbfounded to hear his father speak those words. They had always been close but they had never talked about Otabek’s relationships before. When Sofia passed away, Arman had been a rock to Otabek, albeit a silent one. He had been someone to rely on, someone who let him grief without asking questions or passing judgement.

That was the reaction Otabek had expected from him now as well. Silent acceptance, nothing more and nothing less.

“Yes,” Otabek eventually admitted. “He makes me very happy.”

He still didn’t understand why his father was so calm and laid-back, the tiniest of smiles even curving around Arman’s lips when he said, “Good.”

Otabek was frowning at that, he knew he was but he couldn’t stop himself. He shifted anxiously in his seat before the question on the tip of his tongue just slipped out. “Why are you asking me that?”

“Because that’s all that matters to me,” Arman simply said. “As long as you’re happy with Yuri, who am I to judge your decision to be with him? You’re an adult, Otabek, and I trust you enough to put an end to your relationship if you should ever become unhappy because of it.”

Stunned didn’t even begin to describe how Otabek felt hearing his father say these things to him. He just stared at Arman, eyes wide and lips slightly parted.

“You don’t care that I’m in a relationship with another man?” Otabek had to ask. It was the one thing that had always been gnawing at his conscience in the back of his mind, the one thing he couldn’t stop worrying about.

Arman got up from his chair and slowly walked over to sit down next to his son on the sofa.

Otabek just stared and watched his father, the man who had raised him and his siblings, the man who turned him into the person he was today, take a seat by his side and all he felt was pure admiration and respect but it was actually a wave of relief washing over Otabek before he had even gotten a response to his question.

Otabek’s fingers were entwined together and resting in his lap when his father reached over and took them between his own hands, a loving gesture full of sympathy and understanding that wasn’t uncommon for Arman at all. Otabek got his stoicism _and_ sensitivity from him. They were so much alike.

Arman looked over to him, a small smile somehow taking over his entire face. “All I care about is that you’re happy and you just told me you are. That’s all there is to it, I believe,” he said, repeating the same sentiment as before and patting the back of Otabek’s hands.

Only then did it all really register with Otabek, only then did he realise how much he was truly _longing_ for his parents’ approval. He loved Yuri and he would stay with him no matter what but Otabek knew something would always be missing if his parents couldn’t find it in them to accept his relationship.

“What about mother?” he asked, his voice trembling but his gaze not turning away from his father.

“I can’t speak for her,” Arman instantly replied, a slight chuckle escaping his mouth as he retracted his hands and leaned back into his seat. “All I _can_ say is that your mother cares about you a lot. She is scared of losing you again because of something that’s beyond your own control. She worries, son. This was news to her and she needs some time for it all to sink in. Don’t take what she said to heart just yet.”

Mulling over what Arman said, something didn’t sit right with Otabek. The way his father seemed to have chosen his words so carefully was wrong, something in them making Otabek suspicious.

His eyebrows furrowed in equal parts confusion and a pure need for answers to questions Otabek couldn’t even come up with yet.

But then it clicked.

“You knew already,” he flat out stated, almost whispered but he didn’t ask. “You knew I was dating Yuri before I told you today.”

He couldn’t sit still anymore. Otabek got up again and looked down at his father, torn between fury and anger whereas he was feeling only gratitude before.

What Arman said then sent all of Otabek’s emotions into overdrive. “I already knew about you and Yuri, yes” he admitted. When Otabek’s eyes blew wide open and his eyebrows shot up on his forehead, Arman clarified. “I know what happened to Yuri at that nightclub and I know that you drank yourself almost to death when he broke up with you.”

“How did you…? Who told you?”

Otabek couldn’t possibly begin to understand how Arman knew about all of those things but a second later the penny dropped and he growled out the name of the only person who had seen him passed out in his living room.

“Max.”

Of course. It all made sense to Otabek then. He had expected silent acceptance but what he got was overwhelming support from his father. He should have known something was up.

When Arman stayed quiet and only nodded upon his realisation, Otabek felt a rush of utter betrayal go through him yet again.

“When?” he only asked because he needed to know how long Max had kept this from him. “When did he tell you?”

Otabek guesses that Arman could sense how uneasy he felt as he finally stood up from the sofa as well, reaching his hands out to grab Otabek’s shoulders. He presumably wanted to try to calm him down but Otabek took a step back from him and shook his hands off.

“Don’t blame Max, Otabek,” Arman pleaded with him. “When you didn’t show up at the rink for practice, your coach rang me after he talked to him. It wasn’t Max’s fault. I forced him to tell me what was going on.”

None of this helped in any way to make Otabek feel less betrayed. He felt cheated and treated like a child, like someone who wasn’t able to function on their own and whose parents have to be notified of his whereabouts.

He felt sick and angry and just so… humiliated.

“That’s fucking bullshit,” he suddenly yelled out without thinking, running his hands through his hair in helplessness.

“Hey,” Arman shouted, dragging him out of his panic for a second. “Watch your language while you talk to me, Otabek.”

Out of the corner of his eyes Otabek saw Bibigul reappear again, her slim body sneaking around the doorframe to the hallway as soon as the shouting began. He didn’t have any patience for her at all and just ignored her in favour of his father.

“I don’t care if you asked him to tell you what happened. It wasn’t Max’s place to tell you _anything_ , not about me drinking, not about Yuri breaking up with me and it sure as hell wasn’t his fucking place to tell you what happened to Yuri at this god forsaken nightclub!”

Otabek was desperate now. He had been so happy that his father didn’t mind him and Yuri being together but it came with a bitter aftertaste now.

“I told you to watch your mouth, Otabek!” Arman warned him again without moving an inch closer to his son.

Completely ignoring his father as if he hadn’t said anything at all, Otabek just went on.  

“Max never said a word to me about speaking to you, neither did my coach… neither did you! You all lied to me! You were talking behind my back about _my_ life. For almost five weeks you could have said something to me. You could have told me you already knew, father! The thought of coming here and telling you about Yuri was driving me crazy. I was so afraid you wouldn’t approve. I knew mother wouldn’t understand but you… You could have just picked up the phone and asked me about it all!”

Otabek stopped, that feeling of betrayal stronger than ever. With teary eyes and unable to stand the sight of his parents anymore, he turned around and silently left the house, his father’s voice calling out his name after him fading in the distance.

**_Sunday, March 5th, St. Petersburg, 6.31pm_ **

Yuri had never known that it was possible for sleep to make him feel so… tired. He was absolutely drained, his body aching for some rest, but he did nothing but relax since Yuuri and Victor had picked him up from that party.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it, about Sevastyan’s hands on his shoulders, squeezing them tight, and his breath near his ear, his mouth speaking words Yuri couldn’t even remember now. Everything in him had reacted with panic, pure and utter panic. The rational side of Yuri’s brain had known that he was in no danger at all but that part of him had no control over him anymore.

There was only one person Yuri willingly allowed to touch him and that person was a five-hour flight and three time zones away from him.

Yuri hated the distance between him and Otabek. It was too much to bear sometimes but he still managed to make it through another day without Otabek by his side. He had no idea how.

The distance was already bad when they hadn’t even been together yet. It was also taking a toll on Yuri when he had been stupid enough to end things with Otabek but of course he couldn’t stay away from him too long. Since they had found their way back together, the physical distance between them had an even bigger impact on Yuri. He was struggling immensely.

The incident at Sevastyan’s party just reminded Yuri of all the things he hadn’t overcome yet, not even with Otabek’s help. It annoyed him as much as it tired him out.

When Yuri had woken up around lunch time and found himself in his own bed instead of on Mila’s couch, the events of the previous night had come rushing back to him at once. He was grateful that Yuuri and Victor had come to pick him up but at the same time being back at the apartment Yuri shared with them send mixed feelings through him.

Yuri remembered why he had stayed at Mila’s in the first place and he hated how dependent he had been on Yuuri and Victor to come and rescue him. He should’ve been able to handle himself, to get a grip and call a taxi to leave on his own. Why had he let it go so far?

A sudden rush of self-hatred overcame Yuri, pounding in his head, telling him he wasn’t capable enough, not able enough to take care of himself. There was this voice in his head that always came out of nowhere, whispering to him how useless he was, how weak and fragile he was when he should be the fucking Ice Tiger of Russia.

It was driving Yuri insane.

He hadn’t heard the quiet knocks on his door throughout the day, the desperate voices coming from the other side of it begging him to come out and eat something, drink some water and take a shower. Yuri missed all of it.

Lunch came and went without him leaving his bed. His eyes had been struggling to stay open for long and he soon went back into a dreamless slumber.

His body felt heavy and stiff when Yuri finally woke up around dinner time. He felt gross, his hair clinging to his neck and forehead, and the smell of his clothes was making his nose scrunch up, the stench of alcohol on it even though he hadn’t been drinking any at the party.

Despite all of his, despite the state he was in, he rolled over on his bed and checked his phone only to find no messages from Otabek, the one person he was aching to speak to. Yuri knew Otabek had been out the night before with some of his friends and he might be in bed, just like Yuri, nursing a hangover, unlike Yuri. He still wanted to talk to him though.

Talking wouldn’t be enough, Yuri decided a second later as he reached over to the other side of the bed to grab his laptop from the bedside table. He didn’t bother to get up or get changed or even brush his hair. Otabek had seen him look way worse before, so Yuri just opened up his laptop and called Otabek on skype. Yuri wanted to see him just as much as he wanted to hear his voice.

It took uncharacteristically long for Otabek to pick up and when he did, Yuri wasn’t sure what exactly he was looking at.

“Beka?” he asked hesitantly, confused about what he saw on his screen.

The angle of the camera on Otabek’s side was weird but Yuri could make out a hand lying on the laptop’s keyboard. A few seconds later and Otabek’s gorgeous, albeit very sleepy face finally took over most of the screen.

Yuri couldn’t stop himself from smiling when he saw Otabek’s bed hair all messy on his head and falling into his face, the creases on his cheeks from lying on the pillow and his insanely long eyelashes. He was beautiful even with his face squished onto what looked like one of Yuri’s sweatshirts, one that he didn’t even know Otabek had.

“Yura?” Otabek asked, his eyes still closed and his voice hoarse. “I was sleeping.”

“Shit,” Yuri immediately said without thinking about. “I woke you up? Sorry, Beka. I didn’t think you’d be asleep already.”

Otabek moved around on his bed and rubbed his eyes briefly. He yawned before he propped his head up on one hand with his elbow resting on the bed. Yuri could see how he adjusted the laptop screen before he smiled tiredly at him.

“It’s okay,” Otabek reassured him. “I wasn’t planning on falling asleep.”

Yuri couldn’t help but be confused. It wasn’t like Otabek to drift away from his routine, not even on a Sunday, unless he was with Yuri of course. Otabek normally wouldn’t be in bed before 10pm on a Sunday. Something was off.

“Long day?” Yuri asked, trying to get something out of his boyfriend without being too pushy.

“Yeah,” was all Otabek said before he yawned again but even afterwards he didn’t explain himself any further than that.

Yuri wanted to ask more, wanted to force Otabek to tell him what was going on with him but moments later he realised he couldn’t do that without looking like a hypocrite.

“How was your day?” Otabek asked with his eyes still heavy and almost closed but he moved around again as he seemingly saw something in his laptop screen that caught his attention. “Are you home already?”

Shifting uncomfortably on his bed, Yuri felt a slight tinge of panic prickle his skin. He was supposed to spend another night at Mila’s place and only go back home after his Monday practice at the rink but after the events of the previous night, Yuri didn’t want to see Mila.

“I am,” Yuri eventually choked out. He quickly collected himself and added, “Mila had invited some friends over and I didn’t want to get in the way so I came home last night.”

Technically, Yuri wasn’t even lying, at least not entirely. He did come home last night, he was just twisting the reason why a little bit.

The dread in his stomach settled immediately, joined by guilt and a sliver of shame. Yuri didn’t want to lie. Otabek had seen him at his worst before, this would be mild compared to it, but a part of him didn’t want to admit defeat to anyone, least of all Otabek.

Yuri had overreacted when Sevastyan touched him, he knew that, he had accepted that, but it didn’t mean that he liked admitting it to someone else. If Otabek was aware of what really happened, he would just get worried for no reason. Yuri wasn’t eager to create even more stress for Otabek than he already had over the past couple of months. He appreciated everything Otabek had done for him and he acknowledged that Otabek had taken a lot of shit from him, not just since they had gotten together but ever since they became friends.

Worrying Otabek now with something as small and insignificant as the incident from last night was unacceptable to Yuri which was why he didn’t say anything. He told himself that keeping the truth from his boyfriend was purely for Otabek’s sake but a quiet voice in the back of his head reminded him that he did it for himself, not for Otabek.

Yuri didn’t want anyone fawning over him anymore, treating him like some fragile little thing that couldn’t handle himself. He had to take care of himself. Otabek was thousands of miles away from him. As much as Yuri wanted him by his side all day every day, it just wasn’t possible and he had to learn to make do on his own.

Otabek only nodded in understanding, apparently buying Yuri’s bullshit explanation, before he yawned again.

Yuri wanted nothing more than to see Otabek’s sleepy face for a little longer but he completely went against his desire and told Otabek he had to go.

“Pretty sure Katsudon made dinner,” he said, forcing himself to smile even though every fibre in his body wanted to refuse.

Yuri wished he could just reach through his laptop screen and run his hand through Otabek’s wonderfully messy hair. He missed him so much, he was aching to be close to him and it had only been a week and half since they had said goodbye at the airport in Saint Petersburg.

Not being able to see or _touch_ Otabek whenever he wanted was eating away at Yuri. He had never expected the distance between them to be so unbearable. It had already been tough when they were only friends but recently the physical itch he got every time he so much as just texted with Otabek was beginning to drive Yuri crazy. His fingertips tingled with want whenever he got a message from Otabek, his heart began racing whenever the doorbell rang and the air in his lungs was knocked out of him as soon as it turned out that it was just the mailman at the door.

Yuri was so... so tired of being away from Otabek.

“You should go back to sleep, Beka,” Yuri whispered, trying his best to mask his sadness but he knew his voice was close to breaking. “You look absolutely beat.”

Otabek did look exhausted and it just made Yuri wish he was with him so that he could wrap his arms around Otabek and cuddle up next to him. Just the idea of lying in bed with the one person he felt a hundred percent comfortable with in every possible way made Yuri’s heart ache painfully.

“Okay,” Otabek mumbled and agreed, looking like he was already drifting off again. “Love you, Yura.”

Yuri smiled when he heard those words, spoken so lovingly and with a certain degree of urgency even despite the half-asleep state Otabek was obviously still in.

“I love you too, Beka,” Yuri said, returning the sentiment with his eyes beginning to tear up. “I’ll speak to you soon.”

He felt horrible as he noticed his hands shaking by his sides. Trying to hide them from Otabek, Yuri quickly said his goodbye and immediately signed off. He was reaching over to grab Otabek’s teddy bear, clutching it to is chest as the first single tear rolled down his pink cheeks only to disappear into the bear’s ear.

Lying to Otabek had never been an option before, never. This was the first time Yuri had ever kept something from Otabek like that and it was gnawing at him much more than he would have ever anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know not a lot has happened in this chapter but the next scene just didn't fit with these two here so it'll kick off the next chapter instead. Hope everyone's doing well! x


	14. When I Got Lost in Thinking.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri talk about one thing while Otabek and Yuri talk about something else entirely.

**_Monday, 6th March, Almaty, 5.39pm_ **

“Otabek! Enough already!”

It felt like the hundredth time that day that Otabek’s butt came in contact with the freezing cold ice and not a single one of those falls had surprised Otabek at all.

The one thing that did surprise him though was that it took his coach all day to finally snap and yell at him.

Otabek had tried his hardest to avoid speaking to his coach. Deep down he knew that the other man hadn’t been responsible for Max running his big mouth and telling Otabek’s father about Yuri but the irrational part of him was still mad that his father was contacted in the first place. Max had been Otabek’s emergency contact ever since he had returned from Canada. Otabek’s coach should not have called Arman. He didn’t have the right.

If anything, Otabek was petty. Only a selected number of people knew just how petty he could be. To the public, he was the stoic and quiet type when in reality, and only if the circumstances required it, he could hold a grudge like no other. 

When his coach finally send him off the ice, telling him to sort himself out until practice the next day, Otabek left the rink without a single word. 

He didn’t have to think long to figure out what had gotten into him today but he had still tried to ignore the tension in his stomach.

Otabek hated the way he had left things with Yuri the day before. Yuri didn’t know why he had been so tired and exhausted. He probably just thought Otabek was a jerk for blowing him off. 

His mind had kept wandering, his thoughts constantly drifting to Yuri during practice. Otabek realised he had to tell Yuri about his parents. There was no logical reason to keep it from him anyway. He just didn’t know how to even begin that conversation, fearing that Yuri would get the wrong end of the stick and think that because Otabek’s mother didn’t approve of their relationship, Otabek would change his mind about them as well. 

Otabek would never let anyone dictate who he should or should not be with but Yuri had a tendency to react before he had all the information. Whether or not Otabek would tell Yuri about what had happened the day before wasn’t the question. The challenge was to get Yuri to listen.

After the short drive home, Otabek decided to schedule a Skype date with Yuri for the following day. He dropped his bag by the front door and almost crawled into his living room, Ginger right on his heels. As soon as he hit the couch, Otabek winced. He hadn’t noticed until then how much his body was probably peppered with marks by now, and they certainly weren’t the fun kind of marks that Yuri tended to leave on him. The ones now weren’t worth the pain.

Ginger curled up in his lap and immediately began to purr as Otabek’s hand instinctively found its way into her shiny fur. He pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket, ready to text Yuri who was most likely still at practice himself, when he found an unexpected text from Katsuki.

**Yuuri K.:** _I know Yurio hasn’t really talked to you since Saturday night but I think there’s something you should know. Call or text when you get a minute._

_**Monday, 6th March, Saint Petersburg, 2.49pm** _

The second Yuuri’s phone chimed, he started fishing for it in his jacket’s pocket, only to see that the notification he got wasn’t quite what he had hoped for. He frowned as he put his phone back immediately before he reached out to grab a hold of Victor’s hand again.

“What’s wrong, love?” Victor asked without even looking at him.

His fiancé had a strange sixth sense when it came to Yuuri. It could be very unsettling if it were anyone else who had that talent, anyone other than Victor.

“Nothing,” Yuuri sighed as they kept walking back towards their apartment. 

He was anxiously awaiting a response from Otabek but Yuuri couldn’t tell Victor that since he hadn’t told him that he had texted Otabek at all, asking him to get in touch. Yuuri hated keeping things from Victor but considering how Victor had been acting in regards to anything Otabek-related, Yuuri thought it would be wise to keep this from him, at least for the time being. 

Victor didn’t even try to dig a little deeper which was very untypical for him. Yuuri however didn’t have the energy or motivation to really wonder what that was all about. He could only imagine what was going through Victor’s head with everything that had happened to Yuri over the past weekend. Victor’s mind was probably elsewhere and Yuuri didn’t have it in him to disturb or interrupt his train of thought.

The silence hanging in the air around them wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable but it definitely wasn’t exactly carefree either. 

Yuuri kept worrying about a thousand different things when Victor suddenly spoke up again.

“I want to get married in Japan,” he said as if he was telling Yuuri he wanted pasta for dinner.

“You what?” Yuuri wondered out loud, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and bringing Victor to a halt as well.

They had spent the last three hours checking out more potential wedding venues and Victor had criticised every single one of them. Yuuri would’ve been annoyed if it weren’t for the fact that he didn’t particularly like any of the places either. 

It seemed like they both agreed that they just hadn’t seen anything they both really loved so far and it was safe to say that they were running out of time as well.  

Victor finally turned around to look at him. It was easy to notice the exhaustion and sadness in his eyes but Yuuri found something else in them too, something like excitement and pure fondness.

“I want to get married in Japan,” Victor repeated himself, reaching out to take both of Yuuri’s hands in his. “We’ve been to countless venues in Saint Petersburg and neither one of us found anything we like, so why not have our wedding ceremony at a place we both know we love?”

At first, Yuuri wasn’t sure if he entirely understood what exactly Victor meant but the penny dropped only a moment later. His eyes grew wide in surprise as realisation hit him.

“You want to get married in Hasetsu?” he asked, disbelief clear as day in his voice.

“At the onsen, surrounded by your family and only a few friends,” Victor said, the seriousness in his words undeniable.

It wasn’t easy for Yuuri to admit that he loved Victor’s suggestion. He always thought that Victor wanted a big, fancy wedding with two hundred guests, over the top decoration and silly wedding games that Yuuri knew he wouldn’t enjoy. 

At the end of the day, Yuuri knew that he was so in love with Victor, someone who he thought would never even notice him, let alone return his feelings, that he would have agreed to anything Victor wanted. 

Now though it seemed like what Victor wanted was exactly what Yuuri had always envisioned for his wedding day.

“The onsen is tiny,” Yuuri said, a smile creeping up on his face as he slowly stepped into Victor’s personal space to wrap his arms around him. 

“I know,” Victor said, sneaking his own arms around Yuuri, holding on tight.

“We really can’t invite a lot of people,” Yuuri added and Victor only hummed in response, his eyes never leaving Yuuri’s.

“You will have a to wear a kimono. Are you okay with that?” Yuuri asked, already leaning closer because he knew what Victor would reply to that.

“I would wear anything to make you happy,” was the only thing Victor said before their lips finally met in a kiss that Yuuri could easily carry on for hours if they had the chance to do that.

_**Tuesday, 7th March, Saint Petersburg, 6.22pm** _

Already seven minutes late for his Skype call with Otabek, Yuri quickly kicked off his shoes when he got home and rushed to his room.

On the way there though he passed none other than Mila in the living room while Victor and Yuuri were obviously busy cooking dinner, the smell of fresh ramen filling the entire apartment already.

Yuri was incredibly tempted to just ignore Mila but she had gotten up from the couch to block his way as soon as he had come into sight.

“What do you want, Mila?” Yuri bit out at her, his face scrunched up in anger and annoyance.

“I just want to talk to you, okay?” Mila said, the look in her eyes almost pleading but not quite. “You didn’t reply to any of my texts on Sunday and you’ve been avoiding me at the rink yesterday and today. What’s going on Yuri?”

Now she did sound desperate but Yuri surprisingly couldn’t care less. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to her. He had a date to get to.

“I don’t have time for this bullshit,” he growled out, trying his best to push past her but Mila stood her ground, refusing to move even a single inch. 

“I want to know what I did that you keep ignoring me,” she said, her arms crossed over her chest.

Yuri could sense Victor and Yuuri watching them from the kitchen but he refused to look over his shoulder to check. He knew he was right anyway.

“If you don’t move out of my way, I will make you. I’m already late for my Skype call with Beka. Don’t make me want to hurt you,” Yuri said through his teeth, glaring at her.

He didn’t know what it was that made Mila move but she did step to the side to let Yuri through. Yuri had more important things to do than worry about her though. 

Slamming his door shut behind him, Yuri quickly turned the key around, grabbed his laptop off of his desk and sat down on his bed. 

The laptop took way too long to get ready for his liking but that was something Yuri unfortunately really couldn’t change. After what felt like an eternity, he was finally able to open the Skype app and call Otabek.

Yuri had to wait for it to ring only twice before Otabek already picked up.

“Hey,” he quickly greeted Otabek, “I’m sorry I’m late.”

Otabek smiled at him in that special way that made Yuri’s heart melt into a puddle every single time. Yuri was sure that no one else would ever have that effect on him, at least not caused by a simple smile.

“It’s alright,” Otabek reassured him. “It gave me time to finish a new mix.”

Yuri couldn’t stop himself from grinning back. He caught himself studying the screen a little more closely, spotting Ginger curled up right by Otabek’s side. As if on cue, Potya jumped up on Yuri’s bed and made herself comfortable next to him as well.

“She always does that when we skype,” Otabek pointed out, his eyes directed at Potya.

“She likes hearing your voice,” Yuri explained, thinking that his cat certainly had good taste.

Otabek slightly shook his head at the compliment but he didn’t say anything otherwise.

“So, what’s up?” Yuri asked. “What did you want to talk about?”

When he had gotten Otabek’s text saying that he needed to tell Yuri something, it had left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. He couldn’t deny that he had been anxious about this call but he hoped desperately that Otabek couldn’t tell how nervous he was about whatever it was Otabek wanted to talk to him about.

Yuri watched as Otabek scratched the back of his head with his free hand, the other one continuously stroking Ginger’s orange fur. It certainly looked like Yuri wasn’t the only one who was worried about this conversation.

“Well…,” Otabek began but soon stopped, obviously struggling to find the right words.

“What is it, Beka?” Yuri pressured him. “You’re freaking me out a little.”

Otabek took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling slowly which was a sight Yuri normally more than enjoyed but right now it just made his head spin in a very frustrating way.

“I told my parents about us,” Otabek finally said, the words tumbling out of his mouth without a single breath between them.

“You did?” Yuri asked, a little relief and a little confusion rushing through him in an instant. 

Otabek sighed visibly before he sat up a little straighter. He didn’t immediately explain anything which worried Yuri a little if he was being totally honest with himself.

“My mum didn’t take it particularly well, I guess,” Otabek eventually said, a frown gracing his normally absolutely gorgeous face. 

Yuri felt Otabek’s intense gaze on him as he waited for a reaction from him, probably any reaction at all, but Yuri just didn’t know what to say. He had expected Otabek’s mother to not take the news well, having Otabek confirm that fear though hurt him more than he was ready to admit, even to Otabek.

“Yura?” Otabek asked, trying to get his attention, and all Yuri could do was stare back at him blankly. “I know what you’re thinking right now but please believe me when I tell you that this doesn’t change anything at all. It doesn’t matter to me what my mother thinks about us.”

The urge to believe Otabek was huge but Yuri realised that it was a lot harder for him to do so than he thought. He was scared that Otabek’s parents not approving of them will change things after all, regardless of Otabek thinking that it wouldn’t.

“She is your mother, Beka. How can her opinion not matter to you?” Yuri forced himself to say, afraid of what Otabek might answer.

Otabek’s frown was back in a matter of seconds but Yuri wasn’t prepared for what he asked him next.

“Would you have broken up with me if your grandpa had disapproved of our relationship?”

Yuri wasn’t prepared for the weight that suddenly pressed down on his chest. How could he possibly answer that question? He had loved his grandpa with all of his heart. There had been no one else in his life he would have readily given up anything, even died for, other than Nikolai. 

At least not until Otabek.

“No,” Yuri admitted, the word only a whisper but Otabek must have heard it nevertheless.

“I am not leaving you, Yura,” Otabek said. “You’re the only one I want to be with. If my mother can’t accept that, then so be it. What she thinks doesn’t change how I feel about you. If anything, it makes me want to be with you even more.”

At first Yuri didn’t notice the tears filling his eyes, only when the first one fell down his cheek did he notice how much Otabek’s words had gotten to him. The distance between them was always hard to deal with but in moments like this, Yuri absolutely despised the fact that he couldn’t kiss or even just hug Otabek.

“I miss you,” he breathed out, briefly wiping his eyes dry before more tears could stain his face.

Yuri saw how Otabek twitched to reach out to probably push some of his blonde hair back behind his ears. It was a small gesture that never failed to make Yuri feel better but it was impossible to do through a computer screen.

“It’s less than three weeks until Worlds,” Otabek pointed out, causing Yuri to grin lazily as he was clearly not the only one counting down the days until they would get to see each other again. “I am going to spend every single second with you when we’re in Germany.”

Yuri huffed in slight amusement when he said, “You better!”

The distance between Saint Petersburg and Almaty sucked. No doubt about that but Yuri was more eager than ever to make this work between them. He wasn’t ready to lose Otabek again.

The awful suspicion that Yuri was on his way to destroy their relationship on his own by keeping things from Otabek, was something Yuri worked very hard to ignore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Between moving abroad and starting a new (and exhausting) full-time job, I haven't had the motivation or energy to write as much as I'd like to. I know waiting for new chapters sucks so... Is anyone even still interested in this story? I need to know for my own peace of mind because if no one even wants new updates, I can stop worrying about this story... 
> 
> If you are in fact still here reading this chapter, thanks for sticking around! Hope you're all doing well! x


	15. The Storm Has Broken, Heaven's Open.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otabek realises that he's not as great at holding grudges as he would like to think. Meanwhile, Yuri is on a mission he doesn't want to run away from.

**_Wednesday, March 8th, Almaty, 6.49pm_ **

Still worried about Yuri, Otabek found it difficult to ignore the tension in his body. It was basically impossible to sit down on the couch in his warm and cozy living room to just relax. He had finally settled somewhat comfortably with Ginger curled up by his side when the doorbell rang. He tried his best to get up without disturbing the sleeping kitten in front of him, his muscles tense and aching, and unwilling to give him a break from the constant pain.

Dragging himself to the front door, Otabek was negatively surprised when none other than Maxin greeted him from the hallway, a bottle of Otabek’s favourite peach schnapps in his hands. 

“I know it’s Wednesday,” Maxin said in lieu of a proper greeting, “but I haven’t seen you in a couple of weeks and I thought it’s time for a drink.”

The broad smile on Maxim’s lips irked Otabek. The tension inside him was instantly replaced by quiet anger towards the cheerful redhead. 

Otabek’s eyes narrowed dangerously. When he didn’t respond at all, Maxim seemed to wonder about the cold shoulder he was given, the single raised eyebrow on his immaculate face indicating as much. Nevertheless he just walked past Otabek and straight into the apartment. Sighing deeply, Otabek reluctantly closed the door behind Maxim and then followed him. 

Maxim had made himself at home in a heartbeat, right next to Ginger where Otabek had sat not a minute earlier. He was gently stroking the top of Ginger’s head, the cat leaning into the touch and clearly enjoying the attention.

The word  _ traitor _ quickly passed Otabek’s mind and not just in relation to his cat. 

Refusing to sit down and pretend that he didn’t have a major issue with Maxim’s presence in his home, Otabek decided to keep standing, albeit a little further away with his arms crossed in front of his chest and his feet firmly on the ground.

“What do you want, Max?” he asked, his voice low and dangerous, almost close to a growl.

With the same look on his face as before, Maxim obviously knew that something was off but instead of asking what was on Otabek’s mind, he just brushed it aside and acted like nothing was wrong at all.

“Like I said, I haven’t seen you in a couple of weeks and I thought we could, you know, have a drink or something,” Maxim explained, waving his hands at the bottle of alcohol in front of him.

There was a faint blush on his cheeks, one that would lead anyone else to believe that Maxim was hiding something or feeling embarrassed about something. Otabek knew him too well to think any of those things though. Maxim was one of those people that never blushed. He was an open book and he was physically incapable of feeling embarrassed. The only time Maxim ever blushed was when he knew deep down that he was in trouble. The red colour on his cheeks appeared out of anxiety and nothing else.

However, Otabek wasn’t really in the mood to deal with Maxim at all.

“I have plans,” was all he said this time, no hint of amusement in his words whatsoever. He knew he was being incredibly cold to Maxim, someone who he usually considered a friend he could confide in, at least under normal circumstances. 

Seeing Maxim now just felt like betrayal.

“Who with?” Maxim asked, fidgeting in his seat on the couch so much that even Ginger jumped down from it and walked away from him.

She slowly trotted over to Otabek and nudged her head against his legs, begging for attention from him which she almost instantly got when Otabek picked her up to cuddle her to his chest.

“I’m expecting a call from my father,” Otabek said, the lie passing his lips without him even thinking about it. The challenge was there, undeniable and impossible for Maxim to ignore.

The blush on the redhead’s cheeks got even more intense as the penny seemed to drop. 

“Oh,” he simply said, seemingly trying to not say the wrong thing. “I hope your parents are doing well?!” 

Otabek just couldn’t help himself then. When he noticed Ginger squirming in his arms, he carefully put the fluffy kitten back down onto the ground. He didn’t want to but he couldn’t hide the sourness in the words he spoke next.

“Why don’t you ask them?” he bit out. “You and my father seem to be quite chatty if I’m not entirely mistaken.”

Maxim quickly stood up and began to move towards Otabek, his steps still hesitant and cautious however.

“Otabek, I…” he began to say but was quickly cut off.

“You had  _ no _ right, Max,” Otabek said, unable to hold back now that the entire conversation with his father came bubbling back up to the surface. “It wasn’t your place to tell my father about my relationship with Yuri!”

Maxim may have been the taller one out of the two, by more than a couple of inches too, but Otabek almost towered over him. He could barely remember the last time he was this upset, this  _ angry _ with one of his best friends.

“There is a reason I chose you as my emergency contact and not my parents. They weren’t supposed to know. I don’t ever want to put them in a situation where they have to worry about me for no reason. I trusted you and you went behind my back!”

Otabek wasn’t simply angry anymore. The more he talked, the more agitated and furious he became. Maxim was to him what a red flag was to a bull in a fight. 

“Let me explain,” Maxim almost begged, the look in his eyes pleading. Otabek thought he even saw a tinge of sadness and something akin to regret in them.

“I think you did enough explaining already,” Otabek shot back and stepped aside. “You should probably leave.”

A sudden urge to call Yuri overcame him, the wish to be close to him in whatever way he could be much greater than arguing with his friend but Maxim didn’t move. He stood still, refusing to leave without sorting this out.

Otabek should have known that it wouldn’t be easy to get rid of him again.

Now it was Maxim who crossed his arms in front of his chest, a stern frown on his face and his thin lips pressed together in a tight line.

“I’m not leaving until you listen to what I have to say,” Maxim said, giving Otabek no choice but to hear him out if he wanted his apartment to himself again.

Otabek huffed in annoyance but otherwise didn’t respond. Maxim took that as a sign to continue. A part of Otabek was interested to find out what he would have to say for himself but it didn’t quell the anger inside him.

“Your father was worried about you when your coach called him,” Maxim said and immediately continued before Otabek could interrupt him. “You can’t blame me for what your coach did. He called your father after he spoke to me and then your dad rang me. I just couldn’t lie to him, Otabek.” 

“You know,” Otabek said, his stance still more hostile than anything else, “I even understand that you didn’t want to lie to him but why tell him about Yuri breaking up with me or Yuri getting assaulted? Why not just tell him I was stupid enough to get utterly drunk and passed out? Don’t you think that would have been bad enough?”

Maxim sighed exasperated. His hand brushed through his messy hair as he clearly tried to find a good way to explain himself and why he did what he did.

“That’s all I told him at first,” Maxim said, “because I didn’t think that he really needed to know about any of that other stuff but you know your father, Otabek. He has that weird sixth sense. He can sense when he’s being lied to or when people keep things from him. He kept pressing for more information and before I knew it I had told him the whole story.”

His shoulders sagged and his head hung low, and Otabek actually began to feel bad for his friend. It was obvious to him how Maxim hadn’t intended to spill the beans on his relationship but Otabek couldn’t just let it slide. He still felt betrayed.

“Why do you have to be so stupidly honest all the time?” Otabek asked, turning around to walk into his kitchen. He grabbed two glasses and went back to the living room, plopping himself down on the couch with a befuddled looking Maxim staring at him wide-eyed. “Sit down already.”

Maxim did as he was told but his movements were slow like he didn’t trust Otabek’s forced friendliness just yet.

Otabek grabbed the bottle of peach schnapps from the coffee table to pour them both a glass as Ginger came trotting back over to him. She jumped up on the couch to curl up between him and Maxim, relishing in the warmth she was exposed to from both their bodies so close to her.

“You had over a month to talk to me and warn me,” Otabek said casually but with a hint of accusation in his words, “and you still chose to keep quiet. You knew you messed up and instead of being honest with  _ me _ of all people, you just didn’t say anything.”

Otabek began to feel the sadness creep in. It wasn’t just anger anymore, it was disappointment that made itself known inside his chest. He had assumed that he could trust Maxim to always tell him the truth. Now, everything just felt a little upside down. 

“I’m sorry I messed up. I crossed a line,” Maxim said when Otabek passed him a glass with the clear, burning liquid inside, “and I know I should have told you. I just didn’t know how to bring it up. You didn’t see yourself after Yuri broke things off. You were the definition of misery. They should have added a picture of you next to the word ‘miserable’ in the dictionary. I didn’t want to make things even worse. I have never seen you so out of it before and I just… Seeing you basically completely give up was hard, Otabek. I felt horrible and guilty for telling your father about Yuri and you but seeing you so lifeless and desperate was just as terrifying.”

It was equally tough to hear Maxim say those things to him. Otabek downed his schnapps in one go and then turned around to face Maxim head on when another thought crossed his mind.

“Is that why you hung around my place for a week after you found me passed out surrounded by a bunch of empty beer bottles? Because you felt guilty for going behind my back?” he asked without taking his eyes off of his friend.

Maxim was shaking his head, but still avoiding his gaze, even before Otabek had finished with his question. Yet he also looked like he had been caught in the headlights. 

“It was part of it,” Maxim admitted, “but do you really think I would have just left you on your own after seeing you unconscious and this hungover even if I hadn’t felt guilty? I will always immediately drop whatever I’m doing when you need me, no matter what the circumstances. You know that.”

All that fired up anger from before suddenly left Otabek or simply turned into something completely different, something more like guilt.

Pouring himself another glass of schnapps while Maxim hadn’t even touched his first one, Otabek’s shoulders sunk in exhaustion. He was tired of many things, holding a grudge against Maxim wasn’t even in his top five. It just didn’t seem worth it.

“Next time you feel like talking to my parents,” Otabek warned him, “just don’t, okay?”

“Deal,” Maxim agreed, a faint smile gracing his lips as they clinked their glasses together.

They sat there in silence for just a heartbeat before Maxim spoke up again, curiosity obviously taking over.

“So,” he said, “how did your parents take it when you told them about Yuri?”

Otabek could barely stop himself from rolling his eyes, a habit he knew he had picked up from Yuri over the years who had seemingly perfected the art of the most flawless eye roll. It was both heartwarming and a little disturbing how easily he could focus his thoughts on Yuri these days. In reality, it was mostly scary. The realisation of how depended he had become of Yuri was hitting him hard. He wasn’t prepared to share that with Maxim though, so he briefly shook his head as if to get rid of those thoughts.

“I have no idea what my father really thinks about Yuri and me dating since he had enough time to get used to the idea,” Otabek admitted, putting words to those worries that had immediately gnawed at him as soon as he had found out his father already knew about his relationship. “He seemed okay with. He said that he only cares about me being happy and if Yuri makes me happy, then that’s a good thing.”

Maxim nodded in apparent agreement, probably unsurprised by what Otabek had just told him. Otabek himself highly doubted that his father had freaked out when Maxim told him everything that had happened since New Year’s, but it still made him uncomfortable knowing that it wasn’t himself who let his father in on his love life. Now he will never get to see that important first reaction to his revelation. It bothered him more than he was willing to admit but at the same time Otabek knew that it made no sense to dwell on it. What was done, was done.

“What about your mother?” Maxim asked. “How did she take it?”

“Ha,” Otabek huffed without missing a beat. “I’m pretty sure she hates me right now.”

Maxim seemed bewildered at that statement, something Otabek couldn’t understand. All of his friends knew how strict and more traditional his mother was compared to his father.

“I have met your mother,” Maxim said, “and I highly doubt that she is capable of hating her own child.”

Another sip of his schnapps and Otabek all of a sudden felt how quickly the alcohol got to his head. Carefully putting the glass back down on the coffee table, he leaned backward against the back of the sofa, picking up Ginger on the way and, after some wriggling, settling her in his lap.

“She told me to break things off with Yuri before leaving the room without another word,” Otabek said, finally able to confide in someone about the afternoon he spent at his parents’ house. “She said that Yuri’s reputation is not good for me and that she wants my skating to speak for me and not my relationship.”

Maxim eventually seemed to be able to relax. He brought one leg up onto the couch and crossed it in front of him, his left arm swung over the back of the couch. 

“What do you think about what she said?” he asked, the indication that he didn’t agree with Otabek’s mother as clear as a blue sky.

“I think she’s wrong,” Otabek said in regards to Yuri’s reputation having a negative effect on himself. “Yuri is the best thing that ever happened to me whether she realises that or not.”

Maxim appeared to mull that over for a moment as he didn’t instantly reply. Otabek would have been surprised if he was anything other than supportive, but the silence kind of rubbed him the wrong way.

“Let me ask you this,” Maxim said not much later. “Does your mother’s opinion about Yuri change how you feel about him or your relationship with him?”

Not having to think about his answer in the slightest, Otabek rushed to say, “Of course not. I would love for her to approve of me and Yuri dating but ultimately it doesn’t matter to me if she can get on board with it or not.”

“Then stop worrying about it,” Maxim said. 

“I can’t,” Otabek hurried to respond, an urgency in his statement neither him nor Maxim could ignore. “Yuri is already paranoid that I might leave him and when I told him that my mother wasn’t exactly overjoyed when she found out about us, I could tell that those doubts and fears were bigger than ever. It doesn’t matter how often I tell him that I’m not leaving him. He still worries. It’s like he just can’t shake it off. He won’t believe me.”

Another moment of silence followed where Maxim briefly looked like he had completely zoned out. Soon enough though, he was back with Otabek, looking at him expectedly.

“I’m no expert by any means,” Maxim said, “but having to tell the person you love that you really do love them, seems like a very small price to pay to be with that person even if you might have to say it a little more often than other couples do. I’ve never been in love but it’s so obvious to see how much Yuri means to you. Stop worrying about what your mother or anyone else thinks and focus on the only person that truly matters. Focus on Yuri and just drown everyone else out.”

Otabek had to hand it to him. For someone who had apparently never felt that kind of love he had for Yuri, Maxim certainly had a way with words to make him feel better. It would be tough but in the end, the redhead was absolutely right. His attention had been solely on what his parents thought about his relationship when instead it should have been on that very same relationship in the first place. Yuri was and should remain his first and most important priority.

If anything, Maxim had certainly given Otabek a lot to think about.

**_Thursday, March 9th, Saint Petersburg, 2.15pm_ **

Yakov had been suspicious, Yuri knew that. It had probably never happened before that Yuri had voluntarily asked for an afternoon off but he had plans he wasn’t ready to postpone.

Yuuri and Victor had cast curiouses glances his way when Yuri left the ice and packed up his skates. He had headed out of the rink in a rush, wanting to shower before he made his way to his early afternoon appointment. 

When he eventually stood outside the building he had researched for weeks on end, it seemed final. There was no running away from it now, not that he wanted to anyway. He had thought it over a million times and he always came to the same conclusion. Yuri wanted this.

Worry about what Otabek would think still gnawed persistently at him but he kept reminding himself that he was about to do this for himself, everyone else be damned. Besides, Otabek was easily the most supportive person, other than his grandpa, Yuri had ever had the pleasure of having in his life.

Otabek would understand, Yuri convinced himself before he pushed the door handle of the large glass door down to step inside the shop he wouldn’t leave as the person he was when he walked in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna try to find words to express how much the comments at the end of the last chapter mean to me, so just a massive thank you to you all. It's fantastic and incredibly touching to know that there are still people out there who are actually excited to see where this story is going. I will try my best to post new updates somewhat more regularly. Thank you all for sticking around! <3
> 
> The next chapter will kick off with the Almaty gang meeting Farida, Ali's girlfriend, and not everyone will take an instant liking to her - quite the opposite actually. Stay tuned! Hope you're all having a great weekend watching the Olympics! ;) x


	16. When it Feels so Hard to Breathe.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang meets Alisur's new girlfriend Farida who turns out to be very, very different from what Otabek had expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for (mild/unintentional?!) homophobia and biphobia in this chapter! This scene will be referenced again in less detail in upcoming chapters so you're not missing out if you skip this one here now. Take care of yourselves and proceed with caution.

**_Friday, March 9th, Almaty, 9.16pm_ **

Maxim and Asel were already a minute late, not that Otabek was counting. Normally he wasn’t one to nitpick and he knew his friends had a tendency to be late anyway but he had been on edge all day. Practice didn’t go particularly well that day because Otabek couldn’t keep his thoughts free from Yuri.

The distance between them had always been bad, something Otabek had trouble dealing with ever since they had become friends, but since they got together, it had gotten even worse. The fact that Otabek couldn’t just stop by Yuri’s place whenever he wanted, that he couldn’t even call Yuri without having to consider the time difference between Almaty and Saint Petersburg, was becoming physically painful.

Otabek had never been this eager to get to a competition in his life. The World Championships were still a few weeks away but the season would finally be over after that and the prospect of getting to spend some time with Yuri without any distractions or the commitment of practice was the only thing that kept him going. Otabek had never thought that he would ever willingly get so lost in someone else, that he would find so much of himself in another person, but then again, he had never expected to have the privilege of being with Yuri after years of admiring and pining for him anonymously from afar.

Dressed in simple black jeans, a light grey v-neck t-shirt and his signature leather jacket, Otabek was leaning against the bar in his kitchen, waiting more or less patiently for his friends to pick him up while scrolling through the camera roll on his phone.

The moment a knock from the front foot door finally echoed in his ears, a text message from Yuri showed up on his phone.

On his way to the answer the door, Otabek’s eyes didn’t leave the phone screen.

**Yura <3:** _Tell everyone I said hi and have a great time tonight, Beka._

Otabek answered the door but didn’t even greet Asel and Maxim, instead typing away on his phone to send Yuri a reply.

**Otabek:** _Wish you were here with us, Yura. Call me if you need anything!_

“Ready?” Asel asked once Otabek buried his phone in his jeans pocket.

“I’ve been ready for at least ten minutes,” he said, smirking when he snatched his keys off of the sideboard in the hallway.

“Hey,” Maxim said, stepping aside for Otabek to leave his apartment and lock the door behind himself. “It takes time to look this good.”

Maxim was obviously talking about himself and Asel, pulling her to his side with an arm around her shoulders, a huge grin threatening to split his face in two.

Otabek only huffed and rolled his eyes in amusement, already beginning to walk towards the exit of the building.

“Your beauty doesn’t make us any less late, Max,” Otabek pointed out, swinging the building’s front door open and throwing a grin over his shoulders in his friend’s direction.

Maxim drove the three of them to their usual club. Being a regular and of course knowing the staff certainly paid off when they were able to walk past the long queue of people freezing in their thin jackets and short skirts. One of the two bouncers briefly greeted Otabek and opened the door for them to walk inside.

They went straight to the stairs that lead up to the balcony that was overlooking the large and already busy dancefloor. It was an unspoken rule for them to sit at the second to last table far in the back. That specific table always had a ‘reserved’ sign on it.

It was no surprise at all that Meiz, Temir and the twins were already there. At least some people in their group were capable of being on time.

Brief greetings and a round of friendly hugs followed before Otabek noticed another person sitting at the table, a girl with immaculate make-up, long brown hair and tanned skin. She looked like the spokesperson for a college sorority.

“This is Farida,” Alisur introduced the girl to Otabek, Maxim and Asel, “my new girlfriend.”

Otabek couldn’t pinpoint the reasons why he was so reserved but he didn’t even tell Farida his name. He politely shook her hand and forced a small smile onto his lips but that was all.

“I’ll get the next round of drinks,” Alisur said, pressing a chaste kiss to Farida’s rosy cheek.

“I’ll come with,” Asel announced, vacating the seat on Otabek’s left.

While Alisur and Asel went off to get drinks for everyone from the bar, Otabek busied himself with his phone once again, drowning everybody else around the table out immediately.

He was happier than he wanted to admit to find another new text from Yuri. Otabek knew Yuri wasn’t spending the weekend at Mila’s place and he wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about Yuri being at home with Victor and Yuuri as a result of that. He was painfully aware of how alone Yuri was without him and despite being surrounded by his friends, Otabek realised that he felt just as alone.

**Yura <3:** _Stop worrying about me. I’ll survive with Potya by my side. ;) Even though she’s not quite as cuddly as you are…_

Otabek didn’t realise how he was smiling at his phone somewhat sadly. The intense longing he felt whenever he spoke to or even just texted with Yuri overcame him yet again. He had never felt such an overwhelming hatred for anything other than the physical distance between them.

**Otabek:** _I never thought I’d say this but I wish I was your cat... I can’t believe I’m jealous of your cat, Yura!_

The loud music in the club was deafening when Otabek put his phone back into his pocket. He flinched when he felt Meiz’s breath close to his face and her voice in his ear.

“You okay?” she asked, one of her hands gently placed on Otabek’s knee to get his attention or to give him some comfort. Otabek couldn’t tell.

He simply nodded, not wanting to talk about what was actually bothering him. He could see how Meiz was ready to dig a little deeper but thankfully Asel came back to the table right that second, a tray full of beer and a couple of cocktails in her hands.

“I need to get married,” she growled out as she made herself comfortable again next to Otabek, picking up one of the bright green cocktails from the tray she just brought over.

“Why?” Otabek asked, grabbing one of the beers himself.

Asel squirmed uncomfortably in her seat when she said, “I need an engagement ring to keep all those desperate girls away. It’s getting exhausting.”

Otabek grinned silently. He could not have said anything even if he had wanted to because Farida of all people suddenly joined their conversation.

“I know what you’re talking about,” she said, slowly sipping her drink. “I constantly get hit on by those lesbians. It’s tough.”

If the music from the DJ booth hadn’t been surrounding every single person in the entire club, Otabek was sure that they could have all heard a needle drop just then. Everyone around the table just stared at her, not necessarily surprised at her saying anything but irritated by what it was that Farida had said.

“What do you mean by ‘those lesbians’?” Ezra asked when no one else really knew what to say at all because no one, or at least Otabek, just couldn’t tell whether Farida had been joking or not.

Putting her drink back down onto the table, Farida’s manicured fingernails glinted in the dim light of the club when she got a bright red lipstick out of her tiny purse to retouch the colour on her lips.

“Well, you know, those girls that look like guys? I mean, a little mascara and a nice haircut never hurt anyone, right?” she said, rolling her lips to make her lipstick look more even.

“What if I told you I was gay?” Asel asked out of the blue, having found her voice again.

“You don’t look gay,” Farida shot back dismissively, stunning everyone into silence once more.

She pulled a small plastic case out of her purse next, inspecting her own reflection in the mirror that appeared when she opened it. Fixing her hair, Farida didn’t seem to even remotely be aware of everyone’s confused state of mind.

“What exactly do gay people look like?” Ezra asked, the irritation on his face clearly visible to everyone who knew him. Since Farida didn’t even look at him when she answered his question, it was no surprise that she went on as if the situation they all found themselves in wasn’t incredibly awkward at all.

“Well,” she began, straightening her skirt, “lesbians are very butch. You know what I mean, no make-up, short military-style hair, anything above a size 10. And gay guys, well…”

She seemed to ponder over what to say next although Otabek highly doubted that she was concerned about possibly saying the wrong thing.

“You’re a figure skater, right?” she said to Otabek, turning to face him directly. “Ali told me about you and I’ve seen you on television during the last Grand Prix Final, so you must know Yuri Plisetsky. He’s probably gay.”

Otabek almost spat out his beer just as much as Asel and Ezra almost choked on their drinks. He didn’t know what to say or where to look but he couldn’t pretend that the dangerous glares Temir and Meiz were shooting Farida’s way didn’t please him.

Before Otabek had a chance to actually respond, Temir cut in.

“Why would you think that?” he asked, the hostility in his voice so clearly audible to everyone but Farida. Otabek was strangely touched by Temir’s offended reaction. He must have cared about Yuri more than he would lead everyone to believe but Otabek didn’t really expect anything else from him either.

Temir placed his half empty glass on the table and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands entwined together. There was a challenging glint in his eyes that completely went over Farida’s head as well.

Picking up her fizzy drink again, Farida didn’t seem bothered by the inquisition.

“Well, Yuri’s blonde, petite, elegant and very graceful on the ice. His angry outbursts don’t fool me. He’s too pretty to be straight. His Russian Fairy image didn’t magically appear out of nowhere if you ask me. He’s definitely gay but I’m glad he’s keeping it on the down-low.”

Otabek desperately wanted to know why Farida thought all of those things about Yuri, what Yuri had done for her to come to those conclusions but he had no time to ask her because someone else beat him to it.

“And why is that?” Maxim enquired, joining the conversation as well with a hint of equal annoyance shining through in his words.

The fact that Farida didn’t seem to notice how everyone was getting more bewildered and angry began to really piss Otabek off. How could she be so oblivious and ignorant to how reserved all of their reactions to the things she had said actually were?

“I like the sport,” Farida simply stated. “No need to tear away the attention from the skating for the sake of whose dick the kid has up his ass, right?”

Literally choking on their drinks now, Otabek, Ezra and Asel all grabbed a napkin off of the table to dab away the drops of the drinks they had spilled down their chins and onto their clothes.

“Excuse me?” Otabek all but yelled at her, disbelief and pure shock colouring written all over his face upon Farida’s unexpected rhetorical question.

It began to feel like they had been exposed to Farida’s ridiculousness for way too long. Otabek didn’t understand where Alisur had met someone like her in the first place. The question of where Alisur actually was and what took him so long to get the rest of their drinks wasn’t even the most pressing one on Otabek’s mind.

He noticed how his skin began to crawl, how tense he had gotten and how he was fidgeting in his seat. Only Meiz’s hand that suddenly reappeared on his knee kept him from making his relationship with Yuri public knowledge by defending Yuri and shouting at the literal stranger who seemed to have a strong opinion about his boyfriend.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong,” Farida was quick to say. “I really don’t care if he or anyone else is gay. I just don’t need those people shoving it down my throat on television all the time. Bad enough that soap operas are so eager to be ‘politically correct’ these days.”

“So you think having LGBT representation on television is a bad thing?” Ezra asked, having recovered again.

“Well, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing per se,” Farida countered. “I just don’t understand why it’s such a big deal nowadays. It’s not like straight people feel the need to announce their sexuality to the world all the time.”

Otabek was absolutely certain that he wasn’t the only one whose blood was boiling by now. He wanted to jump out of his seat to put that woman into her place and looking around at his friends, he could see that they seemed to feel the exact same way.

But it wasn’t Otabek who got up to express what he truly thought about the things Farida had said, all the insults and old-fashioned stereotypes she voiced out loud as if it was perfectly normal. It was Meiz who finally lost her patience.

“Okay,” Meiz said, standing on her feet with her hands on her hips in a matter of seconds, “Enough of this bullshit. I think it’s time for you to leave now.”

Meiz was easily the most intimidating one out of all of them but the frown on her forehead and her defensive stance didn’t seem to register with Farida much.

“Why are so offended? You guys are not gay,” Farida said as if everyone was carrying a huge sign stating their sexuality around their necks all the time.

“And what exactly gave you that impression?” Meiz asked but she was clearly not interested in anything else Farida had to say. “Oh wait, the guys here are not pretty enough to be gay. That’s what made Yuri qualify after all, right? Asel and I don’t look butch enough to you to be lesbians either, I guess. That’s basically what you said before, wasn’t it?”

Meiz was defending Yuri. She was defending Asel and Ezra and Otabek as well, but she was scary. He had no idea how Farida could keep so calm when Meiz confronted her.

“I’m sensing there’s more you would like to say,” Farida said with a casualty that intimidated Otabek just as much as Meiz did.

“You can’t just run around spewing bullshit like that. Who do you think you are?”

Meiz started getting a little louder than she already was. It was hard to hear everyone over the steady stream of music coming from the speakers anyway but now that she was talking herself into a stage of pure rage, she obviously didn’t want to or simply couldn’t hold back.

“I don’t understand what your problem is. I told you I don’t care if people are gay. I support gay marriage,” Farida said in her own defence but Meiz didn’t buy it.

“Oh, alright. That makes it all better then,” Meiz spit out, the sarcasm impossible to ignore. “What you’re actually saying is that it’s alright for gay people to get married as long as they don’t make it public. You don’t want them, and I quote, ‘to shove it down your throat’, correct? You think it’s okay to just sit here, sip your shitty girly drink and insult people you don’t even know? You just insulted _my_ friends. No one does that in my presence. Whose pretty little vagina did you crawl out of that you think you’re entitled to judge other people for the way they live their own lives?”

Meiz was staring daggers at Farida who still seemed to be as unaffected as she was before this conversation started. Farida was inspecting her nails once again when Otabek reached out to put a soothing hand on the small of Meiz’s back.

“Calm down, Meiz,” Otabek nearly pleaded with her even though he was just as furious as her on the inside, barely able to hold back himself.

“Calm down?” Meiz asked in disbelief, turning to her left to look directly at Otabek. “Did you not hear all those vile things she just said about you?”

Before Otabek could begin to think about what he could possibly say to that, it was Farida who drew attention to her yet again.

“You’re gay?” she asked Otabek with a hint of surprise in her question while her gaze was steadily fixed on him.

“No,” Otabek deadpanned immediately without even looking at her.

Farida sighed deeply, almost as if she was disappointed with Otabek’s answer which prompted him to tell her the truth, something he hadn’t done before when it came to his sexuality.

“I’m bisexual,” Otabek said, for the first time ever putting a label to his own sexuality. He assumed that everyone knew about it but no one had ever brought it up because Otabek’s friends respected each other’s right to their own privacy.

“Oh,” Farida breathed out, something like excitement sparkling in her eyes. “So you’re in that phase where you’re trying to figure out if you’re gay or straight?”

Otabek just stared at her in astonishment but it was Meiz who really reacted first.

“OH MY GOD!” she yelled, exasperated and lost for what else to say. She threw her hands up in the air before she let herself fall back down into her seat between Otabek and Temir, who instantly put an arm around her waist to pull her closer to his side.

“I think you should go now, Farida,” Ezra eventually said, the urgency in his words not leaving any room to argue at all.

Farida however still didn’t seem to get it and Otabek began to wonder what it would actually take to get her to leave them alone.

“Why?” she asked perplexed. “Ali is not back yet with our drinks.”

Only a few minutes had probably passed since Alisur had left the group to get drinks but it certainly felt like an eternity to Otabek.

“Then go find him,” Maxim said, a furious glint in his eyes. “We don’t need you to sit with us only for you to insult half of us.”

“You’re gay too?” Farida wanted to know, the excitement from before suddenly gone and replaced by nothing but disbelief. “Is this some kind of support group for gay people or something?”

Pretty much everyone was ready to jump up and physically drag Farida out of the club just to get rid of her since words apparently didn’t work to make her realise that she wasn’t welcome.

In the end it was Temir who surprised everyone by speaking up with more authority than the rest of them combined could ever hope to achieve. He didn’t even stand up, just leaned back in his seat, pulling Meiz against his chest in the process. Looking at them, Otabek couldn’t help but briefly think that they were literally made for each other whether they were able to see that themselves or not.

“Is your tiny brain not able to comprehend the fact that gay people actually exist in our society and that some of them don’t want to hide from bigots like you? We do not surround ourselves with assholes like you so you and your uneducated self can fuck off now.”

He waved his hand at Farida to silently shush her away, ignoring the shocked and equally irritated look on her face.

Just then did Alisur show up again behind her, another full tray of drinks in his hands. He must have caught the last bit of what Temir had said because his eyebrows were furrowed in obvious displeasure.

“What’s going on here?” he asked curiously but with a little bit of fear showing in his features as well as he put the tray down on the table that was already littered with half empty glasses.

“Nothing, babe,” Farida said as she finally got up from her seat. “Let’s go dance.”

She grabbed Alisur’s hand and dragged him away from his friends without another look in their direction.

Perhaps she finally got the message, Otabek thought.

An endless moment of silent contemplation followed until Ezra said out loud what everyone else was thinking.

“I’m getting another drink,” he announced. “Everybody else in need of one too?”

He didn’t even wait for anyone to answer before he turned on his feet and walked off to get them all another, probably much, much stronger drink.

Otabek was lost in thought as Asel lifted his arm and wrapped it around her own shoulders, snuggling up to him. He could only assume that she was missing Jasmine just as much as he was missing Yuri, now more so than ever.

The possibility of people like Farida still existing in this world had barely crossed Otabek’s mind since he had gotten together with Yuri. Everyone around them had been so incredibly supportive that he never thought about the fact that there are indeed still people who did not approve of or even just tolerated their relationship.

It wasn’t only Yuri and himself he was suddenly feeling sad for. It was Asel and Jasmine, Victor and Yuuri, Mila and Sara, Ezra and everyone else who wasn’t accepted in today’s world simply because of who they loved.

The thought of his own mother not being okay with his relationship made Otabek feel even more uncomfortable in his own skin. But ultimately it was the thought of Yuri being alone and himself being alone when they should be physically together without thousands of miles separating them that bothered Otabek the most.

No one could make him feel worse than he already did, Otabek realised, especially not someone like Farida.

“Drink up, everybody,” Ezra said as soon as he returned to the group.

He handed out a round of shots for everyone but they all knew that one or two rounds of shots wouldn’t be enough tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any typos in this chapter. It's past 1am now but I still wanted to get this up and just couldn't wait until the morning... 
> 
> Also, this is now officially the longest fanfic I have ever written and I still have a little over three weeks to cover in the story's timeline... Thanks for sticking with me and our boys so far! <3


	17. You See Me Shaking.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri makes a confession and Victor just can't help himself.

**_Saturday, March 11th, Saint Petersburg, 10.46am_ **

Only when the barely there sunlight directly hit Yuri’s face through the open curtains did he finally wake up, too bothered by the light to just turn around and continue sleeping. Potya briefly meowed when Yuri pulled the duvet up to his nose, disturbing her peaceful sleeping position at the end of the bed. 

Yuri was lying on his back with a pounding in his head that he was sure he would never be able to get rid off again. He had flung one arm over his eyes, the other one out of sight under the duvet where it was still warm. Potya seemed to crave some body warmth as she begrudgingly got up and trotted all over Yuri to lie down on his pillow right next to his head.

Nuzzling his face right in Potya’s soft fur for a moment, Yuri could see his phone blinking on the bedside table out of the corner of his eyes. It was the first thing he saw but not the only one.

Right next to his phone stood an empty bottle of vodka with a bunch of crumpled up tissues scattered around it. What he had done last night suddenly came rushing back to him, the relentless pounding in his head only intensifying upon the memories.

Yuri growled in agony as he reached over Potya to grab his phone off of the bedside table. He carefully avoided the cum stained tissues and the sticky bottle, his nose scrunching up in disgust. He briefly considered getting up to wash his hands first because he couldn’t really remember if he had done that before he passed out last night but every bone in his body screamed no. Instead, he quickly unlocked his phone screen to find out who had tried to get in touch with him. 

Pleasantly surprised, Yuri discovered it was a text from Otabek with a photo attached that he was sure he would stare at again whenever he felt alone without Otabek next to him. 

**Beka <3:** _Finally home again and I’m starting to think I should lay off the alcohol._

The picture that Otabek had sent with his text showed him in his bed, probably just before he fell asleep with his shirtless and flawless chest on display and a drunken expression on his face. Yuri absolutely loved the photo but it made him miss Otabek even more.

**Beka <3:** _I miss you, Yura. Sleep tight!_

Yuri wasn’t entirely certain if he wanted to smile or cry. He was, however, a little relieved that apparently he wasn’t the only one who had gotten wasted last night. The only thing that made Yuri’s escapade so much worse than Otabek’s was the fact that he had been drinking at home and on his own. 

Looking at the picture Otabek had sent him one more time, Yuri’s longing for him reached new heights in an instant. He couldn’t even explain anymore how much he actually missed Otabek. Other than his grandpa, Yuri had never felt physically ill because of how much he wanted to be with someone and his grandpa was his  _ family _ . Yuri’s love for him was very different to his love for Otabek but somehow they were still the same in a way.

Yuri checked the time and decided that even if Otabek had been out late, it was well past midday for him so he should probably be awake already. He called Otabek on facetime and was delighted to see his equally hungover boyfriend picking up after just two rings.

“Hey,” Yuri said, his voice raspy and his mouth dry but a small smile gracing his lips nevertheless.

“Hi,” Otabek replied immediately, the same content smile on his face upon seeing his boyfriend.

Yuri made himself a little more comfortable in his bed, wiggling around slightly in an attempt to not disturb Potya yet again. He could see that Ginger was keeping tabs on Otabek just as much as Potya did for him.

Otabek himself was in bed as well and Yuri could only assume that he felt as beat as he looked. His black hair was a mess on top of his head, there were rings under his eyes that he couldn’t deny and his eyes were smaller than usual.

“Long night?” Yuri asked, trying his best not to tease too much since he most likely didn’t look any better than Otabek.

“Remind me to never touch alcohol again,” Otabek mumbled, brushing the palm of his hand over his face, not that it helped at all to make him look even a little more alive.

Yuri had trouble to keep a straight face when he said, “I could use that reminder too.”

It was supposed to be funny but the worry in Otabek’s tired eyes still shined through as soon as Yuri had said it. 

“Yura,” Otabek said, either not sure what else to say or just leaving it at that on purpose.

Rolling his eyes only to realise that that was actually more painful than not, Yuri sighed.

“Don’t judge me,” he said with no heat in his words whatsoever. “You don’t look so fresh yourself.”

Otabek kept quiet for a moment and Yuri took that as a sign that he won this argument, at least this specific one. 

“So what did you actually do last night?” Otabek asked, bringing the arm that wasn’t currently holding his phone out in front of him out from under the duvet. 

Yuri saw the sunshine forcing its way inside Otabek’s bedroom, casting a warm shadow upon his face that made Yuri miss him more so than he already did. That well-known emotional mix of longing and loneliness felt like a huge weight pressing down on his chest and all it did was remind Yuri of what he had done last night.

“I drank myself stupid with that cheap vodka shit that Victor would never allow me to buy and then jerked off a handful of times while I looked at pictures of you,” he said without missing a beat and with no embarrassment in his voice at all.

Yuri knew that if he wasn’t so hungover and feeling like he might have to throw up as soon as he attempted to get into a more vertical position, he might have the decency to at least blush after he confessed his shenanigans from last night, but as it stood, Yuri was incapable of feeling anything other than the desperate and physical need to be close to Otabek. There was no room for modesty or decency.

Otabek however could not have been as wasted as he had made out to be or he simply had an advantage given that he had three more hours to recover than Yuri, thanks to the time difference. The blush that failed to colour Yuri’s cheeks appeared tenfold on Otabek’s instead.

Either Otabek was shocked into silence or he just didn’t know how to respond to Yuri’s blunt honesty. 

“Want to see the evidence?” Yuri asked casually before turning his phone around for Otabek to see the empty vodka bottle and the horrifically smelly cum-stained tissues that were still scattered across his bedside table. He was thankful that Otabek couldn’t actually smell the stench that was hanging in the air in his bedroom.

“Yura,” Otabek said again, this time dragging out the last vowel much more than he had to.

Yuri took pity on him and turned the phone back to focus on himself.

“Don’t tell me you’re not jerking off to images of me?” Yuri asked incredulously, trying his best to sound casual and to keep the mood light but just by looking at Otabek he knew it wasn’t working as well as he had hoped.

“That’s besides the point, Yura,” Otabek said. 

He sighed deeply but Yuri could see that it wasn’t out of exhaustion or annoyance. There was too much sadness in his eyes that it was practically written all over his face. It made Yuri want to reach through his phone screen to touch Otabek, to let his fingers linger on the side of his face, to just admire the beauty that he sometimes had a very hard time believing was his boyfriend.

Yuri was beginning to get lost in wishful thinking, just staring at Otabek without realising that he was being talked to but Otabek’s voice always found a way to get through to him.

“Are you even listening to me?” Otabek asked gently.

“I miss you, okay?” Yuri suddenly blurted out, more or less interrupting Otabek. He sat up without thinking about it, regretting it only briefly when a short wave of nausea washed over him. “I miss you every single day and it gets worse  _ all _ the time. I hate that you’re so far away. I hate that I have to consider the possibility that you might already be asleep every time I want to call you when all I really want is to just hear your stupid voice. I hate that I can’t just come over and have you hug me and tell me that everything will be alright. I fucking hate that my grandpa is dead and that the only other person I ever truly loved is over two thousand miles away. I feel… I’m just, I’m so lonely and I...” 

Yuri was trying to find the right words to express how he really felt but Otabek didn’t give him the chance to come up with anything.

“I know, Yura,” Otabek said, his eyebrows still furrowed in sadness, not in anger. “I  _ know _ …”

Barely picking up on the fact that Otabek was sitting in his bed by now as well, Yuri rushed to brush the silent tears away, the ones he hadn’t been fully aware of shedding. He closed his eyes for just a moment to collect himself, only then realising what he had actually said to Otabek. Sharing those things wasn’t easy and he certainly hadn’t planned on burdening Otabek with any of it but just looking at him now, Yuri understood what Otabek meant. He  _ did _ know and Yuri believed him.

“I’m just so alone all the time without you here,” Yuri admitted quietly, more tears threatening to spill over as he absentmindedly reached over, grabbing Otabek’s teddy bear and burying his face in it. 

It was hard to keep his eyes on Otabek just then. Yuri feared that he wouldn’t be able to stop crying if he saw the look of utter defeat on Otabek’s face, almost as if he had given up. What exactly Otabek might have given up on, Yuri couldn’t tell but it made his fear of eventually getting rejected grow immensely.

“We’ll work something out, Yura,” Otabek said cautiously, obviously trying not to spook Yuri or say the wrong thing to begin with. “It’s not going to be like this forever, I promise you that.”

Otabek was clearly fighting the urge to reach through the screen just as much as Yuri had earlier.

“What are we going to do?” Yuri asked through sniffles and quiet sobs.

“I don’t know yet,” Otabek admitted, “but we’ll find a way. We have to because I refuse to just give up on us. That’s not going to happen, you understand that?”

Yuri could only nod. He still had his doubts. They wouldn’t just disappear from one second to the next but the more often Otabek made it clear to him that they belonged together, the more inclined Yuri was to believe him.

On the other side of that coin though was a growing sense of being a burden to Otabek and that was something Yuri couldn’t shake. He still kept that feeling to himself, at least for the time being.

“Okay,” he forced himself to say, taking the necklace Otabek had gifted him for his birthday between his fingers as if it would give him a sense of stability. He was quickly drying his face with his duvet and trying his hardest to calm himself down again.

Yuri didn’t know where the conversation would go from there but it seemed like he didn’t have to worry about that when an obnoxious knock turned his attention to the bedroom door.

“Yurio,” Victor’s persistent voice came wandering into the room from the other side of the door, “Are you awake yet?”

Growling unpleasantly, Yuri raised his voice and said, “Give me a minute!”

Sighing deeply but without rolling his eyes, Yuri turned to Otabek again. 

“Looks like Victor and Katsudon want to talk to me,” he stated matter-of-factly.

Yuri really wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone other than Otabek, least of all Victor. The tears on his cheek hadn’t even completely dried but he wasn’t willing to hide them either. It wouldn’t hurt Victor and Yuuri to see how awful he was feeling.

Let them worry, Yuri thought, even though he hated it when they made a fuss about him and treated him like he couldn’t take care of himself. But Yuri wasn’t thinking clearly, so it all made sense to him in that moment.

“Try to behave, Yura,” Otabek said, instantly pulling Yuri back to the situation at hand.

“No guarantee,” Yuri replied, slowly crawling out from underneath the duvet only to be hit with the freezing cold air in his room. 

He didn’t really know how to end their call. A lot of unspoken things seemed to be drifting between them without either one of them willing to say them out loud but maybe they didn’t have to. Sometimes things were better left unsaid, Yuri was sure of it.

“Skype tonight?” Otabek asked, leading Yuri to assume that he had no plans with his friends for a second night in a row.

“Sounds good,” Yuri said, a small content smile on his lips. “I better go and see what they want.”

He was walking towards the door already, his bare feet dragging along the floor and his long-sleeved shirt just long enough to reach the waistband of his underwear.

“I love you,” Otabek told him again but Yuri knew he would never ever tire of hearing that, even though it always came with a pinch of guilt, making him feel like a burden to his boyfriend. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Love you too,” Yuri said, briefly waving at the phone. “Bye, Beka.”

The second Yuri ended the call, his other hand was already placed on the door handle. Just before he actually opened the door, Yuri attempted to hide away the last remnants of his earlier outburst with the end his sleeve.

He eventually pulled the door back towards himself to open it. Without even looking up, he left the it open and went back to his bed, throwing his phone down on top of the duvet and pulling Potya into her lap, who seemed to not mind the disturbance in the slightest as she instantly made herself comfortable in Yuri’s embrace.

“What do you want?” Yuri snarled, his burning eyes fixed on Potya and the way her soft fur moved underneath his fingertips when he ran his hand through it.

The next thing Yuri noticed was his mattress dipping. He briefly looked up to see Yuuri sitting near the end of the bed, facing him expectedly but also with something unreadable in his eyes. 

“We wanted to tell you something,” Yuuri said slowly as if he thought he might have to test the waters.

To be fair, when it came to Yuri, that was probably not such a bad idea.

Yuri hadn’t really talked to Victor and Yuuri at all this week. Since they had picked him up at Sevastyan’s house, Yuri had locked himself away in his room most of the time whenever he wasn’t at the rink or at Lilia’s ballet studio. He had acknowledged their presence in the apartment when he had gone to get some food or water, which was something he had barely done to begin with, but otherwise Yuri had ignored them as best he could.

“Then spit it out already,” Yuri barked out, wanting to be alone again to nurse his hangover instead of having to converse with those two.

He heard Victor huffing disapprovingly but Yuri couldn’t say that he cared even the tiniest bit. Their relationship was tense as it was. Yuri however refused to make the first step. He left it up to Victor to remedy what was left of their friendship.

“Well,” Victor said, already dragging whatever he was about to say out too long, “we thought we should let you know that we have decided to…”

Victor came to an abrupt halt which caught Yuri’s attention. He finally looked up only to find Victor staring at his bedside table. Yuri might have been embarrassed, especially about the tissues that contained some of his bodily fluids even he was a little disgusted by now, if it was anyone else but since it was Victor who seemed shocked for some reason to realise that Yuri drank alcohol, he just could not have cared any less.

“Have you been drinking again?” Victor asked, his eyes impossibly wide and his voice higher than usual.

“So what?” Yuri countered, now ready to face Victor head on as he was not about to take any crap from him again. “Don’t act like you two don’t drink alcohol as well.”

He was quick to turn his focus back to Potya but Victor obviously wasn’t done.

“I knew it reeked of alcohol in here when we came in,” Victor said, staring into space as his thoughts were apparently somewhere else for just a fleeting moment. “You need to stop this excessive drinking, Yurio.”

“Stop calling me that already,” Yuri suddenly shouted from where was sitting on his bed, “and my drinking is not excessive. I’m not a fucking alcoholic.”

Victor seemed a little taken aback by Yuri’s strong reaction but Yuri himself didn’t completely understand why. There was no reason for Victor to be as surprised as he was. Yuri always got louder when someone criticised him or in this case now, made false accusations.

“You don’t think your vodka intake is a little much?” Victor asked rhetorically. “I think you should take a break from drinking.”

Yuri couldn’t tell if he was more offended by Victor’s claim that he seemingly didn’t know his own limits in regards to alcohol or by the fact that Victor acted like he had a say in what he should and shouldn’t do.

“You are not my fucking father,” Yuri spat out. “You are not my grandfather or anyone else important to me, so stop giving me shit for something that is none of your fucking business!”

The hurt look on Victor’s face didn’t go unnoticed by Yuri but before either one of them could say anything else, Yuuri finally cut in.

“Okay, enough now,” Yuuri said, standing up from where he had been sitting on Yuri’s bed, listening to their shouting match. “All we wanted to tell you is that we decided to get married in Hasetsu this summer, in July to be exact. We would love for you to be there so we thought you should know. That’s all.”

As if nothing had happened, Yuuri grabbed Victor’s hand and dragged him out of Yuri’s bedroom. Victor struggled in his hold but resigned and let himself be lead away.

The second Yuuri had closed the door behind the two of them, Yuri reached out for the empty vodka bottle, holding it up above his head, ready to throw it. 

Just before Yuri could give in to his anger and fling the bottle against his bedroom door for it to shatter into a hundred pieces, Potya came over to him. She rubbed her head gently against his thigh and purred, distracting him in an instant. Yuri looked down at her, his shoulders sinking the second his eyes fell upon her.

Reluctantly Yuri put the bottle back down. The fury inside him got replaced by tearfulness and most of all disappointment, more so in himself than anybody else. Why of all things was it his cat that managed to calm him down and see reason without actually saying anything? 

Sneaking back under the duvet, Yuri held it up for Potya to crawl underneath it as well. She loved the warmth just as much as him and happily made her way over to him. Yuri cuddled her to his chest and decided to text Otabek.

**Yuri:** _I fucking hate this place. I’m tired of not having my own space. The only person I can tolerate sharing with is you. Why are you so far away, Beka???_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had six days off in a row. Sadly those are over starting tomorrow, so I don't know when the next update will be but I'm hoping it'll be some time at the end of this week now that I got more or less back into this story.
> 
> Hope you're all having a nice week so far! x


	18. I Could Never Have Known.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ezra can't get Alisur to listen and Yuuri can't get Victor to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no Yuri or Otabek in this chapter. Just be warned... but something very important is finally revealed here, so hopefully you'll still enjoy it!

**_Saturday, March 11th, Almaty, 5.11pm_ **

Ezra could only watch and frown as Alisur happily got ready for yet another date with his new girlfriend. Farida wasn’t necessarily the kind of person he thought Alisur should be with and he desperately wanted to tell him that as well. He just didn’t quite know how to bring it up, too scared of a potential fall-out with his brother and flatmate. 

Alisur darted through their apartment, rushing back and forth between his bedroom and the bathroom. He was clearly in a hurry but Ezra couldn’t get the previous night out of his head, he had to say something even at the off-chance that it would result in an argument.

He observed his brother for a moment and then briefly hesitated as Alisur attempted to tame the unruly mob of hair on his head in front of the bathroom mirror. Ezra stopped in the door and just looked at him as he leaned against the sturdy door frame. He unconsciously crossed his arms in front of his chest, already preparing himself for possible backlash and of course to defend his opinion on the matter.

“So,” Ezra slowly said, drawing out the vowel much longer than he had to. He had no chance to continue before Alisur cut him off without looking away from the mirror.

“What did you do, Ezra?” he asked, a small grin playing around the corner of his lips.

Ezra was caught off guard by that question. “I didn’t do anything,” he quickly said, his body growing tense with anticipation. 

“Of course you did,” Alisur said, grabbing a bottle of hairspray in a last desperate attempt to get his hair under control. “You always cross your arms like that when you want to talk about something you actually  _ don’t _ want to talk. Most of the time you are confessing something bad you did. So what is it? What did you do?”

Squinting his eyes at how easy Alisur was apparently able to read him, Ezra instantly uncrossed his arms and buried his hands in his jeans pocket instead.

“It wasn’t me. I didn’t do anything,” he said again and at that Alisur finally looked over at him, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Then who did?” he asked curiously.

“Farida,” Ezra answered before he could stop himself. 

“I don’t understand,” Alisur countered, turning around to face him fully. “What did she do? You only met her last night.”

Ezra sighed deeply. He still had no idea how to properly express how much he truly disliked Farida and that was only based on one single meeting. First impressions do matter, he thought, especially when it came to his brother’s girlfriend.

“She’s a homophobe,” Ezra bluntly said as direct as he could without trying to talk himself into a frenzy.

“What?” Alisur asked surprised, his hair long forgotten now. “What would give you that impression?”

Taking a step toward him, Ezra was struggling to explain himself. 

“It’s just some of the things she said last night when you were getting us drinks.”

Alisur took one long good look at Ezra and then instantly brushed his worries aside. 

“I’m sure you misunderstood,” Alisur defended his girlfriend. “There’s no way she’s a homophobe. Do you of all people really think I would date someone who was? Definitely not.”

Ezra couldn’t get a word in edgewise as Alisur already hurried out of the bathroom again. He could only watch while Alisur got his jacket from the wardrobe in the hallway before he snatched his car keys from the little bowl they had right next to it.

“You should have heard some of the things she said,” Ezra pleaded, almost whined because he wanted to get Alisur’s attention but there was nothing he could do. 

His brother already shrugged his jacket on and simultaneously opened the door. Ezra noticed how he avoided his gaze intentionally, pretending to rummage around in his jacket’s pocket. 

“Whatever it was,” Alisur more mumbled than actually said, “I’m absolutely positive she didn’t mean it the way you took it.”

It was the second time Alisur dismissed Ezra’s concerns without even hearing him out and it rubbed Ezra the wrong way. 

“Fine,” he growled, the door knob in his hand ready to slam the door shut behind Alisur, “go out with her and fuck that bitch. What do I care? You obviously don’t, so why should I?”

Alisur had been about to leave when Ezra’s words seemed to get to him as he abruptly turned around and stepped dangerously close to his brother.

“Hey,” he said, raising his hand and obviously struggling not to grip the collar of Ezra’s shirt. “Don’t talk about her like that.”

His voice sounded dangerous and angry but Ezra didn’t let that deter him. He stood tall, his shoulders square and his breathing even.

“So you are listening to what I’m saying,” he said quietly but firmly, “because it seemed like you didn’t hear me before when I told you that your girlfriend has some fucking horrible opinions about people like me.”

Alisur’s eyes narrowed closely. Ezra could see the hesitation, the confusion, in his eyes even though he clearly didn’t want to admit it. Alisur was obviously questioning whether Ezra could be right but he shook his head quickly, refusing to consider even the possibility of Ezra speaking the truth.

“I’m leaving,” he eventually said, turning his back on Ezra and beginning to walk away.

“You’re still going to see her?” Ezra asked, astounded that Alisur really didn’t give him a chance to tell him about the previous night.

Alisur was already down the hall, close to the stairs that would lead him out of the building, when he stopped in his tracks and sharply turned around to face Ezra.

“It’s not the first time you’ve been paranoid about my girlfriend not liking you,” Alisur said, “so yes, I am still going to meet Farida because I don’t trust your judgement, Ezra.”

That was all he said before he pulled the door to the staircase open and vanished behind it. 

Ezra stared at the spot where Alisur had disappeared from for what felt like ages before he huffed, more to himself than anybody else. He was furious with Alisur because he wouldn’t listen and take his concerns seriously, and he was annoyed with himself because Alisur was right. There wasn’t a single girlfriend in Alisur’s past that Ezra had ever truly approved of. He just never noticed that until Alisur had pointed it out for the first time just a minute ago.

**_Sunday, March 12th, Saint Petersburg, 9.13am_ **

Victor loved Sundays. To be fair, he loved every day he got to wake up next to his fiancé. When that day fell on a Sunday, it was even more enjoyable than usual. Stretching slowly on his side of the bed, Victor snuck a glance over at his soon-to-be husband. 

Yuuri was still sleeping peacefully. He was lying on his back, one of his legs above the duvet and his head turned towards Victor. His lips were parted slightly as Victor watched him stir in his sleep for a brief moment.

Rolling over onto his side, Victor propped up his elbow and rested his head in his palm so he could stare at Yuuri more closely. He carefully reached up with his free hand to brush some dark strands of Yuuri’s raven black hair away from his forehead. 

He was cautious and quiet in his every move because he didn’t want to disturb the beauty in front him so when Yuuri mumbled almost inaudibly, Victor almost jumped.

“Stop gawking at me,” Yuuri hummed without even opening his eyes. “I can feel you staring at me.”

Victor had to chuckle at that. He loved Yuuri’s adorable grumpiness in the morning. Yuuri clearly wasn’t much of a morning person but Victor certainly was. He had no idea how many hours he had already spent just staring at Yuuri while he slept. 

“Good morning, my love,” Victor said and then placed a gentle kiss on Yuuri’s bed warm lips.

Yuuri instantly leaned into the touch, chasing after Victor’s mouth by placing his hand behind Victor’s neck and pulling him on top of him.

Victor didn’t resist him. He happily crawled over and made himself comfortable with Yuuri’s arms securely around him. Resting his head on Yuuri’s chest, Victor listened carefully to Yuuri’s steady heartbeat.

They were both quiet, silently enjoying each other’s company for a rather long time. It was Sunday, therefore neither one of them was in a hurry to do anything or get anywhere.

The silence gave Victor an unwelcome chance to think about his strained relationship with Yuri. The younger man had given him a hard time pretty much since they first met but it had always been in good jest. Lately however, things had changed dramatically and Victor couldn’t help but feel hurt.

He had tried not to let Yuri’s words get to him but the more he thought about them, the more often Yuri yelled at him, the more Victor felt like giving up on him. So far, he had refrained from doing so but what Yuri had said to him the previous morning, Victor just couldn’t get that out of his head. 

Yuri had been right when he said that Victor wasn’t his father or his grandfather but hearing him say that Victor wasn’t even anyone important to him had felt like a stab right through his heart. 

Victor cared about Yuri just as much as he cared about his Yuuri. He would do anything for him but Yuri didn’t seem to realise that, or he just didn’t want that. Victor had no idea but he wanted to force himself to believe that deep down Yuri did care about him, even if it never seemed like it.

“What are you thinking about?” Yuuri asked, eventually breaking the silence between them, obviously sensing that Victor had something on his mind.

“Yurio,” Victor simply replied. There was no need to explain it any further. Yuuri knew how conflicted he felt about the current situation with Yuri.

“You need to talk to him,” Yuuri almost whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of Victor’s head. “Explain to him why you’re so protective of him. I know you don’t want to tell me what’s going on but you really should tell him.”

Victor sighed audibly but he didn’t move away from Yuuri. Instead he just cuddled even closer to him, the warmth radiating from Yuuri making him a little sleepy again. His head however was too full of worrying thoughts and fears that wouldn’t quiet down for him to fall back asleep. 

At first he didn’t say anything else. He knew Yuuri was right. It just wasn’t as easy as Yuuri made it out to be. There were things that needed to be considered and promises to be kept. He couldn’t just tell Yuri everything when he was so convinced that it would make everything even worse than it already was. 

“What is it, Vitya?” Yuuri asked, slowly stroking Victor’s soft hair in what Victor could only assume was a way to calm him down and make him feel safe. 

It certainly helped to make Victor relax but it didn’t quiet down the mess in his head. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to say something but he had no idea what he was about to confess until it was too late.

“Nikolai was sick,” Victor said, shocking himself by finally admitting out loud what he had tried so hard to keep to himself for an entire year.

He squeezed his eyes shut, pretending that he hadn’t just revealed some very unnerving news because it just reminded him that he had lied to Yuuri for just as long.

“What are you talking about?” Yuuri asked, his voice still eerily level and not angry or even disappointed at all. He kept petting Victor’s hair but it did absolutely nothing to soothe Victor now.

Scrambling to get off of Yuuri, Victor sat down cross-legged next to him instead. He sighed deeply once more, running a nervous hand through his hair and avoiding Yuuri’s gaze at all costs. 

Victor realised that he had no way out now that he mentioned Nikolai. He had to explain what he meant but it wasn’t easy for him to talk about this since he had never trusted anyone with that kind of information.

Yuuri went to sit up as well, leaned back against the headboard. He took one of Victor’s hands into his and began rubbing gentle circles into the back of his hand. 

Usually that would have been a good way to distract Victor, to encourage him to tell Yuuri what was going on but Victor was scared. He was afraid of finally revealing his secret, the unpredictability of how Yuuri, and especially Yuri, were going to react was making him nervous.

At the same time, he was just tired, so tired of not being able to explain himself and his actions to his fiancé and his flat mate. 

“Vitya,” Yuuri said again, trying to get Victor to focus on him for a moment. “Tell me what’s going on.”

It wasn’t a question but it wasn’t an order either. It was a ‘ _ I’m here for you whenever you’re ready _ ’ and Victor now knew more than ever that he needed to get this off of his chest. 

He squeezed Yuuri’s hands with his own tense fingers, smiling up at him sadly for the briefest of moments before he looked down into his own lap again, trying to gather the courage to tell Yuuri the truth. 

“Nikolai didn’t die of a heart attack,” Victor said then, refuting what everyone including Nikolai’s own grandson had been told when he had passed away. “He had cancer and he didn’t tell anyone but me. He made me promise not to tell Yurio anything, so I didn’t.”

It was only half of the whole story but it was a start, one that Victor had desperately needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, opinions, suggestions?? xx


	19. You Saw it in the Bleeding Evening Sky.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otabek needs some convincing while Yuri finally needs to get something off of his chest.

**Sunday, 12th March, Almaty, 6.12pm**

Even a day later Otabek was still struggling to feel like himself again. He really needed to stop drinking alcohol for a while. His friends certainly weren’t any help in this kind of endeavour but things could always change, he figured.

Otabek had spent his entire day cleaning his whole apartment. He had found some left-over decorations from New Year’s eve underneath his couch whilst scaring off Ginger when he vacuumed the living room. He was just thankful that he didn’t find any evidence of the fun Temir and Meiz had in his spare bedroom on New Year’s eve. Just the thought of what they had done on his pull-out couch made him shiver and grin like an idiot in equal measures.

His thoughts had wandered to Yuri and the things  _ they _ had done that same night more than once during his obsessive cleaning day. Soon enough he had spun the wheel a little further and couldn’t stop himself from recalling every other little pleasant and unpleasant memory of all the things that had happened to and between them them since then as well.

By the time Otabek dropped dead on his sofa, but still being able to hear Ginger walk slowly across the wet floor toward him, exhaustion threatened to take over completely. His head and heart were heavy, his muscles strained and tense. Otabek barely had the energy to pet Ginger when she jumped up on the couch to lie down on Otabek’s stomach. Good thing she wasn’t a very big or heavy cat.

Turning the music down a little, Otabek knew he was about to drift off. Just before exactly that could happen though, his phone began to ring. The first thing Otabek realised was that it definitely wasn’t the ringtone he had set for Yuri. Even despite his exhaustion, his curiosity got the better of him, so Otabek picked up his phone from the now highly organised coffee table.

“Miras,” he said as he took the call, “why are you calling?”

“As charming as ever, little brother,” Miras greeted him.

Despite his aching body, Otabek managed to sit himself up straight, Ginger crawling off of his stomach only to curl up right next to him before falling back asleep.

“You never call me,” Otabek dead-panned, his voice rough and suspicious. His brother calling him only happened about twice a year, for his birthday and perhaps for Christmas, but Otabek wouldn’t deny that he was pleasantly surprised.

“Only when I have a reason,” Miras admitted, the grin on his face practically audible through the phone.

Otabek already had a bad feeling what this call might be about but he crossed his fingers that he was wrong. “Which would be?” he therefore asked.

There was a slight pause on the other end of the line that Otabek easily picked up on. A heavy sense of dread began to settle inside him.

“I spoke to father,” Miras told him, confirming Otabek’s suspicions.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he cut in immediately.

Otabek heard Miras sigh over the phone, he could even imagine his brother rolling his eyes.

“And why is that?” Miras enquired, digging a little deeper.

It was so very obvious what he was trying to do, Otabek knew it but he still fell for it.

“Because there is nothing to talk about,” he said nevertheless, hoping that Miras would take the hint and not question him any further.

“So,” Miras began, “if there is nothing to talk about, I assume you didn’t really yell at father and mother didn’t tell you to break things off with Yuri. You didn’t swear in front of the man who raised you and you didn’t walk out on him without saying goodbye to him, right?”

Now it was Otabek who rolled his eyes. It was one of those things he really wished he hadn’t picked up from Yuri over the years.

“I heard that eye roll,” Miras chimed in, coaxing a tiny little grin out of Otabek.

There was another moment of uncomfortable silence between the brothers, neither one of them being a particularly chatty kind of person, at least not with each other.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine,” Miras gave in, “you just need to listen.”

“You know,” Otabek interrupted him, “I expected this from Darja but not from you.”

“Shut up, Otabek,” Miras chided him and Otabek did as he was told, not willingly but he knew better than to piss his brother off.

He heard Miras take a deep breath before he went on. “I was planning on asking you how you feel about what mother said to you and if you’ve talked to Yuri yet but since you’re clearly not willing to talk, let me explain a couple of things to you,” Miras said as some sort of introduction while Otabek only wished he would get to the point.

“I know you feel like shit about what mother asked you to do but I also know that you’re not going to break things off with Yuri just because she wants you to. At least I hope you’re not going to leave Yuri because of mother.”   
  
“I would never do that,” Otabek interrupted him again, appalled at the idea of breaking up with Yuri.

“That’s what I figured,” Miras agreed. “I understand that you’re upset with mother. She didn’t react particularly well and I suppose it took a lot of guts to tell our parents about your relationship.”

Otabek wanted to cut in again but he refrained from doing so. He didn’t quite get where Miras was going with all of this.

“Give her a chance to get used to the idea of you and Yuri. Don’t let her make you feel bad about your happiness. She’s just old-fashioned but she’ll come around,” Miras tried to convince him.

“How could you possibly know that?” Otabek asked, his anger and annoyance suddenly leaving him. There was a tiny spark of hope being ignited inside him.

“She loves you, Otabek. You’re her baby boy. She just wants the best for you,” Miras said. “She’s afraid Yuri’s reputation will harm you.”

“But she doesn’t know Yuri,” Otabek argued. “She has no idea how he really is. How can she trust what the media is saying about him?”

He heard Miras sigh again on the other end of the line. “Otabek,” he began, obviously trying to get his attention back and to calm him down. “What do you expect? She has never met him. How can she form her own opinion about him if she only knows what the papers and the news are saying about him?”

“I get that,” Otabek admitted quietly, “but she didn’t even ask me how I feel about him. She just heard his name and instantly dismissed him… and me.”

“You need to give her some time,” Miras advised him. “She’s just upset right now. I know she wants you to be happy. Father said you told him that Yuri makes you happy. I believe you when you say that and mother will too. Give her a chance to get used to the idea of your relationship.”

Otabek sighed. His shoulders dropped the second Ginger made herself comfortable in his lap. She had a sixth sense for whenever he feels sad.

“Yuri thinks I’m going to break up with him because mother doesn’t approve of us,” Otabek confessed, the sadness in his voice undeniable.

“Are you going to?” Miras asked.

“Of course not,” Otabek immediately replied, slightly offended at the question alone.

“That’s what I figured,” Miras said, his smile audible through the phone. “Don’t let anyone talk you out of anything or anyone you know you want and need to be happy. If Yuri is the one who makes you happy, regardless of the circumstances, you need to do everything you can to keep it that way. Give mother some time. She will come around eventually and even if she doesn’t, that’s her problem. You need to focus on Yuri. He’s the only one you need to worry about. Sooner or later everyone else will see how good you two are for each other.”

Otabek didn’t know if it was the exhaustion or the things his brother said to him but he could feel tears filling his eyes. Before the first one could rush down his cheeks and get lost in Ginger’s fur, he brushed them away.

“Thank you,” Otabek whispered, his voice hoarse.

“Anytime,” Miras said without missing a beat. “You know Darja and I are always here to make you feel stupid.”

Otabek only laughed at that. He knew it was the truth. His siblings were the ones he could always count on to make him feel like an 8-year old little boy again.

**Monday, 13th March, Saint Petersburg, 12.46pm**

Yuri was exhausted. He spent the entire weekend trying to feel like a human again which hadn’t been the easiest of tasks to begin with. Doing his best to stay out of Victor and Yuuri’s way hadn’t been much fun either.

He had given them both the cold shoulder whenever he had been forced to see them. Victor had thankfully done the exact same thing to him after their argument on Saturday morning. Yuuri on the other hand had tried to talk to him over and over again but Yuri just hadn’t been interested at all. He didn’t know what they could have possibly talked about.

Yuri was glad that he was back at practice. The morning had passed him by without any major incidents or arguments. It was the same old routine as always. Yakov had yelled at him, Victor had ignored him and Yuuri had shot him concerned glances whenever he could.

The only thing that was slightly different was the way Yuri was acting towards Mila. They usually made fun of each other at every chance they got during practice. Today though, they ignored each other as much as they possibly could. If Yakov had picked up on it, he didn’t comment on it.

By the time their lunch break came around, Yuri realised how exhausted he truly was. His breathing was so fast that he had trouble taking a sip of his water. He brushed the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand only to find Mila standing right in front of him when he looked up.

She just stood there, her arms crossed in front of her chest and her eyes as cold as the ice of the rink.

“What do you want?” Yuri snarled, rummaging around in his duffel bag for his phone. He had other things on his mind than getting into an argument with Mila.

“I want you to tell me what the hell your problem is,” Mila stated matter-of-factly, the tone of her voice scarily level and unaffected.

Yuri huffed but didn’t respond otherwise. He just kept looking for his phone as a sudden urge to speak to Otabek overcame him. Even though he didn’t want to let MIla see how much it affected him that she confronted him, it still messed with him and Otabek was the only person he felt like he could confide in.

“You can ignore me all you want,” Mila said without moving an inch away from Yuri, “but I’m not leaving until you talk to me about why you’re so pissed off with me.”

It wasn’t easy but Yuri still ignored her, pretended that she wasn’t even there. The second he found his phone, he began typing a message to Otabek but Mila didn’t seem to be the patient type when she snatched his phone away.

“Hey,” Yuri yelled, standing up in an instant and reaching out for his phone. “Give me my fucking phone back!”

He could feel everyone’s eyes on him in the blink of an eye but Yuri didn’t care. Trying to get a hold of his phone again, he leaned forward and got up into Mila’s personal space.

“Give it back,” he shouted once again.

“I will as soon as you’ve told me why you’re mad at me,” Mila said quietly, apparently unaffected by Yuri’s little outburst.

Yuri suddenly had enough. He couldn’t stand how oblivious Mila could be. It was impossible for him to understand how she could not know why he was so furious with her.

“You want to know why I’m fucking mad at you?” he asked sarcastically. When Mila didn’t even flinch, let alone said anything, Yuri went on. “It’s your fucking fault I freaked out and Katsudon had to get me in the middle of the night from some stranger’s house! You were the one who took me to your friend’s place. It was you who said it would do me some good to get out even though that certainly wasn’t the case. I wasn’t ready, Mila, and you still talked me into going to this fucking party! My set-back was entirely your fault and I just don’t want to talk to you anymore, so just leave me the fuck alone!”

Yuri didn’t even take another look at Mila. He just noticed how her arms went limp on the side of her body, his words probably sinking in. The strange expression on Mila’s face completely went over Yuri’s head. He just had eyes for his phone, barely hanging on to Mila’s fingers. Snatching it back from her grip, Yuri quickly turned around and stomped away from her, leaving Mila standing there on her own, quietly and close to tears.


	20. Unexpected in Our Drifting Thoughts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otabek is desperate but won't really show it while Yuri doesn't quite know how to properly handle his own demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are multiple discussions of homophobia throughout this chapter.

**Tuesday, 14th March, Almaty, 7.14pm**

Exhaustion was seeping into every single bone in Otabek’s body, yet Asel still somehow managed to talk him into going out. Well, they weren’t going to a club or anything, certainly not on a Tuesday night, but just leaving his own apartment when he was this beat still gave him little bouts of anxiety. 

“I know you don’t want to go out,” Asel said, “but I’ve been thinking about all of this since Friday and I want to talk to Ali about it.”

Otabek had to give it to her. Even though he had been more than just angry and upset about all the horrible things Alisur’s new girlfriend had said when they had all gone out the previous weekend, he didn’t think it was any of his business. He wasn’t one to butt into his friend’s private affairs and telling Alisur that his girlfriend is a terrible person certainly qualified as butting in. He was just there for moral support, Otabek thought.

“I’m here,” he confirmed, stating the obvious, “so let’s just get this over with.”

He understood why Asel wanted him there but it didn’t make the situation any more bearable. 

It seemed like Asel was hesitating for just the briefest moments before she rang the bell to Alisur and Ezra’s apartment. Almost immediately the door opened up and they were greeted by Ezra.

“Hey,” he said, his beaming smile as infectious as ever. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We were hoping to talk to Ali,” Asel said carefully, yet firm but Otabek saw the nervousness in her. It was easy to notice since they had known each other for so long. Her right pinky finger was twitching lightly and she was standing too straight, her chin raised, as if she was heading into war. That wasn’t her when she was relaxed and didn’t have anything to worry about, this was her when she knew she was about to do something she didn’t actually want to do.

“He’s not home,” Ezra informed them, “but come on in. I wanted to ask you guys something anyway.”

Otabek and Asel followed Ezra inside the twins’ apartment. It was a nice place, Otabek thought. He had been there countless of times and he always wondered why the gang didn’t spend more time there. 

“I’ve got beer, lemonade, tea and water,” Ezra said. “Can I get you anything?”

“Tea sounds good,” Asel immediately replied, visibly relaxing when she took a seat on the sofa in the tidy living room. 

“Same for me,” Otabek said when Ezra looked at him expectedly. 

In an instant Ezra went ahead to busy himself with making them some tea. Asel stayed silent the entire time. They could hear the water boiling inside the kettle and the spoon inside the mugs swirling around the sugar but Asel still didn’t say anything, so Otabek didn’t either.

The moment Ezra came walking back into the living room, somehow able to balance three steaming hot mugs in his two hands, Asel looked up at him and smiled. Otabek observed her curiously. He knew that the whole situation with Alisur and Farida bothered her, that it made her miss Jasmine even more. Perhaps she even had the same disturbing thoughts running through her head as Otabek did when he thought about his relationship with Yuri.

Thankfully Otabek didn’t have much time to think about any of those things for much longer when Ezra pulled him out of his own head. 

The smile on Ezra’s face was genuine, much different from the one on Asel’s lips, when he asked, “So what did you guys want to talk to Ali about?”

As soon as Asel said, “Farida,” his entire face fell. He looked sad, perhaps even a little embarrassed. 

“I actually already talked to him about her,” Ezra confessed, his eyes cast down as he seemingly began to study the steam that was coming from the mug in front of him. “He didn’t want to listen.”

“What?” Asel asked, surprise written all over her face. “Why not?”

Ezra sighed as he leaned back in his chair. “He said he doesn’t trust my judgement because it’s apparently not the first time I’ve been paranoid about his girlfriend.”

Otabek had to chuckle at that because it was true. “Thanks, Otabek,” Ezra said, not amused.

“I’m sorry but you have to admit that Ali is right,” Otabek defended himself. “I’ve never seen you approve of any of his girlfriends.”

Ezra was about to respond again but Asel instantly cut it. “Whether or not that’s true is irrelevant,” she said, most likely ending an argument between the guys before it even began. She turned around to Ezra and asked, “Did you tell him about all the awful things she said to us?”

“He didn’t give me a chance, Asel,” Ezra explained. “I told him that she is a homophobe through and through but he didn’t believe me. He said he’s sure that we just took it the wrong way and that there’s no way that he would date someone who is homophobic.”

“That sounds like Ali,” Otabek said, taking a casual sip of his tea. When he thought about all the hurtful and ignorant things Farida said about gay and bisexual people like his friends and himself, he still got upset, but when he recalled what she said about Yuri, Otabek always thought his blood began to boil. 

Ezra just shrugged his shoulders. He seemed defeated. Otabek figured that Ezra was torn between his own pride and wanting to make Alisur see what kind of person his girlfriend really was, and between hurting his own brother. 

“I don’t care,” Asel suddenly burst out. “Ali needs to know. This woman is toxic and while I don’t believe that Ali would knowingly turn into a homophobe like her, I’m not willing to risk it and potentially lose a good friend over it.”

She abruptly stood up and walked out. 

“Asel,” Ezra called after her but she didn’t stop.

“Don’t follow me,” she shouted before the apartment door slammed shut.

Falling back into his chair, Ezra looked miserable. It was obvious how much all of this bothered him. It couldn’t have been easy to know that your own brother was dating someone who didn’t accept people like him or thought less of them because of who they loved.

“Don’t take it personally,” Otabek said, looking towards the door when Ezra looked up questioningly. “She just needs to cool down.”

“She’s right though, isn’t she?” Ezra asked, his voice timid and afraid.

“Definitely,” Otabek agreed, “but if Ali is not willing to listen, we can’t very well force him to, can we?”

Ezra sighed again. He was slumped in his chair like he wasn’t planning on getting up ever again. His grip around the still hot mug was intense, the knuckles of his fingers almost white, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“This is really bothering you,” Otabek stated the obvious without sounding mocking.

“Of course it does,” Ezra confirmed, suddenly sitting up straight again. His look was intense but Otabek perfectly understood why. “Don’t tell me all the things she said about you and Yuri didn’t piss you off?”

Otabek had to laugh at that. Inside he felt more like crying when he thought about the way Farida had spoken about Yuri, like he was some tiny little girl who was too pretty to be a man when in reality, that was exactly what Yuri was, a man, and no one should dare to think otherwise.

“She called Yuri a kid and talked about whose dick he had up his ass. She indirectly made you sound like a fucking pedophile,” Ezra said, making Otabek wince. “She made fun of you and pretty much said that bisexual people don’t exist. How can you be so fucking calm, Otabek?”

“I’m not, okay?” Otabek interrupted him immediately. He put his tea down and sighed heavily. “It’s not like I don’t care. Farida’s comments were vile and she more than proved that she’s not someone Ali should be with but you know what? She’s not the only person in the world who has these kinds of views. There are thousands if not millions more who think the exact same way about people like us, worse things even. It does piss me off, Ezra, much more than you think it does but I’m too tired and too exhausted to be bothered by it. I worry about Yuri and our relationship every single day as it is already. If I add concerns about what some stranger said about me on top of that, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything else. I’m tired, Ezra, and I don’t have the energy to get all worked up about all this bullshit.”

The silence between them stretched out as they both avoided looking at one another. Otabek picked up his tea again and took a sip when Ezra mumbled, “So you don’t think we should try to talk to Ali again?”

Otabek huffed but smiled. “He needs to listen whether he wants to or not.”

Ezra grinned at that, relief evident in his features as he emptied the last of his tea.

**Tuesday, 14th March, Saint Petersburg, 6.02pm**

As usual, Yuri was already late for his skype date with Otabek. Ballet practice had run late as he had pushed himself more and more until Lilia ended up yelling at him to finally go home. 

Yuri quickly dropped his bag next to his bed before he grabbed his laptop from his desk to start it up. It took way too long for his liking until the laptop was finally on and the skype app was loaded. He immediately called Otabek and by the time Otabek’s gorgeous face appeared on his screen, Yuri thanked his lucky stars that he had showered at the ballet studio and hadn’t waited until he was home.

“Your hair is wet,” Otabek said in lieu of a greeting.

“A+ observation as always, Beka,” Yuri said, grinning from ear to ear. It felt so incredibly good to not only hear Otabek’s voice but to see him too, even if it was only through a laptop screen.

“How was practice?” Otabek asked, Ginger jumping up on his lap to snuggle up to him.

On cue, Potya jumped up on Yuri’s bed as well. He hadn’t even noticed her when he had walked into his room but she spend most of her time either in his room or on the bed in the guest bedroom. No one knew why but it seemed to be a new favourite spot of hers.

Yuri instinctively began to stroke her lovely long fur, even without taking his eyes off of Otabek. 

“I’m exhausted,” Yuri said honestly. “Lilia keeps pushing me.”

Otabek’s wonderful smile made Yuri miss him even more but he promised himself he wouldn’t get all sappy and sad again, at least not so soon. 

“You sure you’re not pushing yourself?” Otabek asked with a wink. 

“I will neither confirm nor deny that,” Yuri said, a smile of his own on his face. When Otabek didn’t say anything to that anymore, he asked, “How’s your practice going?”

“It’s fine,” Otabek said, the smile on his lips not leaving but even through the laptop screen Yuri could see that Otabek’s eyes were telling an entirely different story.

“You’re lying,” Yuri said, “or at least you’re only telling me half of the truth. What’s going on, Beka?”

Otabek squirmed in his seat, so much even that Ginger walked away as Otabek disturbed her too much. 

“What’s wrong, Beka?” Yuri asked again, concern lacing his every word.

“It’s nothing really,” Otabek said, averting his eyes which was something he always did when he knew that Yuri could see right through him.

“You’re still lying,” Yuri challenged him. “Tell me what’s going on, Beka. Please.”

Otabek sighed uncomfortably and he still didn’t look at Yuri when he said, “I’m just tired.”

“And?” Yuri asked, suspecting that there was more to this story.

Eventually Otabek looked up again, staring directly at him, and it broke Yuri’s heart to see his eyes so empty. Otabek seemed so small and that wasn’t the laptop’s fault.

“You’re scaring me, Beka,” Yuri confessed, dread spreading through him the longer Otabek kept whatever was bothering him from him.

“It’s no big deal,” Otabek reassured him but Yuri didn’t believe a single word. “Practice is just really hard lately. I know it has to be if I want to give my best and make it to the podium at Worlds but it’s exhausting, more so than ever.”

“How come?” Yuri asked, hoping that Otabek would finally open up to him. “Is there something else on your mind? Has something happened?”

Otabek looked very uncomfortable when his shoulders sagged and the only word he said was, “Farida.”

Yuri’s heart sank in an instant. All sorts of horrible thoughts and scenarios instantly ran through his mind. Was Otabek cheating on him? Did he find someone else? Was he breaking up with Yuri? Was all of this just a big old lie?

“Who,” Yuri began to stutter, trying his utmost not to let it show that he was scared for his life, “who is she?”

Otabek must have seen the panic in Yuri’s eyes because he quickly seemed to realise his mistake. “No, no, no. Yura, no,” he said. “It’s not what you think.”

Unfortunately that didn’t help Yuri to calm his racing heart. He was about to panic for real when Otabek finally explained himself, “She’s Ali’s new girlfriend and she’s horrible.”

Yuri hadn’t noticed that he had been holding his breath. He had thought he was about to hyperventilate but when he let out a huge breath of air, his lungs hurt nevertheless. Breathing in deep, Yuri tried to process this new information.

“Don’t do that to me again,” Yuri said without any malice in his words before he quickly tried to take the attention off of him. “What did she do that you think she’s horrible?”

Otabek looked away again. He was obviously uncomfortable, so Yuri figured that this Farida girl has either said something awful about him or about both of them.

“She called you a kid basically,” Otabek began, “and that you’re too pretty to be straight. She implied that all lesbians are butch and that there are no  _ manly _ gay people, and she basically said that bisexualilty is a myth.”

Yuri had no idea what to think. It took him a moment to organise his thoughts but when he finally processed everything Otabek had just told him, he snapped. “What the fuck?” he almost yelled at his laptop. “Who the fuck does this person think she is?”

Otabek only shrugged his shoulders but the sadness on his face didn’t leave him.

“Why aren’t you more upset about this, Beka?” Yuri asked, the anger in him suddenly fuelled. 

“I  _ am _ angry,” Otabek reassured Yuri. “If the others, especially Meiz and Temir hadn’t put her into her place, I don’t know what I would’ve done. I don’t care what she said about me. That was just ignorance but all the nasty things she said about you… I nearly lost it.”

While all of this kind of warmed Yuri’s heart, he was still confused.

“Then why do you look sad and not pissed off?” Yuri asked quietly, forcing himself to calm down again.

“Because she’s not the only one, Yura,” Otabek sighed. “There are tons of people who think that way about people like us. It makes me afraid to go public with our relationship. I know we haven’t really talked about doing that anyway but I don’t want to hide for the rest of my life. I want to be able to show everyone how much I love you and that we belong together. I don’t want to have to look over my shoulder everywhere I go, afraid of who might be following us to hurt us, and I don’t want to constantly worry about you when you go somewhere on your own and I can’t be there to protect you.”

Yuri’s stomach turned. He knew exactly what Otabek was talking about, he had just never considered the possibility that Otabek might have the same kind of fears as he did. 

“The things Farida said were just words,” Otabek said, “but there are people out there who act on those kind of words.”

Perfectly understanding what Otabek was talking about, Yuri quietly nodded his head.

“I get that,” he admitted and then swallowed, a question on his tongue he was terrified of asking out loud but he did anyway. “Do you want to break up?”

“What?” Otabek immediately asked, his eyes wide in apparent shock. 

Yuri had thought that ending their relationship would be the temporary answer to their fears but Otabek apparently didn’t think so.

“No way, Yura,” Otabek stressed. “I love you and I want to be with you. I just want us both to know that this won’t be a walk in the park all the time. There’s always a chance someone won’t approve of our relationship. My mother is the best example but that doesn’t make me want to be with you any less.”

“Okay,” Yuri said, taking in what Otabek had said. “I love you, you know?”

“I do,” Otabek replied, “and I hope you know I love you too.”

Yuri couldn’t help but grin then. It wasn’t easy for him to be so open but when it came to Otabek, the prospect of being vulnerable wasn’t quite as terrifying as it normally was. 

**Wednesday, 15th March, Saint Petersburg, 4.42pm**

Upset didn’t even begin to cover how Yuri truly felt. The next day he was still incredibly pissed off about how things had gone awry between him and Mila, not even thinking about what Otabek had confessed to him the day before. 

He was constantly torn between wanting to yell and shout, and break down and cry. It was exhausting to feel this way. 

Yuri had pushed himself at practice even more so than the day before. Whenever Yakov had told him to take a break, he had gone on to do another handful of jumps. When Yakov had yelled at him so much that he finally did go for a break, Yuri had cut it short every single time, taking two minutes instead of ten. 

In the early afternoon, Yakov had had enough. He had dragged Yuri off the ice by the back of his shirt, scowling and telling him loudly to get his ass home to cool off.

Of course Yuri hadn’t done that though. He had gone over to Lilia’s to continue his practice instead. Lilia’s class had just started, so Yuri had snuck into the smaller room of the studio to practice on his own. He had pushed himself to his last limits, his chest heaving so hard that it became difficult to breathe but he didn’t stop.

Mila’s disappointed face was constantly in front of his eyes, Otabek’s words from the day before swirling through his mind relentlessly. It was loud inside Yuri’s head, so very loud.

The second he got home brief relief washed over him that Yuuri and Victor hadn’t been home yet but as soon as Yuri’s bag slid off of his shoulder, it wasn’t just his practice stuff that fell down out of nowhere.

Yuri was already out before he hit the floor. He didn’t even realise he bumped his head on the dining room table when everything around him went black, the blood dripping from the fresh cut seeping through his golden hair into the grey carpet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, with this chapter the sixth part of the series has crossed the 100K mark. :O The entire series is at almost 260K words now... I never thought this story would go this far. Huge thank you to everyone who has made it this far as well. Your support means the world and it always makes me come back to this story even when real life gets in the way. There is so much more to come for Yuri and Otabek, I promise. <3


	21. I Can't Stop Myself from Wondering.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor does something unexpected while Yuri finally has the courage to tell the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is neither good nor very long. It was supposed to be three scenes but the third one just didn't fit with the other two. Plus, I'm currently on strong pain meds because I got all of my wisdom teeth removed a couple of days ago, so please excuse any and all typos. If there are any sentences or paragraphs that make absolutely no sense whatsoever, let me know and I'll try my best to fix it. :)

**Wednesday, 15th March, Saint Petersburg, 4.59pm**

“I feel like I’m not really getting anywhere, Victor,” Yuuri whined as they both walked up the stairs to their apartment.

Victor wasn’t entirely sure what he should respond to his fiance’s revelation. He had known Yuuri way too long now to argue with him about his progress on the ice. Discussions with him were a delicate thing, much like Yuuri himself was. It was always a question of how one phrased their argument, rather than trying not to engage in a discussion at all, because Yuuri would only get more anxious if Victor brushed over his worries entirely.

“You have nothing to worry about, love,” Victor tried to reassure him, reaching out to grab his hand and press a loving kiss to his palm. “It may feel like you’re at a standstill but as someone who gets to see your progress from a different perspective, I need you to know that you’re doing fantastic.”

Yuuri certainly didn’t look convinced as he rummaged through the pockets of his jacket for his keys. A moment later he fished them out and went to open the apartment door.

“I don’t know,” Yuuri mumbled uncertainly as he untied his shoes and shrugged his jacket off of his shoulders.

“You worry for nothing, dear,” Victor said, stealing a quick peck from Yuuri on his way to the kitchen to put away the small bag of groceries they had picked up on their way home. “You may be my future husband but when it comes to skating, I’m not going to…”

He stopped in his tracks as he noticed Yuri’s gym bag on the floor next to the couch. There was an unmissable feeling of dread and horror settling in immediately because he knew Yuri was too stubborn and angry at him to leave his stuff laying around the apartment, only for Victor to have something else to be mad at him about.

“Yuuri?” he shouted over his shoulder back to the hallway to get Yuuri’s attention.

Victor took a few more cautious steps forward before his eyes landed on a passed out and bleeding Yuri lying on the floor, his eyes screwed shut and parts of his shiny blonde hair stained red.

“Oh my God,” Victor whispered in shock as he somehow managed to place the bag of groceries on the dining table.

When he thought about this moment later, he wouldn’t be able to remember what happened next or what he did once he saw Yuri lying on the floor. It wasn’t just shock, it was so much more than that.

“What is it, Vitya?” Yuuri asked, concern mixed in with his curiosity.

Victor didn’t realise that he was still standing, that he was just staring as Yuuri bent down to check if Yuri was even still alive. He just looked on while Yuuri took over completely. The silent tears streaming down his face went unnoticed just as much as Yuuri’s desperate pleading to call an ambulance.

He felt helpless and utterly useless.  

The next time Victor realised what was going on was when they had already arrived at the hospital. The nurses had shifted Yuri off for tests and he had seen that Yuri was at least already coming to it again before they took him away.

“Are you okay?” Yuuri asked when they had sat down in the waiting room, concern written all over his face.

Victor smiled half-heartedly but kept quiet otherwise and thankfully Yuuri seemed to understand and didn’t push him to talk. The waiting room was busy with people more or less patiently awaiting news from their loved ones or eager to see a doctor themselves. Just being there made Victor uncomfortable. He had to think about how Yuri’s grandfather would want to know that they were all there but then he quickly remembered that Nikolai wasn’t around anymore.

But there was still someone else who would be desperate to hear about what had happened to Yuri.

“I’ll be right back, love,” Victor said, as Yuuri briefly squeezed his hand and only nodded.

The air outside was chilly at this time of the year. Without his coat on, Victor tried to make this quick as he dialled Otabek’s number from memory.

**Wednesday, 15th March, Saint Petersburg, 8.42 pm**

Yuuri helped him into bed when they arrived back home. Yuri didn’t want to be treated like a child who couldn’t walk on his own but secretly he was happy that Yuuri was there to help.

“Let us know if you need anything,” Yuuri said as him and Victor left the room, leaving the door slightly ajar in case Yuri needed them.

Sighing deeply, Yuri wanted to slap himself. He had been so stupid, taking things so lightly and not listening to his coaches when they almost begged him not to take things too far. He had still pushed himself to his limits and even way beyond them.

All he really wanted to do now was sleep but his head was pounding so badly that he couldn’t even really think about getting some rest.

Soon enough his phone rang anyway. Surprised, Yuri picked it up only to see that it was Otabek who was calling him.

“Hey,” Yuri said, his voice tired and weak as he answered the call.

“Hey,” Otabek echoed his greeting. Just from this one word Yuri could tell that Otabek was on edge. He just couldn’t imagine why.

“It’s late in Almaty,” Yuri said. “Are you alright, Beka?”

All he heard for a moment was Otabek sighing on the other end of the line. “Are _you_ alright?”

It seemed like a trick question, the way Otabek emphasised the second word, but Yuri still answered. “Yeah.”

“Really?” Otabek almost mocked him. “You didn’t just come home from the hospital because you passed out from exhaustion and banged your head on the dining room table then?”

Yuri’s brows furrowed in an instant. He didn’t particularly enjoy the sound of his boyfriend’s voice when he asked that obviously rhetorical question but what angered him even more was that Yuuri seemed to have betrayed his trust once again. He should have known better.

“How do you know about that?” he asked simply instead of throwing a tantrum, trying his best to give Yuuri the benefit of the doubt.

“Victor called me,” Otabek said, “but that’s not the point.”

Yuri had to admit, he didn’t expect that turn of events. Why would Victor of all people tell Otabek about what he did? The one person who was anything but thrilled about their relationship in the first place.

“Did he blame you?” Yuri couldn’t stop himself from asking, angry and ready to go yell at Victor as soon as this call would end. His headache be damned.

“What?” Otabek asked confused. “No.”

“Oh,” Yuri said, once again more surprised than anything else because he couldn’t make sense of what Victor had done.

“Yura,” Otabek said, sounding frustrated. “What’s going on with you? I asked you not to be so reckless.”

He appeared so genuinely hurt that Yuri instantly felt ashamed and stupid. He was mad at himself, he realised. Otabek was right. Yuri had been reckless, again, and apparently not even Otabek could keep him from doing crazy shit.

“I’m sorry,” he apologised quietly. “I just had a lot going on lately and I was annoyed and… I just… couldn’t stop pushing myself.”

Otabek sighed once more. Yuri had no idea how much longer Otabek would tolerate his self-destructive behaviour. He expected some sort of telling-off but it didn’t come.

“How are you?” Otabek asked instead, quietly and lovingly.

Yuri was close to tears, only noticing it when he couldn’t focus properly on the teddy bear in his lap. His vision was blurry and he was glad that they weren’t skyping right now.

“Okay, I suppose,” he said, suddenly very tired again. “I have a massive headache, a huge bump on my head and I had to get two stitches but other than that, I guess I’m fine.”

“Victor already told me that and it’s not what I mean,” Otabek said and Yuri could imagine exactly what his face looked like right now, desperation and exhaustion etched into every crease on his forehead. “You’ve always pushed yourself but never to this extent. You need to take things slow. Stop torturing yourself.”

Suddenly even more glad that they weren’t face-timing or skyping, Yuri’s tears fell down his pale cheeks. He quickly brushed them away but they wouldn’t stop rushing out of his burning eyes. Trying his best not to sob so Otabek would hear him, Yuri pulled himself together.

“You know that weekend before last when I was back home on Sunday even though I was supposed to spend the weekend at Mila’s?” he asked, his voice quivering as fear made itself known inside him.

“I do,” Otabek confirmed. “Did anything happen that weekend?”

Yuri took a deep breath. He attempted to calm himself down, collect his thoughts and finally be able to tell Otabek what had happened to him.

“Mila took me to a party one of her hockey friends was throwing,” Yuri began. “She introduced me to this guy. His name was Sevastyan.”

His fingers began to shake. Yuri had problems holding onto the phone in his hand.

“What happened, Yura?” Otabek pushed, albeit quietly, when Yuri went silent for a moment.

The tears on his cheeks had dried but it was panic that overtook every fibre of Yuri’s body. His stomach felt eerily empty, his blood ran cold. Just the memory of hiding in that tiny and dark closet at a stranger’s house, alone and afraid, made him shiver.

“Mila left me on my own surrounded by a bunch of assholes I didn’t know,” Yuri said, wanting to sound angry and pissed off but even he realised that it didn’t come across the way he intended and Otabek must have noticed that too. “She left me alone, Beka, and then this idiot came over, hugging me from behind and I just… I freaked out. It was like I was back at that club with a gross stranger draped all over me without my fucking consent. I just lost it.”

Yuri was almost choking on his own words. He couldn’t bring himself to say another word even though there were probably more details he should share with Otabek.

“Yura,” Otabek said, breathing in deeply, “why did you keep this from me?”

It took less than a second for Yuri to find an answer to that question. “I didn’t want you to think that I’m weak,” he admitted.

“I would never think that about you,” Otabek interrupted him before he had a chance to say anything else. “You’re one of the strongest people I have ever met, Yura.”

“I was pathetic, hiding in that little closet,” Yuri mocked himself. “Katsudon and Victor had to pick me up because I was such a baby, crying my eyes out because I had a panic attack like a five-year old who’s scared of Santa.”

He almost felt like laughing then. It was such a terrible tale, turning him into a complete laughing stock really.

“I wish you could see the version of you that I see,” Otabek said, pretending that Yuri hadn’t just painted the ugliest picture of himself. “After everything you’ve been through in your life, you’re still here. You never gave up. You’re back on the ice chasing your dream and that’s admirable, Yura. You’re still the same amazing, strong and stubborn little ice tiger I fell in love with. Nothing about that has changed.”

Yuri had to chuckle at that but he got emotional very quickly as soon as Otabek’s words finally sank in. In the past he had no problem looking at himself and seeing someone passionate and goal-driven, someone who wouldn’t take shit from anyone and just go for what he wanted. All of that had changed drastically in the last few months, since his grandpa, the first source of unconditional support he ever had, passed away actually. Slowly but surely cracks had appeared in his once unbreakable mask.

Knowing that Otabek still saw him the way he once did, gave Yuri a thrill and the reassurance he so desperately craved.

“Thank you,” he choked out, hoping that Otabek would get it without him having to elaborate what exactly it was he was grateful for.

“No problem, Yura,” Otabek said, the small smile curling around the corners of his mouth audible even through the phone. “Just promise me one thing,” he added quickly.

“What?” Yuri asked, curiosity shining through.

“Don’t keep things from me again, okay?” Otabek said, a pinch of desperation running through every word.

Yuri sensed that shame wasn’t what Otabek was after. He still couldn’t shake that feeling. He hated lying to Otabek or just not telling him things but embarrassment was a much, much stronger emotion that wasn’t quite as easy to overcome.

“I’ll try,” he said, not wanting to promise anything he wasn’t a hundred percent certain he was actually going to be able to keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to think this story will never end... haha! 
> 
> Hope you're all having a nice week so far! The weekend is just around the corner. ;) x


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